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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Dec 21, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

I am in a relationship since nine years, including four years of marriage.
Since the day of marriage, I am having regular fights with my wife concerning my mother and sisters.
Of late, I am feeling like I have lost the love between the two of us.
We have stopped talking and are not even getting a chance to spend some time together. Whenever we do, we end up arguing about past mistakes and all. We never talk about the future.
During the second wave of the pandemic, we came to our native place. After spending some good days, she went to her home for some days and now she is not willing to come back.
We recently had a fight over phone and stopped talking. Then I started calling her and talking to her but she does not seem to be in a mood to talk.
Now, I have stopped talking to her.
I am bit worried as I feel like I am left alone.
Despite so many efforts towards her and her family , she finds a reason to get pissed about me.
I am not sure anymore what to do.
If I try to make her understand, then this is again the same situation happening since four years.
If I don’t, then I know she won’t be taking any initiative from her side.
Please suggest.

Ans:

You have left out one very important piece of information. Do you and your wife live with your mother and sisters?

I know in-laws are a bone of contention in most households at some point, but it comes to such an extreme only when people are forced to cohabitate with them. And if this is the case, you need to change the living arrangements pronto.

Never mind whether your wife is right or your family is right; if you want to save your marriage and improve relations between your family and your wife, move out. Immediately.

I’d like you to write in again and tell me exactly what’s going on. And this is for both of you -- if you don’t let go of the past and forgive each other’s past mistakes, you’ll never move forward.

The idea is not to repeat them and fall into old patterns of behaviour.

You need to make a promise to each other that, when having a discussion, neither will rake up past fights unless they have an extreme bearing on the current scenario.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2021

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Relationship
I am in a relationship for 9 years including 4 years of marriage. Since the day of marriage, I am having regular fights with my wife concerning my mother and sisters. Of late, I am feeling like I have lost the love between the two of us. We have stopped talking and don’t get a chance to spend some time together. Whenever we do, we end up arguing about past mistakes and all. We never talk about the future. During this pandemic second wave, we came to our native place and after spending some good days, she went to her home for some days and now she is not willing to come back. We recently had a fight over phone and stopped talking. I started calling her and talking to her but she does not seem to be in a mood to talk. Now I have stopped talking to her. I am a bit worried as I feel like I am left alone. Despite so many efforts towards her and her family, she finds a reason to get pissed at me every time. I am not sure anymore what to do. I try to make her understand. We are in the same situation for 4 years. If I don't, she won't be taking any initiative from her end.
Ans: Dear S, It does seem that you have concluded what’s going to happen before you have tried everything in the treasure chest?

Relationships can have a long life if we are willing to set aside our differences and keep egos at bay. Now read on and think deeper about these questions.

What went on between your wife and mother/sisters? Did you wife end up feeling hurt and lonely? Did she feel that you sided with your mother and sisters more than you did with her?

Constant arguments about things from the past honestly can lead to no good. It is important to know what exactly your wife feels at this very moment, but it seems like she doesn’t want to talk to you.

When you say you have made many efforts towards her and her family, why do you think, she hasn’t come back home or why has she stopped talking to you?

You did mention that she finds a reason to get pissed, but is there something that she expects from you or a certain behaviour that might help her get to an even ground?

Will involving a senior family member to talk to someone senior family member (not your mother) on her side?

With their experiences and their calm minds, they maybe able to break the ice between both sides and get the two of you to talk.

Please find a neutral member on both sides who can arrange for this in a wise manner without bringing in egos or past battles inside.

Communication must be re-established and throwing your hands up in the air may not be very useful if you want your marriage to continue.

