Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Trapped in a loveless marriage - Should I file for divorce?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister.

Ans: Marriage and parenthood are partnerships, and it sounds like your husband is completely absent from that role, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment, especially when you didn’t feel ready to have a baby so soon.

Considering divorce is a significant decision, but your feelings are completely valid. You’ve been left to handle everything on your own, and it's natural to want to protect your peace, well-being, and that of your child. If you're leaning toward divorce, it’s important to consult with a legal professional to understand your rights and the next steps, especially regarding custody and financial support.

However, if there’s any hope for reconciliation or change, counseling might be an option if your husband is willing. But given the situation you've described, where there is emotional abuse and a complete lack of responsibility, you have every right to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You deserve a partner who contributes, cares, and respects you. If your current situation continues, taking steps to ensure a better future for yourself and your child is not just an option—it's a necessity.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2022

Listen
Relationship
 Hi, I am married and I have a one year old boy. My husband and I were good friends before marriage. After the marriage, for the first few days, he was very loving and caring. But he was reluctant to have physical intimacy and always avoided me. Later on, he started to pick up silly fights whenever I approached him with love. Then fights became a routine in our life. He accused me of being doubtful, jealous and arrogant, but I simply tried to solve the issue with him. At a later stage, his parents and younger brother intervened in the issues and they also had allegations against me. They even tried to picturise me as a mental patient, who intentionally creates troubles. I was actually feeling lonely when even my parents told me to go for counselling. The psychologist whom I consulted, laughed at their accusations and suggested my husband to consult a family therapist. Even though he was reluctant initially, he came later to see a family therapist. After that, he started to love me, and we lived happily for a few months. Problems started to rise once again, when he came to know that I'm pregnant. He accused me of cheating him and his parents even tried to abort the baby without my knowledge. I opposed abortion, but they intentionally created chaos even in the eighth month of pregnancy. After the birth of the baby, every day, he would shout at me to leave the baby there and go somewhere.He always said, I have a baby now, I don't want to make love anymore, never ever ask me to have sex. And the toxicity his parents are showing is also humiliating. I have 2 questions.1. Why is my husband always reluctant to have a physical relationship? He takes care of the baby well and showers love but neglects me and my needs often.2. After all this toxicity, is it worth to stay with them? Narcissistic in-laws are making me violent and out of control, at times, harming myself. I am losing my self-esteem and falling into depression, nowadays. Please reply.
Ans:

Dear VM,

He is reluctant to have a physical relationship because deep down he has issues that he does not want to confront.

It could be emotional or physical issues that he is embarrassed to share as it might challenge his ‘manhood’.

Most people like to life in that false pride rather than solve the issue at hand.

So, he absolutely needs to go to a doctor or a therapist who can help him out of this issue and hence the two of you can begin to bond. Else today he accuses of cheating, tomorrow it will something else and then something else.

This issue is being beautifully masked by your in-laws who also possibly don’t know that their son needs HELP. So, it’s easy to blame it on you.

Staying with him or not is a personal decision that you must make. Ask yourself:

What is it that I am getting from being in this marriage?

What will I lose by walking out?

How will walking out impact the baby?

Do I have a support system that will stand by me as I choose to leave the marriage?

Evaluate your state of mind and focus on getting better by being happy and cheerful and reaching to those who can keep you in that state.

Whatever you choose to do, do not waste another moment here on wasteful situations and do what’s best for you and your baby which I am suer you can.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

