Mam, is it possible to fall in love with more than one person with the same intensity? In such a case how does one decide who would make a better life partner? When it comes to marriage, it is so difficult to decide because one wrong step or decision can ruin so many lives.

Ans:

Looks fade, Kushal; overall compatibility is definitely more important.

That said, there has to be some nascent attraction to a person as well.

The question is, who intrigues you more? Who do you find yourself thinking of and wanting to speak to and meet more often?

And what kind of statement is ‘I can love anyone’?!

Love is not something you can do; it’s something that happens despite all other circumstances.

Ans: It will help if you sit and make a list of your deal-breakers and negotiables - you may not like to compromise in your deal-breakers while can do so for your negotiables. Length of dates to know if you have met the person differs from person to person - some may know in the first few dates and some take time...Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Aren't we always seeking for something that we lack within us?
Why the yearning for a particular expression of love? And how are you so sure that this person that you met on the matrimonial site already is in love with you?
Having said this, the off and on relationship is a person who will express love in a way that he is comfortable with but that is setting you off...so the matrimonial person seems exciting in a way as it aligns with your way of expressing love.
When in a dilemma, put all the cards on the table...there are other things besides expressing love that goes into making a relationship and/or a marriage. Have you factored all of that?
- List down things that are important to you in a marriage and a spouse
- How compatible are the two of you in terms of emotional bonding?
- Do your respective family values match?
- What are your thoughts on money, children, travel, passion etc?
These questions are a good start point exercise with both the men...it will give you a fair idea as to who is more aligned to your way of life. Then you can go ahead and make your decision.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Marriage is a serious decision. While having an emotionally supportive partner is very important, being in love with them is equally essential to having a healthy relationship. It is a personal choice and depends solely on what you value more in your partner. Moreover, it is unclear to me if the man you love is unsupportive and if so, does he love you back?

Here are a few things to consider
Ask yourself if you can build a life with someone you do not romantically love.
Think about your long-term happiness. Right now, you are feeling trapped, but will that feeling persist even after the person in question is supportive of all your dreams?

I'd also urge you to think if it is absolutely mandatory to marry either one of these two people. I believe you truly deserve a supportive partner whom you are in love with; why do you need to settle at all? Take some time to reflect on your needs.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.