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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1381 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Chandra Question by Chandra on May 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.

Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |433 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1381 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |433 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
We got married in 2011 our marriage was not love but also not arranged... it was our both second marriage... I was very much clear about my past marriage & my life with my wife. I hoped that she was clear about hers, we shifted to our own house after 3 years of marriage along with our son. But within 6 months of shifting her friend visited her & she went to other city for vacation with our son for 15 days. Till now everything was fine, but then everything changed she decided for further studies & build her career accordingly to which I welcomed her decision. But when she completed her further studies she started seeing or treating me lowly on various issues. I came to know that she had some past with her friend who came to visit her. First she started telling everyone as I am not highly educated we are having Financial Crisis & she has to leave home & stay in other city to earn. I work in a reputed firm & I am financially stable. After year or so she started accusing me that I am not a good father & irresponsible towards my duties towards my son. After some years she cam back to the city where we lived but shifted to other residence with the support her friend who was with her from the time she went to study. Now my son is 12 years old & I am supporting her with all financial needs, she has left me alone to stay & have cleared me that she will not come back to stay with me as everything is over. I feel cheated what can I do.
Ans: Your marriage, being both your second, likely carried with it hopes for stability and mutual support. It's commendable that you supported your wife in her decision to further her education and build her career. However, it seems that her behavior and treatment towards you changed significantly after she reconnected with her friend and pursued her studies.

The shift in her attitude, accusations, and decision to live separately must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Feeling accused of being an inadequate father and being told you are financially unstable, despite your stable job, would naturally cause significant emotional distress. Additionally, her move to a different residence with the support of her friend and her declaration that everything is over must feel like a deep betrayal.

Given the current situation, it's important to focus on a few key areas: understanding your legal rights, seeking emotional support, and planning for the future.

First, it's crucial to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, particularly regarding your son and the financial support you're providing. Consulting with a family law attorney can help clarify your position and ensure that you're fulfilling your obligations while protecting your interests. An attorney can also provide guidance on potential steps if you choose to pursue a separation or divorce.

Emotionally, this is a very challenging time, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can help you process your feelings of betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop strategies to cope with this difficult period.

Your son is another critical aspect of this situation. At 12 years old, he is at a sensitive age, and the changes in the family dynamic likely impact him as well. Ensuring that he feels supported and loved is crucial. Open, honest communication with him, tailored to his age and understanding, can help him navigate his feelings about the situation.

As you move forward, it's important to consider your own well-being and future. Reflect on what you need to feel supported and fulfilled. This might include setting boundaries with your wife, seeking more time with your son, or finding new ways to build your own happiness and stability.

Maintaining a focus on clear communication, legal clarity, and emotional support will help you navigate this difficult situation. It's understandable to feel cheated and hurt, but taking steps to understand your rights, seeking professional support, and planning for the future can provide a path forward. You deserve to find stability and happiness, even amidst these challenging circumstances.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1381 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I married 1 year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but she never changed. She is alone daughter to her parents borned after 16 years to their parents and she used to live outside around 17 year for her studies. After marriage whenever her parents come she used to ignore me, also she work in private sector and not share even single rupee to home. However all house hold work i do being boy, also she is not at all interested in intercource as well. After marriage 2 week she stayed in PG stating that my close friend will go to native allow me to spend time with her reast all i will be with you like. I agreed. Later 6 Month she used to give reasons for intercource i got periods, rashes, not feeling good, tiered, no mood, etc this happen till 6 month. After this we had 4 times in 2 month with protection that too just for 1 or 2 min as she mentioned lot of pain, after that she started avoiding, since i was not fulfilled by sex desire i started making extra marital affairs in facebook and turned to whatsapp only text, one fine day she saw all msgs i did with extra marital affair and she took photos of that and went to PG without informing any one. Later both families elder sat and asked she used to show the msgs that i did with extra marital affairs and she wanted seperate now from me. Though i accepted the extra marital affairs only interms of msgs and since you not willing to do sex i choose this way i mentioned. But she dont like to come back now. Her father took 2 month of time that he will change her mind set but i dont think she can. As her mother is also not good women, suporting her daughter and making such big issues and she also not interested in this marriage itself.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes people are just not ready for marriage and here your wife certainly came along with a huge baggage of unresolved issues behind her.
Marriage requires both partners to be responsible not just towards one another but take an active interest in their roles. This calls for maturity from both partners here.
Now, this was never a possibility with your spouse as she felt the marriage was a forced one. That is enough to destroy any chances of the marriage falling in place. You are also in a soup now that she has found her 'proof' that gives her a ticket out of this marriage.
The question here is: Do you want this marriage? If YES, then you will have to start down the part of proving your innocence and what led to what and how and when...If NO, then since your spouse has found her ticket to freedom, the only thing you might have to do is clearly state and not explain anything as to how things went downhill right from the beginning. Her parents may believe you or not, but that's what your decision needs. They may try to malign you in the family, just stick to your version of what happened and move on.
So, you are at that point where you need to make a decision. What is it going to be?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7249 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024Hindi
Money
Iam retired state govt employee I will draw pension of Rs.58000 and will get lumsum of 5600000 beside I will get rent of 75000. Housing loan of 4000000 and 1500000 gold loan EMI is 61500 including Insurance. Suggest whether I should clear the entire loans or invest properly
Ans: You have a clear income and debt structure. A pension of Rs. 58,000, rental income of Rs. 75,000, and a lump sum of Rs. 56 lakhs provide robust cash inflow. On the other side, you have two significant loans—a housing loan of Rs. 40 lakhs and a gold loan of Rs. 15 lakhs. Your monthly EMI of Rs. 61,500, including insurance, impacts your cash flow.

