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Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi! I am married now for 4 years and have a 18 months old child. My wife is having Borderline Personality Disorder and often talks about ending the marriage but when she is normal, she credits me for such an understanding husband. She doesn't acknowledge that she has such disorder from before marriage. I am very disallusioned about what step to take more so because of my daughter. Shall I go for divorse? Please advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's easy to walk out on a marriage but being in it and overcoming challenges together can grow the two of you in love and trust.
Whether she knows about her condition before marriage or not, in my opinion is not of concern as you need to focus on how as a family you can deal with the situation. What if you were in her place? Would you want her to leave you?
Any disorder (as experts call it) of the mind require a lot of support from the family members and having worked with clients on this, I can tell you involving the family makes it easier for the person struggling with it. It also strengthens their bond. The two of you have a child who needs both parents...
It may seems an uphill task to be in this situation but do remind yourself: Why did I marry this person in the first place?
This reason will be enough to carry you on and make a commitment to handle it together.
I do realize that one day she may say one thing and go back and say just the opposite the next day. It can be very disillusioning for you. My appeal is: go back to the person who diagnosed her. He/she will educate you on the coping strategies individually and the family as a whole. A good round of counselling will also help your wife take care of her mind state.

All the best and I am sure you can do this...

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Good Day Hi its been around 10 years of Marriage . I do have a Son who is 5 years old and is slightly facing Autism issues we have consulted a Specialist for the same who has generally suggested a few therapies to follow which we are currently following. My Wife is some what upset since her belief was that this issue is related genetic and one of my sibling already had such abnormalities in their kid so that's the reason our kid is facing this. and she really regrets this marriage. Whenever there is any arguments at home she always keeps on repeatedly saying that she regrets this marriage since this problem within the child has arisen because of some genetic imbalance within my family . Also since my kid was born she always preferred to sleep separately, rather there has been no physical intimation since last 6 months when came to know abt my kids problem. Is it really advisable that if she is not happy with me rather part away so that she could stay happy with somebody else since i personally feel i myself i am responsible to be the unlucky one and the root cause of all the problems. So would happy to get some suggestion from your end.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So what does a parent do when one of their children has a challenge either physically or mentally?
Blame the other parent? Wash their hands off the responsibility?
Whatever it is, nothing justifies what your wife here is up to...what I can gather is that she feels a certain fear managing this situation.
Yes, your son may require more time and attention from both you and your wife in certain areas of life, but with this care and support, he will slowly get to a place where he can manage all by himself...
Now, if your wife has decided to play this blame game and isolate herself from you as a way of punishing you for genetics! Kindly take this to a mutual friend who can be unbiased and then teach the two of you to get back together for the sake of your son...

You must know that your guilt trip isn't helping you or your son...
Your wife must know that her blame game is driving her away from the marriage and her son...

Work towards a goal rather than against it!

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am married for the last 15 years with 2 kids. All though for entire period of this 15 years has been a roller coaster in the relationship, All of a sudden since the last 7 months the relationship has detoriated with my wife sleeping with the kids, not talking to me, cutting my social circles. Have tried talking to her directly and through some common links, but she does not talk & infact has cut all the channels. i have tried being home all the time and do all the house hold cores, take care of the children, but no impact on her. She is a deperession patient and refuses to consult the doctor. I feel i had enough and want to look options for seperation. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's unfortunate that you have waited this long to take note of how your relationship has been deteriorating. Also, has your wife been clinically diagnosed as having depression? If not, please don't assume as it will pose an issue while working on your marriage.
Seek the help of a marriage therapist who can guide the two of you back into rebuilding the marriage. Sleeping separately is a huge signal that she has cut off physically and emotionally from you and there could be numerous reasons along the way for it./ Don't delay seeing a professional and take this step not to get into a blame game situation but to actually work on your marriage. Make this humble attempt as it takes one rash move to end things.

