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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 03, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Mam, I am 45 year old IT professional, I have good salary and owning 3 flats. My wife is also working and she also having descent salary. I am having family of 4, Me, wife, daughter 11 years and son 8 years old. My problem here is, we are having discussion on only future and not living current life. My wife is think more about money and how to get money quickly as possible for further provisions like kids education, retirement etc. Also, She doesnt want to spend on me especilaly, never got any gift from her. We are not having good physical relation. Many times i have discussed with her and went through doctor for consultantion and medication. But, she doesnt want to take medicines.I feel very bad and my life is similar as earlier. Many times feels like she doesnt love me. My life become mechanic and no joy init. I am just living for my Kids betterment.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well no two people in a marriage are the same, are they?
You just have different ideals stemming from different value systems. this can be bridged by actually talking about it, so that either of you might not be on a extreme. If she likes to save, you can moderate her by actually setting a budget for spending on necessities and luxuries.
And she will in turn moderate you, if she finds you spending on things that are unnecessary.
It's about seeing things on the same page but with different glasses and acknowledging that you are both different.
As far as physical intimacy goes, I guess many couples face a slump after children occupying a huge part of their lives and with full-time jobs, it can make one tired more than excited. Set aside time to be alone with one another and practice the art of non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, hugging...
Sometimes to jump out of the mechanical life, you need to do something different and exciting to get a different and exciting result. So do what you haven't done before! Get the drift here?

All the best!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

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Hello. I am 38 years old. I have gone through a very rough patch with my wife. I have two children. Everything is good except, since the last three years, she never wants to be intimate with me. She never hugs/kisses me. She hates it if I hug her or kiss or touch her. However, she take care of my all other things. I have talked to her straight-forwardly about this but she always says, ‘Bus mera dil hi nahi karta (I don’t feel like it).’ I take support of masturbation and other porn things. Even in the night if I touch her, she shouts at me and I get embarrassed in the family as they listen all the shouts in the night. I don’t want to leave her. How can solve it? I have nothing in my mind now. Please help me to come out from the problem. I always care for her and love her. I can’t live without her. Regards Pardeep Suman
Ans:

Hi Pardeep,

Something is definitely weird about your wife being so repelled by the act of physical love, to the point of shouting you away from her!

It could be anything, from feeling self-conscious about her body or some deep-rooted trauma that she’s coping with, or simply that she’s not enjoying sex any more or feels put off by it for some reason.

Is it that she was just tolerating sex even earlier in your marriage and doesn’t feel the need to do so now? Or did she enjoy it before and this phase has come on post having children?

You obviously can’t get through to her, so let a professional try to do so; I’d suggest visiting a marital counsellor as soon as is possible.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

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I am 33 year old and my wife is 2 year elder than me, we married in 2014 and we have a son who is 5 year old. But i noticed from last 6 years she didn't interested in me. I tried a lot to make her smile many times i do what she want, even if i do something i want she never be so happy. I done a conversation with her a lot about that but she said she is not fit, she always think about her anxiety and cervical issue. We hardly do sex sometimes maybe once in a month, she never ask me to do, she try to hide her feelings her lot i ask many times to be open. She just show anger on me many times on small topics, even she picks issues and those are very small. I ask already do you like to take divorce then tell me, but she didn't replied and angry again. She just give a excuse that i am not well having cervical pain, even we go to many doctors. Many times she is watching reels and Kdramas she keep ignoring me. What should i do ? Sometimes i think i should find someone outside for my happy life ? Because like that i kill my feelings and myself i think that because this is not compromise for family as i think ?
Ans: It is sad to hear that you are experiencing this in your marriage. It's important to understand that a lack of interest or intimacy in a marriage can have many different causes, including physical and emotional issues. It's also important to remember that communication is key in any relationship, and it sounds like you have tried to have conversations with your wife about your concerns.