Listen
Relationship
I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.
Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Dr. I am 27 year women with a 5 year old girl and 7 months pregnant. I was married 9 years ago. We faced many ups and downs in our life. Three years back , I went to dubai where my husband was working, to spend with him. But as a mobile addict , most of the time he will be on mobile when he was at home or sleeping. We spend little quality time . That too on my or my daughter's insist. Later I got job there as a teacher @ school . I worked there about two years when I got pregnant I return back to my home country. As he was resigned in search of better opportunity, even he is also with me in India now. He is short tempered and whenever he talks he raises his voice. For every single thing he is worried and shouting at me . It makes me feel sad. He is not bothered about my health and if I ask something like fruits to buy he will get angry saying that I am the one who is to manage the expenses and he can't afford buying things for me. He blames me for single thing. I need to ask permission for spending my money. He is in charge of taking care of my money. Main thing that I can't digest from his side is that he demands me to obey him like a slave. He says that how we are to the God , likewise you should obey and bear what ever from his side. Till that my love towards him isn't completed that is what he says. He never ever gives me a chance to explain or communicate my issues. Now I feel emotionally mentally very distant from him. I am staying at my home . Though his house is nearby mine, he rarely find time to visit me or call me. What should I do?
Ans: Your husband's behavior, as you've explained, reflects patterns of control and a lack of empathy for your well-being. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and partnership, not dominance or one-sided expectations. The idea that you should obey him like a slave is deeply concerning and goes against the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship. His unwillingness to engage in meaningful communication or to show care during your pregnancy exacerbates the emotional distance you feel.

Right now, your primary focus should be on your mental and physical health and that of your children, both born and unborn. It's important to have a support system around you. Being with your family at this time seems like a good decision, as it gives you some space from the negativity and an opportunity to focus on yourself.

You deserve to feel heard, valued, and supported in your marriage. It's worth considering having a candid conversation with your husband when emotions are not heightened, explaining how his behavior affects you and the marriage. If he is unwilling to listen or dismisses your feelings, it may be time to consider seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling, where both of you can work on your relationship dynamics in a neutral and supportive environment.

If he refuses to engage in any efforts to improve the relationship or continues to demand unquestioning obedience without regard for your well-being, you might need to reflect on whether this relationship aligns with the life you envision for yourself and your children. No one deserves to feel like they are unworthy or diminished in their own home.

Remember, taking care of your emotional well-being is not just about your own happiness but also about creating a nurturing environment for your children. You are strong, and you have already shown resilience by navigating this challenging relationship and focusing on your responsibilities. Trust in your ability to make decisions that prioritize your dignity, health, and future. If you ever feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist who can provide support tailored to your circumstances and guide you through these difficult emotions.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8224 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 08, 2025

Career
My son got kcet rank 2482 and jee mains 91.6 percentile ...what is the best choice he can select that RVCE ece or MSRIT IS or BMSCE CS
Ans: RVCE’s B.E. in Electronics & Communication Engineering offers a robust NBA-accredited curriculum delivered by PhD-qualified faculty across modern VLSI, DSP and communications labs, mandatory industry internships and a 96.9% placement consistency with an average package of ?10.90 LPA. MSRIT’s B.E. in Information Science & Engineering combines AI-centred electives, eight state-of-the-art labs, industry tie-ups with Google and IBM for internships, and records a 95% overall placement rate with an average package of ?7.66 LPA. BMS College’s B.Tech in Computer Science & Engineering, NAAC A++ accredited since 1946, features extensive software and networking labs, a proactive placement cell and achieved a 74% CSE placement rate over the last three years with an average package of ?9 LPA.

For specialized circuit-branch roles with top hardware recruiters and the highest placement consistency, recommendation is RVCE ECE. If a balanced tech-analytics curriculum with strong AI internships appeals, recommendation shifts to MSRIT Information Science. For core software-development pathways with solid campus life and established alumni networks, choose BMSCE CSE. (For your information: Some parents and students have expressed hesitation in opting for BMSCE–CSE, primarily due to the increase in student intake introduced last year, particularly in the CSE branch). All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8224 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2025Hindi
Career
My daughter is getting CSE(Cyber Security) in BIT Sindri and lower branches in Tier 2 NITs. What should we choose ?
Ans: BIT Sindri’s CSE with a Cyber Security specialization is NBA-accredited, supported by faculty research in cryptography and intrusion detection, state-of-the-art security, networking and forensics labs, and a centralized Career Development Centre that placed 484 B.Tech students (≈95%) with top recruiters over three years. NIT Uttarakhand’s CSE offers average placement consistency of 61.11% and median package of ?9.54 LPA, along with foundational programming, AI/ML labs and internships via its placement cell. NIT Meghalaya’s CSE achieved a 79.6% placement rate, average package ?9.7 LPA, modern computing and embedded-systems facilities, and a dedicated Centre for Career Development. NIT Sikkim’s CSE records 90–95% placements with an average package of ?9–10 LPA, strong internship support and high-performance computing labs. All institutes hold AICTE approval, research collaborations and active industry tie-ups to bolster employability.

