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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 03, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Mam, I am 45 year old IT professional, I have good salary and owning 3 flats. My wife is also working and she also having descent salary. I am having family of 4, Me, wife, daughter 11 years and son 8 years old. My problem here is, we are having discussion on only future and not living current life. My wife is think more about money and how to get money quickly as possible for further provisions like kids education, retirement etc. Also, She doesnt want to spend on me especilaly, never got any gift from her. We are not having good physical relation. Many times i have discussed with her and went through doctor for consultantion and medication. But, she doesnt want to take medicines.I feel very bad and my life is similar as earlier. Many times feels like she doesnt love me. My life become mechanic and no joy init. I am just living for my Kids betterment.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well no two people in a marriage are the same, are they?
You just have different ideals stemming from different value systems. this can be bridged by actually talking about it, so that either of you might not be on a extreme. If she likes to save, you can moderate her by actually setting a budget for spending on necessities and luxuries.
And she will in turn moderate you, if she finds you spending on things that are unnecessary.
It's about seeing things on the same page but with different glasses and acknowledging that you are both different.
As far as physical intimacy goes, I guess many couples face a slump after children occupying a huge part of their lives and with full-time jobs, it can make one tired more than excited. Set aside time to be alone with one another and practice the art of non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, hugging...
Sometimes to jump out of the mechanical life, you need to do something different and exciting to get a different and exciting result. So do what you haven't done before! Get the drift here?

All the best!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

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I am 33 year old and my wife is 2 year elder than me, we married in 2014 and we have a son who is 5 year old. But i noticed from last 6 years she didn't interested in me. I tried a lot to make her smile many times i do what she want, even if i do something i want she never be so happy. I done a conversation with her a lot about that but she said she is not fit, she always think about her anxiety and cervical issue. We hardly do sex sometimes maybe once in a month, she never ask me to do, she try to hide her feelings her lot i ask many times to be open. She just show anger on me many times on small topics, even she picks issues and those are very small. I ask already do you like to take divorce then tell me, but she didn't replied and angry again. She just give a excuse that i am not well having cervical pain, even we go to many doctors. Many times she is watching reels and Kdramas she keep ignoring me. What should i do ? Sometimes i think i should find someone outside for my happy life ? Because like that i kill my feelings and myself i think that because this is not compromise for family as i think ?
Ans: It is sad to hear that you are experiencing this in your marriage. It's important to understand that a lack of interest or intimacy in a marriage can have many different causes, including physical and emotional issues. It's also important to remember that communication is key in any relationship, and it sounds like you have tried to have conversations with your wife about your concerns.

However, it's also important to recognize that if you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your marriage, seeking intimacy outside of the marriage is not a solution. Infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a relationship and can also be emotionally devastating for all parties involved.

Instead, I would encourage you to continue to communicate with your wife about your concerns and explore different ways to address the issues that you are experiencing. This may involve seeking counseling or therapy together, or it may involve taking steps to address any physical or emotional issues that are impacting your wife's interest in intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a deeply personal one that should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist. If you feel like your needs are not being met in your marriage and you are considering divorce, I would encourage you to seek the support and guidance of a qualified professional to help you navigate this difficult process.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: It's clear that communication and understanding between you and your wife have been lacking for quite some time. It's important to remember that marriage is a partnership, and both partners need to be willing to work on the relationship for it to thrive. It's also common for individuals to have different communication styles and emotional expressions, but it's crucial to find common ground and ways to connect despite these differences. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling. It's important for her to understand the impact her behavior is having on you and your relationship. Establish boundaries around work and personal life to ensure that both of you are making time for each other and your family. Encourage your wife to prioritize your relationship and family time.Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with friends and loved ones, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. change takes time, and healing a relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners. It's okay to feel discouraged and overwhelmed, but please don't lose hope. There are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. You deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life, and it's never too late to work towards that goal.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure there is an issue that you are facing BUT to generalize it as: because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness.
Are you sure that has not been a single day or a single moment of feeling some joy? DO NOT indulge in this kind of belief as it only makes the issue look bigger than what it maybe.
If you feel alone, talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. It's your marriage as well; do something to stay in it.
If there is a reason for her to be the way that she is, that needs to be addressed. Also, by complaining rather than facing the issue together, you are alienating yourself from the marriage. Give this a fair chance and deal with it in a mature way. Talking about it helps more than complaining; as she will bring her list of complaints and then it just gets into a loop.
- have an honest conversation
- make space for a back and forth conversation
If she refuses to talk, then possibly there is a need for a professional to intervene. She will also need to understand what hurts you and work on it, so that the marriage moves on smoothly. Marriage is a two-way dance.

