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I caught my husband cheating and had a child with another woman. I want to leave, but my parents are stopping me. Is it right to get a divorce?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Bapuji Question by Bapuji on Sep 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

To the question "From many years my husband was cheating on me but two years back i came to know he has one baby with her. I want to end relationship with him. But parents are not letting me to do. I have to kids with yrs i dnt have job. I want to divorce him . Please tell me my decision to divorce him is right or wrong? Please guide me." should you not ask what is her contribution to the matter? Only sick men try to explore other ways- when the wife does not aprreciate his physical and emotion al needs, he will explore other possibilities. Keep me also anonymous. I suffered 50 yrs of marital life. I appreciate the wifes lack of interest. But, what about man's need? Can man fight nature's compulsions?

Ans: Dear Bapuji,
Kindly share the question that you are referring to...and what relevance it has to your situation...
I suggest it maybe better to ask your question instead of taking reference from someone else's...after all, everybody's challenge is different, right?
If I understand your situation, then what is the suffering that you are stating? And oh, everyone has their point of view...so if you have suffered, maybe your wife also has...
Nature has not put any compulsion on a man/woman whatsoever...these are desires and there are ways in which these desires can be expressed in a marriage. And yes, needs of a man and a woman must be looked into but how you react to it is totally a choice...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |115 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu, this is Rajkiran here, I am 34 years old I have been married 4 years back to a girl through the relatives reference. My wife is govt worker and she only has one independent parent which is her mother. The marriage happened in a very short time during corona period and we had healthy few chats of how we expect our life's to be and we were both in common understanding and when I asked what is her expectations then she said she had no expectations at all and go by how life takes on. I was happy that I got right match and I am person not into any relationships and nothing and this marriage relationship was so new and started loving her more and she was also the same. She had also no relationships and not interested in marriage but due to her mother's pressure she got married to me. She also started liking the relationship and valuing it After 6 months she was pregnant and she went to her mom's house to stay as she was feeling comfortable there and I aslo let her stay as she wishes. Child was born in 2022 April and problem started here We had to name the child and it's usually dad who names the child because its family tree and decendent. But my wife got in middle and said she wants name as suggested by her mother, the first fight started and later i compromised for child sake and I agreed to her on the naming of child. After the naming ceremony done her mother acted differently to me and she was looking for fight, my wife was also on the same route they were allowing me see my child once in a month and she also did not bother to spend time and let child because with me. I love to be with child but unfortunately I am not able to spend time with him. This made me feel suffocating inside and was feeling bad, one day we planned to bring child to my home along with my wife and she also agreed to stay for 3days and for some reason child was crying as it was new to adapt and new people. My wife used the situation to pull a fight with me and she said I want to go home saying child is crying and he will fall sick. I requested to wait for another few hours if he calms down and we will see but she didn't listen and got very pissed off and had cold war with her for week. She stopped talking and she stopped everything. I had no idea what was so wrong that I did and it so bad. I tired always to talk to her and she didn't give space to me and my feelings. From September 2022 we were not together till now. I December 2022 I approached marriage counselling for her and me to unite with her, she also had come for counseling as it was religious institution and she had no option to opt out. Counselling was done and she told that she will be coming my house in a Weeks time. After a week again same story she didnt turn back and she didnt even want to put one step to solve issue, adament nature and influence of her mother. I waited for a year and approached legally by filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. I went through 2 hearings she is not turning back. I am left no where and for this sake why I should have married. I don't want another marriage or any i have great love for my child and even my wife whatso ever she does i just love her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are a few individuals on Earth who sadly fail to see the larger picture; in your case your wife fails to see how marriage can bring stability to life and the child's growth.
Now why she wants to run back to her parents' place is something I don't understand BUT she surely has forgotten that making a marriage work means staying together and even if the two of you need to stay apart, it has to be due to work or other commitments that require that kind of an adjustment.
Do you know why she is so quick to run back to her family home? Even if she was pressured in marrying you, what's the point running away from what is obvious.
If you are sure about not wanting the marriage, kindly factor in that you have a child. Make an attempt to get back together, so that your child has a stable home. Request an elder member from your family to intervene and talk some sense into her mother who seems to be ignorant to the fact of ruining her daughter's life. Is her mother going to take on the responsibility of her daughter and her child? See where this line of action leads you to and then step in and appeal with your wife...This is all that you can do...Hope for the best thing to happen...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister.
Ans: Marriage and parenthood are partnerships, and it sounds like your husband is completely absent from that role, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment, especially when you didn’t feel ready to have a baby so soon.

