For many years I was in love with my best friend who I thought wasn’t interested in me.
I did not pursue her when I should have because I cared for our friendship.
After I got married I was never really happy nor could I forget her.
I even told my wife about the girl I loved. She was okay about it because we both felt it was one sided.
Recently I discovered that she loved me all these years but both of us never had the courage to take it further.
When we got together, we realized how much we missed each other all these years.
Neither of us are happy in our marriage and this news has really disturbed me. I feel emotionally and physically distanced from my wife and I feel guilty about it because she is not at fault.
I have a son and I am not in a position to abandon him or my wife. But I am not able to sleep or stop thinking about starting a perfect life with her.
I have a stable career but now I am not able to focus on anything.
Anu mam, please guide me how to find a solution for both of us.
Ans: Dear B, Catch -22 situation indeed here.
Let’s draw out the perspectives here.
Both of you are married and when you had the chance, you didn’t tell each other.
Now, you have discovered that ‘missed out’ moment and want to make up for it now when families have grown.
How would you advise a friend, if he came to you with this situation?
Would you ask him to leave his family and move in with his lady love? Would you ask him to forget his familial responsibilities and search for love outside?
Again, it is not for me to give you solutions but to lead you to a place where you can find the solution yourself.
So, now that you friend has moved in with his lady love, will he forget his family?
His son for who he will always be a role model? Also, what will he tell his wife who had no role to play into the storm in her life?
The key is that there are 4 mature adults and I guess it’s time for you and the lady that you love to sit down and discuss what happens if you continue in your marriages or move away.
Discuss with your respective spouses as well, as they need to be party to this so that their thoughts and feelings are taken into consideration.
After all, they came into your lives, to become life partners. Whatever the decision, always bear in mind, if you continue in your marriage, do it with full heart as you need to rebuild it and if you move away, your son and his state of mind must be cared for, so make sure you create a wonderful environment for them and care for their needs always.
Also, ask yourself this: What will I lose if I move away from my marriage? What is it that I truly love in my wife?
Life is filled with temptations and sometimes we want some change, some spark…it’s possible in the existing relationship only if you choose to look at it that way. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but there’s a lot to consider and reconsider.
Go deep into a reflective mode and choose.