But if you feel strongly that nothing is working, consult with a lawyer who specializes in separation

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ms. Anu, I need some different way of looking at the mess I am in. We are a very well educated couple married since past 16 years and very well settled (financially) abroad. We married after a courtship with blessings of both families and we do have a kid who is doing well atleast academically. The marriage has been a mess all these years starting within a couple of years after marriage. I do come from a very close knit middle class with a mentality/ upbringing to carryon whatever the odds are for wellbeing of kid also the spouse. My wife come from a pretty broken family where none of the family members are staying together or on routine talking terms. I do strongly feel that she has a borderline personality disorder which she refuses to atleast seek help available even to confirm or reject it. She has no good friends and her relations are very superficial with lot of white lies. Living with her is like walking on needles not knowing when she goes off. It has literally made me and my kid apprehensive every other minute dealing with her. She has given up her career in India and is a home maker here and I do respect that a lot but she is also very apprehensive to try out anything over here in spite of so many opportunities .I really don’t have any problem with it as we don’t have any financial need for it. She has best of everything we have/ earned over here, I never question her regarding even routine needs and try to work around her choices. We are like roommates living in a big house in separate rooms bringing up kid in best possible way. It sort or drains me out both mentally and physically and even affects my professional progress. Every attempt to discuss amicably ends with a fight. She has no social support to even fallback or ask for help. For me I don’t want to divorce her as I do know she won’t be able to survive alone over here or in India also I don’t want this to even put a small mental scar on my kid. I am trying out the best possible way I can but I do fear I might breakdown some day or the other leaving them in bad position. I dont have any affairs, I don’t even drink/ smoke/ gamble. I am just a simple person trying to live comfortably and bringing up the kid in best possible was as every other person.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A different way of looking at the mess would mean:
- appreciating that your way of a family set-up and your wife's are way different
- understanding that things may go awry, but there is no need to strive for perfection within the marriage
- knowing that your spouse is different from you and celebrating those differences without finding a meaning in it

Having said this, I do appreciate you wanting to make your marriage better, but sometimes we also need to understand that what is happening is possibly the best. As long as the child is in a safe space to grow and bloom, do not strain yourself much. You are not dealing with daily fights or threatening arguments, hence if this is peace, learn to make peace with it.
Sometimes, it may feel like the other person has an issue with the mind when they don't align to your way of thinking or expressing. There are people who yell to be heard, that does not make them an angry person...that is how they have learned to express themselves since childhood. It does not qualify as a mental illness...

Take some time out together to coordinate and appreciate each other at a different level acknowledging your differences; your wife will also have to do this and support the fact that you are concerned about the marriage and your relationship with her.

Taking care of your mental health is in your hands and start by 'viewing things differently as stated above' AND yes, your wife also will need to be in sync on this by supporting you as well. That you will might need to have an honest conversation with your wife and work on this together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 29, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu Madam, I am in age of 44 and my wife also same 44. We both married for 15 years and having daughter with age 14. My wife having some mental health issue where she started hating all the people (me, our parents, neighbors, friends). She not talking to anyone and also having fight with all the people she is meeting. Tried some mental health counseling sessions and visited mental health doctors in last 2 years. But she is not willing to accept that she is having mental health issue and also not supporting for treatment. She is connecting all with my daughter and scolding with bad words. this is impacting our daughter's life. Considering future of our daughter, thinking of separating and but wanted to understand whether it is good idea to divorce in the age of 44. Please advice how I can come out of this situation and what will be the impact if I do diverse at this age.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What do the reports from the Mental Health expert say? What is the diagnosis?
Obviously, there's something that has happened for her to suddenly start hating people, right? No one changes all of a sudden; it takes some huge issue or little ones over a period of time for someone to begin showing changes in their behavior. This absolutely needs to be analyzed.
Having said this, I never suggest separation as the first option as it takes a moment of time to break relationships but takes years and years to build one. So, I would suggest taking the advice of the elders of the family on your side and your wife's side as well. This will ensure that the family is aware of what is going on and will support you and your wife. It's possible someone from your wife's family may talk to her about being serious on counseling sessions and medications if necessary.
Now, whatever the reason, separations and divorce are not easy on anyone; the partners or the family...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10879 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 56 yrs old with two sons, both married and settled. They are living on their own and managing their finances. I have around 2.5 Cr. invested in Direct Equity and 50L in Equity Mutual Funds. I have Another 50L savings in Bank and other secured investments. I am living in Delhi NCR in my owned parental house. I have two properties of current market worth of 2 Cr, giving a monthly rental of around 40K. I wish to retire and travel the world now with my wife. My approximate yearly expenditure on house hold and travel will be around 24 L per year. I want to know, if this corpus is enough for me to retire now and continue to live a comfortable life.
Ans: You have built a strong base. You have raised your sons well. They live independently. You and your wife now want a peaceful and enjoyable retired life. You have created wealth with discipline. You have no home loan. You live in your own house. This gives strength to your cash flow. Your savings across equity, mutual funds, and bank deposits show good clarity. I appreciate your careful preparation. You deserve a happy retired life with travel and comfort.