Considering divorce is a significant decision, but your feelings are completely valid. You’ve been left to handle everything on your own, and it's natural to want to protect your peace, well-being, and that of your child. If you're leaning toward divorce, it’s important to consult with a legal professional to understand your rights and the next steps, especially regarding custody and financial support.

However, if there’s any hope for reconciliation or change, counseling might be an option if your husband is willing. But given the situation you've described, where there is emotional abuse and a complete lack of responsibility, you have every right to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You deserve a partner who contributes, cares, and respects you. If your current situation continues, taking steps to ensure a better future for yourself and your child is not just an option—it's a necessity.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7362 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I am 40 years old banker. Earlier my wife was also working. My monthly salary is 1.50 lacs. I am planning to retire at 45 yrs age. I have twin children of 2 years age. All the below are savings of mine and my wife. We have property of 3 cr. Shares of 15Lacs, Mutual Funds of 23 Lacs. Fixed deposit 10 Lacs. NPS Amount 27 Lacs at present. Monthly contribution to NPS is 25000 ( employer + employer). Pension from NPS will start at 60 age. We have rental income of 60000 which will also increase with time. I will also get some heritage property of 2-3 cr. My monthly SIP is 40000. My current liabilities are a home loan of 37 Lacs. My monthly exp are 70000. I have not included here the expense of children education which I believe must not be more than 40000 yearly. Please advise how should I plan my retirement.
Ans: You have built a strong financial base. Your steady income, savings, and assets reflect disciplined financial planning. Let us analyse your situation and provide a comprehensive retirement plan.

Income Sources and Assets
Salary and Rental Income
Your monthly salary is Rs 1.5 lakhs.
Rental income of Rs 60,000 adds to your cash flow.
Rental income will likely increase over time.
Existing Investments
Shares worth Rs 15 lakhs provide growth potential.
Mutual funds of Rs 23 lakhs offer a diversified growth avenue.
Fixed deposits of Rs 10 lakhs provide stability and liquidity.
NPS corpus of Rs 27 lakhs ensures long-term pension security.
Property
Your property portfolio is valued at Rs 3 crores.
Additional heritage property of Rs 2–3 crores will add future value.
Liabilities
Outstanding home loan of Rs 37 lakhs is manageable.
EMI payments are part of your monthly expenses.
Analysing Your Retirement Plan
Target Retirement Age
You aim to retire at 45, giving five more working years.
Pension income from NPS starts at age 60.
You need to bridge the 15-year gap between retirement and NPS payouts.
Current Expenses
Monthly expenses are Rs 70,000, excluding children’s education.
Annual education expenses of Rs 40,000 are expected to rise gradually.
Retirement Corpus Requirement
Considering inflation, your post-retirement expenses will increase.
You need a large retirement corpus to sustain expenses for over 40 years.
Recommendations for a 360-Degree Plan
Maintain Emergency Liquidity
Keep Rs 10–12 lakhs in liquid funds for emergencies.
Ensure this fund covers at least 12 months of expenses.
Focus on Wealth Creation
Continue SIP investments of Rs 40,000 monthly.
Increase SIP contributions annually with salary increments.
Invest in actively managed mutual funds for better returns than index funds.
Maximise NPS Contributions
Continue your Rs 25,000 monthly NPS contributions.
This ensures a growing retirement corpus with employer contributions.
Partial Loan Prepayments
Use surplus funds to reduce the principal of your home loan.
This will lower the interest burden and free up cash flow.
Retirement Corpus Strategy
Pre-Retirement Investments
Allocate new investments to high-growth instruments like equity mutual funds.
Avoid locking funds in fixed-income instruments at this stage.
Diversify across funds with strong track records and managed by qualified professionals.
Post-Retirement Cash Flow
Use rental income of Rs 60,000 to cover a portion of your expenses.
Withdraw from mutual fund investments systematically to bridge gaps.
Ensure a balance between withdrawals and corpus growth.
Heritage Property Utilisation
Consider income generation from heritage property, such as rent.
Avoid selling the property unless absolutely necessary.
Children’s Education Planning
Start a dedicated SIP for children’s higher education.
Invest in child-specific plans with a high equity allocation for growth.
Review the education fund annually to ensure alignment with goals.
Tax Efficiency
Optimising Investments
Choose mutual funds offering tax benefits under Section 80C.
Long-term capital gains on mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% above Rs 1.25 lakhs.
Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%.
NPS Tax Benefits
Claim deductions for NPS contributions under Section 80CCD(1) and 80CCD(2).
Avoid Common Pitfalls
Avoid Large Real Estate Investments
Real estate is illiquid and requires high capital.
Focus on financial instruments for better flexibility and returns.
Avoid Direct Equity Risks
Invest in equity through professionally managed funds.
This ensures better risk management and consistent growth.
Do Not Ignore Inflation
Plan for higher living costs post-retirement due to inflation.
Regularly review and adjust your investments to combat inflation.
Final Insights
Retiring at 45 is achievable with disciplined planning. Focus on creating a robust retirement corpus and managing cash flow efficiently. Ensure a balance between growth-oriented investments and stable income sources. Review your financial plan annually to align with changing needs and market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7362 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir, I am 31 years old, my monthly salary is 70 thousand. I have a existing home loan around 1986000 with ROI 9.25% for 29years. and till now through SIP I have invested 5 Lac and I keep liquid fund 2.5 Lac. My current balance including all SIP and liquid fund 9 Lac. I need a advise from you that I should repay my home with this 9 Lac or I should continue investing as SIP and continue EMI and repay homeloan as 1 or 2 EMI Extra in a year.
Ans: At 31, you have a strong financial foundation. Your disciplined SIP investments, liquid funds, and home loan management are appreciable. Let’s assess your options to help you make the best decision.