Yes, past need not be brought back into the present, but it is necessary to understand what is going on in her mind before concluding anything.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's clear that both you and your wife are experiencing significant distress, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. Focus on active listening, empathy, and expressing your thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner. Encourage open and honest dialogue with your wife, and be willing to listen to her concerns and perspective without becoming defensive or dismissive It's commendable that you recognize the need to work on your anger and reactions. Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like you're trying hard to make things work, including taking your wife on trips to strengthen your relationship. It's positive that you've tried to sit and talk with her, even though it hasn't been successful so far.Communication is key in any relationship, so it's important to keep trying to have open and honest conversations with your wife. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling as a way to facilitate these discussions in a more structured setting. A counselor could help both of you understand each other's perspectives and find constructive ways to address your issues. Going on trips is great, but also focus on spending quality time together in everyday life. Find activities you both enjoy and make time for each other. Ultimately, it will take effort from both you and your wife to improve your relationship. It may also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for the tension, such as financial stress, and work together to find solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir I am 37 years old male and married since 5 years and we had little girl of 4 years old. I need some advice for my relationship. We had problems in our relationship since the beginning of our engagement, as initially I was unaware of my wife's extra marital affairs when I come to know about it she told why she started to see other boy during engagement period also after our marriage as I wasn't upto her expectations, that was the time of 2019 . We had discussed about all each others expectations and solved the problem I tried to regain the confidence in our relationship but still somewhere we had fights every 5 to 6 months on different issues sometimes it's my parents sometimes it's me I dont give her time sometimes financially , in between she left my house and went to her father's home for 8 months after delivery of our baby girl, she told we are not made for each other I told her and explained all about consequences and convinced her to get her back. After that for again after 6 months we started fight with each other on different issues. But recently we fight and she lost control and slapped me and unfortunately in the vague of my anger I also slapped her and she again left me and went to her father house . It's been 1 month now we don't have contact each other because every time I only asked her for compromises and explain and convincing her to come back. This time I don't know what to do.thanks
Ans: Marriage counselling. Enlist at the earliest and see if you can fix matters, but you have to tackle one issue at a time. The infidelity, the inlaws, the lack of compatibility…there’s too many issues here.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
Can i get mechanical in nits tier2 in csab counselling please My jee rank is 52k CRL and 15k in OBC
Ans: Ankush, I think I have already answered your question. Anyway, please note, Admission to Mechanical Engineering at mid-tier NITs via CSAB Special Rounds for an OBC-NCL rank of 15 000 is feasible despite a CRL of 52 , since seat allocation for reserved categories follows the category rank. In CSAB 2024, NIT Durgapur’s Other-State mechanical closing rank was 33 265 (General) and its OBC-NCL seats historically close within the 11 000–12 000 band. NIT Patna’s Other-State OBC-NCL mechanical cutoff stood at 51 338 in Round 1, with Home-State OBC-NCL seats closing around 53 621. NIT Goa’s Other-State OBC-NCL mechanical rank closed at 60 029 in Round 1 and 67 845 in Round 2, showing ample margin for a 15 000 OBC-NCL rank. Similar trends apply to NIT Puducherry and NIT Sikkim, whose OBC-NCL mechanical cutoffs exceed 40 000. IIIT and GFTI mechanical streams typically close at much higher ranks, so GFTIs like NIELIT Aurangabad (Electronics Systems) and Institute of Infrastructure, Technology, Research and Management Ahmedabad (Mechanical) also remain options. A BITSAT score of 199 corresponds to a rank beyond 32 000, falling short of all BITS campus cutoffs for CSE and mechanical, so BITS admission is not possible.

