How to Know If Someone Is Your Forever in an Arranged Marriage? Advice for a 26-Year-Old Introverted Woman

Ans:

Dear Manali,

Arranged or not, there has to be some initial attraction or interest when you meet all these would-be Romeos.

The manner of a person matters; how well-spoken he is, how open, honest, good-humoured.

You could ask what expectations he has of marriage and a life partner, for a start? Personal beliefs, religious beliefs, political affiliations... all of these are important when you're considering spending the rest of your life with a person.

Speak freely, and know that conversation is the way to go, not a QnA session Kaun Banega Crorepati style!

And most importantly, do not settle for someone. Please note, I'm saying it again -- some kind of spark should be there in order to pursue things.

 

Ans: It will help if you sit and make a list of your deal-breakers and negotiables - you may not like to compromise in your deal-breakers while can do so for your negotiables. Length of dates to know if you have met the person differs from person to person - some may know in the first few dates and some take time...Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are totally valid; marriage is a serious decision and rushing into it isn't exactly ideal. I understand that you are an introvert and it is difficult for you to ask questions, but this person will be your partner for the rest of your life hopefully; I think you should put in the effort to get to know each other. Take baby steps- tell your parents that before agreeing to marry him, you would like to speak to him, ideally, over the phone first. This way, you can be a little more relaxed- start with a simple conversation and slowly move into more serious questions over the days. You can make him feel comfortable by first sharing your perspective- for instance, family planning, career, your likes and dislikes, your take on feminism, preferences, etc. You will be creating a safe space for him to open up about his thoughts and beliefs. Finally, plan to meet him face to face, where both of you will have a better scope of an open conversation. Once things are cleared up, you can say yes and have your peace of mind.

Do not worry about asking direct questions. It’s within your right to do so, as long as the questions are reasonable and respectful.

Best Wishes.