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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2023Hindi
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Dear Ravi, I am single and new to dating apps. I have been chatting with two girls and recently realised that one of them is lying to me. I found her profile on another app and it says she is married. How do I confront this? Should I report or check with her directly?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I hear your worries, and let me tell you, lying is one of the most obvious red flags out there. If the woman you are chatting with has been misleading you, you should confront her about the same. But be polite in doing so. As for her being married, it is her personal choice to be dating even after being committed to someone else. But since it clearly bothers you, it is better you communicate the same to her.

Reporting an account comes into play when it's a fake or spam profile; it is not applicable when the person is faking their interest or lying to you. In your case, taking it up directly with her seems like the right way out. Let her know that you are on to her.

Though her being on another app also does not count as an offense, it, however, raises one more red flag. In my opinion, it is better you walk away with your dignity; there are many women out there who would be lucky to have you as their partner.

I know you will make the right choice.

Best wishes!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

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Relationship
Dear LG, Please don't disclose my name. I don't want to share my personal problems with others. I am 45 years old, married 13 years ago; my wife's age is now 38 years. I got two kids. My wife is pretty (she takes lot of care for her beauty) and I want to live simple. I kept faith on my wife so I didn't interfere in her life. From last four years, I am staying away from family (because of work I have shifted to other city, monthly once I go back , purchase everything, give money for expense and return to job). She keeps her mobile with security. Once, by mistake, I read her WhatsApp message. One of her office client was praising her pics and she was responding to him. So I told her, be official, don't entertain, if they fall behind you and we may face problem. She agreed but is doing the same thing and deleting his messages. Then I wanted to see what all things she does in WhatsApp. So her link I shared in my mobile and started reading her messages. She use to chat with one married person from last three years, she changed his name in her mobile and kept his wife's name. Three years back he proposed her with love song. My wife used to support him, sometimes she used to delete the messages. He knows all my family history. Whenever they get time, they used to talk each other in phone. Some messages I read, they were planning to meet also. She always come home very late, I didn't question her because I kept faith, but as I told you I have two kids in home. If she comes late, they are facing a problem (they stay alone until she comes back). Simultaneously she is chatting with another married friend. She says he is like a brother in front of me, but that person says baby, darling, dear, love, etc, in his conversation and forwarded some love songs and calling her for long drive. My wife replied some other day we will go. He replies, You always says same thing. I will become old one day. Then I was surprised and guided my wife indirectly. I told, don't entertain any person they may start to trouble you or if anybody troubling you please tell I will help you. We got two kids so we got lot of responsibility. She got a clue that I am reading her messages, so immediately she deleted all messages and after some days she deleted their numbers, along with that she deleted some other numbers also!  Why, I don't know. Once I told my son, beware, I can track you and tell where are you going and what are you doing. But from that day onwards, my wife is blocking her internet at 6 pm (when her office closes) and unblocking when she returns home. I am worried regarding this behaviour. I have stopped reading her messages now. But now I am feeling very uncomfortable because her behaviour is very soft with me, (previously she was very aggressive, she used to fight with me unnecessarily.) Please guide me how to handle the situation. What can I do now? Sometimes I feel I should leave everything go somewhere or is it a punishment for marrying a pretty girl? What to do? Please guide how handle the situation. Regards.
Ans:

So, in a nutshell, you think your wife was flirting behind your back, you dropped some hints and then she has either stopped, or then stopped you from spying on her phone.

First of all, why are you dropping hints to her instead of talking straight? Which husband is going to appreciate his wife being wooed by other men with all this darling-baby love talk?

Even if she’s not having an affair, the flirty behaviour is bound to make you uncomfortable. Don’t you think you should call her out on it instead of pretending like some other man is making her uncomfortable?

Clearly, she’s enjoying the attention!

You seem very timid and intimidated by your wife. And if her behaviour has changed toward you for the better because you suspect she is guilty of something, all the more reason to get to the bottom of it!

Stop playing games and pussyfooting around her. Do some straight-talking for a change instead of going behind her back and reading messages!

And FYI, being good-looking doesn’t give any spouse licence to make their partner insecure!

 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 35, male. We had a love marriage seven years ago after being together for eight years in friendship. During our courtship, she was in other city in India for three years her higher education.There she befriended a guy, her college mate and eventually we broke up. I was hurt badly. In 2013 she messaged me and asked to marry her but I didn't respond on social media. She would message me every 5-6 months initiating a talk but I never responded. She was in a relationship with the guy while she was messaging me (I read her messages post marriage hence I know).She also had one or two guys interested in her where she had casual talk relationship also while she was not interested in marriage with the first guy from her college. Meanwhile she kept messaging me also between 2013 and 2014.Somehow we met in 2015 and got married. Lately I happened to read messages somewhere on social media about her intimate relationship with the first person (the reason we broke up ) and I was devastated to know that as she had promised she didn't have any relationship with the particular person as it was the first condition for marrying her.Recently I read her messages again with some old friend of her where she approached him and instantly got into intimate chat with him to the extent that she said she loves him and plans to go on a trip with him citing official trip since she works. I am stunned since then. She claims to love me and plans our future and everything but somewhere I sense something is fishy.My queries Should I trust her?Should I confront her?What to do if she plans to go on trip with him while lying to me and I know about it? Should I confront her before she goes on trip?If she says sorry after confronting how can I trust?
Ans:

Dear T,

The very fact that you have approached me, a total stranger on the topic of whether you can trust your spouse or not, simply means that somewhere you have lost trust in her.