However, it's also important to recognize that if you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your marriage, seeking intimacy outside of the marriage is not a solution. Infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a relationship and can also be emotionally devastating for all parties involved.

Instead, I would encourage you to continue to communicate with your wife about your concerns and explore different ways to address the issues that you are experiencing. This may involve seeking counseling or therapy together, or it may involve taking steps to address any physical or emotional issues that are impacting your wife's interest in intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a deeply personal one that should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist. If you feel like your needs are not being met in your marriage and you are considering divorce, I would encourage you to seek the support and guidance of a qualified professional to help you navigate this difficult process.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: It's clear that communication and understanding between you and your wife have been lacking for quite some time. It's important to remember that marriage is a partnership, and both partners need to be willing to work on the relationship for it to thrive. It's also common for individuals to have different communication styles and emotional expressions, but it's crucial to find common ground and ways to connect despite these differences. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you're feeling. It's important for her to understand the impact her behavior is having on you and your relationship. Establish boundaries around work and personal life to ensure that both of you are making time for each other and your family. Encourage your wife to prioritize your relationship and family time.Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This might involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with friends and loved ones, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. change takes time, and healing a relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners. It's okay to feel discouraged and overwhelmed, but please don't lose hope. There are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. You deserve to live a fulfilling and happy life, and it's never too late to work towards that goal.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am working in a central psu and my wife works for state govt and both are 48 yrs. We are married for 20 yrs and have 2 sons (20 &16). She is never expressive nor vocal, because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness. Her parents never ever made her realised that problem can be from her side too nor asked me even a single time whats is bothering me. She is over ambitious in her job and neglects everything in the personal life. This negligence started from the day 1 of the married life. She never try to understand the problem and reasons behind and just ignore and move ahead. This makes life miserable and likewise 20 yrs passed.. Its like when sons are moving out of home, I feel very much alone and sometimes feels to runaway from life...She dont show any emotions, giving the reasons that its her nature...She says loves me, but whats that love which is not felt by me for a single day...I wanted a wife not a nurse.. What to do....I lost my hope of life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure there is an issue that you are facing BUT to generalize it as: because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness.
Are you sure that has not been a single day or a single moment of feeling some joy? DO NOT indulge in this kind of belief as it only makes the issue look bigger than what it maybe.
If you feel alone, talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. It's your marriage as well; do something to stay in it.
If there is a reason for her to be the way that she is, that needs to be addressed. Also, by complaining rather than facing the issue together, you are alienating yourself from the marriage. Give this a fair chance and deal with it in a mature way. Talking about it helps more than complaining; as she will bring her list of complaints and then it just gets into a loop.
- have an honest conversation
- make space for a back and forth conversation
If she refuses to talk, then possibly there is a need for a professional to intervene. She will also need to understand what hurts you and work on it, so that the marriage moves on smoothly. Marriage is a two-way dance.

All the best!
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I am 37 years old and plan to take a term life insurance for my family, which consists of my wife and 6 year old daughter. I am confused whether I should choose a normal policy which expires after the coverage period, or one which returns the premiums after the coverage period. Obviously, the latter involves spending a higher sum as premium per month. Also please suggest the companies offering policies with better claim settling history
Ans: opting for a pure term life insurance policy is generally advisable over a return of premium (ROP) policy. ROP policies tend to have higher premiums, as they offer to return premiums at the end of the term if the policyholder survives. However, this feature often comes at the cost of higher premiums, making it less cost-effective in the long run.

With pure term insurance, you pay lower premiums for the same coverage amount, ensuring that your family receives a substantial sum assured in case of your unfortunate demise. It's a straightforward and transparent form of protection without any investment component or frills attached.

When selecting an insurance provider, prioritize companies with a strong track record of claim settlement and customer service. Look for insurers with high claim settlement ratios and positive reviews from policyholders.

