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Separated for 3 Years, Husband Promises Reunion then Gets Engaged to Another Woman: What Do I Do?

Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Sangeeta on Sep 03, 2024Hindi

M married for four years n have been in separation since 3 years...M 30 years and he is 36 yrs old...Due to his family behaviour I left and came back.... actually he is a loving and caring person...during these 3 years we talked many times as well he blocked me many times..this kept on continuing...Suddenly again he called me on June this year and we even met..that time he promised that he will come on August n take me back but suddenly at the end of July he txtd me saying he will not come and blocked me... recently I heard that he is relationship with another girl....i tried contacting him but no way....he even said his friends that he is getting married to that girl...how can he do this to me???I love him a lot n m totally stressed now...don't know what to do??please help me

Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
Separation without really making any efforts to sort out the issues and finding a way together has possibly created a huge distance in his mind for you and to fill that gap, it has been rather simple for him to look for someone else.
This is sad, as you now want it all back; what made the two of you take each other for granted?
Did you both assume that the other person will not go anywhere?
Anyway, what's happened has happened. If you truly want to fix what's going on; there must a SHOW of it in intent and talk. Request a meeting with him and tell him that you wish to talk about the marriage. Let's say he says that he wants to have nothing to do with you; just remain calm and still request him for that meeting. Sooner than later, he will yield as he needs to get this business of marriage in order for whatever that he has decided.
In that meeting, don't hold back on what you want. At the same time, make sure that you DO NOT bring the past back and indulge in blame game; he will again scurry away! Be patient and tell him how much you love and care for him and that you are willing to along with him rebuild the marriage. Be very genuine with all of this...It could give him a gauging of how serious you are...
Make a genuine effort...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Question by VC - Sep 06, 2021Hindi

I am in a very difficult situation I am not getting what to do so I am writing you this mail for your suggestion. I was in love from 6years our love life was very good . We were very happy and promised to get married also but suddenly my boyfriend said we can’t marry because of his family issues so I accepted that with a big heart. He asked me to marry another guy I accepted that also. And after some days my marriage got fixed with another guy and I got married also. But soon after my marriage my boyfriend realised my love and started crying. He started calling me and soon after 2 days of my marriage he was continuously calling me and this created a very big problem. My husband saw his calls and msgs and started chatting with my boyfriend pretending to be me only. They both talked and my boyfriend told my husband everything about our past things. My husband got angry he started beating me getting angry on me started following me and due to all this he left me. After my husband left me I called my boyfriend and said: Now my husband left me so what to do. You are also not accepting me. My boyfriend said: I don't have anything to do with you I don't need you at all and plz go away from my life. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you plz help me or guide me.

Ans: Dear V, I can only imagine what you are going through.

One man (husband) judges your situation and as hard as it is for any person, it would have been great if he didn’t play peeping Tom and instead confronted you to work things out with you. And the other man (boyfriend) dumps you in sheer fright and runs for his life.

Do you seriously want to beg either of them for a place in their lives?

They have both displayed total lack of maturity! But in their defense, they have felt cheated and not known how to deal with the situation. BUT nothing justifies physical abuse…

I do work with couples to bring them together where it seems possible. Reconciliation with your husband is possible both of you choose that path. Involve a senior member from both sides of the family and bring it to a neutral place; shedding egos along the way.

Work with a Marriage Therapy expert who can then help you re-evaluate your priorities and put things in perspective.

Work as a team (if both of you want that) and rebuild the marriage. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’s possible…So, move in that direction if you see that glimmer of hope as well.

Best wishes.

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

Question by EJ - Oct 04, 2022Hindi

Dear Anu, I'm studying BTech final year. My love and I were in a relationship since 5 years. Things were fine till our diploma. I got a seat in another college which was far from our place. At the same time, he moved to his hometown for house construction. There he met a girl. She is 34. He used to talk a lot to her and got attached to her. He tells everything to me. He even said that people were spreading wrong rumours about them. I told him to stay away till things got better. Since then he has stopped telling me much. There was a recent fight in his hometown relating to both of them which annoyed him. He continues to say there is nothing wrong between both of us. He used to love me a lot. Whenever I felt insecure or if there was any mood swings he used to make me calm and relaxed. Now-a-days he always tells me ‘Wait. Don't call me.’ If I call him more, he just scolds me. There are no sweet talks or setting time aside for a call, and all. He even says ‘I promised that I'll be with her at any time in any problem and now because everyone is spreading rumours I can't break my promise to her.’ What about me? Didn't you promise to make me happy? I feel betrayed.I got angry and told him that my parents are seeing matches for me. His reply shook me. He said: 'Go, get married.’ I was like ‘you aren't the same.’ I don't understand what to do or how to set things right.My mental health is getting worse.

Ans:

Dear S,

Your letter is very confusing to me.

I hope your post is genuine and not just to have fun…despite that I will consider it real and try to suggest what I can though I find your facts very contradictory.

Keeping the age factor aside, what I can say is: if someone does not treat you well, what’s the point waiting for that person?

If he isn’t interested in you, why are you chasing him?

Please make your world better by being around people who respect and value you and watch how beautiful it all becomes rather than searching and begging for love. He clearly isn’t into you anymore. So, move on…

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |1180 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi

Hello My husband and I took mutual divorce before 1.5 years. this was my second marriage and I married him because he assured me that he will be a father for my toddler. after 7 years of adjustments in marriage (as he was not good as a, neither emotionally nor financially) father, he filed for divorce in just 20 days of our arguments. He raised his hand so I was upset and angry so I too signed the papers. Just after filling divorce that he started asking me to come back else he will get married. I denied to go back and he started seeing girls within a week of filling divorce. With the court procedure, he used to ask me to come back but I was heart broken bcoz he was seeing bride so I denied again. This was continued and our divorce granted. Now since six months again he started approaching me by saying that I only love you and so could not get married. for your kind information, he is very impatient and aggressive by nature. Due to his nature and behaviour I and my family decided to cut him off because it is creating stress only. but till today he is trying to contact me by one or other means. I am already very stressed and emotionally broken down because this happened to me second time. Some times I feel that I should give him one more chance but when looking to my kid, who is 12 now, I am giving up on this thought. and I am not sure whether he is doing this for feelings or just because he is not getting a woman of his choice to marry. My family members are saying that he has no feelings for me and my son but he is just calling me back for his adjustments. I don't know I should trust him or not.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What sort of a game is this? Like children fighting on one day and not speaking with one another and then making up the next day only to fight again...
Why so much of vacillation on your part? When you two separated, was it a conscious move or was it on an impulse?
Also, be very cautious as to why he is insistent on getting back with you?
Also, has he changed his ways and will he be more available to the family now? Wasn't this the reason that actually things went downhill for you?
Plus, he's looking at prospective brides...and you say that he is aggressive and impatient...

So, what is your confusion here?
What will you get by getting back with him?
What will you lose or not gain by not getting back with him?
Are you willing to make compromises to be with a person that you call aggressive?
How is this going to affect your child given that your ex-husband is not emotionally or financially stable?

Weigh it all out and then make a decision that is right by you and for you and for your child.

All the best!

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