The timelines are a little confusing to me and hence what I would say to you is that: Past is the past and what happens there and what people do is what they can in the best possible manner. So, do not bring the past into a present decision.

But if there are any parallel relationships brewing now that are threatening your mind and the marriage, kindly confront her calmly and with ample evidence in your kitty to produce in case she denies them. But make sure that the evidence that you have is all real with time stamps on it.

Do make sure that the confrontation is not for you to prove a point and score high but it comes from a place where you want to know where this marriage is headed.

This helps avoid unnecessary arguments and will help you both be in a solution space.

If she says sorry, you need to ask yourself, if you can move ahead placing trust on her again.

What must she do to gain your trust? State this clearly to her. Move on this quickly before it eats your peace of mind.
All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am a 40 year old man (never married) who got in touch with a 39 year old woman on a matrimony site. On the site, her marital status was Never Married but as we chatted suddenly she told me about her first marriage that lasted for a month and now she has divorced that person due to dowry issue. I was taken back with this concealed information but continued to chat with her. One day, I happened to see a pic of her with her cousin brother on Instagram. There was a cake right in front of them that mentioned Happy Anniversary. I asked her about it. She first said it was for Birthday Anniversary. Then she said, the cake shop guy made a mistake and then she said that her cousin brother said 'Tumne bhai behen ka rishta ka ram naam satya hain kar di'. I'm confused now, is this cousin brother actually her husband only or cousin brother. After asking her about this, all she did was delete that pic from Instagram and she said it is her cousin brother only. I then asked her to show her divorce papers, she claims it is with her father in some locker and is confidential, so cannot be shared. She lives in Kolkata and I stay in Mumbai and to take things forward wrt marriage she wants to meet me at Kolkata but I'm confused with all this. Also, within few days of chatting with her she started calling me baby, she claims to have falled in love with me and also suggested we do foreplay when we meet. We've been chatting since 5 months on WhatsApp and I gradually have developed feelings for her. On phone we have spoken twice and we had a video call also once. Please advise on how can I proceed. Is she a fraud?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's difficult to figure out people even when you live with them for years...online connections are something else!

Now that there is a seed of doubt, your mind will not be at rest until you find ways of pacifying your thoughts. Do make that visit to Kolkata and figure out for yourself by meeting her in a public place so that there is no chance of anything going awkward.

Ask her all the questions that you have. And encourage her to ask you whatever she wants to as well. This will make it look not like an interrogation.
Also, in this meeting itself, place all your doubts about the picture and notice what she says and how she deals with it. My suggestion also would be to not rush into the physical aspect right now till you know more about her and her life. If her being a fraud is true, it will only complicate things as she might accuse of you being the one to initiate things physically. So make this trip about getting to know one another and if you are convinced that she is genuine, you may suggest that she can visit Mumbai the next time.