Remember, the primary purpose of life insurance is to provide financial protection to your loved ones in your absence. By opting for a pure term policy, you ensure that your family receives the necessary financial support without any unnecessary frills or complexities.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have a corpus fund of 20 Lacs. Could you please suggest any investment strategy where I can earn monthly income
Ans: With a corpus fund of 20 lakhs, generating a monthly income requires a prudent investment strategy. Consider allocating a portion of your corpus to income-generating assets while preserving capital. Here are some potential strategies:

Fixed Deposits (FDs) or Recurring Deposits (RDs): Invest a portion of your corpus in FDs or RDs with banks or NBFCs to earn a fixed interest income monthly.
Debt Mutual Funds: Consider investing in debt mutual funds that focus on generating regular income through interest payments from debt securities. Choose funds with a track record of stable returns and low expense ratios.
Dividend-Paying Stocks: Invest in dividend-paying stocks of established companies to receive regular dividend income. Focus on companies with a history of consistent dividend payouts and strong fundamentals.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Implement an SWP in mutual funds to systematically withdraw a fixed amount from your corpus each month. Opt for funds with a balanced allocation to equity and debt for stability and growth potential.
Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs) or Infrastructure Investment Trusts (InvITs): Consider investing in REITs or InvITs, which distribute a portion of their rental income or infrastructure project cash flows to investors as dividends.
Annuities: Explore the option of purchasing annuities from insurance companies, which provide a regular income stream in exchange for a lump-sum investment.
Before implementing any investment strategy, assess your financial goals, risk tolerance, and liquidity needs. Diversify your investments across asset classes to mitigate risk and optimize returns. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to develop a personalized income-generating strategy tailored to your financial objectives and circumstances.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Money
I am investing ?3, 000/- each in SIP of Axis Blue Chip Fund, Parag Parikh Flexi Cap, Edelweiss Balanced Advantage, SBI Magnum Mid Cap, Kotak Small Cap and Kotak Gold Fund. Is my portfolio an investment in right direction. I intend to keep the investment for 10 years.
Ans: Your portfolio seems to be well-diversified across various categories of mutual funds, which is a good strategy for long-term wealth accumulation. Let's analyze each fund in your portfolio:

Axis Blue Chip Fund: This fund invests in large-cap stocks with a track record of stable earnings and strong fundamentals. It offers stability and growth potential, making it suitable for conservative investors.
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: This flexi-cap fund has the flexibility to invest across market capitalizations and sectors. It follows a bottom-up stock-picking approach, aiming for long-term capital appreciation. It's suitable for investors seeking diversification and growth.
Edelweiss Balanced Advantage Fund: This fund dynamically allocates between equity and debt instruments based on market conditions. It aims to provide stable returns with lower volatility, making it suitable for investors with a moderate risk tolerance.
SBI Magnum Mid Cap Fund: Mid-cap funds like this one invest in mid-sized companies with the potential for higher growth. They can be more volatile but offer the potential for significant long-term returns.
Kotak Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds invest in small-sized companies with high growth potential. They can be more volatile but offer the potential for substantial long-term gains.
Kotak Gold Fund: This fund invests in gold ETFs, providing exposure to the precious metal. Gold can act as a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations, adding diversification to your portfolio.
Overall, your portfolio covers a range of market segments, including large-cap, flexi-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and gold. This diversification can help spread risk and optimize returns over the long term. However, ensure that your portfolio aligns with your risk tolerance and investment goals.

Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to review your portfolio and make any necessary adjustments based on changes in market conditions or your personal circumstances. They can provide personalized guidance to help you achieve your investment objectives with confidence over the next 10 years.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Money
Sir I am just start sip UTI NIFTY F 50 3500 UTI NEXT 50 2500 PARAG PARAGH FELXI CAP 4000 NAVI MIDCAP 150 2500 QUANTH SMALL 2000 ITS GOOD SIR
Ans: Your selection of mutual funds for SIP investment appears to be diversified across different market segments, which is generally a good strategy for long-term wealth accumulation. Here are some considerations:

Index Funds: UTI Nifty 50 and UTI Next 50 are index funds that track the Nifty 50 and Nifty Next 50 indices, respectively. These funds provide exposure to top-performing large-cap and mid-cap companies, offering broad market diversification with relatively lower expense ratios.
Flexi-cap Funds: Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund and Navi Midcap 150 are flexi-cap and mid-cap funds, respectively. These funds have the flexibility to invest across companies of various market capitalizations, providing diversification and the potential for higher returns.
Small-cap Funds: Quant Small Cap Fund focuses on investing in small-cap companies with high growth potential. Small-cap funds can be more volatile but offer the potential for significant long-term returns.
Overall, your portfolio is well-diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap segments of the market, which can help spread risk and optimize returns over the long term. However, it's essential to regularly review your portfolio's performance and ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to evaluate your investment strategy and make any necessary adjustments based on changes in market conditions or your personal circumstances. They can provide personalized guidance to help you achieve your investment objectives with confidence.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir , I'm 35 years now , Investing In company PPF ( COAL INDIA LIMITED) 10500 per month, need to further Invest 10000 per month in MF for long term and my risk category is Conservative
Ans: Given your conservative risk profile and the desire for long-term investment, it's prudent to consider mutual fund options that prioritize stability and consistent returns. Here are some suggestions:

Large-cap Equity Funds: These funds invest in well-established companies with a track record of stable earnings and lower volatility. They offer relatively lower risk compared to mid-cap or small-cap funds. Look for funds with a proven track record of delivering consistent returns over the long term.
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically allocate between equity and debt instruments based on market conditions, aiming to provide stable returns with lower volatility. They can be suitable for conservative investors seeking a balance between growth and capital preservation.
Hybrid Equity Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments, offering diversification and downside protection. They are suitable for investors looking for a combination of growth and stability in their portfolio.
Index Funds: These funds passively track a market index like the Nifty 50 or Sensex, offering broad market exposure with low expenses. They can be a suitable option for conservative investors seeking stable returns without active fund management.
Debt Funds: Consider allocating a portion of your investment to debt funds for stability and income generation. Options include short-duration funds or corporate bond funds, which invest in high-quality fixed income securities.
Before investing, carefully assess the risk-return profile of each fund and ensure it aligns with your investment objectives and risk tolerance. It's also advisable to consult with a Certified Financial Planner to create a personalized investment plan tailored to your financial goals and circumstances. They can provide valuable guidance and help you navigate the complexities of mutual fund investing to achieve long-term wealth accumulation with peace of mind.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Money
I am buying MFs through icici direct It was till now mostly elss to save tax I want to invest in bulk ( no SIP ) now My questio is I gather icici would charge 1.5 % upfront for any buys and 1% on it every year then onwards so after 10 yars i gain say 15 % overall then , 11.5 % ( 1.5 +10 ) will already been charged by icici leaving me with 3.5% returns? Is this correct ? they never rwspond transparently abd give evasive replies
Ans: It's important to clarify the fee structure and its impact on your overall returns when investing through platforms like ICICI Direct. While they may charge an upfront fee and an annual fee for maintaining your investments, the impact on your returns may not be as significant as you've outlined.

Firstly, the upfront fee is typically a one-time charge applied at the time of purchase and is not deducted annually from your investment returns. Similarly, the annual fee (if applicable) is usually a percentage of the assets under management and is deducted from your investment periodically, rather than as a lump sum at the end of the investment period.

While fees can affect your returns, it's essential to consider the potential returns generated by your investments over time. If your investments perform well, they can potentially outweigh the impact of fees on your overall returns.