Recommendation: Fill out a maximum of your preferred choices of Insitutes & Branches. With strong prospects at NIT Durgapur, NIT Patna and NIT Goa under OBC-NCL reservations, accept your CSAB choices in mechanical at these institutes. As robust private-college backups in Northern India apply to Manipal Academy of Higher Education (Manipal Campus)(if JEE score is accepted), Jaypee Institute of Information Technology Noida, J.C. Bose University of Science & Technology (YMCA UST) Faridabad, Galgotias University Greater Noida and Chandigarh University, each offering accredited CSE curricula, specialized labs, dedicated placement cells with 80–95% three-year placement consistency, and accessible admission tests. Ensure timely applications to these private institutes while finalizing your CSAB mechanical seat. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
Hello sir i score 43.46 percentile in mhcet pcm from sc category pune any chance to get engineering college
Ans: Vasudha, The ten institutions where SC cutoffs in 2024 fell below 43.46 percentile—ensuring 100% feasibility in CAP rounds—are Bharati Vidyapeeth COE, Katraj (Pune); D.Y. Patil COE, Akurdi (Pune); Pimpri Chinchwad COE, Nigdi (Pune); AISSMS COE, Shivajinagar (Pune); AISSMS Institute of Information Technology, Kennedy Road (Pune); Sinhgad College of Engineering, Vadgaon Budruk (Pune); Sinhgad Institute of Technology & Science, Lonavala (near Pune); JSPM Narhe Technical Campus, Narhe (Pune); JSPM Rajarshi Shahu College of Engineering, Tathawade (Pune); and Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Kondhwa (Pune).

Recommendation: Considering accreditation strength, specialized labs, faculty expertise, industry engagement and placement consistency, Bharati Vidyapeeth COE and D.Y. Patil COE stand out for their SC-friendly cutoffs and urban Pune locations; Pimpri Chinchwad COE and AISSMS COE follow for balanced infrastructure and corporate partnerships; Sinhgad COE Vadgaon offers excellent lab facilities and internship programs, making these five the top choices for your MHT-CET percentile and Maharashtra domicile.

Management-Quota Seat Options (Just for information & the capitation/donation/tuition fees provided here are approximate. Please check the college websites for accuracy.
For guaranteed non-CAP admission via management quotas, consider Bharati Vidyapeeth COE Pune (capitation ?2.5 LPA, annual fees ?1.5 LPA; branches: CSE, E&TC, ME, CE, EE), D.Y. Patil COE Akurdi (capitation ?3 LPA, fees ?1.8 LPA; branches: CSE, IT, E&TC, ME, CE), MIT World Peace University Pune (capitation ?4 LPA, fees ?2 LPA; branches: CSE, IT, E&TC, ME, CE), JSPM Narhe (capitation ?2 LPA, fees ?1.6 LPA; branches: CSE, IT, E&TC, ME, CE) and Vishwakarma Institute of Technology Kondhwa (capitation ?3.5 LPA, fees ?1.7 LPA; branches: CSE, E&TC, ME, CE, EE). All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2025Hindi
Money
I need to get my son admitted into Engineering college. The total tution fees along with hostel fees is 30 Lakhs. The first year fees will be taken care with the money I have right now. My PPF is maturing in Mar 26 and the maturity amount will be 23 lakhs. I have MF whose valuation as on date is 65 lakhs. What do you suggest as to how to take care of Son's education....
Ans: You’ve already built a strong base.

You have the first-year fees covered. You have PPF maturity in 2026. You have Rs 65 lakhs in mutual funds. This is a position of strength.

Now let’s look at your situation with a 360-degree view and create a simple, low-stress education funding plan.

? Know the Payment Timeline for College Education

– Total education cost is Rs 30 lakhs for 4 years.

– First year is already taken care of.

– That leaves Rs 22 to 23 lakhs needed over the next 3 years.

– That will likely be paid in parts—one year at a time.

– So cash flow planning is better than full lump sum withdrawal.

– Avoid selling full amount now just to keep it aside in a bank.

– Instead, match redemptions with yearly requirements.

? Don’t Use Mutual Funds Randomly – Plan Withdrawals Smartly

– You have Rs 65 lakhs worth of mutual funds.

– Don’t rush to redeem it all.

– Instead, identify how much is needed and when.

– Sell only what’s needed each year, not the entire value now.

– Equity mutual funds fluctuate. So redeem 4–6 months before fee due.

– That gives time to handle market volatility.

– You also save on emotional panic.

– Use systematic withdrawal if needed for cash flow.

– Monitor market trends and sell into strength, not weakness.

