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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Gaurav Question by Gaurav on Oct 20, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I was married for one year.
We are divorced now.
I am angry and bitter and I feel cheated.
I want to move on but I cannot get over these feelings.
The divorce was her decision. We didn’t even get enough time to know each other and work things out.
Gaurav

Ans:

Dear Gaurav,

Sounds to me like an arranged match, since you say you didn’t have enough time to get to know one another. And that, unfortunately, is one of the pitfalls of marrying someone you don’t know well enough.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling; I think visiting a therapist may help. And please know that you can still have a happily ever after with someone else, so don’t give up on the idea of a happy family yet, alright?

Also, I don’t believe in arranged marriages at all; marriage in and of itself is hard enough with someone you love; it entails compromises and sacrifices and struggles to make a relationship work.

When there’s no emotional bond to begin with, it’s easier to walk out because it’s more of a living and financial arrangement.

Let me clarify that there’s no harm in being set up with someone by your parents, but then you really need to explore the relationship before getting into a lifetime commitment.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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Dear AnuWe got married in December 2015. It was love marriage arranged by our parents.From the first day of marriage my spouse started irritating me. But I love her from the bottom of my heart.She always disrespects my parents but they also didn't say a single word because they don’t want any dispute in our relationship.In July 2017, she forced us to shift to a new home. She’s always fighting with everyone in office, in train and in our society also.I told her to work on her anger otherwise some day we will lose our relationship.From 2017 to Nov 2021 I tried very hard to save my relationship with her but she never understood my love.At the end of 2021 I left my home. There are many complaints register by her in the police station, she harassed me and my family members.Now the divorce case is going on (don't know how many more days it will be)But what is my fault?I loved her truly.Why did she do this to me?How should I manage my life? I can't concentrate anywhere.Every day I am in tears.I want to keep this confidential.Thank you very much in advance.RegardsLR
Ans:

Dear LR,

What happened is beyond my comprehension.

Any relationship crumbles due to the weight of ego and misunderstandings.

Only the two of you will know what, why and how this happened. No point going behind this as all you will end up with is more resentment and sadness which isn’t going to help you anyway.

Divorce cases can go on for years if not settled mutually and amicably. So, it is quite possible that this might drag on.

What you need is resilience to put up a strong fight against all the cases registered against you and your family members.

Hire a good lawyer who understands the case not just as an ordinary one as cases against the husband and his family can be quite serious in a divorce situation.

In the meantime, you need to clear your mind to be less anxious and more productive.

I believe in changing the present for a better future rather than digging the past and robbing oneself of their peace of mind.

So,

  • Get deep into work and give it your all
  • Join a gym or anything that is a workout for the body
  • Indulge in a hobby that calm down the mind
  • Find joy in simple happenings
  • Express gratitude for everything and anything
  • Journal your thoughts and feelings daily
  • Spend a lot of time with Nature
  • Be with people who help you stand tall

Mind and body work in tandem and keeping both in the best condition is what is going to help you tide over this challenging phase.

Respect this and create a regimen of the above. It works. And be resilient and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and so focus on believing in that.

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

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Relationship
Hi i am 34 old guy well settled i married a girl who cheated me and left me after a month only .After talking a year i got married but she left me in a sec ,feels very cheated .Now talks are getting on to get settlement done .She is just after money money property even after knowing this i still love her a lot .I cry alot for her may be she is practical and cheater and i am not . Marriage for me was something which is to be done once in a life will get over after over dead only but really not able to over come i think 24/7 about her only . Despite knowing everything my minds think about her .I have done alot of things to be busy but I can't concentrate on my life
Ans: It's understandable that you are feeling hurt and betrayed after being left by someone you loved and trusted. It's important to remember that healing from this kind of emotional pain takes time, and it's okay to give yourself the space and time you need to work through your emotions.

