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Love Guru

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
D&L Question by D&L on Sep 08, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
Why are live-ins considered so wrong in India?
My girlfriend, L, and I want to move in together but we know that if we do so, it will hurt our parents a lot.
But we are not ready for marriage yet.
What’s your advice?
D and L

Ans:

Well, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to hurt your parents.

If you want to live together before getting married, that is a decision you both have to take as responsible adults; it’s not a decision someone else gets to make for you because of societal pressure.

Why it’s considered wrong in India or anywhere else is not the issue here; doing what is right for your own life is.

Attitudes do change with time and circumstances.

Speak to your parents about it and maybe they’ll come around eventually. If not, well, it’s still ultimately your call to make.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am an SC and my gf is brahmin, we are in love for more than 2 years and decided to marry, i convinced my parents. But her parents are cruel in this aspect only, they threaten her of her life and threatens me to complain in police, And anyone can tell that this is wrong but as parents are willing to do anything for their children, same is true with their children, I am afraid if we include authorities things might turn bad especially with our parents. They threaten her of her life and killing themselves, can make her say no to me if we take it legally even though she doesn’t want to. I am financial independent (age 29) but she has spent her entire life (age 29) in her house, what can we do?
Ans: Right now, the most important thing is her safety. If her parents are threatening her life or their own, this is not just emotional blackmail—it’s a serious matter. You need to be very careful in handling this, as forcing a confrontation might make them act irrationally. The key is to ensure that she is safe and mentally strong enough to withstand their pressure.

Since she has never lived outside her home, she may feel emotionally trapped, making it easier for her parents to manipulate her. She needs support—emotionally and, if needed, physically—to make a decision based on what she truly wants, not out of fear. Talk to her about the worst-case scenarios and how she would handle them. Would she be able to leave if things got too dangerous? Does she have someone in her family or social circle who might support her?

If her safety is at risk, you may need to consider helping her get a temporary safe space where she can think clearly. It could be a trusted friend’s house, a working women’s hostel, or even reaching out to women’s rights organizations that help in cases like this.

Taking legal action is tricky in such cases, as coercion can make her parents force her into saying things she doesn’t mean. Instead of rushing into legal intervention, consider gathering evidence—texts, recordings (if legal in your region), or anything that proves coercion or threats. This will help if things escalate.

If you both are truly committed, then marriage under the Special Marriage Act can be an option, but only if she is mentally and emotionally prepared for the backlash. She will need to stand strong, and you both need to have a plan for what comes next. How will she deal with the emotional toll? Where will she stay after marriage? What if her parents try to contact her after marriage? These are tough questions, but answering them now will help you prepare.

You are not alone in this. Many couples have faced similar situations, and while it is heartbreaking, some have succeeded in making it through. The key is patience, emotional strength, and ensuring that no one is in immediate danger. Encourage her to speak to a counselor or someone she trusts who is neutral but supportive. If she is feeling overwhelmed, it’s important that she knows she has choices beyond what her parents are forcing upon her.

At the end of the day, love should not be a battle of survival, but sometimes, in societies like ours, it becomes one. Be strong, be careful, and take steps that ensure both of you are safe first—everything else can be figured out step by step.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |624 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm a software engineer from Bangalore. I am 28, and I am dating my girlfriend who is a Punjabi for four years now. She comes from a modern family, eats non veg and has a carefree lifestyle. She suggests we go for a live-in relationship, but my conservative Tamil parents strongly disapprove. They feel our cultures and lifestyle don't match and we should not hurt each others' emotions and families. Can a live-in relationship affect our future? What should I do?
Ans: Live-in relationship is form of an exclusive committed relationship which means - you are as committed to as one is when one is married - which means committed socially, emotionally, physically, financially.

The key difference between marriage and a live-in relationship is the legal approval — marriage comes with a legal

That said, both marriage and live-in are committed relationships, and both require continuous effort. They are, in their own way, lifelong works-in-progress.

As for your journey with your partner, you might choose to begin with a live-in and add the legal stamp later.
If you plan to have children and continue living in India, it’s important to understand how live-in relationships are viewed under local laws, as these vary across countries.