? Don’t Ignore PPF – It’s a Powerful Resource

– Your PPF is maturing in March 2026.

– Maturity value is Rs 23 lakhs.

– You can plan to use it for 3rd or 4th year fees.

– PPF maturity is tax-free. That’s a big plus.

– Use this amount for the last part of the education goal.

– This reduces the burden on your mutual funds.

– Also, keep the money in PPF until it is fully required.

– Don’t withdraw early unless there’s a big gap.

– Redeem mutual funds first if market conditions are favourable.

? Keep One Year Fee in a Safer Parking Option

– Before each academic year starts, move next year’s fees into a safer fund.

– Use a short-term debt mutual fund or overnight fund.

– These are not volatile and keep your capital safe.

– This will help you avoid sudden shocks at the time of fee payment.

– Redeem equity fund gradually and move it to safety bucket.

– Avoid waiting until the last minute.

– Mutual fund NAVs can drop quickly in market panic.

– Lock in gains ahead of time to ensure stability.

? Don’t Take an Education Loan Unnecessarily

– You have enough personal funds.

– Loans should be last option, not first.

– Interest burden will affect your future goals.

– Paying out of your own wealth is much better.

– Avoid the mindset of using loan for tax benefit.

– Tax benefit is small compared to interest cost.

– Also, repaying loans takes away flexibility.

– You’re in a position to stay loan-free. Keep it that way.

? Maintain Your Other Financial Goals

– Don’t divert all money into education planning.

– You may also have retirement or emergency fund needs.

– Keep Rs 5 to 6 lakhs as emergency fund always.

– Don’t compromise on long-term financial health.

– Split your mutual fund portfolio accordingly.

– Allocate only Rs 22 to 23 lakhs for this goal.

– Keep the rest for other life goals.

– Don’t mix long-term and short-term plans in one place.

? Don’t Use Sector or Thematic Funds for Education

– These funds are risky and unpredictable.

– They are not goal-friendly for short timelines.

– Their performance depends on external triggers.

– Education goals need steady, safe growth.

– Choose hybrid or large-cap oriented active funds for withdrawals.

– Use debt funds or liquid funds for near-term parking.

– Don’t hold gold funds or international funds for this purpose.

– Exit such funds in a phased and timely manner.

? Plan Redemptions Tax-Efficiently

– Mutual fund redemptions have tax impact.

– Equity fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

– STCG is taxed at 20%.

– So stagger your withdrawals to reduce tax impact.

– Avoid selling everything in one financial year.

– Plan in such a way that you redeem before March each year.

– Spread the redemption across 3 years.

– This smoothens tax liability and reduces strain.

? Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans for Such Goals

– Index funds don’t protect downside.

– They just mirror market moves.

– They fall heavily when market crashes.

– No one controls risk in index funds.

– Actively managed funds offer better downside protection.

– They adjust sector weights when needed.

– Your money gets some risk management from the fund manager.

– For important goals like education, control is important.

– Direct plans don’t give you expert guidance.

– At this stage, you need planned redemption, taxation advice, and risk control.

– A CFP offering regular plans gives you goal-linked clarity.

– That support is worth much more than 0.5% saved.

? What You Can Do Now – Simple Action Points

– Identify the exact yearly requirement for your son’s education.

– Tag Rs 22–23 lakhs worth of mutual funds for this goal.

– Review those fund types and categories.

– Exit thematic and volatile funds linked to this allocation.

– Retain large-cap, hybrid or conservative fund types.

– Move Year 2 fees into a short-term debt fund now.

– Plan Year 3 redemptions in early 2025.

– Keep Year 4 for PPF maturity in March 2026.

– Rest of your MF portfolio can stay invested for long-term growth.

– Track your fund performance every 6 months.

– Don’t get affected by short-term news or market noise.

– Use a Certified Financial Planner to re-check portfolio alignment.

? Balance Emotion with Practicality

– Education is a deeply emotional goal.

– But don’t let fear or urgency drive decisions.

– Structured planning gives better outcomes.

