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Married for 5 Years but Feeling Lonely - Can I Bridge the Emotional Gap?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My partner and I have been married for 5 years. Lately, I’ve been feeling lonely in my marriage. My partner and I barely talk, and it feels like we’re just coexisting. How can I bring back the emotional connection and intimacy without making it seem like I’m blaming them for the distance?

Ans: Start by creating opportunities for meaningful interaction. Sometimes the daily routines and responsibilities can create emotional walls, so finding a calm and positive environment for conversation is key. You might begin by sharing your feelings in a way that emphasizes your own experience rather than pointing out what your partner might not be doing. For example, saying something like, "I've been feeling a little disconnected lately, and I miss the closeness we used to share," opens the door for dialogue without sounding accusatory.

Rekindling intimacy often starts with small, intentional efforts to reestablish connection. This might mean setting aside time for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes of uninterrupted conversation at the end of the day. Look for moments to express appreciation for your partner, as this can help rebuild emotional warmth and remind them of the value they bring to your life.

It’s also worth reflecting on whether external stresses might be contributing to the distance. If either of you has been overwhelmed by work, family, or personal challenges, addressing those together can foster a sense of partnership and mutual support. Similarly, revisiting shared memories or engaging in activities you used to enjoy together can help reignite the bond you once had.

Lastly, be patient and consistent. Emotional intimacy doesn’t always come back instantly, but with genuine effort, kindness, and an open heart, you can rebuild the connection over time. Consider it a journey you’re embarking on together, rather than something you need to fix alone. If you feel like external guidance might help, discussing this with a couples therapist could provide both of you with tools to strengthen your relationship in a supportive environment.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1453 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am a 44-year-old married man. My wife and I had a love marriage. But just after the birth of our second child we started developing some smaller differences and issues. Nothing really major. However my wife started staying away from me physically. The intimacy and love in the relationship reduced and eventually stopped. Along the way I tried to go close to her but she wasn't interested. I tried a lot but it didn't help. We even tried to go to the counselor but she wasn't quite interested so we stopped midway. Now eight years have passed since we have had any physical closeness. We live like roommates just looking after the kids. However now my wife is making attempts to come close to me but somehow I don't feel anything for her and I am not co-operating. I feel like I just want to go away from everyone and start living independently. What is your advice? We have two daughters.
Ans: Dear N, What went through your wife’s mind at the time of the birth of your second child is something that needs to be addressed.

Maybe the work of bringing up two children exhausted her or there was a hormonal disturbance that made her lose interest. But let bygones be bygones.

Now that she is trying to get closer, maybe you can also try to see what the two of you can do to rebuild the closeness.

Rather than jump straight to sex, create closeness step by step.

Spend quality time together, watch movies, engage in a hobby together, cook together…the fondness and affection outside the bedroom might help breaking the ice and you start to at least engage in an affectionate manner towards one another.

It is easy to walk out of a marriage but do remember what the reason to walk out will be?

After a few years, it might not been worth it at all…Why not at least give the above suggestions a try?

Engage as friends with no expectations from one another and let the purpose be a happy engagement just like the one we have with out friends.

You also have two daughters who definitely want to be in a loving family; so give this a chance and see if it works out. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

..Read more

Rishta

Rishta Guru  | Answer  |Ask -

Rishta Guru - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
We have been married for two years and in loving relationship before that for two years. My problem is that the love has changed. My husband is no longer the same kind of romantic person. He loves me, he says I love you but the romance is missing. We both work and when we reach home all kinds of practical talks only happens. He is thoughtful, shares the housework, looks after all my needs but I really miss the romantic part that was there earlier and sometimes it makes me irritated and rude. I have tried telling him but he says love changes with time, we are married now and responsible for ourselves. My sister thinks I am being silly but I don’t agree. Why should we have to give up romance? Isn’t it an important part of our life?
Ans: Hi. I understand your frustration. It's completely natural to miss the early stage of romantic intensity in a long-term relationship.

And you're right, romance is an important part of a healthy marriage. It's perfectly valid to want to reignite that spark.

Here are some steps you can take to help your husband understand your concerns:

Communicate effectively

Focus on feelings, not accusations: Instead of saying "You're not romantic anymore!", share how his lack of romantic gestures makes you feel -- unloved, unappreciated, disconnected, unhappy, lonely, ...

