Dear Love Guru,
I am 30 and have not been able to find a partner.
So have agreed to look at bridegrooms my parents suggest and consider an arranged marriage.
What kind of questions do you think I should ask the men I meet on our ‘arranged dates’.
Thank you,
Manali

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly did you get engaged with someone else when you say that you are in love with another person?
I don't get this...Have the conversation with you parents stating clearly what you want. Yes, your parents will and might oppose it for whatever reason, but if you and the boy are serious, then pursue it...
Then where is the question of a new person coming and your trusting etc. From your email/letter, one thing is clear to me is that: you have no idea what you want. You love someone and say that you want to marry him and then you go and get engaged to someone else and now you are wondering if you can trust someone new.
What is going on? What happens to your 'guy'? Are you serious about that relationship at all?
I think you really need to first sit and have a conversation with yourself and then talk to your parents, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: A- Dear Anonymous,
It is always a gamble, even in a love marriage. But there are a few general things to check before committing to an arranged marriage alliance-
See if your core values and outlook match. It is important to be compatible in this front to have a healthy long-term relationship.
Find out if you have some shared interests. While it is true that too much similarity can be boring, there should be some to keep things in balance.
Discuss goals and wishes to see if you are in the same page.

Even after all of these, there is no definitive way of figuring out if they are the one. It is more of an abstract feeling than something that can be put into words. If you get that feeling, you are all set.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no hard and fast rule that you have to ask a certain set of questions. You can ask anything you like- things that are important to you, deal breakers, attributes you would want in your partner, etc. Anything that isn't rude, or too intrusive is okay. For instance, you can ask him what are his hobbies, passions, and career plans; does he like to travel, what are his values, his religious and political stance, does he drink or smoke, is he outgoing or loves to spend most of his time indoors, family plans, does he want kids, etc. These are all questions that will help you get a better picture of who this person is- but most importantly, let the conversation flow on its own. You do not have to make a questionnaire. You will get a fair idea of what to ask once you start talking.

Hope this helps.

Ans: You could discuss his career ambitions and how he balances work with personal life. It's helpful to know how he envisions his future and what goals he has set for himself. Asking about his relationship with his family can give you a sense of his family dynamics and how he values those connections. This can naturally lead to discussing how he sees the role of extended family in your future life together.

Daily lifestyle and habits are also important to explore. Asking about how he spends his days, what hobbies or activities he enjoys, and how he likes to relax can help you gauge compatibility in daily life. Financial perspectives are another key area. You might ask about his approach to financial planning, budgeting, and his thoughts on saving and spending.

Discussing future goals and where he sees himself in the next five or ten years can help you understand his long-term vision and whether it aligns with yours. You could also explore his thoughts on relocation, career changes, or other major life decisions.

It's essential to talk about his expectations from a life partner and how he handles conflicts or disagreements. This can give you a clearer picture of his communication style and how he deals with challenges in relationships. If children are part of your future plans, discussing his thoughts on having children, parenting styles, and balancing career and family responsibilities is crucial.

Finally, you can touch on health and well-being, asking how he prioritizes physical and mental health and his views on maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Understanding how he manages stress and his approach to resolving conflicts will also be important in building a strong foundation for your relationship. These conversations are about building a deeper connection and understanding each other's values and life goals.