For many years I was in love with my best friend who I thought wasn’t interested in me.

I did not pursue her when I should have because I cared for our friendship.

After I got married I was never really happy nor could I forget her.

I even told my wife about the girl I loved. She was okay about it because we both felt it was one sided.

Recently I discovered that she loved me all these years but both of us never had the courage to take it further.

When we got together, we realized how much we missed each other all these years.

Neither of us are happy in our marriage and this news has really disturbed me. I feel emotionally and physically distanced from my wife and I feel guilty about it because she is not at fault.

I have a son and I am not in a position to abandon him or my wife. But I am not able to sleep or stop thinking about starting a perfect life with her.

I have a stable career but now I am not able to focus on anything.

Anu mam, please guide me how to find a solution for both of us.

Hi I have been married to my college mate for more than 11 years now with a girl child of 8+ years.Wife and I were good friend for 2 years followed by live in for 4 years before we got married. We got into marriage unprepared financially and mentally.My wife is a great responsible caring person -- way more mature than I am. I am a bit childish and emotional, very talkative and expressive person.When I travelled to another city after 5 years of marriage for higher studies, I got involved with another girl. We were very much alike in terms of personalities. We could talk endlessly and were very compatible in all sense. We even got physical and felt like we’d never had this experience before. The thing is she too was recently married to another person quite like my wife.We tried to get separated from our previous relationships but the girl’s family couldn't bear the family pressure and her husband though good otherwise took this on his ego.I waited for 3 years for her to come out.In the mean time I was almost on the verge of breaking my marriage because whatever connection I had with my wife had almost come down to negligible.That girl too had to be in that forcible relationship with no connection at all and had to adopt a child to survive the dead relationship.I got into a messy situation too -- a marriage with no connection but a lovely child.I have a connection with that girl but without living together.I don’t know if I can start a new life and if I do, how much I will be involved with it. Absolutely messed up emotionally and physically. Although my wife and I are financially stable as both of us are officers.That girl too is a medical practitioner but I have no idea if she will ever be able to come out. Plz tell me what to do.I prayed a lot, read lots of books, tried meditation, counselling, still I am in the middle of nowhere.

Dear Anu, I don’t know how to start. My Age is 40. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was arranged and it lasted 6 months.  As I was in love we got divorced. We have one son who is 10 years old. Now the issue is my second wife and I have both betrayed each other. I caught her first having a deep love affair with her yoga friend. That fellow is married and we know his wife and daughter. She has started him when she was training for yoga and later they both started classes together. Meanwhile, I am in a relationship with a colleague. Now she is in a different organization. Although she has stopped it, I continue to chat with her. We are both struggling to come to a decision since last 9 months but nothing is working out. We both confessed; she is guilty, I am not. We've had a very rough time. Now she is at her mother’s home. My problem is that I can neither let her go nor forget her. She wants her freedom as earlier but I am not ready. So I am sad while I continue to torture her by asking past questions. I am worried more about my son. I am stuck so I end up bullying her. Please advice. I want to move on. I don’t want to be in relationship but i am afraid of taking decision. Sometime I feel miserable.

Hi. I am 41 year male married since last 15 years. I have a 8 year old daughter. My relationship with my wife isn't great as far as I am concerned. She was busy with her job and raising our daughter and while doing so could not focus much on our relationship. Our physical interaction almost stopped after our child birth and since last 5 years we never had intercourse. I engaged myself in casual relationship with few colleagues of mine and life was going on like that. But in 2021 , I engaged myself with another female colleague of mine and with her , I feel like what I have never ever felt with any other woman. I can't let her go. I long to meet her. I feel sad when she is away. And it's been 3 years. She loves me very much and I love her too. My wife got a wind of it and now she is trying hard to make up for the lost time and efforts. My wife loves me too. I don't want to separate from her because though she wasn't a great partner but she did manage our house and daughter diligently. Moreover, I don't want my daughter suffer too. She deserves both her parents. So, I discussed this with my wife and told her that , I believe we can't be a great couple but we can at least be good parents. Allow me to spend some time with my female colleague and let's continue as we have been doing since last decade. But she is not accepting this. And I can't let my colleague go. I do love her. She also loves me and is not inclined towards settling with me as she is married too and has 2 kids. Kindly suggest what to do.

Hi Anu, I am 44 years old married Man with a 16 year old son. We had a love marriage, and I met my wife in college. She was beautiful when she was 18 and beyond gorgeous at 44 and has a very loving nature. She has attracted attention from young and old all her life and I know she would continue to do so. I also had the looks and charisma to woo a girl once upon a time, but years of work and family stress had made me an average middle-aged man. Around a year after our marriage, my wife had her first affair with a coworker, which I could find out immediately as in those days we used to have a common phone. She apologized and I forgot about it and never tried to dig deep into it. I later learnt she had developed a liking for a second coworker within a year (After I dig into the things that have happened to me over last 4-5 years). I still do not know if she had a second affair at that point of time, but she was in touch with that guy through messages and video calls till 2020. Our child was born 3 years after our marriage and for few years we had a harmonious relationship although we had our ups and downs. It was early in my career and I had taken a challenging job profile, where I was required to work for 10-12 hours on regular basis. I was there for her when she required but I was not omnipresent. There were times, when I neglected her as I was busy with my career. In addition, I slowly got more attached to my son, who was growing up and taking all the attention at home. In our relationship only she was complaining all the time and I simply kept doing things to please her. I wanted her to be independent and explore the world but residing under a same roof and raising the family and also allow me to achieve my career goals and fulfill the responsibilities of a Son. In between all these, we started to drift apart. Drifting apart didn’t mean we didn’t have sex or we became a non-functional family. We did have regular good sex 7 to 10 days apart and we travelled a lot together all these years as a happy family. Even after her known past affair, I never doubted on her integrity when she used to talk with her male friends/Office colleagues with doors closed. I got the first shock in our relationship, when she declined to move with me when I was transferred to a new location. I pleaded her to come with me as the location was on another corner of the country and it would not be possible for me to come and meet them even once in a month. But she didn’t agree. But God had other plans and after 2 years of living alone COVID stuck. During this period of uncertainty, she reluctantly agreed to move in with me. After I brought them with me, she kept avoiding me. She slept in a separate room and did not allow any kind of physical intimacy. This continued for about 4 months and then it stuck my mind :- Is she having an affair? One night I scanned all her call records, her facebook etc and I was devasted by what I found. She was having an affair with a guy who 12 years her junior and multiple hook-ups with others. When confronted she assured me she will end this but me and my Son caught her multiple times over the last 4 years even after the guy got married and relocated to another country. The last discovery was ugly as we had just come back from a vacation and my son just happen to find some obscene pictures of his mom sent to her married boyfriend. Even after all these, I try to remain calm most of the time as I did not want to disturb the peace of my home as my son is in most critical phase of his carrier. Over last 4 years, I did my part to become a better husband:- by giving her more time to understand her better, tried to listen to her, fulfilling all her wishes, help her in household chores, set her up in a new job etc. As on today, I have access to her phone, her email etc. Sometimes I feel I have made progress, but when it comes to bed, it all comes to naught. She’s really not the women I fell in love with. Over the years she has become very manipulative and secretive. She showers me with fake love to keep the family life going. She is otherwise a very dedicated Mother and takes good care of the house. There is no real love, no passion. When I question her, she asks me to go find love somewhere else. I think she has checked herself out of this relationship mentally quite sometime ago. I wonder how long I can handle this rejection on day to day basis. I still want to save this marriage where there is true spouse love. Do I stand a chance. - Anonymous