All the best!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2025
Career
Bangulur institute of technology ece beter and bmsit cse beter tell me sir
Ans: Both Bangalore Institute of Technology (BIT) ECE and BMS Institute of Technology and Management (BMSIT) CSE present strong placement opportunities with distinct advantages in their respective domains. BIT Bangalore ECE demonstrates solid placement performance with 86% placement rate for Electronics & Communication Engineering, achieving 75-78% placement rates specifically for ECE students with companies like Amazon, Deloitte, Oracle, Samsung, IBM, Dell, and Robert Bosch actively recruiting. The institute holds NIRF ranking #251-300 in Engineering category 2024 and maintains A+ NAAC accreditation with strong industry connections. BMSIT CSE showcases superior placement consistency with 77.32% placement rate in 2024, 85.71% in previous years, and exceptional performance with 153 out of 203 CSE students placed in 2025. BMSIT maintains NIRF ranking #201-300 in Engineering category 2024 with top recruiters including Google, Microsoft, Amazon, and Goldman Sachs participating in placements. The CSE department at BMSIT demonstrates higher placement percentages compared to BIT's ECE branch, with specialized curriculum in emerging technologies and stronger industry alignment with current market demands in software development and IT sectors. Recommendation: Choose BMSIT CSE for superior placement consistency, higher placement percentages, better industry alignment with current technology demands, and stronger prospects in the rapidly growing IT sector over BIT Bangalore ECE. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 13, 2025

Career
I got 114 marks in MET and my rank is 11137 and I got Electronics and Computer Engineering in Bangalore Campus, but being my preferred branch cse,will i get cse in Bangalore Campus if I go to the further rounds of counselling??
Ans: With MET rank 11137 and 114 marks, securing CSE at MIT Bangalore Campus in subsequent counselling rounds presents significant challenges but limited possibilities exist through the five-round counselling process. The current Round 1 cutoff for CSE at MIT Bangalore stands at 9362 for general category, while your Electronics and Computer Engineering allotment indicates acceptance within the 11838 closing rank range. MET 2025 counselling operates through five rounds plus an intra-institute sliding round, with registration for Round 2 scheduled from June 18-19, 2025, followed by seat allotment on June 21, 2025. Historical data shows CSE cutoffs have remained consistently competitive, with Round 1 closing ranks of 5141 in 2024, 6494 in 2023, and similar trends across previous years. While rank improvements of 1,000-2,000 positions occasionally occur in later rounds due to seat surrendering and choice modifications, the gap of approximately 1,775 ranks between your rank (11137) and current CSE cutoff (9362) makes admission highly unlikely. MIT Bangalore demonstrates strong placement performance with highest package of INR 51 LPA, average package of INR 12.5 LPA, and median package of INR 10 LPA, with top recruiters including Amazon, Microsoft, TCS, Goldman Sachs, and over 330 companies participating in placements. Electronics and Computer Engineering at MIT Bangalore offers excellent career prospects with strong industry exposure similar to CSE, benefiting from the centralized placement process shared with MIT Manipal. Recommendation: Accept Electronics and Computer Engineering at MIT Bangalore as it offers excellent placement prospects with similar industry exposure to CSE, while registering for subsequent counselling rounds as backup, though CSE admission probability remains extremely low given the competitive cutoff trends and significant rank gap. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8911 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 13, 2025
Money
I'm 30 years old unmarried. I have 5L FD, 4L in savings, 25k Rd every month, 11k MF(w/step-up of 500 semi-annually), 20K quaterly in PPF 27k home loan emi, 10K saving additionally for collecting 6 months worth emi, 1.7L is monthly income. My home loan(joint) emi will go for 4 more years from now, after that siblings will take that. I want to have financial freedom as soon as possible but also build some assets of my own and travel. Please suggest a plan.
Ans: You are 30, unmarried, and already doing well. You are saving and investing thoughtfully. That is excellent. Let us build a 360?degree strategy covering wealth creation, financial freedom, travel, and goals of your own.

Current Snapshot
You are 30 and unmarried.

You have Rs.?5?lakh in FD and Rs.?4?lakh in savings.