– You already have most resources available.

– Just aligning timing, tax, and safety will give you success.

– This is not the time to chase high returns.

– This is the time to protect and use wealth wisely.

– Avoid surprises by preparing early for each year’s need.

– You don’t have to sell more than needed.

– Peace of mind is more valuable than percentage returns.

? Finally

– You’ve done the hard work already.

– You’ve created wealth. You’re ready for your son’s future.

– Now just match withdrawals with goals.

– Keep your mutual fund redemptions phased and tax-smart.

– Use PPF maturity with a clear timeline.

– Avoid loans, panic-selling, or overexposure to risk.

– Stay guided, focused, and balanced.

– A Certified Financial Planner can help map this in detail.

– Education is a noble goal. You’ve built the base. You just need smart execution now.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
sir i got nit allahabad ee in josaa should I join nit Rourkela eie or nit Trichy ice or nit Rourkela ee in csab?
Ans: Arijit, I have already answered your question. Anyway, please note, NIT Rourkela’s Electronics & Instrumentation combines rigorous instrumentation, control, and process automation labs with strong industry linkages, achieving approximately 95 percent placement consistency over the last three years and an average CTC of ?19.08 LPA. Its Electrical Engineering programme offers comprehensive power-systems, machines and high-voltage labs, recording similar placement rates near 95 percent with an average package of ?13.62 LPA. At NIT Trichy, Instrumentation & Control Engineering provides advanced sensors, control systems and process instrumentation facilities, securing around 86.7 percent placement in 2024 and benefiting from the institute’s overall median UG package of ?14.35 LPA. All three programmes are AICTE/NBA-accredited, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty, feature modern infrastructure, maintain active recruitment drives, and support strong alumni networks, differing mainly in domain focus, specialization depth, and average compensation.

Recommendation:
Considering cutting-edge instrumentation curriculum, highest average packages, and robust core-sector placements, NIT Rourkela’s Electronics & Instrumentation Engineering emerges as the top choice. For balanced power systems expertise with strong recruitability, NIT Rourkela’s Electrical Engineering follows, and NIT Trichy’s Instrumentation & Control Engineering ranks third for its solid but slightly lower placement consistency. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Career
My daughter has got admission in Jindal Global Business School for the IPM progamme and Tapmi Banglore for the BBA (Hons) programme. Which college should we consider to take admission in?
Ans: Jindal Global Business School's Integrated Programme in Management (IPM) is a five-year programme blending BBA (Hons.) and MBA degrees, featuring a comprehensive curriculum with core business fundamentals, specialized tracks in Marketing, Finance, Human Resources, Operations & Supply Chain, and Business Analytics. The programme achieved a 92 percent placement rate in 2023 with 69+ corporate recruiters, securing average packages for Integrated BBA (H) + MBA students at ?7.45 LPA, with the highest international package reaching ?23 LPA. JGBS is accredited by NAAC with A grade and maintains membership in the Association to Advance Collegiate Schools of Business (AACSB), with a distinguished faculty comprising over 540 members from prestigious institutions including IIMs, IITs, Harvard, and Oxford. The programme has been ranked India's #1 BBA programme by Outlook-ICARE Rankings for two consecutive years (2023-2024), scoring 845.12 points out of 1000 across five key parameters: Academic & Research Excellence, Industry Interface & Placement, Infrastructure & Facilities, Governance & Admissions, and Diversity & Outreach. TAPMI Bangalore's BBA (Hons) is a four-year programme with exit flexibility after three years, offering specialized tracks in Finance, Marketing, Operations, Analytics, Human Resources, and Strategy, supported by three mandatory internships, international immrishti Manipal Institute for creativity development. TAPMI holds dual international accreditation from AACSB and AMBA, positioning it among the top 5 percent of global business schools with this prestigious recognition. The BBA (Hons) programme reports dedicated placement assistance during the sixth semester with comprehensive career guidance, achieving internship statistics with average stipends of ?21,000 per month and highest stipends reaching ?32,000 per month. Both institutions excel in essential benchmarks—robust accreditation, experienced international faculty, modern infrastructure, strong industry linkages, and reliable graduate outcomes—yet differ in programme structure, with JGBS offering integrated dual-degree flexibility and established ranking supremacy, while TAPMI provides specialized international exposure through its global university network and proven track record of academic excellence.

