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Separated for 3 Years, Husband Promises Reunion then Gets Engaged to Another Woman: What Do I Do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Sangeeta Question by Sangeeta on Sep 03, 2024Hindi
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M married for four years n have been in separation since 3 years...M 30 years and he is 36 yrs old...Due to his family behaviour I left and came back.... actually he is a loving and caring person...during these 3 years we talked many times as well he blocked me many times..this kept on continuing...Suddenly again he called me on June this year and we even met..that time he promised that he will come on August n take me back but suddenly at the end of July he txtd me saying he will not come and blocked me... recently I heard that he is relationship with another girl....i tried contacting him but no way....he even said his friends that he is getting married to that girl...how can he do this to me???I love him a lot n m totally stressed now...don't know what to do??please help me

Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
Separation without really making any efforts to sort out the issues and finding a way together has possibly created a huge distance in his mind for you and to fill that gap, it has been rather simple for him to look for someone else.
This is sad, as you now want it all back; what made the two of you take each other for granted?
Did you both assume that the other person will not go anywhere?
Anyway, what's happened has happened. If you truly want to fix what's going on; there must a SHOW of it in intent and talk. Request a meeting with him and tell him that you wish to talk about the marriage. Let's say he says that he wants to have nothing to do with you; just remain calm and still request him for that meeting. Sooner than later, he will yield as he needs to get this business of marriage in order for whatever that he has decided.
In that meeting, don't hold back on what you want. At the same time, make sure that you DO NOT bring the past back and indulge in blame game; he will again scurry away! Be patient and tell him how much you love and care for him and that you are willing to along with him rebuild the marriage. Be very genuine with all of this...It could give him a gauging of how serious you are...
Make a genuine effort...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2022

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Hello love guru. I wanted to know if I am wrong or right. As my husband has blocked me from phone by all means and do not even talk to me, so what should I do? I am working far from my Father in laws home where he stays with his brother (divorcee). He is not working and I am working and taking care of two daughters. Whenever he comes here, he fight a lot saying insane and sarcastic words to me. Since two and half months he stayed with us and left us (though he sometimes talk to my daughters only). I feel alone and nobody is there to support me or even talk to me for my emotional support. Now somebody has started talking to me and even I started, I really do not know what to do. Kindly guide. I told this to my husband also and he says whatever you wish you do.. I do not know why he says like this..He did not even tried to search a job where I am working, but when he went to inlaws there he started searching interestingly. If we do not talk then how  our relation will continue being husband. Also I found many times that he keep on searching call girls from his mobile phone search history and even his friends at inlaws told me that they saw girl accompanying him..but even I want to forget all these things as I found my daughters feel happy to talk to him..but what about my emotions and my physical needs..who will take care of if this keep on continued...as after marriage I found no happy-happy situations for me atleast..he says he lost all his jobs because of me..But all baseless objections...and blames me, harms me by beating also some times..I some times cry alone... but  this is not the life I expected after working so hard...I also used to pay him all money whatever he and whenever he demnaded.. I paid more than 10 lakhs of savings to him till date and did not even ever counted..he also stolen all gold from home without even asking me..I want to forgive him for all but when he is not interested in talking to me and just ignores me then how and why I should continue with him..just because he is my husband..or should I remarry to someone who is really willing to marry me...knowing all these things..or should I dont? As a mother of two daughters I sometimes think..that my only responsibility is to upbring my daughters...but then I also needs someone's emotional support...though economically independent..I also said to him to give me alimony as he does not pay anything to me and also file for divorce...as even I have a right to live happily...kab tak aise hi aansu bahau uske liye jisne mujhe block hi kar rakha hai from phone? I am confused please help me out!!
Ans: You have a husband who is an unemployed, good-for-nothing bum, who doesn't show you respect, steals from you, lives apart from you, likes to associate with call girls, blames you for his failures, beats you and doesn't care if you have an affair. He ‘talks to your daughters sometimes’. Honey, you need to be emailing a divorce lawyer, not this column. And do it immediately. Yes, you're more than just a mother and you do deserve emotional support. You should cut him loose immediately.   