Use "I" statements: Express your desire for more romance using phrases like "I would really appreciate it if...." or "I miss when we used to...." so that he does not feel he has to defend himself.

Actively listen to his perspective: Try to understand why he sees things differently. Perhaps work stress is affecting him or he does not know how to express his love differently.

Choose the right time and place: Avoid bringing it up when you're both tired or stressed. Pick a calm moment for a sincere conversation.

Brainstorm together

Instead of demanding specific gestures, discuss what "romance" means to both of you and brainstorm different ways he can express his love that resonate with you.

Schedule "romance time"

Block out dedicated time for romantic activities, even if it's just 30 minutes a week. Take turns planning dates, trying new things or revisiting activities you enjoyed earlier.

Acknowledge his efforts

Appreciate his non-romantic actions that show he cares, like sharing housework. Let him know these actions contribute to your overall feeling of love and security.

Consider professional help

If communication becomes difficult or you struggle to find common ground, consider seeking couples therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for you both to express your needs and work towards solutions.

You’d get professional help when you are unwell or to file your taxes for example. Why not try it here as well if needed?

Remember:

Love evolves: While the initial passion may change, a deep and meaningful love can grow stronger over time. Focus on nurturing that deeper connection alongside rekindling romantic gestures.

It's a two-way street: Be willing to put in effort as well. Show your appreciation for him, plan romantic gestures for him and be open to his ideas for expressing love.

Be patient: Rebuilding romance takes time and consistent effort. Celebrate small victories and focus on the progress you make together.

Your sister might not fully understand your perspective but your feelings are valid. Don't give up on the romance; instead, find new ways to keep it alive in your marriage.

All the best.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1453 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am married from last 5 yrs and have baby of 4 months old. My husband is very nice, takes good care of us, helps me in household chores. But I feel the spark of our relationship missing. I don't feel connection after the birth of baby. This is not from his side..but I don't know what is lacking, why I am feeling this way. I haven't discussed this with him as I feel he will get hurt. We do talk daily about baby and his work, whenever he tried to talk about me, I subconsciously switch topic. I feel frustrated with myself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This isn't new to those couples who have just had a baby. Life changes a LOT once the baby arrives; everything starts to become about the baby. Your life revolves around the child and even routines start to sync with the baby.
The couple's primary role becomes one of mother and father and somewhere the role of wife and husband dulls away and before you know it can vanish causing small and big rifts within the marriage.
The key is to remember your roles as wife and husband and that in itself will keep the spark alive. Just because you have had the baby, does not mean you forget what it is to be with your husband/wife.

Firstly, try and see if you can get some help during the day so that household chores are taken care of and you have some time for yourself. Pamper yourself with whatever you want to; a cup of tea, reading a book, calling your friends over...if any female relative can actually baby-sit over the weekend for a few hours, then you and your husband can plan a small thing together. Now, it maybe difficult to choose the time as the baby is just 4 months old, but make do with whatever time that you have. Slowly, you will learn how to navigate things with the baby...it's a learning ground and nobody has prepared you for it BUT it gets better with time only because you get smarter at understanding how to utilize time better and make the most of it.
And whatever time that you spend, bring back the courtship days, your dating moments back and oh yes, choose your best dress/outfit...it makes a lot of difference to the mind and the way you see yourself. Be patient...it gets better...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |926 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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Money
I’m 45 and planning to retire in next 3 months. I have an overall savings of 3.3 ( FD, PF, Savings, Shares) gold - 20L plus 5L Silver. Home loan every month 61k, Car loan 39k, house rent 21k and 55k home expenses. Thinking to start my training business from home, can fetch 30k to 1L per month if done correctly. Planning to close my home loan (67L) full or partial (50L) and sell car or close partially loan (10L), outstanding is 15.5L. I have a daughter completing her 10th and took admission in 11th grade. Her annual college fees is 1.2L. We are moving in May to our own flat and have 3 shops in a slightly prime location (Chennai) however we can enjoy after 6 to 7 years. It is fetching today 35k (overall). Health insurance of 10L. After moving to new flat expected expenses per month - house expenses- 30k, Maintenance- 7k, my expenses - 25k, other exp- 10k to 15k.
Ans: Hello;

You must close you home loan(67 L) and car loan(15.5 L) in full from 3.3 Cr of overall savings.