Recommendation: Considering India's #1 BBA ranking for two consecutive years, superior placement statistics with 92 percent success rate, comprehensive integrated dual-degree structure, and exceptional research-driven faculty from global institutions, Jindal Global Business School's IPM programme emerges as the optimal choice for holistic business education and career prospects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Relationship
We haven't had sex in 6 months. Are we even a couple anymore? It's not that I haven't tried. In fact, I've made the effort so many times. I have dropped hints, dressed up in pretty outfits. But my husband always says he's too tired, too stressed, or just not in the mood. We're only in our early 30s, married for five years. We have a 4 year old son. I think the gap widened after my son turned 2. I'm starting to feel rejected and unwanted. Are we just going through a rough patch?
Ans: Yes, it’s possible this is a rough patch. The transition from being partners to parents often shifts emotional energy toward caregiving, survival, and responsibility. Many couples go through seasons where intimacy takes a back seat—due to stress, exhaustion, resentment, unspoken hurts, or even changing hormones. But six months of no sexual intimacy, especially when one partner is still trying, is not just a phase to wait out. It’s a signal—something deeper may be going on emotionally, physically, or relationally with your husband.

The most important thing now is to move from subtle hints to open-hearted conversation. Not confrontation, not blame. But a real, calm moment where you say something like:

"I’ve been feeling increasingly distant from you—not just physically, but emotionally. I know life has been exhausting and we’re both stretched. But I miss being close to you. I miss feeling wanted, seen, connected. Can we talk about what’s going on between us? Not to pressure or fix it overnight, but just to understand where we are?”

You're not asking for sex. You’re asking for honesty, presence, and partnership. And if your husband is emotionally closed or dismissive, it may help to involve a couple’s therapist—someone neutral who can help unpack any barriers between you two.

This isn’t just about sex. It’s about closeness, and the quiet loneliness that’s creeping in despite being married and sharing a home and child. Don’t keep absorbing that pain in silence. You deserve connection, not confusion. And your marriage deserves a chance to heal, not just survive.

You're not overreacting. You're paying attention—and that’s the first step toward change.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Shalini, I am in an awkward position. I am 34, single. I have been chatting under a false identity with a guy who is cute and charming. In the last 2 years, we got really close where he told me a lot of things about his personal life, how he was coping with an ugly divorce and politics at work. Without realising we helped each other get better in our lives. In fact, he has been my greatest cheerleader, pushing me to do better at work, even get a promotion. While he has been honest about his intentions, I have never shared my real name. I got the shock of my life, when he sent me his recent picture. This guy turned out to be my current boss. It can't be a coincidence right? I feel so wrong to have led him on. Now I can't even send him a picture or should I just send it? He is in his early 50s and I am pretty junior to him at work. Will he think I manipulated him? Ever since I have known that I am dating my boss, I have been avoiding him. I have also noticed that he is distant and stressed at work. I feel guilty. What should I do? It's been two weeks and I have kind of ghosted him, he is worried sick and wants to know if I am alright. He texts me almost every day and night. He thinks I don't like him because of how he looks, but I don't have the courage to tell him that I was talking to him pretending to be someone else, while we worked in the same office. How do I explain this without hurting both of us?
Ans: The longer you avoid the situation, the more painful it will become for both of you. Ghosting him may feel like self-protection, but to him, it’s abandonment—especially after the emotional bond you both developed. And more than anything, that silence feeds his worst fear: that he is unlovable.

So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
"There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."

This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.

He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.

Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
Ans: The inconsistency you feel isn’t a reflection of weakness. It’s a result of being caught between two parts of yourself—one who wants to evolve, and one who is afraid to lose the comfort of old beliefs, even if they no longer serve you. That internal conflict is heavy, especially without a guiding voice to help you sort through it. You’re not alone in that—many young adults feel exactly this way, especially those with big dreams and high sensitivity to their environment.

Rather than trying to “fix” your personality or “force” your discipline, start by restoring trust in yourself. Trust doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up consistently for yourself in small, simple ways without pressure to perform. Your fear of failure and even your fear of success are both rooted in the same place: the doubt that you are enough as you are.

It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not have all the answers. The goal isn’t to become a different person—it’s to become more at peace with the person you are becoming. Self-leadership starts here: by choosing compassion over criticism, patience over pressure, and honesty over performance. Even if your steps are small and scattered, they are steps forward.

You don’t need external urgency to change. You need internal safety to try. So let’s shift the story you’re telling yourself. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You are learning, growing, and unlearning decades of conditioning—and that’s not only brave, it’s transformative.

Keep going. Gently, but steadily. And every time you fall back into old patterns, remind yourself: coming back is progress too. The journey to emotional strength is not about never falling—it’s about returning to yourself, again and again, with love.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Money
Hi Sir. Hope you are doing well and thanks for the earlier great replies. My issue now is the fact that since i had more then 13 Mutual funds and all of them under Regular scheme and all this time, not a single fund manager called me nor guided me so i thought it foolish to pay for a service that i didn't get. Now i have cancelled all the SIPs but not withdrawn. So i have already invested in 1) Nippon India Gold Savings Fund -Direct- Rs 5000 2) HDFC Manufacturing Fund - Direct - Rs 5000. I am shying away from both Mid caps and Small caps as in most of the news it mentions that they are very much overvalued. Since i am planning to invest in another house, i might need this money and i dont want a major shock at the time of redemption. Now that you know my background, my question is- 1) can you suggest me some Mutual funds that are balanced both in terms of safety and growth? and 2) How many active mutual funds that one should ideally have? Is 13 a little too much. Large caps dont seem to give good returns in my view. Kindly share your thoughts.
Ans: You’ve already taken some wise steps.

You’ve invested. You’ve questioned the value received. You’ve paused, not withdrawn. That’s mature thinking.

Let’s build a 360-degree response, based on your needs and plans ahead.

? Regular Plan vs Direct Plan – Your Experience Matters

– You had over 13 mutual funds under regular plans.

– You didn’t get any guidance from those associated with the fund houses.

– That’s a genuine disappointment and very valid concern.

– But this is not a problem with regular plans themselves.

– The issue lies in choosing the wrong distributor or agent.

– Regular plans offer one big benefit: personalised advisory.

– But only if it comes from a Certified Financial Planner with accountability.

– If the CFP is involved, they guide you, monitor your portfolio, and advise proactively.

– Direct funds remove the support system.

– They expect you to do research, reviews, and rebalancing yourself.

– This is risky unless you’re experienced and emotionally detached from markets.

– So don’t judge regular plans as bad.

– Choose the right person behind the plan instead.

– A MFD with CFP certification gives goal-based strategies, not product pushing.

? Why 13 Mutual Funds is Excess

– Investing in too many funds leads to portfolio overlap.

– You may have five funds holding the same stocks.

– That kills the purpose of diversification.

– It adds confusion and dilutes tracking.

– Also, too many funds don’t always mean better returns.

– In fact, performance gets harder to monitor.

– Ideally, 5 to 7 funds are enough for most goals.

– Fund count depends on goals, not market fear or FOMO.

– Less funds with proper allocation perform better than a scattered portfolio.

? Fear of Mid and Small Caps – Your Caution is Logical

– News mentions overvaluation in mid and small caps.

– It’s partially true, especially in short-term perspective.

– These funds give higher growth, but come with sharper falls.

– Since you’re planning to buy a house, you need safer growth.

– You cannot afford capital loss when you need liquidity.