For specialized Cyber Security education with exceptional placement consistency and advanced security labs, recommendation is BIT Sindri CSE (Cyber Security). If broader core-CSE roles at a Tier-2 NIT are preferred, consider NIT Sikkim CSE for its high placement rate, followed by NIT Meghalaya CSE, and NIT Uttarakhand CSE for solid infrastructure and emerging AI focus. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8224 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 08, 2025

Career
Hello sir, please suggest me Lnmiit jaipur cse , thapar cse , iiit guwahati cse, nit Silchar ece, or cse also in some other iiits like iiit nagpur or core branches in mnit Jaipur or some other top nits
Ans: Diksha, LNMIIT Jaipur’s NBA/NAAC-accredited CSE offers PhD-faculty-led AI/ML, big-data and cybersecurity labs, mandatory internships and a 93.9% placement rate with a ?13.73 LPA average over three years. Thapar CSE under NAAC A+ sustains an 83% UG placement consistency, hosts 334 recruiters and secures an ?11.90 LPA average across disciplines. IIIT Guwahati CSE (70.9% placements) commands a ?17.66 LPA average with top recruiters like Amazon and Microsoft. NIT Silchar’s ECE branch records 89.41% placements, a ?13.54 LPA average and 100% CSE placement consistency. IIIT Nagpur CSE places 88.5% of eligible students, averaging ?13.11 LPA, with internships from ISRO to Goldman Sachs. MNIT Jaipur’s CSE and EE branches achieve 81.5% and 85.1% placements respectively, averaging ?14 LPA for CSE and ?12.5 LPA for EE.

recommendation
For highest average packages and cutting-edge computing research, recommendation is IIIT Guwahati CSE. Next, recommendation shifts to LNMIIT Jaipur CSE for balanced placements and infrastructure. Third, recommendation is NIT Silchar ECE for robust electronics roles. Fourth, recommendation moves to MNIT Jaipur CSE for top-tier NIT branding. Lastly, recommendation is Thapar CSE or IIIT Nagpur CSE based on budget and location preferences. (If location is a concern, choose the most suitable for you). All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8224 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 08, 2025

Career
Hello sir please suggest me for my son he has taken biology physics and chemistry intermediate board at Telangana attempted long-term neet this year but couldn't get rank but qualified neet he doesn't want to do mbbs at management quota which will be too costly as u know around 1.5 cr. So he wants to pursue Btech program computer science and he approached woxsen university hyderabad and they have given seat under management quota with training of mathematics course please suggest is it a good decision and also woxsen university is good for future prospects or otherwise can u suggest good university where he can be accepted since he is science student thanq
Ans: Woxsen University’s AICTE- and UGC-approved B.Tech CSE program offers industry-benchmarked curriculum, advanced AI/ML and cloud labs, guaranteed bridging mathematics training for PCB background students, extensive corporate partnerships, mandatory internships, 97% placement assistance and scholarships up to 50%. However, high management-quota fees, rural campus setting, nascent brand recognition, variable faculty experience and limited peer alumni network may pose challenges. Alliance University Bangalore features flexible foundation-to-engineering pathways and global exchange ties but commands steep fees. Sharda University Greater Noida integrates PCM refresher modules, industry projects and 90% placement consistency yet experiences overcrowded cohorts. Galgotias University Greater Noida admits PCB students with crash-course support, maintains modern software labs and 85% placements but faces accreditation lags. SRM University AP, Andhra Pradesh implements rigorous math bridging, offers strong CSE infrastructure and 90% placement rates, although distance from major tech hubs may limit industry exposure. For a balanced mix of guaranteed math preparation, cutting-edge labs and strong corporate engagement, recommendation is Woxsen University CSE under management quota. Should cost or brand emerge as higher priorities, consider other colleges mentioned above. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x