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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |431 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024
Relationship

I am a 27 year old female. I am dating a guy for 10+ years, we have become too casual about each other. Its like our relationship has lost the spark after we left college. We are dragging our relationship just because we both arent ready to put efforts in finding new partners. Whenever we meet, we cuddle and sleep and havent had sex since last 2 years. Emotionally we are too close but physical intimacy is kindof lost. Since its time to get married. I am still unsure whether he as of now is the one for lifetime. Should we venture for new partners respectively or are we the one for each other. Please Suggest.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have to ask "Are we the one for each other?" something must be going really wrong in the relationship. Moreover, you also mentioned dragging it, so reconsidering the relationship can't hurt. There is another option- you can try couple's therapy and get to the bottom of this detachment. It can be time; it happens to many long-term couples. Nothing comes without effort- you will have to work on it every day and explore new things to bring back the spark. If you don't want to let go of this relationship, try these suggestions. But to continue lugging it because this relationship is all too familiar and comfortable now is not the right decision. If it's okay with both of you, take a break and venture out for new partners. See how things pan out. The choice is yours. The only thing that I can confirm is that at this point, you should not rush into getting married and focus on sorting things out first.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Mam, I am a 30 year old woman, married since 11 years. My husband is 36 years years old and have a normal intellectual relationship. The problem is since the past 2 years, we have had a very poor physical relationship. we have intercourse once in a month or 2 months (we indulge in foreplay weekly though) since my husband has been facing medical issues relating to the same and somewhat refrains visiting a doctor. He has even confessed to self consummate occasionally. We do not have a child and since many years we have been trying naturally and medically, but results have not come favorable. We have noticed that recently that our interests in each other has begun fading. My husband really loves me and takes care of me at the same time, I love him too, but things have not been very good of late. We both are very eager to start a family as well and plan to go for another medical attempt soon. Can you guide us how to get back to the healthy relationship we had?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a challenging time in your relationship. It's important to address both the physical and emotional aspects of your relationship to work towards a healthier and happier dynamic. Here are some steps you can consider:

Open Communication: Sit down with your husband and have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. Share your thoughts about the changes in your physical relationship, the impact it's having on your emotional connection, and your mutual desire to start a family.
Seek Professional Help: Since your husband is experiencing medical issues related to your physical relationship, it's crucial for him to consult a doctor. Encourage him to see a medical professional who specializes in sexual health. It's common for people to feel uncomfortable discussing such matters, but a doctor's guidance can help identify the underlying issues and recommend appropriate treatment.
Counseling or Therapy: Consider seeking couples therapy or counseling to address the emotional aspects of your relationship. A therapist can help both of you communicate more effectively, understand each other's needs, and work through any emotional barriers that might be affecting your intimacy.
Quality Time: Spend quality time together outside of your physical relationship. Engage in activities you both enjoy, communicate openly, and strengthen your emotional bond. This can help rekindle the connection you had before.
Support Each Other: Going through medical challenges and fertility issues can be emotionally draining. Support each other during this time by being patient, understanding, and showing empathy. Remember that you're a team, facing these challenges together.
Intimacy Beyond Sex: Explore ways to maintain intimacy that don't necessarily involve intercourse. Engage in activities that foster emotional closeness, like cuddling, holding hands, or having deep conversations.
Manage Stress: Fertility struggles and relationship issues can lead to increased stress. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
Set Realistic Expectations: While it's natural to want to conceive and start a family, try not to let this desire put excessive pressure on your relationship. Setting realistic expectations and timelines can help alleviate some of the stress.
Rediscover Each Other: Take time to learn about each other anew. People change over time, so invest effort into discovering your partner's evolving interests, dreams, and aspirations.
Stay Positive: It's important to maintain a positive outlook. Focusing on the strengths of your relationship and the progress you make, both emotionally and physically, can make a significant difference.
Remember that relationships go through ups and downs, and it's not uncommon to face challenges. With open communication, patience, and a willingness to work together, you can navigate these difficulties and work towards reestablishing a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If needed, consider reaching out to professionals, such as therapists or doctors, to provide specialized guidance.