The decision to clear loans or invest requires analyzing multiple angles. Let's evaluate step by step.

Evaluating Loan Repayment
1. Interest Rates Analysis

Housing loans usually have lower interest rates, especially for retired government employees.
Gold loans generally carry higher interest rates than housing loans.
2. Tax Benefits

Housing loans provide tax deductions under Section 80C and 24(b).
Repaying the housing loan entirely removes this tax advantage.
3. Financial Comfort

Continuing EMIs ensures liquidity for other goals.
Clearing loans offers peace of mind and reduces financial obligations.
Investing the Lump Sum
1. Diversification for Safety and Growth

Divide the Rs. 56 lakhs into debt and equity investments.
Debt investments ensure safety and regular income.
Equity investments can provide long-term growth potential.
2. Focus on Debt-Free Retirement

Allocate funds to secure essential expenses post-retirement.
Retaining liquidity helps manage unforeseen expenses.
3. Tax-Effective Planning

Tax-efficient investments can optimize post-tax returns.
Consider long-term capital gains taxation for equity mutual funds.
Calculating Cash Flow Balance
1. Income vs. Expenses

Post-retirement income: Rs. 1.33 lakhs (pension + rent).
EMI obligation: Rs. 61,500.
Net disposable income: Rs. 71,500 (excluding insurance).
2. Post-Loans Scenario

Clearing loans reduces your outflows.
A debt-free position increases monthly savings.
Suggested Action Plan
Step 1: Addressing High-Interest Loan
Clear the gold loan as it has higher interest rates.
Reducing this burden improves monthly cash flow.
Step 2: Partial Housing Loan Repayment
Consider a partial prepayment of the housing loan.
This will reduce EMIs and interest outgo.
Step 3: Allocate Remaining Funds to Investments
Create a balanced portfolio with equity and debt investments.
Ensure it aligns with your risk appetite and goals.
Step 4: Emergency Fund Creation
Keep 6–12 months’ expenses as an emergency fund.
Park this amount in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund.
Step 5: Insurance and Legacy Planning
Review your insurance coverage for adequacy.
Plan for wealth transfer to ensure family financial security.
Benefits of Investing Through Regular Funds with a Certified Financial Planner
Regular funds provide guided expertise for financial goals.
Certified Financial Planners ensure disciplined investment strategies.
They monitor your portfolio and make necessary adjustments.
Direct funds lack personalized advice, leading to uninformed decisions.

Insights on Index Funds
Index funds mimic market indices but lack active management.
They cannot outperform markets during corrections.
Actively managed funds adapt to market trends for better returns.
Final Insights
Combining debt repayment with smart investments creates financial stability. Clearing the gold loan reduces high-interest liabilities. Partly repaying the housing loan offers balance between liquidity and debt reduction. Investing the remaining lump sum ensures future growth and income stability.