» Your Present Position
Your current financial position looks very steady. You hold direct equity of around Rs 2.5 Cr. You hold equity mutual funds worth Rs 50 lakh. You also have Rs 50 lakh in bank deposits and other secured savings. Your two rental properties add more comfort. You earn around Rs 40,000 per month from rent. You also live in your owned house in Delhi NCR. So you have no rent expense.

Your total net worth crosses Rs 5.5 Cr easily. This gives you a strong base for your retired life. You plan to spend around Rs 24 lakh per year for all expenses, including travel. This is reasonable for your lifestyle. Your savings can support this if planned well. You have built more than the minimum needed for a comfortable retired life.

» Your Key Strengths
You already enjoy many strengths. These strengths hold your plan together.

You have zero housing loan.

You have stable rental income.

You have children living independently.

You have a balanced mix of assets.

You have built wealth with discipline.

You have clear goals for travel and lifestyle.

You have strong liquidity with Rs 50 lakh in bank and secured savings.

These strengths reduce risk. They support a smooth retired life with less stress. They also help you handle inflation and medical costs better.

» Your Cash Flow Needs
Your yearly expense is around Rs 24 lakh. This includes travel, which is your main dream for retired life. A couple at your stage can keep this lifestyle if the cash flow is planned well. You need cash flow clarity for the next 30 years. Retirement at 56 can extend for three decades. So your wealth must support you for a long period.

Your rental income gives you around Rs 4.8 lakh per year. This covers almost 20% of your yearly spending. This reduces pressure on your investments. The rest can come from a planned withdrawal strategy from your financial assets.

You also have Rs 50 lakh in bank deposits. This acts as liquidity buffer. You can use this buffer for short-term and medium-term needs. You also have equity exposure. This can support long-term growth.

» Risk Capacity and Risk Need
Your risk capacity is moderate to high. This is because:

You own your home.

You have rental income.

Your children are financially independent.

You have large accumulated assets.

You have enough liquidity in bank deposits.

Your risk need is also moderate. You need growth because inflation will rise. Travel costs will rise. Medical costs will increase. Your lifestyle will change with age. Your equity portion helps you beat inflation. But your equity exposure must be managed well. You should avoid sudden large withdrawals from equity at the wrong time.

Your stability allows you to keep some portion in equity even during retired life. But you should avoid excessive risk through direct equity. Direct equity carries concentration risk. A balanced mix of high-quality mutual funds is safer in retired life.

» Direct Equity Risk in Retired Life
You hold around Rs 2.5 Cr in direct equity. This brings some concerns. Direct equity needs frequent tracking. It needs research. It carries single-stock risk. One mistake may reduce your capital. In retired life, you need stability, clarity, and lower volatility.

Direct funds inside mutual funds also bring challenges. Direct funds lack personalised support. Regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor with a Certified Financial Planner bring guidance and strategy. Regular funds also support better tracking and behaviour management in volatile markets. In retired life, proper handholding improves long-term stability.

Many people think direct funds save cost. But the value of advisory support through a CFP gives higher net gains over long periods. Direct plans also create more confusion in asset allocation for retirees.

» Mutual Funds as a Core Support
Actively managed mutual funds remain a strong pillar. They bring professional management and risk controls. They handle market cycles better than index funds. Index funds follow the market blindly. They do not help in volatile phases. They also offer no risk protection. They cannot manage quality of stocks.

Actively managed funds deliver better selection and risk handling. A retiree benefits from such active strategy. You should avoid index funds for a long retirement plan. You should prefer strong active funds under a disciplined review with a CFP-led MFD support.