Make sure you give yourself time to make a decision. Online connections do happen; sometimes they are genuine and sometimes not! Which side of the spectrum is yours, you are going to have to figure it out...do just that...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Greetings, Anu. I am a 50-year-old married man in a relationship with a married woman 17 years my junior. She is exceptionally gorgeous and intelligent, and we were both colleagues until she changed jobs a few days ago. I had introduced her to my boss and my mentor, who work in a different organisation. After a while, I found she was constantly talking and discussing him with me, and my senoir was constantly inquiring about her whenever I went to meet him. I began to suspect, and one day I abruptly asked my partner what was up with her. She wasn't prepared for the query, and the first thing out of her mouth was the name of my senior, despite the fact that I had asked or said nothing about him. She tried to right herself and began explaining that she had received his texts complimenting her appearance and discussing her profession. I asked how often they exchanged messages, and she said once or twice a month. I begged her to desist from doing so in the future. But I tracked her and discovered that they were both online for over 14 to 18 hours every day, and their online times were almost identical to the extent of seconds, if not minutesAs she is a teacher, I asked for her weekly schedule so that I could contact her anytime she was available, which she provided. However, I discovered that both were online throughout her class hour. When I questioned her, she stated that her schedule had altered. I saw both of them online till the early hours of the morning from a different phone that had their numbers, and they had that number recorded in the other phone I was tracking them with. I started interrogating her directly one day and asked her how much time she spent chatting with him everyday, and she responded anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes, once or twice a week. I asked for her phone and discovered that all of her messages had been deleted. When I asked her what she talked about practically every day with him, she responded academics. I tried to ask her a few questions, and she gradually began to open up as she felt imprisoned after every other question she had replied. She admitted that my senior was speaking with her and that he frequently complimented her on her appearance and discussed a variety of other topics. She also argued with me about what was wrong with being online and conversing with someone. She stated that she thought my senior was a kind person. I asked her how she felt about him, and she avoided answering by chatting about unimportant stuff. I stopped communicating with her and responding to her texts. She didn't contact or text me on the first day, either, but on the third day, she began sending me love messages and beseeching me to respond. I persuaded myself into it, but she continued speaking with my senior all day and till past midnight, as I could see both online, even after she had blocked my number with another number I had taken from her good buddy. She attempted to persuade me, and I consented. I could tell that she maintained her friendship with my senior, and she frequently neglected to respond to my messages, even though she was spotted online long after I had sent them to her. I returned to her and we had a discussion about the same topic before I stopped talking to her. She did not message or phone me for two days, but on the third day she called and I had to pick up because something extremely important had to be discussed in another topicAfter that matter was discussed, I ended the call, and she began to send me love pictures and love messages again, as well as saying she wanted to talk to me and that I should not behave like this, at least with her. I agreed and dialled her number. She argued with me, accusing me of not believing her. I told her to keep away from my senior and that I shouldn't see her online with him anymore. She agreed, and I saw she wasn't online anymore, despite the fact that my senior was. This caused me to reconsider, and I discovered that she had applied for a new phone number and acquired a new phone two days prior. I asked her, and she refused, but the source from whom I learned was certain because my partner had asked her for a decent shop for mobiles as well as the network for the new phone. Madam , I had asked her several times what she talked about with him for hours every day, but she never answered, and now that she has a new phone, I know why....What should I do????
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you should do is to move on with your life which is getting impossible with you monitoring her every move.
Your peace of mind is gone and she isn't required to give you the explanations that you seek...she has the freedom as much as you do to speak with anyone that she chooses...so why are you so stuck on this?

Is it love and also both of you are married...(this is not to judge either of you...) but where there is no commitment, there is no reason to get possessive or demand explanations. The same goes for her as well in case she starts to stalk you and gets on your case...

So, now let her be and befriend who she wants to...there is no way that you can stop her...so simply get on with your life...there are better things to do than run around chasing someone who is chasing someone else...

All the best!

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I am 25 years old with monthly salary of 50000. I want to buy a home in 3 to 4 years and also want to create wealth. How and where to invest please suggest. As of now no savings.
Ans: It's great that you're thinking about your financial future at such a young age. Saving for a home and building wealth is wise.

Budgeting: Create a simple spreadsheet or use a budgeting app to track your income and expenses. This will help you understand where your money is going each month.

Emergency Fund: This fund acts as a safety net in case of unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or job loss. Aim to save enough to cover three to six months of your living expenses.

Investments for Wealth Creation: Mutual funds and Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are popular options for long-term wealth creation. They pool money from multiple investors to invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, or other securities.

Saving for a Home: Fixed deposits (FDs) or recurring deposits (RDs) are low-risk options for saving towards your home purchase. They offer guaranteed returns over a fixed period, making them suitable for short-term goals like a down payment.

Risk Management: Since your goal is to buy a home in 3 to 4 years, it's crucial to avoid high-risk investments like individual stocks or cryptocurrencies. These investments can be volatile and may not align with your short-term goals.

Diversification: Spread your investments across different asset classes to reduce risk. For example, you could invest in a combination of FDs, mutual funds, and SIPs to achieve a balanced portfolio.

Consultation: While these are general suggestions, it's essential to seek personalized advice from a Certified Financial Planner. They can assess your financial situation and provide tailored recommendations based on your goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

By following these steps and staying disciplined in your savings and investment approach, you can work towards achieving your goals of homeownership and wealth creation.

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |27 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir/Ma'am I'm facing problems regarding money and career related. However I'm working I'm earning but I not able set a goal, and day by day I'm becoming older, family responsibilities can't be handled because of salary issues. What to do, when I was in 12th standard my sister advised me to choose engineering line, she gave me wrong advise now I'm suffering and she is also working earning well n good she is getting high package but I'm. I think my problem is I'm not able to set a goal. Please suggest me, guide me.
Ans: Hi!!

