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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu Madam, I am in age of 44 and my wife also same 44. We both married for 15 years and having daughter with age 14. My wife having some mental health issue where she started hating all the people (me, our parents, neighbors, friends). She not talking to anyone and also having fight with all the people she is meeting. Tried some mental health counseling sessions and visited mental health doctors in last 2 years. But she is not willing to accept that she is having mental health issue and also not supporting for treatment. She is connecting all with my daughter and scolding with bad words. this is impacting our daughter's life. Considering future of our daughter, thinking of separating and but wanted to understand whether it is good idea to divorce in the age of 44. Please advice how I can come out of this situation and what will be the impact if I do diverse at this age.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What do the reports from the Mental Health expert say? What is the diagnosis?
Obviously, there's something that has happened for her to suddenly start hating people, right? No one changes all of a sudden; it takes some huge issue or little ones over a period of time for someone to begin showing changes in their behavior. This absolutely needs to be analyzed.
Having said this, I never suggest separation as the first option as it takes a moment of time to break relationships but takes years and years to build one. So, I would suggest taking the advice of the elders of the family on your side and your wife's side as well. This will ensure that the family is aware of what is going on and will support you and your wife. It's possible someone from your wife's family may talk to her about being serious on counseling sessions and medications if necessary.
Now, whatever the reason, separations and divorce are not easy on anyone; the partners or the family...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Take the time to consider your options and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Relationship
I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi madam, I am 58 yrs old and married since 30+ yrs. Have 2 daughters. Elder one is married in 2021 and happy with her life, younger one is working in MNC. Since my marriage i didn't came to know what the relationship to be there between husband and wife as my wife is very reluctant and she loves only money. since my marriage she always fight with me for silly issues and in childhood of my children's she often beat them with whatever she got in hand. always she said that her husband and children's are useless and always give very good reasons and remarks to others in society or family. Now many times i thought of getting away from her either by doing suicide or run away from my home or divorce her. but i just wanted to leave her alone so that she can think of our presence when we are not available to her. my younger daughter is finally decided to leave the home and be alone in another rented flat or on PG due to her mother behavior. please advice if i opt for divorce and run away from home. i can't speak to any one regarding my situation and need immediate help.
Ans: It's clear that you've endured a lot over the years, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and considering drastic measures like divorce or leaving home. Let's explore your situation with a compassionate and practical perspective.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You've been dealing with a challenging relationship for a long time, and it's natural to feel the weight of it all. Your desire to escape the pain, whether through divorce or even more extreme thoughts, signals just how tough things have been. Remember, these feelings are valid, but it's crucial to find a way forward that prioritizes your well-being and safety.

Considering a divorce is a significant step, especially after being married for over 30 years. It could potentially lead to a new beginning where you and your wife might find individual peace and happiness. Before making this decision, it might be helpful to reflect on a few things:

Sometimes, the prospect of a new start can bring clarity. Have you thought about what life might look like without your current relationship's stress and conflict? Envisioning this can help you understand your true desires.

Your daughters' well-being is a significant concern. Your younger daughter's decision to move out reflects how the family dynamics are affecting her. Would a change, like a separation or divorce, potentially bring more stability and peace for everyone involved?

If it's possible, consider having a heart-to-heart conversation with your wife. Sharing your feelings and how her actions have impacted you and your family might open a door to understanding or change. It’s a difficult conversation but can sometimes lead to unexpected resolutions.

Consulting a therapist or counselor can be invaluable. They can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and offer guidance on managing your situation. A professional can also help you and your wife if there's any possibility of working through your issues together.

If divorce seems like the best option, seeking legal advice is crucial. Understanding your rights and the practical aspects of separation can help you make an informed decision.

Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups for emotional backing. Your happiness and mental health are incredibly important, and finding a path that leads you to peace is worth the effort. Whatever you decide, take small, thoughtful steps towards creating a better situation for yourself and your family.