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Rishta

Rishta Guru  | Answer  |Ask -

Rishta Guru - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
We have been married for two years and in loving relationship before that for two years. My problem is that the love has changed. My husband is no longer the same kind of romantic person. He loves me, he says I love you but the romance is missing. We both work and when we reach home all kinds of practical talks only happens. He is thoughtful, shares the housework, looks after all my needs but I really miss the romantic part that was there earlier and sometimes it makes me irritated and rude. I have tried telling him but he says love changes with time, we are married now and responsible for ourselves. My sister thinks I am being silly but I don’t agree. Why should we have to give up romance? Isn’t it an important part of our life?
Ans: Hi. I understand your frustration. It's completely natural to miss the early stage of romantic intensity in a long-term relationship.

And you're right, romance is an important part of a healthy marriage. It's perfectly valid to want to reignite that spark.

Here are some steps you can take to help your husband understand your concerns:

Communicate effectively

Focus on feelings, not accusations: Instead of saying "You're not romantic anymore!", share how his lack of romantic gestures makes you feel -- unloved, unappreciated, disconnected, unhappy, lonely, ...

Use "I" statements: Express your desire for more romance using phrases like "I would really appreciate it if...." or "I miss when we used to...." so that he does not feel he has to defend himself.

Actively listen to his perspective: Try to understand why he sees things differently. Perhaps work stress is affecting him or he does not know how to express his love differently.

Choose the right time and place: Avoid bringing it up when you're both tired or stressed. Pick a calm moment for a sincere conversation.

Brainstorm together

Instead of demanding specific gestures, discuss what "romance" means to both of you and brainstorm different ways he can express his love that resonate with you.

Schedule "romance time"

Block out dedicated time for romantic activities, even if it's just 30 minutes a week. Take turns planning dates, trying new things or revisiting activities you enjoyed earlier.

Acknowledge his efforts

Appreciate his non-romantic actions that show he cares, like sharing housework. Let him know these actions contribute to your overall feeling of love and security.

Consider professional help

If communication becomes difficult or you struggle to find common ground, consider seeking couples therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for you both to express your needs and work towards solutions.

You’d get professional help when you are unwell or to file your taxes for example. Why not try it here as well if needed?

Remember:

Love evolves: While the initial passion may change, a deep and meaningful love can grow stronger over time. Focus on nurturing that deeper connection alongside rekindling romantic gestures.

It's a two-way street: Be willing to put in effort as well. Show your appreciation for him, plan romantic gestures for him and be open to his ideas for expressing love.

Be patient: Rebuilding romance takes time and consistent effort. Celebrate small victories and focus on the progress you make together.

Your sister might not fully understand your perspective but your feelings are valid. Don't give up on the romance; instead, find new ways to keep it alive in your marriage.

All the best.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
i have been married for 9 months but my husband is nver interest in sex. He doe not even hug me properly. It is an arrange marriage but our engagement lasted for 1.5 years and at that we had good physical relationship. we used to make out whenever we could get a chance. But after the day we were married he is never interested. he did not even try to have sex on our first night or at our honeymoon. We do make out once a month but that too only if i initiate. We sleep in the same bed but he has never come to cuddle with me after first week of marriage. He is not making any efforts to make me feel loved, special or beautiful. I have tried a lot of time to talk to him openly but he answers to any questions. He says that he loves me but never puts in any effort to make me feel like i am being loved. And whenever i complain he will try to change for 1 week and then everything is as it is. But 1 thing i have noticed is that he wanted to have sex if i go away to my parents house for 1-2 weeks and comeback. Can you help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Economics at play here...
When something is easily available, one loses interest in wanting that product but if something is rarely available, it makes us want it even more...

Sorry for this kind of comparison, but your husband fits this bill here. You seem to be easily available now at home and for him all the time, so this does not generate any interest in him. When you were in the courtship phase or when you leave for your parent's home, you aren't around much and that makes him interested. There is no right or wrong about it...it's the way your husband functions. So, make sex a rare thing for him. Don't ask, don't initiate...wait for him to actually want it by not showing that you are interested. In fact, there's no harm even in saying NO so that he also starts to feel that your are not all the time available and that will make him also want to get intimate with you...Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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