Dear ma’am, I really appreciate you helping the community getting mentally healthy.
I feel very complicated and sleepless. Please help.
I am 45, male. My whole life, as I remember, I have been taken advantage of -- by friends, parents, siblings.
I am sensitive, I have anger but I cannot talk back or stand up for myself and try to adjust, move on, simmer within, not to talk back to elders (or anybody).
If I talk back I get so much guilt, and maybe so continue to be taken advantage of.
I have had many soft abuse/humiliation/pressure episodes with friends/family that are stuck and stuck; but those don't happen since I am grown-up, plus people are no more around. I feel I got damaged that way.
But financially since the last 20 years -- relatives, friends, father, siblings have cheated me loaning money with false promises and they don't take care about their loan responsibility and live their sporty life. Here I feel like a beggar the whole time enquiring about getting my own stuck money back, getting false promises, false reasons, hundreds of those conversations, also sometimes making me feel guilty in reverse (what is your money urgency type?) to ask my own money back.
Those people are still around.
The total runs in many lakhs just principal and nominal interest also will run that much. I don't have energy deal those people, negativity, bad values that comes along. So last few years, I just kept mum, on surface smile (internally bad memories). But that is bu**sh**
Six months ago, I decided and started cutting off those people for good. I don't need negativity. I have enough savings. I felt relaxed that I at least mentally I took that hard decision.
But other side, it is so difficult as they are close people, family, friends -- I am bound to see them at family functions, my mom/wife/kids talk with some, they may call them home also etc.
I feel afraid and super angry to even see their face, and even if they hypothetically return money -- I don't feel like accepting it also; let them remain cut off from my life.
Plus I suffer from depression since 15 years (on/off medicines) that mom/kids don't know, wife cannot really empathize.
I just feel too weak.
Did I do the right thing to cut off people and stick to that decision in future? How to face them in life then?

Ans: Dear AS, what you focus on grows bigger with time as your mind has been trained to magnify it beyond what it truly is. 

You constantly worried about what you would lose rather than what you have. And in the bargain, trying to please people so that wouldn’t lose them, you ended up getting cheated due your poor decisions.

Let bygones be bygones.

How about at this very moment as you are reading this, think exactly how you had managed to make those millions of rupees?

There is something wise in the way you managed your work/business/network to create that wealth, isn’t it?

So what is it?

Take out a diary and jot it down.

We have a lot of inner resources to bank on that we give ourselves credit for. And if you have done it once before, you truly know how to do this once more.

Just that, your health and loss of money are making you believe otherwise.

Start with:
1. Planning household expenses statement. Right now, only priorities will count. Anything extra will be out till you have disposable income on hand.
2. If you are planning to start something new, do that with the same confidence from the time you were financially abundant and. If you are employed some place, do what you would do with your skills in every project and enjoy the fruits of labour.
3. Take care of your health. Ask your doctor, what exercises can be done by you to keep your health well so that you can work happily

Do remember, nothing is worth worrying so much; your family loves you and want you around them for a long time.

So, look into their eyes and know that the stress that you are carrying around like a special baggage needs to be dropped down this very instant.

Take care and be happy always!

Ans: It's essential to recognise that your situation is serious and needs immediate attention. You're facing significant financial stress, but there are steps you can take to manage this situation. It's commendable that you're reaching out for help, which is the first step toward resolving your financial challenges.

Understanding Your Debt Situation
You have Rs. 10 lakhs in debt, mostly from credit cards and loans. The charges and interest have made it difficult to repay. Your monthly income of Rs. 25,000-30,000 is insufficient to manage these debts effectively. The pressure from bank agents is adding to your mental stress, which needs to be addressed immediately.

Emotional Well-being and Mental Health
Your mental well-being is as important as your financial situation. Experiencing suicidal thoughts is a sign that the pressure has become overwhelming. Please consider speaking to a mental health professional immediately. They can provide you with the support you need to navigate this difficult period.

Immediate Steps for Debt Management
1. Prioritise Your Mental Health:
The stress of debt can cloud your judgment. Take small steps to manage your mental health. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a counsellor who can offer support.

2. Assess Your Debts:
List all your debts, including principal amounts, interest rates, and due dates. This will give you a clear picture of your financial obligations.

3. Negotiate with Creditors:
Contact your creditors to negotiate better terms. Explain your financial situation and request a reduction in interest rates or a more manageable payment plan. Creditors might agree to a settlement amount that is less than what you owe, but it will require a lump sum payment.

4. Consider Debt Consolidation:
If possible, consolidate your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify repayments and reduce the overall interest burden.

5. Stop Using Credit Cards:
Stop using credit cards to avoid further debt accumulation. Focus on paying off existing balances.

6. Create a Budget:
Create a strict budget that focuses on essential expenses. Allocate any remaining income toward debt repayment.

7. Look for Additional Income:
Consider taking up a part-time job or freelance work to supplement your income. Even a small increase in income can help you manage your debts better.

8. Explore Financial Assistance:
Seek assistance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can provide guidance tailored to your situation. They may help you find government or non-profit programs designed to assist people in financial distress.

Long-term Financial Planning
1. Build an Emergency Fund:
Once your debts are under control, focus on building an emergency fund to avoid falling back into debt. Start small, even if it's just Rs. 500 per month.

2. Rebuild Your Credit:
Work on improving your credit score by paying your bills on time and keeping your credit utilisation low.

3. Start Saving for the Future:
Gradually start saving for your future goals, such as buying a home. Start with small, regular contributions to a savings account or a low-risk investment.

4. Educate Yourself Financially:
Take the time to learn about personal finance, budgeting, and debt management. This knowledge will empower you to make better financial decisions in the future.

Addressing Your Emotional Well-being
1. Reach Out to Support Groups:
Join support groups for people facing similar financial challenges. Sharing your experiences and hearing from others can provide relief and practical advice.

2. Practice Stress-relief Techniques:
Engage in activities that help reduce stress, such as meditation, exercise, or spending time with loved ones. These activities can improve your mental clarity and resilience.

3. Maintain Open Communication:
Discuss your financial situation with your family, if possible. They can provide emotional support and might help you in finding a solution.

Finally
You are in a challenging situation, but you have options. Taking small, steady steps can lead to significant improvements over time. Focus on both your financial and emotional well-being, and don't hesitate to seek professional help when needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in