Analysing Your Current Financial Situation
Existing Home Loan
Your outstanding home loan of Rs 19.86 lakhs has a tenure of 29 years.
The interest rate is 9.25%, which impacts your long-term cash flow.
The EMI will consume a consistent portion of your salary over the years.
SIP Investments
You have already invested Rs 5 lakhs through SIPs.
Regular investments in SIPs help in wealth accumulation and compounding returns.
Your monthly SIPs are likely aligned with your financial goals.
Liquid Funds
You hold Rs 2.5 lakhs in liquid funds.
This provides a buffer for emergencies or short-term needs.
Options to Consider
Option 1: Use Rs 9 Lakhs to Prepay the Loan
Prepaying the loan can reduce the principal significantly.
This reduces the overall interest burden and loan tenure.
However, this locks your funds into a low-return liability.
Option 2: Continue SIPs and Pay Extra EMIs Annually
Continue your SIP investments for higher long-term returns.
Paying 1–2 extra EMIs yearly can reduce the tenure significantly.
This approach balances wealth creation and liability management.
Option 3: Split Funds Between Prepayment and Investments
Use a portion of Rs 9 lakhs for partial prepayment.
Invest the remaining amount in SIPs or other high-return instruments.
This ensures debt reduction and continued wealth growth.
Evaluating Return on Investment
Home Loan Interest vs SIP Returns
Your home loan interest rate of 9.25% is a guaranteed expense.
Equity SIPs typically yield higher returns, averaging 12–15% annually.
Investing in SIPs could create wealth faster than prepaying the loan.
Tax Benefits on Home Loan
You may claim tax deductions on home loan interest and principal.
Prepaying reduces the tax-saving benefits.
Recommended Approach
Maintain Emergency Liquidity
Retain Rs 2.5 lakhs or more in liquid funds.
This ensures financial stability during unforeseen situations.
Focus on SIP Investments
Continue SIPs to benefit from long-term compounding.
Increase your SIP contributions gradually with salary increments.
Make Partial Prepayments
Use a portion of Rs 9 lakhs for partial prepayment.
Aim to reduce the principal significantly to lower interest outflows.
Pay Extra EMIs
Commit to paying at least 2 extra EMIs annually.
This reduces your loan tenure and interest burden effectively.
Avoid Common Pitfalls
Do Not Over-Allocate to Loan Prepayment
Avoid locking all your funds into loan repayment.
This limits your liquidity and investment potential.
Avoid Real Estate Investments
Real estate involves high costs, illiquidity, and uncertain returns.
Stick to diversified mutual funds or equity investments instead.
Maintain Disciplined Financial Planning
Ensure a balanced approach between debt reduction and wealth creation.
Review your financial goals annually for necessary adjustments.
Final Insights
Your financial journey is off to a great start. Continue with SIP investments to maximise long-term growth. Use surplus funds for partial loan prepayments and extra EMIs to manage your debt efficiently. Balancing both strategies will ensure a secure financial future and help you achieve your goals effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7362 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024
Money
51 years old , I am started 25000 rs investment in mutual fund from last year , presently two houses one loan of rs 40 lakhs and 1/2 kg gold and 35lakhs fd, and 1 open plot of worth 65Lakhs my daughter is studying B.E and son 9th is it effoungh for my retirement.Lic of rs 5000.rs.per month.
Ans: At 51, you are building a good foundation for retirement. Let us evaluate your current situation and provide actionable insights to strengthen your plan.