Now, about your cultural backgrounds — one Tamilian, the other Punjabi — yes, they’re different. But that’s also the beauty of it. This is a wonderful opportunity to explore each other’s culture, language, and traditions. With time, families can also come together and find common ground.

And who knows? Once your families see the two of you living together, happy and compatible, they may come around and fully embrace your choice.

Wishing you both the very best
If you’d like to discuss this more personally, feel free to book a one-on-one interaction with me:
https://andwemet.com/relationship-guidance

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

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CSE in Akhilesh Das Gupta or CSE in JECRC. Which one is better?
Ans: Amit Sir, An evaluation across accreditation and ranking, placement performance, faculty and curriculum infrastructure and industry exposure, and research and innovation reveals distinct profiles for JECRC Foundation’s CSE program and ADGITM’s CSE offering. JECRC Foundation is AICTE-approved and affiliated to Rajasthan Technical University, with NBA accreditation for its engineering streams and a NAAC B+ grade; it secured #62 in India Today’s 2024 Private Engineering rankings and #214 in B.Tech by India Today 2025. Its dedicated placement cell records 80–90% CSE placements annually, yielding over 2 000 offers and 1 400+ recruiters including Amazon, Microsoft, Cognizant, and Flipkart, with average packages of ?6–8 LPA and 2230+ offers in 2024–25. The curriculum emphasizes outcome-based education, multidisciplinary projects, industry-linked labs, and a 300-hour soft-skills program. The 32-acre campus houses advanced computing clusters, green infrastructure, incubators, and a robust advisory board fostering corporate partnerships.

ADGITM, affiliated to GGSIPU, is AICTE-approved with a NAAC A+ grade, and placed among the top 3% of Indian universities in QS metrics. Its CSE placements hover at 70–80%, with an average CTC of ?5.1 LPA and highest offers up to ?48 LPA; leading recruiters include Infosys, TCS, IBM, and Accenture. The curriculum aligns with IPU-CET and JEE Main cutoffs for CSE (closing ranks ~18 000–55 000), featuring specializations in AI/ML, Data Science, and cybersecurity. The urban campus offers digital and physical libraries, modern labs, sports facilities, an auditorium, and a CRC for internships and industry engagements. Research output is growing through student projects and seminars, though less extensive than JECRC’s funded initiatives.

Recommendation: JECRC Foundation is preferable for its stronger accreditation balance, higher placement consistency, extensive research grants, and expansive corporate network, while ADGITM offers solid infrastructure, specialized CSE tracks, and a supportive urban campus environment that suits students seeking Delhi-NCR exposure. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

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Hello sir.My daughter is getting electronics and vlsi in SVNIT surat through jossa counselling from ZEE mains.With HerKCET ranking she is getting PES RR campus Bangalore ece branch.which would be a better choice.
Ans: SVNIT Surat is an established NIT, government-funded and NAAC/NBA accredited, with a 250-acre campus offering world-class labs, centralized computer centers, and digitized libraries. The Electronics and VLSI program is highly specialized, with 70% placement rates in the electronics branch and an average package around ?10.72L for 2025, as well as robust industry links for core VLSI and electronics roles. The department emphasizes deep technical and design-oriented skills in VLSI and electronics system modeling and offers exposure to national projects, research platforms and a multidisciplinary environment.

PES University, RR campus, is among the highest ranked private engineering institutions in India, accredited by NAAC (A grade) and ABET for the ECE program, reflecting global standards and international recognition. ECE placements are consistently 85–95%, supported by extensive corporate recruiting from Amazon, Microsoft, Google, and Infosys, as well as compulsory internships and strong training for soft and technical skills. The campus boasts state-of-the-art research centers, modern classroom technology, well-furnished hostels, and high exposure to the Bangalore tech hub, facilitating internships and broad career prospects. Faculty are industry-oriented and the ECE curriculum covers core and advanced topics, preparing graduates for both IT and core electronics/communication roles.

