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Traumatized by Family, Fearful of Marriage at 32: What Should I Do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1676 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have been physically as well as mentally been tortured by the men in my family and due to this reason I don't want to marry as I don't want to go through that sort of torture all over again.What should I do I am soon going to turn 32.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do nothing expect work on the belief: I don't want to do through that torture again.
It's not a fact and it is not the truth. Yes, you have been through but that does not mean that you will go through it always.
So, work on this so that you give yourself a chance at better relationships. Just because a few men did not value you, that does not mean all men are the same.
Start to value and love yourself more and there might be good chance that someone that deserves the woman that you are will come along.
So, hold onto to a better belief and then if you still don't want to marry, then it's a choice made after you have changed the way your mind thinks otherwise you will regret it someday that you did not work on your belief and made a hasty decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1676 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

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Hi Anu I am 30 years old. I have done LLB and was not interested to practice in court so I tried to get a private job but I didn't get any. Then I decided to start preparing for a government job but I missed it. I started to doubt myself. I even had suicidal thoughts this was started when I was very little something happened to me when I was 16 since then I tried to kill myself and also tried to get involved with one of my friends in college. He liked me so much so we started having relationship. When intimacy started I became nervous and afraid. It is like itching. I want to run and hide in a safe place. He was very firm and honest and humble but didn't work out. After that so many proposals came. I declined. Now my family wants me to marry. I don't know if the husband would understand and give me some time to get involved with him. I don’t know what life after marriage would be. I am a girl with absolutely no achievement and am not proud of anything in my life. My parents are disappointed in me but they never show. What should I do? Pls do not disclose this
Ans:

Dear JV,

It’s possibly the incident that happened to you (which I understand that you haven’t shared here) is preventing you from having a fulfilling life.

I can only say that the incident happened in the past, but you are living it even now.

You were a victim in that incident, but to continue to play the victim even now is to give your power away.

How can you be happy by giving your inner power away every day and every moment?

Reclaim your life.

What’s happened can be blurred by moving away from that incident and reminding yourself that you are far away from the past and in the NOW.

  • Be grateful to what you have in the present
  • Make a list of your strengths
  • Write down your goal clearly by stating by when you want to achieve it

Remember bringing your past into the current time robs you of any goodness; professionally or personally.

So, to see something change, change the way you feel about your past.

Step out of the victim mode and become a person who has the power to change things at will.

I am sure you want to see how this pans out for you.

So, what are you waiting for? Step up and bring that newness of thought into your life.
All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1676 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2024Hindi
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My family is giving me traditional medicine, because i did not want to get married. I have already turned down 2 arranged marriage saying i should be stable in finance first, but they think i am possesed. And if i said i won't take medicine, my mom threatens me "i should pack my bag and leave the house". The thing is i work with dad and live with my family and i do not get paid. The worst thing is i spend most of my life at work, i don't even have a time for myself. Though i try to bring new ideas and help in work, I see the resentment in his eyes that says "you should just get married. I don't even have a time for myself.My oldest sister was married for a year and she was sick hates it deeply. She started healing after her divorce. It is big issue, we don't even talk about that event."What should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
In situations like these, it's common for experts to suggest Family Therapy as the entire family needs to clear out what they are holding onto as it seems to be affecting someone else and then the cycle and loop seems to be going on and on...
I don't know if your parents will be willing to do something like this as the first step is to acknowledge that there is something amiss and take responsibility for it...
Having age old beliefs and superstitions and treating you for being 'normal' suggests a lot of unwanted influence on your parents! If it helps, move out of home for sometime to discover yourself, get a paying job, so that it helps you gain confidence and also your parents will learn to value you for who you are without forcing their opinions and beliefs on you.
Sometimes to find ourselves, we need to cut ourselves from what is comfortable to us.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024
Relationship
I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..
Ans: First and foremost, I want you to know that your safety and well-being come first. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks and even considering ending your life, which shows how deeply this situation is affecting you. Please try to talk to someone you trust—a close friend or family member, or even a professional therapist—because having someone to share your feelings with will help ease the burden you're carrying right now.

The fear of him ruining your marriage is real to you, but it’s important to realize that no one has the right to manipulate or blackmail you into staying in a relationship, especially when you’ve clearly told him you want to end things. If he’s threatening you with revealing pictures or damaging your reputation, remember that what he’s doing is not just emotionally abusive, but also potentially illegal. If you feel safe doing so, you could consider seeking advice from a legal professional who can help you understand your rights and what actions can be taken to protect you from further threats.

I know it feels impossible right now, but staying under his control will only continue to hurt you. It's essential to break away from the cycle of fear he’s created. You’ve shown strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind. Even though it’s scary, letting go of the fear of what might happen and standing up for yourself is key. Surround yourself with support, and don’t face this alone—you deserve to live free from fear and manipulation.

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