Current Financial Assets
Mutual Funds: A monthly SIP of Rs. 25,000 started last year is a strong beginning.

Real Estate: You own two houses and an open plot worth Rs. 65 lakhs.

Fixed Deposits (FDs): You have Rs. 35 lakhs in FDs for stability.

Gold: Possession of 1/2 kg of gold adds diversification to your portfolio.

Insurance: A LIC premium of Rs. 5,000 monthly ensures some financial protection.

Loan: You have a Rs. 40 lakh home loan that requires regular servicing.

Strengths in Your Portfolio
Asset Diversification: Your portfolio includes real estate, mutual funds, gold, and fixed deposits.

Children’s Education: You are well-placed to support their higher education expenses.

Steady Investments: The SIP ensures consistent contributions towards wealth creation.

Areas for Improvement
Mutual Fund Investments
Expand Your SIP Contributions: Rs. 25,000 monthly may need an increase to meet retirement goals.

Focus on Active Funds: Actively managed funds can deliver higher returns than index funds over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds: Index funds lack adaptability during market fluctuations, limiting growth potential.

Use Regular Plans Through CFP: Regular funds ensure expert guidance, tax efficiency, and consistent monitoring.

Real Estate
Low Liquidity: Real estate may not offer quick access to cash during emergencies.

Maintenance Costs: Real estate requires ongoing expenses, reducing its overall profitability.

Fixed Deposits
Inflation Risk: FD returns are lower and may not match inflation rates.

Better Alternatives: Consider debt funds for higher post-tax returns.

LIC Premiums
Low Returns: Traditional insurance policies like LIC provide limited returns compared to mutual funds.

Recommendation: Surrender and reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds for better growth.

Children’s Education Planning
Daughter’s Higher Education: Prioritise building a specific education fund for her postgraduate expenses.

Son’s Future Needs: Start early to save for his higher education.

Balanced Allocation: Use equity for growth and debt for stability in these funds.

Loan Management
Accelerate Loan Repayment: Clear your Rs. 40 lakh home loan faster to reduce interest costs.

Avoid New Debt: Focus on reducing liabilities to achieve financial independence sooner.

Emergency Fund
Liquidity is Key: Ensure at least 6–12 months of expenses in a liquid emergency corpus.

Fund Sources: Your FDs or a portion of your SIP can be redirected for this.

Retirement Planning
Corpus Estimation
Inflation Adjustment: Factor in inflation to calculate the required retirement corpus.

Living Expenses: Estimate your monthly needs post-retirement, including healthcare and leisure.

Asset Rebalancing
Gradual Shift to Debt Funds: From 55 onwards, reduce equity exposure for stability.

Balanced Allocation: Aim for a 60% debt and 40% equity ratio by retirement.

Tax Efficiency
New MF Tax Rules: Plan redemptions considering the 12.5% LTCG tax above Rs. 1.25 lakh.

Debt Funds Taxation: Gains are taxed as per your income slab; plan accordingly.

Final Insights
Your current financial status is strong, but enhancements are necessary. Increase SIP contributions, diversify into actively managed funds, and focus on reducing liabilities. Revisit your LIC policy and redirect funds for higher returns. Secure your children's education and your retirement with a clear and balanced strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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