..Read more

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |58 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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hi iam 53 yhears old got married around 18 yearsw back to my wife she is no 39 years old good evening i got married and i have three kids elder is 18 years younger is 16 years and i have daughter of 10years old since my marriage there was always clash between me and my wife for small silly reasons it was going on but since 3 years the clash become very rash and she even gave complaint on me to lady police station she threated me and every night i come late that time i am taking drinks she started to quarrel even not allows me to have food she drive me wild and in my unconsious mind i oftenly i use to abuse her with bad words even my neighbours many time they came to resolve the problem now she is asking property which i have gained from my parents. and since one year she is treating me like stray dog and never allowes me to have sex routenly she sleep like a dead in my bed. she left my house taking my all kids since last 6 months i forced to live alone now by some how i manage to bring her to my house along with kids but she refused having sex with me and she neverhad sex with me since 7 months i have becom patient of depression i dont know what to do please help me in this regard thank you
Ans: Hello sir. I have read your message and I would first like to express my opinion that a partner is not always for sex. There are many other ways to take care of your partner. You could take your wife out for dinner, go out on a picnic, go with with her to her parents' house. But when we dont do all these things and just want sex from partner. That doesn't work. At this age she might be going through some hormonal changes also. I suggest you to start behaving nicely with your wife and start taking care of her. Slowly the things will improve between you too.
Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9778 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Money
I am a West Bengal State Government Employee due for retirement in August 2026. I am a divorcee who lives with an Adult Son who is not financially dependent on me in a self purchased house(Cash) and also own a flat (Cash) By the time of retirement I will have 73 lacs in GPF, 31 lacs in PPF, 20 lacs in Gratuity, 11.65 lacs in Leave encashment, 20 lacs from Pension Commutation and 6.5 lacs as maturity proceeds from Cooperative Thrift Fund. Since I will draw around 38000 OPS Pension with DA thereafter per month. Will it be beneficial to invest 30 lacs in SCSS, 18 lacs in MIS and 20 Lacs in FRSBs for a cumulative monthly interest of 45000 rupees. My monthly income will be 83000 then. I plan to actively continue subscription to my PPF post retirement and need advice on what to do with the remaining 63 lacs of my corpus??? My son advises me in investing in Kisan Vikas Patras and 5 Year PO Time Deposits as these are largely liquid. PS- I have two health insurances, one the West Bengal Health Scheme Cashless and the National Insurance Mediclaim Policy for son and me with 17 lacs sum assured.
Ans: Based on your profile as a West Bengal Government Employee retiring in August 2026, and the impressive financial preparedness you've shown, here is a detailed, 360-degree analysis of your financial situation and investment choices, written in a simple and structured format.

Let’s go step by step to help you get better clarity.

? Current Financial Picture and Retirement Readiness

– You are already well-prepared for retirement. That deserves appreciation.
– You own your house. That removes rental liabilities.
– You also have another flat, fully paid for. This adds to your asset base.
– Your son is not dependent. That reduces your future financial obligations.
– You are sitting on a strong retirement corpus of Rs. 1.62 crores.
– Your post-retirement monthly pension is expected to be Rs. 38,000 with DA.
– Proposed income from safe investment options is Rs. 45,000 per month.
– That means, total monthly income will be Rs. 83,000, which is quite healthy.
– Your current and expected lifestyle appears manageable within this budget.
– You have two health covers. That gives enough financial protection from medical emergencies.

You have set a very solid financial foundation. Now, it’s time to structure the investment allocation with care.

? Evaluating the Proposed Investment Mix

You are considering the below investment plan:

– Rs. 30 lakhs in a senior citizen savings option
– Rs. 18 lakhs in monthly interest yielding postal scheme
– Rs. 20 lakhs in government floating rate savings bonds

These offer monthly interest income around Rs. 45,000.

This plan shows great prudence and awareness. But, it’s not complete.
It ensures safety and regular cashflow. But it lacks future growth.
Your pension and these options will help for regular needs.
But what about inflation 10–15 years down the line?
That’s where your portfolio must include growth assets.

? Safe Income Assets Are Essential – But Not Sufficient

– Senior savings and monthly income options offer steady interest.
– Floating rate bonds protect somewhat against rising interest rates.
– These are great for predictable monthly inflow.

But there is one issue here:
– Interest income is taxable every year.
– Real return post tax and inflation may drop below 2% in future.
– They help with stability. But they don’t create wealth.

So, this plan is strong for the short-term.
But to stay financially secure for the next 20–25 years,
you need to add some long-term growth elements.

