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Traumatized by Family, Fearful of Marriage at 32: What Should I Do?

Anu Krishna |1186 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi

I have been physically as well as mentally been tortured by the men in my family and due to this reason I don't want to marry as I don't want to go through that sort of torture all over again.What should I do I am soon going to turn 32.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do nothing expect work on the belief: I don't want to do through that torture again.
It's not a fact and it is not the truth. Yes, you have been through but that does not mean that you will go through it always.
So, work on this so that you give yourself a chance at better relationships. Just because a few men did not value you, that does not mean all men are the same.
Start to value and love yourself more and there might be good chance that someone that deserves the woman that you are will come along.
So, hold onto to a better belief and then if you still don't want to marry, then it's a choice made after you have changed the way your mind thinks otherwise you will regret it someday that you did not work on your belief and made a hasty decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Question by JV - Nov 01, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu I am 30 years old. I have done LLB and was not interested to practice in court so I tried to get a private job but I didn't get any. Then I decided to start preparing for a government job but I missed it. I started to doubt myself. I even had suicidal thoughts this was started when I was very little something happened to me when I was 16 since then I tried to kill myself and also tried to get involved with one of my friends in college. He liked me so much so we started having relationship. When intimacy started I became nervous and afraid. It is like itching. I want to run and hide in a safe place. He was very firm and honest and humble but didn't work out. After that so many proposals came. I declined. Now my family wants me to marry. I don't know if the husband would understand and give me some time to get involved with him. I don’t know what life after marriage would be. I am a girl with absolutely no achievement and am not proud of anything in my life. My parents are disappointed in me but they never show. What should I do? Pls do not disclose this

Ans:

Dear JV,

It’s possibly the incident that happened to you (which I understand that you haven’t shared here) is preventing you from having a fulfilling life.

I can only say that the incident happened in the past, but you are living it even now.

You were a victim in that incident, but to continue to play the victim even now is to give your power away.

How can you be happy by giving your inner power away every day and every moment?

Reclaim your life.

What’s happened can be blurred by moving away from that incident and reminding yourself that you are far away from the past and in the NOW.

Be grateful to what you have in the present
Make a list of your strengths
Write down your goal clearly by stating by when you want to achieve it

Remember bringing your past into the current time robs you of any goodness; professionally or personally.

So, to see something change, change the way you feel about your past.

Step out of the victim mode and become a person who has the power to change things at will.

I am sure you want to see how this pans out for you.

So, what are you waiting for? Step up and bring that newness of thought into your life.
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Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2024Hindi

My family is giving me traditional medicine, because i did not want to get married. I have already turned down 2 arranged marriage saying i should be stable in finance first, but they think i am possesed. And if i said i won't take medicine, my mom threatens me "i should pack my bag and leave the house". The thing is i work with dad and live with my family and i do not get paid. The worst thing is i spend most of my life at work, i don't even have a time for myself. Though i try to bring new ideas and help in work, I see the resentment in his eyes that says "you should just get married. I don't even have a time for myself.My oldest sister was married for a year and she was sick hates it deeply. She started healing after her divorce. It is big issue, we don't even talk about that event."What should i do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
In situations like these, it's common for experts to suggest Family Therapy as the entire family needs to clear out what they are holding onto as it seems to be affecting someone else and then the cycle and loop seems to be going on and on...
I don't know if your parents will be willing to do something like this as the first step is to acknowledge that there is something amiss and take responsibility for it...
Having age old beliefs and superstitions and treating you for being 'normal' suggests a lot of unwanted influence on your parents! If it helps, move out of home for sometime to discover yourself, get a paying job, so that it helps you gain confidence and also your parents will learn to value you for who you are without forcing their opinions and beliefs on you.
Sometimes to find ourselves, we need to cut ourselves from what is comfortable to us.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.

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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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