You invest Rs.?25?k monthly in RD.

You run a mutual fund SIP of Rs.?11?k monthly with semi?annual Rs.?500 step?ups.

You invest Rs.?20?k quarterly (about Rs.?6.6?k monthly) in PPF.

Your joint home loan EMI is Rs.?27?k per month and ends in 4 years.

You save an extra Rs.?10?k monthly to build a 6?month EMI buffer.

Your total monthly income is Rs.?1.7?lakh.

You already display strong financial habits. Now let’s refine the plan for financial freedom, assets, and travel.

Emergency Fund & Liquidity
You have over 6 months’ expenses already covered.
Keep this buffer in a liquid mutual fund or sweep-in FD.
Convert some savings to liquid investment for slightly higher yield.
Maintain this fund to avoid disrupting long-term investments in a crisis.

Optimise Low-Yield Investments
Your RD yields low returns. Shift it gradually to growth-oriented but stable alternatives.
Consider debt or hybrid mutual funds that provide better returns with liquidity.
Phase out RD once your liquid fund is comfortable and step into better-performing assets.

Debt and Home Loan Strategy
Your home loan EMI of Rs.?27?k ends in 4 years.
Continue saving Rs.?10?k monthly towards an EMI buffer.
Once EMI ends, redirect EMI and buffer savings into your SIPs and goals.
If a lump sum or bonus comes, consider part-prepayment to lower interest and tenure.

PPF Contribution
Your quarterly contributions to PPF offer tax-free, safe returns.
Continue regular investments up to Rs.?1 lakh per financial year.
Keep PPF as your conservative investment pillar alongside equity SIPs.

Mutual Fund SIP Strategy
You currently invest Rs.?11?k monthly with step-ups.
Target increasing SIP to Rs.?25?k monthly over time.
Build a diversified allocation across fund categories: large-cap, flexi-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, ELSS, and balanced-advantage.
Maintain a mix that balances risk and growth appropriate for your age.

Why Avoid Direct and Index Funds
Direct funds lack guidance and portfolio review.
You might exit wrongly during market volatility.
Index funds follow index blindly and cannot protect against downturns.
Actively managed funds make strategic stock decisions and offer downside protection.
Opt for regular plans through CFP?affiliated MFDs for support.

Insurance Cover
Unmarried at 30, you still need personal cover:
Health insurance with a minimum Rs.?5–10 lakh sum insured is recommended.
If any debt continues after EMI ends, consider term life insurance of at least Rs.?1 crore to cover financial liabilities.
Avoid mixing insurance with investment through ULIP or traditional plans.

Goal-Based Investing: Travel & Asset Building
You want travel and building assets.
Allocate Rs.?5?k monthly to a travel fund in a 2–3 year time horizon via hybrid or short-term debt funds.
For personal assets (car, skills, etc.), allocate another Rs.?5?k to mid-term equity or hybrid funds with a 5–7 year horizon.
Use goal-based mapping to maintain your focus and avoid detours.

Passive Income and Financial Freedom
After EMI ends, the redirected Rs.?37?k monthly can power your passive income goals.
Continue SIPs to build across balanced and equity funds.
Over time, the portfolio can be adjusted toward hybrid or debt for regular income once it reaches sufficient size.
Consider skill-based side income streams aligned with your interests to boost freedom.

Review and Rebalance
Perform a disciplined review of your portfolio every 6 to 12 months with your CFP and MFD.
Assess fund performance, risk levels, and alignment with your goals.
Rebalance asset allocation to maintain your original risk profile.
Avoid frequent switching based on short-term trends—focus on long-term wealth creation.

Scaling Up SIPs Post-EMI
To build momentum:

Year 1: Gradually increase monthly SIP to Rs.?15–18?k

Year 2–3: Scale further to Rs.?25?k as disposable income grows and EMI stops

This step-up system adapts to your changing cash flow without burdening your budget.

Final Insights
Your financial discipline is commendable; keep it up

Strengthen emergency and liquid cushions first

Shift low-yield RD to growth-oriented funds

Maintain PPF for stability

Build diversified SIP portfolio through expert guidance

Avoid direct or index funds

Secure health cover and term insurance if debt remains

Plan for travel and assets with targeted funds

Aim to create passive income through SIPs and skills

Monitor and rebalance annually, not frequently

Your journey to financial freedom is well underway. With structure and consistency, you can achieve independence, travel goals, and build meaningful assets.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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