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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 27, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Desire Question by Desire on May 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Ours is a middle class joint family and my sister is willing to go for MBBS (on payment seat) upon dropping 2 years consequently, with a low score, but now as I mentioned above she is willing to go for MBBS on payment, which is very costly. As ours is joint family all the children are studying along with us and the fee is disturbed by combining all our family income irrespective of the share from each brothers of my father, but now the real problem is my sister is urging like anything to go and my father is supporting her like anything even though my whole family is upset about this decision my father is not ready to realise our family conditions and stop encouraging my sister and turn her attention to different fields, so my question is what advice should I give to my father and sister about this???

Ans: I understand the complexity and emotional weight of your situation. In a middle-class joint family, making significant financial decisions, such as funding an expensive MBBS seat, can have a substantial impact on everyone. It's essential to approach this conversation with empathy, understanding, and clear communication.Then gently introduce the family’s financial situation. "However, our family finances are already stretched with everyone’s education costs. An expensive payment seat for MBBS might put a strain on our resources and affect the entire family."

Suggest exploring alternatives. "Could we consider other medical fields that might be more affordable or look into scholarships and financial aid options? I think it’s important to find a way that supports her dreams but also considers our family’s overall financial health."Start by acknowledging her efforts. "I know you’ve worked so hard and you’re passionate about becoming a doctor. I really respect your determination."

Share your concerns about the financial impact. "But I’m worried about the cost of the payment seat for MBBS. It’s very expensive and our family might struggle with it, impacting everyone’s education."

Encourage exploring other options. "Maybe we can look into less expensive medical schools, or even consider other healthcare careers that you might enjoy. We can also look for scholarships or financial aid. I believe in your dream, and I think we can find a way to achieve it without putting so much financial pressure on the family." Suggest a family meeting to discuss this openly. "Can we all sit down and talk about this together? It’s important for us to find a solution that supports her dream and also keeps our family financially stable."

By approaching the conversation with empathy, respect, and a focus on practical solutions, you can help your father and sister understand the need to balance individual aspirations with the family’s financial reality.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 29, 2023

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I am happily man and 56 with two sisters and one brother and Maa, some how my mother, brother and sisters are extremely devouted to their respective family and highly gentle and have high family values. Likewise even my wife is extremely hardworking lecturer for 25 years and devouted wife and even my son is very sensible young advocate. We care and respect one another very much. Now the problem is my younger sister's husband has taken a big loan of Rs. 60 lakh and had a big business loss due to demonitisation followed by extended lockdown, due to which he is unable to pay loan though he has many shared land assets which he is unable to sell. The loan was taken by mortgaging their three bhk flat in which they live. Now, I have around 48 lakhs to help his out of the load default but my wife opposes this because i got this Rs. 48 lakhs by selling our other unoccupied house. I understand my wife's opinion and also that of my younger sister's condition. Like wise my other siblings have also not been successful money wise in life despite having been very educated. Problem is they all got stuck in life due to high moral values and could not learn ways of the world. My dilemma is whether to help my younger sister's husband out of his problems or not and also my affection for my siblings annoys my wife though she is also very respectful to them and says, they all need to learn we can not support them in their struggles beyond a limit as we are also going to retire. How do is sort this out?
Ans: It's understandable that you are facing a difficult situation and feeling torn between helping your younger sister's husband and respecting your wife's opinion. Here are some suggestions that might help you sort this out:

Consider the impact on your own financial future: It's important to consider your own financial situation and retirement plans before deciding to help your sister's husband. You should also consider the impact of selling your property to help someone else, and whether that could affect your own financial stability.

Communicate with your wife: Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your desire to help your sister's husband and understand her concerns. Try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

Set clear boundaries: It's important to set clear boundaries with your siblings about what kind of financial assistance you are willing and able to provide. You should also be clear about what kind of support you expect from them in return.

Explore other options: Consider whether there are other ways to help your sister's husband without putting your own financial future at risk. This could include helping him find a job, connecting him with resources for financial counseling or debt relief, or exploring other options for selling his assets.

Seek advice from a financial professional: If you're still unsure about what to do, consider seeking advice from a financial professional who can help you assess the risks and benefits of different options.

Ultimately, it's important to make a decision that feels right for you and your family, while also being mindful of the potential consequences.

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