Collaborating with a Certified Financial Planner ensures tailored financial strategies. Their expertise aligns your financial decisions with long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7249 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024Hindi
Money
NRI, age 40 years with current corpus of INR 2.2 Cr of which 1.4 cr invested in equity and 80 lakhs in NRE FD. No liability, annual expenses of 7 lakhs including term and health insurance premiums. Intending to retire in 1 year. Can I go ahead?
Ans: Your current financial status is solid. A corpus of Rs. 2.2 crore with no liabilities is commendable. However, early retirement needs careful assessment. Here’s a 360-degree evaluation:

1. Corpus Allocation Analysis
Equity Investments (Rs. 1.4 crore):
Your allocation to equity provides growth potential. However, the volatility of equities can impact your corpus post-retirement. Reduce equity exposure to 50-60% as you approach retirement. This ensures stability.

NRE Fixed Deposit (Rs. 80 lakh):
FDs are safe but provide low post-tax returns. Consider diversifying some FD funds into debt mutual funds. Debt funds offer tax efficiency and better liquidity.

2. Expense Coverage Post-Retirement
Annual Expense Estimate (Rs. 7 lakh):
Your annual requirement is reasonable for your corpus. However, inflation will increase this over time.

Assuming inflation at 6%, your expenses could double in 12 years. Plan for this increase.

Maintain 2-3 years’ expenses (Rs. 14-21 lakh) in a liquid fund or savings account for emergencies.

3. Retirement Portfolio Restructuring
Equity Component:
Retain high-growth equity funds for long-term wealth creation. Actively managed funds perform better during volatile markets compared to index funds.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensure better guidance and disciplined investment. Avoid direct funds as they lack expert advice and personalised support.

Debt Component:
Allocate 30-40% to debt funds. They provide stability and regular withdrawals with better post-tax returns compared to FDs.

Hybrid Funds:
Consider balanced advantage funds. These adjust equity and debt allocations dynamically, offering stability and growth.

4. Emergency and Contingency Planning
Maintain a contingency reserve of Rs. 15-20 lakh. This can cover unexpected medical or personal expenses.

Liquid funds or short-term debt funds are ideal for this reserve. They offer higher returns than savings accounts.

5. Insurance Review
Health Insurance:
Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance. Medical inflation can erode your savings quickly.

Term Insurance:
If your family is financially independent, term insurance may not be essential post-retirement.

6. Tax Planning for Investments
Equity Mutual Funds:
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Plan redemptions wisely to reduce tax outgo.

Debt Mutual Funds:
Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab. Use systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) to spread withdrawals and optimise taxes.

7. Post-Retirement Withdrawal Strategy
Create a withdrawal plan to match your annual expense needs. Withdraw from debt funds first to let equity investments grow.

Use SWPs in mutual funds to ensure tax efficiency and regular income.

Avoid withdrawing from equity during market corrections. This protects your capital from losses.

8. Inflation and Longevity Risks
Inflation will erode purchasing power over time. Balance equity and debt to protect against inflation.

Plan for a retirement horizon of at least 40 years. Your investments should grow faster than inflation.

9. Children’s Financial Needs
If you have children, ensure their education and other major expenses are funded separately.

Avoid dipping into your retirement corpus for their needs.

10. Professional Support
Work with a Certified Financial Planner to create a customised retirement plan. A CFP ensures your portfolio aligns with your long-term goals.
11. Lifestyle Adjustments
Keep lifestyle expenses in check post-retirement. This ensures your corpus lasts longer.

Consider part-time or consulting work for the first few years of retirement. It provides additional income and keeps you engaged.

Final Insights
You are in a strong financial position. However, early retirement requires meticulous planning.

Reallocate your investments to reduce risks and enhance stability. Plan for inflation and longevity to safeguard your financial independence.

Maintain a disciplined withdrawal strategy to ensure your corpus sustains your lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Rajiv

Dr Rajiv Kovil  |7 Answers  |Ask -

Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 10, 2024

Dr Rajiv

Dr Rajiv Kovil  |7 Answers  |Ask -

Diabetologist - Answered on Dec 10, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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