» Why Regular Plans Work Better for Retirees
Direct plans give no guidance. Retired investors often face emotional decisions. Some panic during market fall. Some withdraw heavily during market rise. This harms wealth. Regular plan under a CFP-led MFD gives a relationship. It offers disciplined rebalancing. It improves long-term returns. It protects wealth from poor behaviour.

For retirees, the difference is huge. So shifting to regular plans for the mutual fund portion will help long-term stability.

» Your Withdrawal Strategy
A planned withdrawal strategy is key for your case. You should create three layers.

Short-Term Bucket
This comes from your bank deposits. This should hold at least 18 to 24 months of expenses. You already have Rs 50 lakh. This is enough to hold your short-term cash needs. You can use this for household costs and some travel. This avoids panic selling of equity during market downturn.

Medium-Term Bucket
This bucket can stay partly in low-volatility debt funds and partly in hybrid options. This should cover your next 5 to 7 years. This helps smoothen withdrawals. It gives regular cash flow. It reduces market shocks.

Long-Term Bucket
This can stay in high-quality equity mutual funds. This bucket helps beat inflation. This bucket helps fund your travel dreams in later years. This bucket also builds buffer for medical needs.

This three-bucket strategy protects your lifestyle. It also keeps discipline and clarity.

» Handling Property and Rental Income
Your properties give Rs 40,000 monthly rental. This helps your cash flow. You should maintain the property well. You should keep some funds aside for repairs. Do not depend fully on rental growth. Rental yields remain low. But your rental income reduces pressure on your investments. So keep the rental income as a steady support, not a primary source.

You should not plan more real estate purchase. Real estate brings low returns and poor liquidity. You already own enough. Holding more can hurt flexibility in retired life.

» Planning for Medical Costs
Medical costs rise faster than inflation. You and your wife need strong health coverage. You should maintain a reliable health insurance. You should also keep a medical fund from your bank deposits. You may keep around 3 to 4 lakh per year as a buffer for medical needs. Your bank savings support this.

Health coverage reduces stress on your long-term wealth. It also avoids large withdrawals from your growth assets.

» Travel Planning
Travel is your main dream now. You can plan your travel using your short-term and medium-term buckets. You can take funds annually from your liquidity bucket. You can avoid touching long-term equity assets for travel. This approach keeps your wealth stable.

You should plan travel for the next five years with a budget. You should adjust your travel based on markets and health. Do not use entire gains of equity for travel. Keep travel budget fixed. Add small adjustments only when needed.

» Inflation and Lifestyle Stability
Inflation will impact lifestyle. At Rs 24 lakh per year today, the cost may double in 12 to 14 years. Your equity exposure helps you beat this. But you need careful rebalancing. You also need disciplined review with a CFP-led MFD. This will help you manage inflation and maintain comfort.

Your lifestyle is stable because your children live independently. So your cash flow demand stays predictable. This makes your plan sustainable.

» Longevity Risk
Retirement at 56 means you may live till 85 or 90. Your plan should cover long years. Your total net worth of around Rs 5.5 Cr to Rs 6 Cr can support this. But you need a proper drawdown strategy. Avoid high withdrawals in early years. Keep your travel budget steady.

Do not depend on one asset class. A mix of debt and equity gives comfort. Keep your bank deposits as cushion.

» Succession and Estate Planning
Since you have two sons who are settled, you can plan a clear will. Clear distribution avoids conflict. You can also assign nominees across accounts. You can also review your legal papers. This gives peace to you and your family.

» Summary of Your Retirement Readiness
Based on your assets and cash flow, you are ready to retire. You have enough wealth. You have enough liquidity. You have enough income support from rent. You also have good asset mix. With proper planning, your lifestyle is comfortable.

You can retire now. But maintain a disciplined withdrawal strategy. Shift more reliance from direct equity into professionally managed mutual funds under regular plans. Keep your liquidity strong. Review once every year with a CFP.

Your wealth can support your travel dreams for many years. You can enjoy retired life with confidence.

» Finally
Your preparation is strong. Your intentions are clear. Your lifestyle needs are reasonable. Your assets support your dreams. With a balanced plan, steady review, and mindful spending, you can enjoy a comfortable retired life with your wife. You can travel the world without fear of running out of money. You deserve this peace and joy.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2577 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2025Hindi
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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