One thing you could do is to focus on your own well-being and self-care. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy or a sense of fulfillment, such as hobbies or exercise. You could also consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

It's also important to consider the practical aspects of the situation, such as the settlement. It can be helpful to work with a legal professional who can help you navigate the process and ensure that your rights and interests are protected.

When it comes to your feelings for your ex-partner, it's important to recognize that these feelings may take time to fade. However, it's also important to remember that your well-being and happiness should always come first. It may be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship did not work out and to focus on the future possibilities for happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what steps you need to take to move forward and heal from this experience. Remember to be gentle with yourself, take things one step at a time, and prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I'm 44 year old male and my ex-wife and I had a nasty divorce. I used to love her a lot but the final separation was very ugly. Due to interference from my mother and constant instigation from her mother she was really irritated about the marriage in the last phase. She even refused to acknowledge me when I tried to persuade her in front of her office and got me harassed by shouting at me. Filed an FIR against me on wrong charges. Eventually I had to agree to divorce. But I could never forget or forgive her. I know for sure that she used to love me. I wonder whether she has felt any remorse. I still seek an apology from her. I find my devotion and love for her completely meaningless. Do I have a point?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you say she filed an FIR on false charges, what does that mean? I do find a lot of gaps in what you have shared and hence you might find my response biased but it is based solely on what you have shared.

Reading your post/question, I will ask you:
- Your mother's interference led your marriage to break and you did nothing to save it?
- You go and embarrass her at her workplace and expect an apology from your wife?

Ask yourself:
Do I love her or Do I want to get even with her?
Both have different responses. Your devotion is meaningless as you are yet to understand what you feel for her; hatred or love?
AND
When the divorce is already done, why are you still seeking clarity? It's done and dusted, isn't it? Settling scores will not let you move on. Hence, for your peace of mind, LET THIS GO...it will help put your mind in a better space and help you focus on what's at hand and requires your attention. Focus on yourself now...

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |612 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

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I am 39 years old. Married for 10 years. My wife had an extramarital affair with one boy when I was working away from her since we were both 10 years old. I found her red-handedly. She is asking for sorry. She made a mistake she will not do in the future like that she is telling me. I accepted her because of my son, but the problem is, I still can't forget because I blindly trusted her a lot and she betrayed me. I am unable to work despite living with her. Sometimes I feel depressed. Kindly guide me on what should I do.
Ans: Dear Eswar,

Your feelings are completely valid. Dealing with infidelity in a relationship is very difficult. Simply because you have forgiven your partner does not necessarily mean you have forgotten about it or have mentally dealt with it well. I suggest having an open conversation about your feelings with your wife. It is true that one mistake should not be the deciding factor, still, cheating is a pretty big mistake to forgive. If it is taking you some time to get over it, your wife has to help you get through it. When you do it together, it also helps the marriage grow. The best course of action would be to see a marriage counselor to get more structured guidance out of this.

Remember you do not have to rush yourself to feel all better. Infidelity is a traumatic experience for the one on the receiving end. Take all the time you need to get through it. And don't hold back from sharing with your wife how you are feeling. Open communication helps more than you know.

Best Wishes.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2025Hindi
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My son is getting IIIT Vadodara IT, RVCE - CSE (specialization w/AI ML) and BITS - HYD Electronics and Instrumentation or MSc Nanoscience and Semiconductors at BITS Pilani. Which option would be the best? Consdering placements, college life, future scope etc. He has somwhat interest in IT related branches, Will ENI @ BITS Hyd be good? Can he get into somewhat IT related stuff through that branch? Same for Msc Semiconductor and Nanoscience @ BITS Pilani, is MSc degeee worth it? Is Dual degree (after first year a good option @ BITS?)
Ans: IIIT Vadodara’s IT programme, NBA-accredited since 2013, reports a 2024 B.Tech placement rate of 61.4%, with an average package of ?11.34 LPA and median ?9 LPA across 53 recruiters, supported by project-based learning and industry tie-ups. RVCE’s CSE (AI & ML) specialization leverages its 100% CSE placement tradition, achieving a 75% placement rate in 2024 (93% in 2023) and an average CSE package of ?19 LPA through top firms like Microsoft and Cisco, within a vibrant campus culture and active student clubs. BITS Hyderabad’s Electronics & Instrumentation offers 60 seats, practice-school internships, and around 95% placement consistency with an average ?14–15 LPA, backed by NAAC A++ accreditation and cutting-edge digital-manufacturing labs. BITS Pilani’s newly introduced M.Sc. in Semiconductor and Nanoscience, aligned with the India Semiconductor Mission and National Quantum Mission, provides interdisciplinary training in nanofabrication and device physics, strong ISRO/DRDO collaborations, but lacks placement data due to its 2025 launch; prospective dual-degree switches to B.E. are limited to top performers after the first year and are highly competitive.