Can I begin by saying, "stop blaming anyone for your circumstances". Your sister advised you for your own good. Engineering is a good degree to have. If you are not happy with doing technical work then see if you can add an MBA or some other skills to increase your chances of earning more. Life is all about taking decisions on a minute to minute basis. Take the right decisions now, let's leave the past behind, thinking about it has no meaning now.
... will you promise me not to indulge in the three c's- don't COMPLAIN, CRITICIZE and CONDEMN!!
Let's look forward now ...
I always believe in putting everything that overwhelms me on paper... then it starts looking doable and simpler!
So that's your first task, put everything on paper( make a goal book, write everything in it), your desires, your dreams, your goals and a everyday to-do list.
The goals should be in every aspect of your life....
1. Financial Goal
2. Career Goal- what other skills do you need to earn the money you need and move ahead in your career
3. Relationships Goal, the quality of your life is based on the quality of your relationships
4. The goal of your physical and mental well being, if you are mentally and physically fit then you can live life well
5. How to be happy without any reason, that's your primary goal.... ask yourself "what are the ways in which I can have fun where money is not involved" - looking at the sun, spending time in nature, listening to the birds singing, playing with small children( they just want you, not your money), helping someone in need, sipping coffee peacefully, make a list of all these and try doing at least two of them every day.

I don't know how good is your relationship with your sister, you say she is doing well, can you ask for her help, without blaming? Ask for help and learn from her. I am sure blood is always thicker and she will help you.

Life is never a straight line, there will always be an up and a down!

Keep up your spirits, everyday is a new day, don't blame yourself, don't blame others. be kind to yourself and be kind to others.

Everyday, take one step towards your goals, move forward... and as regards to ageing, believe me age is just a number, you are as young as you think!!

Here's wishing you a happy, healthy , wealthy life ahead!!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir,Iam retiring this month I want to invest one core, so that I can getdecent return and also consider inflation.
Ans: As you prepare for retirement, it's crucial to invest your corpus wisely to ensure a steady income and protect against inflation. Here are some considerations and recommendations:

Risk Profile: Assess your risk tolerance and investment objectives. Since you're retiring, you may prefer a more conservative approach with lower-risk investments that offer stability and income.
Asset Allocation: Consider a diversified portfolio comprising a mix of asset classes such as equities, bonds, and fixed-income instruments. Allocate a portion of your corpus to equities for growth potential and the remainder to fixed-income securities for stability and income.
Fixed-Income Options: Explore fixed-income instruments such as government bonds, corporate bonds, and fixed deposits. These provide regular interest income and are relatively safer than equities. Consider laddering your fixed-income investments to manage interest rate risk.
Inflation Protection: To protect against inflation, consider inflation-linked bonds or mutual funds that invest in inflation-protected securities. These investments adjust their returns based on changes in inflation rates, helping to preserve purchasing power over time.
Dividend-Paying Stocks: Dividend-paying stocks of established companies can provide a steady income stream in retirement. Look for companies with a history of consistent dividends and strong fundamentals.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Instead of investing a lump sum, consider setting up an SWP from your investment portfolio. This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically, providing a regular income stream while keeping your capital invested.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Given the importance of your retirement funds, consider consulting with a certified financial planner or investment advisor. They can assess your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance, and recommend a tailored investment strategy to meet your needs.
Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your retirement goals and financial needs. Rebalance your portfolio as necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk profile.
By carefully considering these factors and seeking professional advice, you can make informed investment decisions to secure a comfortable retirement and protect against inflation.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1374 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Money
I started sip with 500 per month 6 years ago and now I have been investigating 1,20,000per month and do have plan to increase this to 2lac per month (including me and my wife's portfolio) I do invest in direct stocks as well. What would be the advise for me , is it wise decision to invest 2lac per month in mutual funds (70%equity) ? My Target is to build 5 crore by 2030.
Ans: It's commendable that you've been consistently investing and increasing your SIP amount over the years. Here are some considerations and advice:

Diversification: Investing in mutual funds alongside direct stocks provides diversification, which can help mitigate risk. Given your target of building a substantial corpus by 2030, diversification is crucial for long-term wealth creation.
Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance carefully, especially since you mention investing 70% in equity. Equity investments can offer higher returns over the long term but come with greater volatility. Ensure that your risk appetite aligns with your investment strategy.
Review and Adjust: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Consider rebalancing your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Financial Planning: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. A professional can provide personalized advice and help optimize your investment strategy.
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund set aside to cover unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. This can provide peace of mind and prevent the need to dip into your investment portfolio during times of need.
Tax Planning: Keep tax implications in mind, especially as your investment amount increases. Explore tax-efficient investment options and strategies to optimize your returns and minimize tax liabilities.
Stay Informed: Stay updated on market trends, economic developments, and changes in investment regulations. Continuous learning and staying informed can help you make informed investment decisions.
Ultimately, investing 2 lakh per month in mutual funds can be a wise decision if it aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment strategy. Just ensure you have a well-thought-out plan in place and continue to monitor and adjust your investments as needed.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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