I am married 42 male. I m in love with a lady who is also married for the last 2 yr . We met through matrimony prior both of our marriage in 2015. She has many relationships till date with colleagues and also with her husband boss. Inspite of knowing this , I am unable to come out of the relationship. Also she used to tell me she doesn't love me.i hv already spent around 1.5 lakhs for buying gifts. She had been physical with 3 college friend and for her husband promot, she slept with her husband boss. Inspite of knowing all these, I can't forget her. We dnt have any physical relationship.I madly love her. Tried many times to discontinue the contact, but every time she by any means win and I start talking. She used to lie me always. Inspite of knowing many physical relationship with her husband colleagues and her friends in recent times, I can't forget her. Tried consulting psychiatrist and also taking medicines but of no help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

You are indulging in a very toxic relationship and my only advice is to get out of it as quickly as possible. First off, it's unethical. You are married and that makes it cheating. Secondly, the woman is clearly not in love with you, and she has been vocal about it. You are wasting your time, energy, and money on someone who does not care for you. I am sorry that you have to go through this, but it's the truth.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad you came clean to your wife and she is helping you come out of this mess. I am sure you know this, but still, I'd like to point out that you are a lucky man to have a partner such as your wife. Focus on that.

You might be in love but you are also married and that makes your love unethical. And meditation does not help in all things, and it's a tough feat to achieve. I suggest you see a marriage counselor or seek therapy yourself. There's no shame in seeking help. You left your concerns and questions here for me, and that's seeking help too. That is a good start. Now I recommend you see a professional who can help you with structured guidance. Before your marriage falls to pieces, I highly recommend taking proactive steps. Sometimes we can't do it alone and that's when licensed therapists come in. Please think about seeing one.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Is lack of positive challenges making you run around this lady?
What kind of future do you see with her?
What kind of a present day moment do you see with someone who cannot fathom commitment?
Also do you think that by loading her with gifts, you can buy her attention and love?
If you crave attention, then you might want to try and do something in life that will make people turns their heads towards you...any attention from the external world is very short-lived till it satisfies their need after which you will be discarded without much of a sigh...
So, pull yourself up NOW and develop connections with people who value you and your presence in their lives!

All the best!

Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.