Dear ma’am, I really appreciate you helping the community getting mentally healthy.
I feel very complicated and sleepless. Please help.
I am 45, male. My whole life, as I remember, I have been taken advantage of -- by friends, parents, siblings.
I am sensitive, I have anger but I cannot talk back or stand up for myself and try to adjust, move on, simmer within, not to talk back to elders (or anybody).
If I talk back I get so much guilt, and maybe so continue to be taken advantage of.
I have had many soft abuse/humiliation/pressure episodes with friends/family that are stuck and stuck; but those don't happen since I am grown-up, plus people are no more around. I feel I got damaged that way.
But financially since the last 20 years -- relatives, friends, father, siblings have cheated me loaning money with false promises and they don't take care about their loan responsibility and live their sporty life. Here I feel like a beggar the whole time enquiring about getting my own stuck money back, getting false promises, false reasons, hundreds of those conversations, also sometimes making me feel guilty in reverse (what is your money urgency type?) to ask my own money back.
Those people are still around.
The total runs in many lakhs just principal and nominal interest also will run that much. I don't have energy deal those people, negativity, bad values that comes along. So last few years, I just kept mum, on surface smile (internally bad memories). But that is bu**sh**
Six months ago, I decided and started cutting off those people for good. I don't need negativity. I have enough savings. I felt relaxed that I at least mentally I took that hard decision.
But other side, it is so difficult as they are close people, family, friends -- I am bound to see them at family functions, my mom/wife/kids talk with some, they may call them home also etc.
I feel afraid and super angry to even see their face, and even if they hypothetically return money -- I don't feel like accepting it also; let them remain cut off from my life.
Plus I suffer from depression since 15 years (on/off medicines) that mom/kids don't know, wife cannot really empathize.
I just feel too weak.
Did I do the right thing to cut off people and stick to that decision in future? How to face them in life then?

Ans: Dear AS, what you focus on grows bigger with time as your mind has been trained to magnify it beyond what it truly is. 

You constantly worried about what you would lose rather than what you have. And in the bargain, trying to please people so that wouldn’t lose them, you ended up getting cheated due your poor decisions.

Let bygones be bygones.

How about at this very moment as you are reading this, think exactly how you had managed to make those millions of rupees?

There is something wise in the way you managed your work/business/network to create that wealth, isn’t it?

So what is it?

Take out a diary and jot it down.

We have a lot of inner resources to bank on that we give ourselves credit for. And if you have done it once before, you truly know how to do this once more.

Just that, your health and loss of money are making you believe otherwise.

Start with:
1. Planning household expenses statement. Right now, only priorities will count. Anything extra will be out till you have disposable income on hand.
2. If you are planning to start something new, do that with the same confidence from the time you were financially abundant and. If you are employed some place, do what you would do with your skills in every project and enjoy the fruits of labour.
3. Take care of your health. Ask your doctor, what exercises can be done by you to keep your health well so that you can work happily

Do remember, nothing is worth worrying so much; your family loves you and want you around them for a long time.

So, look into their eyes and know that the stress that you are carrying around like a special baggage needs to be dropped down this very instant.

Take care and be happy always!

Ans: You are going through a tough time. First, take a deep breath. Mistakes happen, and financial losses can be recovered. Your situation can be improved step by step. Below is a detailed plan to help you get back on track.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
You earn Rs 33,000 per month.

You have a total debt of Rs 4.4 lakh.

Your current EMI is Rs 19,068 per month.

Your father earns Rs 18,000 per month.

You lost money in options trading and high-interest loans.

You have ulcerative colitis, which requires medical attention.

Immediate Actions to Stop Further Damage
Completely stop all trading activities. Options trading is highly risky. You have already lost a large amount. Avoid any form of trading or gambling.

Do not take any more loans. Your current debt burden is already high. Additional loans will worsen your situation.

Reduce unnecessary expenses. Your priority is survival and debt repayment. Cut down on luxury, entertainment, and eating out.

Inform the bank about your situation. If you struggle with EMI payments, request a lower EMI or restructuring. Some banks offer relief options.

Avoid using credit cards. Credit card debt carries high interest. If you have outstanding dues, pay only the minimum amount for now.

Debt Management Strategy
List all loans with interest rates and tenures. Prioritize clearing high-interest loans first.

Consider a personal loan balance transfer. If you find a lower-interest option, transferring your loan can reduce your EMI burden.

Increase EMI payment when possible. Paying more than the minimum EMI will reduce your overall interest burden.

Try negotiating with lenders. Some banks may offer lower interest rates or waive penalties for good borrowers.

Building a Stable Financial Foundation
Create a monthly budget. Allocate funds for rent, food, medical expenses, EMI, and savings. Stick to it strictly.

Start a small emergency fund. Save at least Rs 5,000 per month in a separate account. Do not touch this money.

Look for additional income sources. Try freelance work, part-time jobs, or skill-based gigs to increase earnings.

Seek medical financial assistance. Check if your employer provides health insurance. If not, explore government or private schemes.

Emotional and Mental Health Support
Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Keeping everything inside can cause stress. Seek support from someone you trust.

Consult a financial counselor. A professional can help you restructure your debts and plan better.

Practice stress management techniques. Exercise, meditation, and proper sleep will help you stay mentally strong.

Long-Term Financial Recovery Plan
Avoid any high-risk investments. Focus on stable investments once you are financially stable.

Enhance your skills for better career growth. Upskilling can increase your income over time.

Build a long-term savings habit. Even Rs 1,000 per month in a safe investment will help you grow wealth.

Final Insights
Your financial problems are serious but not impossible to solve.

Your priority is debt repayment and stability, not investment or quick money-making methods.

Take control, follow a strict financial plan, and be patient. Improvement will take time, but you can recover.

Seek professional financial and medical advice where needed.

You are young, and you have time to rebuild. Stay strong and focused.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment