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Shalini

Shalini Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Jagmeet Question by Jagmeet on May 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am relationship with someone but i have trust issue because he suddenly stop talk with me and start fighting with me because i am not trust on him and i put some wrong allegations on him that time he said to me please don't talk with me i do everything but he said you do drama what i should do i am thinking he is cheater because he suddenly stop conversation and start doing fight

Ans: I read 2 things in your comment (1) You have trust issues (2) the person you are with is cheating on you. Now lets reverse the table, and let me know if I had these issues what would have you recommended, I assume you would have asked me to (1) work on my issues, learn why I have trust issues and try to overcome them. (2) And ask me to rethink if I wish to engage with someone who cheats me romantically or otherwise... Hope you find the response to your question in what has been shared.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1452 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Relationship
Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.
Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |502 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii mam, since i year i am in relationship with him but nowadays fighting are increased in between both of us so what we should do and we both are responsible for the fight cause we both over react for small things
Ans: It’s common for fights to increase in a relationship when emotions are high and both partners overreact to small issues. This pattern often stems from unresolved emotions, stress, or a lack of effective communication. The good news is that recognizing this dynamic means you're already taking the first step toward improvement.

Start by reflecting on the triggers for your arguments. Think about what situations or topics usually lead to conflicts and whether they arise from unmet needs, miscommunications, or external stressors. Understanding the root causes can help you both address the real issues rather than reacting to the surface level.

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say or do things in the heat of the moment that you later regret. To prevent this, both of you can practice pausing during disagreements. Agree on a signal or phrase to use when things start to escalate, giving each other space to cool down before continuing the conversation. This approach allows you to respond calmly rather than reacting impulsively.

Another important step is to focus on improving how you communicate. Instead of placing blame or using accusatory language, express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this." This small shift can reduce defensiveness and encourage understanding.

It’s also crucial to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Make time for activities that you both enjoy and that bring you closer, whether it’s a shared hobby, a walk, or simply having an uninterrupted conversation. These moments of connection can help balance out the tension from disagreements.

Finally, remember that resolving conflicts takes patience and teamwork. It’s not about determining who’s right or wrong but about finding solutions that work for both of you. If you feel stuck or find that the fights are becoming overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist. A neutral third party can help you both understand your patterns and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts, ensuring the relationship grows stronger.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7628 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 24, 2025

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Hello, I want a monthly withdrawal of 2lakh through SWP. Give me the amounts and expect ROI for various instruments that I should use. Also what factor to consider as I would be able to invest those amount lets say after a year.
Ans: To achieve a sustainable monthly withdrawal of Rs. 2 lakh (Rs. 24 lakh annually), we need to identify the right mix of investments and expected returns. Let us create a detailed framework.

1. Factors to Consider Before Investing
Time Horizon: You plan to start investing after a year. This delay impacts your compounding benefit, but planning ahead mitigates it.

Expected Rate of Return (ROI): Different instruments offer varied returns. Diversification ensures both growth and stability.

Withdrawal Feasibility: Sustainable withdrawals depend on balancing withdrawals with corpus growth.

Inflation Impact: Investments must generate returns above inflation to preserve corpus value.

Risk Appetite: Choose instruments aligning with your comfort towards volatility.

Tax Efficiency: Optimise your withdrawals and investments for better post-tax returns.

2. Expected ROI for Investment Options
Here is the expected ROI and rationale for different asset classes:

Actively Managed Equity Mutual Funds

Allocation: 50% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 12% annually
Rationale: These funds provide high returns and help beat inflation over the long term.
Debt Mutual Funds

Allocation: 30% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 7% annually
Rationale: These offer stability with moderate returns and are suitable for regular withdrawals.
Fixed-Income Instruments (e.g., FDs, SGBs)

Allocation: 15% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 6-7.5% annually
Rationale: Secure returns with no market risk. Ideal for stability.
Liquid Mutual Funds

Allocation: 5% of the corpus
Expected ROI: 4-5% annually
Rationale: Quick access for emergencies or interim cash flow needs.
3. Corpus Required for Rs. 2 Lakh Monthly Withdrawal
Corpus Based on ROI
At 8% ROI: A corpus of Rs. 3 crore is required.
At 9% ROI: A corpus of Rs. 2.66 crore is required.
At 10% ROI: A corpus of Rs. 2.4 crore is required.
The corpus requirement reduces with higher returns but increases risk exposure.

Building the Corpus Over One Year
If the funds are idle for a year, invest them in liquid mutual funds temporarily. These yield 4-5% with low risk.
Use Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) to gradually move funds into equity and debt over 12-18 months.
4. Investment Plan for SWP
Equity Mutual Funds (50% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 1.5 crore to equity funds.
Delay SWP for at least three years to allow growth.
Equity funds ensure high long-term returns, reducing inflation's impact.
Debt Mutual Funds (30% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 90 lakh to debt funds.
Start SWP immediately from this portion.
These funds provide stable returns and low volatility.
Fixed-Income Instruments (15% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 45 lakh to secure instruments like FDs or Sovereign Gold Bonds.
Use these funds for stability and emergencies.
Liquid Mutual Funds (5% Allocation)
Allocate Rs. 15 lakh to liquid funds.
Use these funds for interim liquidity needs and to manage cash flow gaps.
5. Steps for Efficient Withdrawal
Start withdrawals from debt and liquid funds first. Let equity funds grow for 3-5 years.
Monitor returns annually to adjust the withdrawal rate or asset allocation.
Keep a buffer of 1-2 years' expenses in liquid funds for emergencies.
Review the tax efficiency of your withdrawals and rebalance your portfolio every year.
Final Insights
A well-diversified portfolio ensures stable withdrawals of Rs. 2 lakh monthly. Focus on equity for growth, debt for stability, and liquid funds for emergencies. Starting the plan early and monitoring it regularly will ensure financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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