– So you’re right in avoiding these for now.

– Your awareness shows maturity. That’s a strength.

? Current Funds in Direct Plan – Key Observations

– You mentioned investing in Gold Savings and Manufacturing funds.

– Both are sector-focused or thematic in nature.

– Gold fund tracks international gold prices indirectly.

– Manufacturing fund is theme-based and comes with high sector risk.

– These are not ideal for short-term or house-linked goals.

– These should not be your core portfolio.

– You should avoid thematic or sector funds unless you have other base funds.

– Since real estate purchase is likely, shift your focus to hybrid funds now.

– These offer balance between growth and safety.

– Also, they handle short-term volatility better.

? Balanced Fund Category – Ideal for Your Current Need

– You need a mix of growth and capital safety.

– Hybrid funds (also called balanced funds) offer this mix.

– They combine equity and debt in one product.

– There are types of hybrid funds: conservative, balanced, aggressive.

– Choose based on your time frame and risk comfort.

– A certified planner can help fine-tune this selection.

– These funds adjust exposure based on market mood.

– They help protect you from big shocks at redemption.

– They also reduce emotional panic during market noise.

– For home-related goals, hybrid is a sensible category to start.

? Large Caps – Don’t Judge Them on Recent Performance

– Many feel large caps are underperforming.

– But their role is different from mid or small caps.

– They bring stability, not excitement.

– In market correction, large caps fall less.

– That’s why they remain core part of any smart portfolio.

– Don’t remove them completely. Use them with right expectation.

– If you chase returns only, you’ll move portfolio every year.

– That hurts wealth creation.

– Stick with proven active large cap funds chosen via proper research.

– A fund’s past one-year return is not the right way to judge.

? Keep Your Investment House-Goal Ready

– You said you might need funds for buying another house.

– So you must avoid funds with high equity exposure now.

– Any money needed within 3 years should not go into pure equity.

– Use conservative hybrid funds or short-term debt funds instead.

– These give low-to-moderate growth with limited volatility.

– That helps you when you redeem the funds later.

– You won’t get any major shocks.

– Capital safety becomes more important than chasing returns.

– Once house purchase is done, you can take higher equity exposure again.

? Mutual Fund Portfolio Structure – Keep It Clean

Equity allocation: Choose 2 or 3 diversified active equity funds.

Hybrid allocation: Choose 1 or 2 based on time frame.

Debt allocation: If goal is near, add 1 short-term or dynamic debt fund.

Avoid sector funds, international funds, NFOs, and FOMO-driven launches.

No need to hold more than 5–7 mutual funds.

Keep one fund per category. Don’t duplicate.

Stick to regular plans only via a committed CFP.

Review every 6 months. Don’t overreact to news or media noise.

? Avoid Direct Plans – Especially When Goals Are Emotional

– Direct plans offer low expense ratio. But there is no support.

– It suits those who study markets, monitor funds, and know asset allocation.

– But most investors don’t have that time or bandwidth.

– When goals like buying a house or child education come, panic starts.

– Direct plans offer no guidance at that stage.

– A CFP helps you with exit planning, taxation, rebalancing, and goal alignment.

– Paying a little extra gives clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.

– With regular plans via CFP, you gain professional handholding.

– That is more valuable than 0.5% savings in expense ratio.

? Final Insights

– You’ve done more right things than you give yourself credit for.

– You paused SIPs. You questioned your old strategy. You stayed invested.

– That itself shows you are thinking wisely now.

– Rebuild your portfolio with 5–7 active funds only.

– Avoid direct plans. Choose regular route with a Certified Financial Planner.

– Exit from sector or thematic funds slowly, if they don’t match your goals.

– Shift towards balanced hybrid or short-term debt options for near-term goals.

– Don’t chase return percentages. Chase risk control and goal alignment.

– You will create wealth by staying invested, reviewing smartly, and getting expert support.

– Avoid being your own advisor in complex times.

– Take help. Grow steady. Stay confident.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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