That will leave you with a net savings of 2.475 Cr.

Keep 7.5 L as emergency fund in your saving account.

Keep 20 L in a liquid fund meant for your daughter's higher education. Gold(20 L) and Silver(5 L) holding may be used here if required.

Now your net savings is around 2.2 Cr. Buy an immediate annuity for this sum from an insurance company. Assuming 6% annuity rate you may expect a monthly income of 1 L post tax.

This will cover all your expenses at new residence and still leave something more in hand, which may reinvested in hybrid mutual funds to boost annuity income after 10 years.

All the best for your new venture.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |926 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello Respected sir, I have an old land worth 2 crore which I am planning to sell.Original sale deed is of Rs 1 lakh Can you please help me: 1. How much tax have to pay? 2. Where should I invest rest for max return? 3. Currently living on rent but planning to buy 2 flats around 50 lacks each. I will stay in one and the second one will sell. Is this correct? 4. My current income is 2 lakh a month and I have kid only. Investments already in PPF monthly 10K, Sukanya Yojna monthly 20K rest expenses 60K monthly. I am a 44 year old married. My Goal is to have: 25 Lakhs for Education in next 7 yrs and Retirement income 1Lakh a month.
Ans: Hello;

1. You have 2 options of long term capital gain tax working because you have old land.
a.200-1=199 Lakhs on this a tax of 12.5% i.e.24.875 Lakhs
b.200-x=xyz Lakhs on this a tax of 20%
Where "x" is the inflation indexed cost of acquisition
You may consult a CA for calculating "x" for you and also recommending ways in which you can avoid payment of this tax based on provisions of income tax act.

If you can save on entire tax payment by reinvesting the capital gain from land sale into real estate then it makes sense to invest in real estate. You may rent out part of your real estate to earn rental income.

You may do a monthly sip of `90 K in an equity savings type mutual fund with low to moderate risk for 7 years.

It may grow into a sum of 1 Cr after 7 years assuming modest return of 9%. It may be utilised to fund higher education of your kid and partially funding your retirement income in addition to rental income.

Best Wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7645 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Money
Below is the portfolio for all my goals. I am 46 years old, moderate risk taker and new to mutual funds. Kindly review and conclude, if the below portfolio is fine to proceed and suggest me if any modifications is required. Portfolio - Daughter's Marriage and Son's Education, Time Horizon: 7 years 45% Nippon India Nifty 50 index Fund 15% Kotak Nifty next 50 index fund 15% Parag Parikh Flexi cap fund 25% Axis Corporate Bond fund Portfolio - Retirement, Time Horizon: 10 years, planning to introduce debt at the start of 6th year, thus by reducing equity every year. 55% Nippon India Nifty 50 index Fund 15% Kotak Nifty next 50 index fund 15% Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Index fund 15% Parag Parikh Flexi cap fund Portfolio - Buying car/Wealth Creation, Time Horizon: 7 years 50% Nippon India Nifty 50 index Fund 30% Mirae asset aggressive hybrid fund 20% ICICI Prudential Corporate Bond fund Direct plan Growth
Ans: You have created a goal-based portfolio with clear time horizons and objectives. Your focus on mutual funds is a good step, but a few changes can improve efficiency and alignment with your goals. Below is a detailed assessment of your portfolios along with recommendations.

General Observations
Your allocation demonstrates clarity and a structured approach.

The presence of equity, debt, and hybrid funds ensures a balanced risk-return ratio.

However, index funds dominate the portfolio. Actively managed funds could enhance returns for long-term goals.

Introduction of direct plans indicates cost-consciousness, but regular plans with MFD guidance may offer personalised benefits.

Portfolio: Daughter's Marriage and Son's Education
Time Horizon: 7 years

Current Allocation:

45% in a Nifty 50 index fund.

15% in a Nifty Next 50 index fund.

15% in a flexi-cap fund.

25% in a corporate bond fund.

Observations:
A 60% allocation to index funds reduces potential for excess returns.

Index funds lack active management and struggle in volatile markets.

A flexi-cap fund adds diversification but needs a higher allocation.

The corporate bond fund ensures stability but may need a dynamic bond fund for better yields.

Recommendations:
Reduce index fund allocation to 30%.