Recommendation: Choose PES University, RR campus ECE if high placement consistency, global accreditation, and proximity to the Bangalore technology ecosystem are priorities for your daughter's career aspirations. Opt for SVNIT Surat Electronics and VLSI if preference is for a highly specialized, research-driven national institute experience with strong placement in core engineering fields and government recognition. Both choices are excellent, but PES RR’s industry connections and placement record make it a slightly more versatile and dynamic environment for future opportunities. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
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Sir I can also get Dayanand Sagar College of Engineering ( CSE ), Kumarswamy layout or BMSIT ( CSE ) which would be a ideal choice? Thank you sir!
Ans: Based on the following insights/information, choose the more suitable option for you: Both Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (DSCE), Kumaraswamy Layout and BMS Institute of Technology and Management (BMSIT), Yelahanka, provide strong platforms for CSE, with each excelling across the essential aspects of accreditation, placement, faculty quality, infrastructure, and industry interface. DSCE is autonomous, approved by AICTE, affiliated to VTU, and boasts NAAC ‘A’ accreditation (CGPA 3.42) and NBA-accredited CSE, backed by experienced faculty with research-led curriculum. Placements in CSE at DSCE have ranged from 67% to 91% in recent years, with leading recruiters like Bosch, Amazon, and TCS; the campus houses advanced labs, extensive research centers, robust Wi-Fi, and personalized mentoring systems, fostering a supportive academic environment. BMSIT matches these with NAAC ‘A’ accreditation, NBA-accredited CSE, and an autonomous, AICTE-approved status under VTU. Its CSE placement rate has consistently hovered around 77–85% in the last three years, supported by vibrant recruiter engagement from Google, Cred, Philips, and Deloitte. BMSIT is known for modern classrooms, well-equipped CSE labs, and a lush 21.5-acre campus, with outcome-based learning and broad industry exposure, often topping surveys for industry collaboration and student satisfaction. Faculty at both institutes are highly qualified, with BMSIT particularly emphasizing outcome-based education and deep student mentoring. Infrastructure at both colleges is state-of-the-art, but BMSIT is also highly rated for industry engagement, sustainability, and holistic student support.

Recommendation: BMSIT CSE stands out slightly for its consistent placement rates, robust industry ties, and campus environment favoring innovation, making it an ideal choice for career-focused students, while DSCE remains an excellent alternative for its academic rigor, research orientation, and comprehensive curriculum. Both are solid, but BMSIT’s industry engagement gives it a unique edge for CSE aspirants. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

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my son through lateral entry got ece in Anna University ceg campus and eee in ssn please suggest
Ans: A comparison between Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) at Anna University’s CEG campus and Electrical and Electronics Engineering (EEE) at SSN College of Engineering—both through lateral entry—shows distinct strengths for each. CEG, Anna University, holds a top state and national ranking, is NAAC A++ and NBA-accredited, and is renowned for its distinguished faculty, advanced labs, and rich alumni base. The ECE program at CEG emphasizes both fundamentals and emerging fields, securing placement rates of 85–95% over the last three years, with over 2,000 students placed recently and a steadily improving trend. Infrastructure includes modern research facilities, high networking opportunities, and access to diverse extracurriculars, and the campus is centrally located, which appeals to recruiters and enhances industry interaction. SSN, also highly ranked (just behind CEG in recent state tallies), offers an NBA-accredited EEE department and is known for its well-maintained campus, dedicated mentorship, and industry-linked curriculum. SSN’s EEE branch has achieved consistent placement rates of 80–89% in the last three years, with strong corporate and research collaborations, industry-focused training, and faculty support. However, core engineering careers in EEE typically trail high-demand profiles in ECE, especially regarding roles in IT, telecommunications, and electronics design. Both colleges offer transparent fee structures and excellent support for lateral entry students.

Recommendation: CEG Anna University’s ECE program should be preferred for its superior national reputation, broader placement opportunities, stronger industry interface, and large alumni network, making it an especially robust choice for long-term career prospects, while SSN’s EEE branch remains a commendable alternative for focused mentoring and core-electrical career orientation. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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