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Sir, for my daughter, Which is better? IIITDM Kancheepuram Smart Manufacturing or VNIT Nagpur Meatallurgical and Materials Engineering or IIIT Trichy ECE or drop an year to target IITs next year? No inclination to any specific branch, but having interest to do Masters abroad after Engineering, thanks
Ans: Sadhana Madam, Among the four pathways, IIITDM Kancheepuram’s Smart Manufacturing programme stands out for its interdisciplinary curriculum that merges advanced manufacturing processes, Industry 4.0 technologies, IoT, big data analytics, and robotics within a government-funded Institute of National Importance framework, supported by five-month industry internships and modern digital-manufacturing and CPS labs. VNIT Nagpur’s Metallurgical & Materials Engineering, a four-decade-old NIT ranked 39th by NIRF, offers a rigorous core materials-science syllabus, well-equipped failure-analysis and pilot-plant facilities, strong research projects with R&D organisations, and extensive testing and consultancy collaborations. IIIT Trichy’s ECE, under the PPP model and NAAC A+ accreditation, delivers a focused VLSI, embedded-systems, and sensor-networks curriculum with small cohorts and dedicated laboratories, along with fellowship support for overseas research aspirations and integrated national scholarships. Opting to take a drop year to aim for IIT entrance may enhance access to premier institutions but carries considerable opportunity cost and uncertain success without exceptional discipline and coaching.

recommendation Prioritize IIITDM Kancheepuram Smart Manufacturing for its cutting-edge, interdisciplinary design-and-manufacturing focus and robust experiential learning that align with overseas master’s ambitions; consider IIIT Trichy ECE next for its specialized labs and fellowship pathways; choose VNIT Nagpur MME for its deep materials-research ecosystem; avoid dropping a year unless fully prepared for the competitive rigor required to secure an IIT seat. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2025Hindi
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My daughter got EEE in SSN engineering college chennai and industrial engineering in CEG campus Anna University Chennai, guru which one is the best
Ans: Gopi Sir, SSN College of Engineering’s Electrical and Electronics Engineering programme is NBA-accredited, housed in a modern department with dedicated power-electronics, control-systems and robotics labs, staffed by PhD-qualified faculty, and supported by an active Career Development Centre that achieved a 77.9% placement rate with 89 offers for 95 eligible students in 2023-24. College of Engineering, Guindy’s Industrial Engineering under Anna University (est. 1978) carries NBA and UGC approvals, benefits from small cohorts, flexible curricula aligned with lean manufacturing and supply-chain practices, well-equipped operations-research and ergonomics labs, and a university-wide placement record near 70% in 2022 with 2,114 students placed and an average package of ?6.93 LPA. Both departments maintain strong industry linkages, structured internships and vibrant alumni networks.

Recommendation: Prioritize SSN EEE if core electrical and automation roles, higher placement consistency, and specialized lab exposure align with career goals; choose CEG Industrial Engineering for broader process-optimization and supply-chain expertise within a government-funded Institute-of-National-Importance environment. Ensure choice matches her long-term interest in power-electronics versus systems-engineering domains. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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