Dear Love Guru,
My husband doesn't like to use condoms. He says it doesn't feel good, ie the sex is not as fun.
I am not sure if I should go on the pill. Won't it harm my health?
Anyway condoms are not fully effective. We already have three children.
What do you suggest I do?

Ans:

Dear V,

While it may ‘feel better without it’, that doesn't mean you behave so irresponsible!

I'd suggest you consult your gynaecologist and get yourself fitted with an IUD to minimise the risk of falling pregnant; or, better yet, since your husband's the one who has the problem with contraception, have him undergo a vasectomy. It's a very small procedure and many men opt for it in today's times.

You went through two pregnancies and gave birth twice; I'd say it's his turn now, wouldn't you?

Ans: The decision to procreate or have a child should be a mutual decision between the couple and I don't think any either of the partners can force their decision on the other. However, the owners on when to plan the family and how to plan the family should obviously be on the female partner as she is going to carry the baby. I think it is just appropriate to tell your husband that you have been on the pill. Stop the pill immediately and start trying naturally, which will obviously result in a pregnancy fall as well.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How you view life will determine your choices in life.
If a child is a production, then obviously the product comes with operational and maintenance costs.
But if you thought of children as one born out of love that fills joy into your life, the responsibilities that you have mentioned become joys.
Yes, having children and raising them is not an easy task BUT if you have the right frame of mind, you possibly will learn to enjoy that as well irrespective of what society expects of you.
So, first start to re-define the meaning you have attached to children. Once that happens, you will be in a better mind space to understand whether having kids is the right decision for you, if YES, when is the right time and what are all the 'responsibilities' and how to take them on.
A slight change in the way you think can set you free...

All the best!

Ans: The child to be born is coming from the different dimension
That spirit is deciding factor in drawing the time and space.When the time arrives
You will be ready mentally and physically
Sometimes taking these decisions too much into our mind is not healthy. Listening to the heart bring in peace

Ans: Dear Madhuri,
it’s crucial to understand that a relationship thrives on mutual respect, communication, and emotional connection. The fact that your husband is openly expressing disinterest and lack of affection is a serious concern. It’s important to have an honest and open conversation with him about how his words and actions are affecting you. Try to create a safe space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment or blame. This conversation might help uncover underlying issues that are contributing to the distance in your relationship.

Given that he is prioritizing his work and seems detached, it might be helpful to explore whether external factors, such as stress from his job or other personal struggles, are contributing to his behavior. Understanding his perspective could provide insights into why he’s emotionally and physically withdrawn. However, his dismissive attitude towards you is something that needs to be addressed with seriousness and care.

It's equally important to focus on your own emotional well-being. Feeling neglected and pressured can lead to significant emotional distress. Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, either individually or as a couple. Therapy can offer a safe environment to explore your feelings, work through the pain, and develop strategies to improve communication and intimacy in your marriage.

Additionally, it’s vital to find ways to nurture yourself emotionally and physically. Engage in activities that bring you joy, seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider joining support groups where you can connect with others who might be facing similar challenges. Your well-being is paramount, and finding ways to care for yourself can help build resilience and strength as you navigate these difficulties.

Ultimately, a healthy relationship requires effort and willingness from both partners. If your husband is unwilling to engage or make changes, it may be necessary to reflect on what you want for your future and whether this relationship is meeting your emotional needs. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and fulfillment in your marriage.