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Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |194 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 19, 2024

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Career
I have completed my B.E in Mechanical in 2021. But jobless till now due to many factors such as following: 1)Due to family issues 2)Low Salary packages inspite of longer distance travelling to office 3) Slow growth in the establishment 4) preparing for govt jobs No I am fed up with all above things... What to do ?
Ans: Hi!!
Syed, you are asking me what to do, here are my suggestions-
1. have clear goals with respect to your job
2. you have listed so may reasons for not taking up a job, now find a few reasons to take a job - your self respect, your own money to spend are some I can think of
3. it's very easy to quit a job, find reasons to stay
4. invest in your physical and mental well being, a clam and collected mind will take better decisions
5. I really won't say slow growth in an organisation, if I had finished engineering in 2021 and it is middle of 2024 now
6. preparing for Govt Jobs is a good idea, look into doing this thing well if you are really serious about it
7. give your 100% in everything you do Syed!! Let there be energy, enthusiasm and excitement in your search for a job, it's your life, take charge of it and see how you want it to unfold. Do all that which is in your control
8.you get fed up when you don't see progress and not celebrate your wins however small they may be! Every step you take towards your goal, pat yourself on the back, be your greatest cheer leader
9.do not compare yourself with others, compare only if you feel inspired
10. focus on your well being and happiness
11. take up a job and do well there, it is better to do a job than to sit idle or
12. look to upskill in an area you want to work, look for job oriented courses
13. seek help if need be

All the very best!!

...Read more

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