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi
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Hello My husband and I took mutual divorce before 1.5 years. this was my second marriage and I married him because he assured me that he will be a father for my toddler. after 7 years of adjustments in marriage (as he was not good as a, neither emotionally nor financially) father, he filed for divorce in just 20 days of our arguments. He raised his hand so I was upset and angry so I too signed the papers. Just after filling divorce that he started asking me to come back else he will get married. I denied to go back and he started seeing girls within a week of filling divorce. With the court procedure, he used to ask me to come back but I was heart broken bcoz he was seeing bride so I denied again. This was continued and our divorce granted. Now since six months again he started approaching me by saying that I only love you and so could not get married. for your kind information, he is very impatient and aggressive by nature. Due to his nature and behaviour I and my family decided to cut him off because it is creating stress only. but till today he is trying to contact me by one or other means. I am already very stressed and emotionally broken down because this happened to me second time. Some times I feel that I should give him one more chance but when looking to my kid, who is 12 now, I am giving up on this thought. and I am not sure whether he is doing this for feelings or just because he is not getting a woman of his choice to marry. My family members are saying that he has no feelings for me and my son but he is just calling me back for his adjustments. I don't know I should trust him or not.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What sort of a game is this? Like children fighting on one day and not speaking with one another and then making up the next day only to fight again...
Why so much of vacillation on your part? When you two separated, was it a conscious move or was it on an impulse?
Also, be very cautious as to why he is insistent on getting back with you?
Also, has he changed his ways and will he be more available to the family now? Wasn't this the reason that actually things went downhill for you?
Plus, he's looking at prospective brides...and you say that he is aggressive and impatient...

So, what is your confusion here?
What will you get by getting back with him?
What will you lose or not gain by not getting back with him?
Are you willing to make compromises to be with a person that you call aggressive?
How is this going to affect your child given that your ex-husband is not emotionally or financially stable?

Weigh it all out and then make a decision that is right by you and for you and for your child.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 30, 2024Hindi
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See our marriage was fixed by our parents, when we first met we really like each othe.. Then 2 months gone without talking as he was not found in any social media, so i couldn't connect him neither he approached.. Then our engagement got fixed we started talking.. He got suspicious when i told him that i am connected to my ex like friends.. He then go on and searched privately my past history locations and he got to know that i dated some people and had sex with some of them.. He got furious and broke our marriage then we continue talking and enjoyed each other company.. He gave me gifts like jewellery, chocolates and so on.. And he was jealous if i talk to someone of my past life.. I stopped talking to anyone else accept him.. Still he denied marrying me when i asked.. Then our families serched for other marriage prospects.. We got jealous and fought.. Still his marriage is fixed with someone who is not interested in him and he inclined towards me more romantically still.. And got jealous when i met with my marriage prospects though my marriage is not fixed. Now we are still talking and he is not leaving me. He supports me really well, and i also love him. What should i do?
Ans: It sounds like you're in a complicated situation, and there are a few important things to consider here.

Firstly, communication is key in any relationship. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and boundaries. Discuss how his jealousy and possessiveness make you feel and try to understand his perspective as well.

Secondly, trust is fundamental in a healthy relationship. If your partner is resorting to secretive methods to gather information about your past, it may indicate a lack of trust. Trust is something that needs to be built and maintained over time through consistent communication, honesty, and mutual respect.

Thirdly, it's crucial to assess whether this relationship is truly fulfilling and healthy for both of you. Are you both able to support each other emotionally without feeling controlled or restricted? Are you able to be yourselves and pursue your own interests and friendships?

Lastly, consider seeking guidance from a professional counselor or therapist who can provide unbiased support and help navigate the complexities of your relationship. They can offer valuable insights and strategies for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and building a stronger foundation for your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do next is yours to make based on what feels right for you and what is best for your well-being. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness and emotional health.

..Read more

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