Allocate 30% to flexi-cap funds for higher long-term growth.

Keep 25% in corporate bond funds. Consider dynamic bond funds for better returns.

Add 15% in a balanced advantage or hybrid fund for stability.

Portfolio: Retirement
Time Horizon: 10 years (Shifting to debt from 6th year)

Current Allocation:

55% in a Nifty 50 index fund.

15% in a Nifty Next 50 index fund.

15% in a mid-cap index fund.

15% in a flexi-cap fund.

Observations:
Index funds dominate 70% of the portfolio, limiting active opportunities.

Mid-cap exposure enhances growth but carries higher risk.

Transitioning to debt from the 6th year is a sound strategy.

Recommendations:
Reduce index funds to 40%. Allocate this to a mix of large-cap and flexi-cap funds.

Increase flexi-cap funds from 15% to 30% for better returns.

Keep 15% in mid-cap funds for growth potential.

From the 6th year, add short-duration debt funds and balanced advantage funds.

Ensure regular reviews to rebalance equity and debt exposure.

Portfolio: Buying Car/Wealth Creation
Time Horizon: 7 years

Current Allocation:

50% in a Nifty 50 index fund.

30% in an aggressive hybrid fund.

20% in a corporate bond fund.

Observations:
The 50% allocation to index funds could limit wealth creation potential.

Aggressive hybrid funds balance risk and growth but may require diversification.

Corporate bond funds are stable but could be supplemented with higher-yielding instruments.

Recommendations:
Reduce index fund allocation to 30%.

Increase allocation to aggressive hybrid funds to 40%.

Replace 20% corporate bond allocation with dynamic or medium-duration debt funds.

Add 10% in a multi-asset fund for further diversification.

Analytical Perspective: Index Funds vs Actively Managed Funds
Index Funds: Passive funds with lower costs but limited returns in volatile or bearish markets.

Actively Managed Funds: Outperform during economic cycles with professional fund manager expertise.

Actively managed funds can help maximise returns in your portfolios.

Investing via MFD ensures periodic reviews and customised advice.

Disadvantages of Direct Plans
Direct plans may reduce costs, but lack personalised guidance.

MFDs with CFP credentials align funds with your goals and monitor performance.

Regular plans save time and effort while offering expert insights.

Taxation Impact
Equity LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG on equity funds is taxed at 20%.

Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

A Certified Financial Planner can help manage tax implications efficiently.

Key Suggestions Across All Portfolios
Diversify across active equity and hybrid funds to optimise returns.

Reduce heavy reliance on index funds for long-term goals.

Use dynamic and medium-term debt funds for stability in debt allocation.

Review portfolios yearly and rebalance as required.

Final Insights
Your portfolios have a strong foundation for achieving your goals. A few adjustments can further optimise performance. Balancing active and passive funds, diversifying instruments, and considering expert guidance will help you achieve financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1158 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

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Career
sir. my son graduated in CSE from 2024 from JUIT, jaypee university, Solan with a cgpa of 7.5. college failed to placed him. in fact only 20 out of 300 from the batch got placed. kindly suggest.
Ans: Hello Ranjan
Not only JUIT but many more universities and colleges also failed to place the students for a few years as they promised at the time of admission via advertisements. But out of 300, just 20 placed is quite a notable number. You did not mention, where this trend is for this year or if it is happening for a few years! But, now there is no point in keeping names to the placement division of JUIT as you have to focus on the future of your son.
Here are some tips: (1) Ask your son to create a strong C.V. if something is lagging in it from the market condition point of view. (2) Ask him to learn the new techniques in AI + ML as early as possible i.e. Strengthen Technical Skills (3) Create a strong profile on LinkedIn (4) Keep a close eye on the placement offers published in national-level newspapers and employment newspapers. (5) Ask him to keep in touch with his seniors who are working in the companies and if there is any vacancy there (6) Without thinking much more, just apply for the job in the respective companies of his interests where the advertisement Is published or not. (7) Ask him to learn extracurricular activities and try to focus on personality building to get a suitable job without having any irritation in the mind and body language. (8) If possible, try to get the admission to PG. Many colleges offer stipends at the time of PG learning.
Even though there is a recession in the job industry at present, there is no need to worry. This phase is temporary and soon the conditions will be favorable to unemployed youths. Best of luck to your son for his bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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