? Liquid and Flexible Options Your Son Suggested

You mentioned your son recommended:

– Kisan Vikas Patras
– 5-Year Post Office Term Deposits

These have some benefits:
– Safe and guaranteed returns
– Slightly more liquid than other long-term fixed income options
– No market-linked risk

But there are drawbacks too:
– Both are taxable every year
– Returns may not beat inflation in long run
– Fixed interest means less flexibility during rate changes

So, while your son’s suggestion comes from care,
these products should only take a partial share of your corpus.
You can allocate around Rs. 10–15 lakhs here, not more.

? The Remaining Rs. 63 Lakhs – What to Do?

You are asking how to deploy the remaining Rs. 63 lakhs.

The answer depends on three important things:

– Do you have future large expenses planned?
– Are you willing to keep some money locked for 5 years+?
– Do you want your total income to grow every year?

Let us approach this wisely.

Break your Rs. 63 lakhs into 3 buckets:

1. Emergency & Short-term Reserve – Rs. 8 to 10 lakhs

– Keep this in a liquid mutual fund with low risk
– You can withdraw anytime within 24 hours
– Helps during medical needs or family emergencies
– This avoids breaking FDs or other long-term products

2. Medium-term Stability – Rs. 18 to 20 lakhs

– You can consider short duration mutual funds
– These are ideal for 3–5 year horizon
– They offer better post-tax returns than bank FDs
– Risk is moderate and suited for your age

You can invest in regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP qualification.
Avoid direct plans. These lack advice and long-term discipline.
Also, you may miss key portfolio reviews without a professional’s help.
Regular plans include embedded costs, but the value of guidance is much higher.

3. Long-term Growth – Rs. 33 to 35 lakhs

This is very important. Don’t ignore this section.
You will need to beat inflation for next 20 years.
This requires growth-oriented mutual funds.

– Choose hybrid mutual funds or balanced advantage mutual funds
– These reduce market risk by shifting between equity and debt
– Returns are better than fixed income in the long run
– You can withdraw anytime after one year with lower tax impact

You may go for monthly withdrawal plans if needed after 5 years.
Also, you can stay invested and let the funds grow with compounding.

Never invest in index funds.
They only track the market.
They don’t protect downside or volatility.
Also, they do not give alpha returns over time.
Actively managed funds do better in India.
Because fund managers can change portfolio during economic shifts.

Also, do not invest directly.
You will miss portfolio balancing, risk reviews, and exit timing.
Use a regular plan through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credential.

? You Can Continue PPF Contributions Post Retirement

This is a good strategy. PPF gives tax-free interest.
Continue depositing Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
You already have Rs. 31 lakhs in PPF.
This will become a strong tax-free legacy for your son.
You can extend the account in 5-year blocks after retirement.
This keeps money safe and growing slowly.

? Pension and Inflation Consideration

You will get Rs. 38,000 per month from OPS.
With current DA trends, this may increase slowly.
But inflation may outpace pension growth in 10–15 years.
So, income from investments must increase over time.
That’s why long-term mutual fund allocation is very important.

? No Need to Look at Annuities or Real Estate

Avoid locking large amounts in annuity plans.
They give low returns and no flexibility.
Also, do not buy more property now.
You already have two houses.
Real estate has low liquidity and high maintenance post-retirement.

? No Mention of LIC, ULIPs, or Endowment Policies

You haven’t mentioned having LIC policies or ULIPs.
If you do, check their surrender value.
Mostly, these give poor returns after adjusting for inflation.
You can surrender and reinvest the maturity value in mutual funds.
Only do this if lock-in period is over and charges are low.

? Final Insights

– You are financially well-prepared for retirement.
– Continue the plan of earning Rs. 45,000 monthly through fixed safe instruments.
– But allocate Rs. 30–35 lakhs to long-term mutual funds.
– This will grow your money for next 20 years.
– Have Rs. 8–10 lakhs in liquid funds for emergencies.
– Use regular mutual fund plans through an experienced CFP-led Mutual Fund Distributor.
– Avoid direct, annuity, and index-based options.
– Keep contributing to PPF and track expenses carefully post-retirement.
– With this balanced approach, you can enjoy peace and security.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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