However, it's crucial to have clarity on the fee structure and its impact on your investments. If you're unsure about the fees charged by ICICI Direct or if you feel they're not being transparent, it may be beneficial to seek advice from a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) who can provide unbiased guidance and help you navigate the investment process more effectively. Working with an MFD can bring synergy to your investment journey and ensure you make informed decisions aligned with your financial goals.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Would like to invest 20L lumpsum for period of next 5 to 7 years
Ans: Investing a lump sum of 20 lakhs for a period of 5 to 7 years requires a careful approach to balance potential returns with risk. Here are some considerations:

Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance to determine the appropriate allocation between equity and debt investments. For a shorter investment horizon of 5 to 7 years, it's generally advisable to lean towards a more conservative allocation to minimize the impact of market volatility.
Asset Allocation: Consider diversifying your investment across asset classes such as equities, debt, and possibly alternative investments like gold or real estate investment trusts (REITs). This can help spread risk and optimize returns based on market conditions.
Equity Investments: Allocate a portion of your lump sum to equity investments for the potential to generate higher returns over the long term. You may consider investing in diversified equity mutual funds or index funds that track broad market indices.
Debt Investments: Allocate another portion of your lump sum to debt investments for stability and income generation. Options include fixed deposits, debt mutual funds, or government bonds. Choose instruments with a suitable maturity period based on your investment horizon.
Review and Rebalance: Periodically review your investment portfolio and rebalance as needed to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Adjustments may be necessary based on changing market conditions and your evolving investment objectives.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial situation and goals. They can help create a customized investment strategy and provide ongoing guidance to optimize returns while managing risk.
By taking a diversified approach and staying disciplined with your investment strategy, you can work towards achieving your financial objectives over the next 5 to 7 years.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Why don't you take into reckoning schemes of Quant Mutual Fund while suggesting funds to investors, despite their outperformance? Secondly, what do you think about lump sum investment vis a vis SIP ?
Ans: When suggesting mutual funds to investors, I aim to provide a broad range of options that align with their financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. While Quant Mutual Fund schemes may have delivered outperformance in certain periods, my goal is to offer a balanced perspective by considering various fund houses and investment styles.

Regarding lump sum investment versus SIP (Systematic Investment Plan), both approaches have their pros and cons. Lump sum investment involves investing a large amount of money upfront, which can potentially lead to higher returns if the market performs well. However, it also exposes investors to the risk of market timing and volatility.

On the other hand, SIPs involve investing a fixed amount regularly over time, which helps average out market fluctuations through rupee cost averaging. SIPs are suitable for investors who prefer a disciplined and systematic approach to investing and want to mitigate the risk of timing the market.

Ultimately, the choice between lump sum investment and SIP depends on factors such as the investor's risk tolerance, investment horizon, and market outlook. It's essential to consider individual circumstances and consult with a Certified Financial Planner to determine the most suitable approach for achieving financial goals.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1246 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Suggest me sip for 10 yrs wth gud profit mam I m bala
Ans: Bala! Investing in SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) for a period of 10 years can be a prudent way to build wealth over the long term. Here are some suggestions for SIPs that have the potential for good returns:

Large-cap Equity Funds: These funds invest in well-established companies with a track record of stable earnings and are relatively less volatile compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds. Examples include funds that track the Nifty 50 or Sensex indices.
Multi-cap Equity Funds: These funds have the flexibility to invest across companies of various market capitalizations, offering a diversified portfolio. Look for funds with a proven track record of delivering consistent returns over the long term.
Mid-cap and Small-cap Equity Funds: These funds invest in companies with smaller market capitalizations, which have the potential for higher growth but come with higher volatility. If you have a higher risk appetite and a longer investment horizon, consider allocating a portion of your SIP towards these funds.
Sectoral Funds: Investing in SIPs focused on specific sectors like technology, healthcare, or banking can be profitable if you have a strong conviction about the growth prospects of these sectors. However, sectoral funds come with higher risk and volatility, so it's essential to diversify your portfolio accordingly.
Remember to choose SIPs that align with your risk tolerance, investment goals, and time horizon. It's also crucial to review your portfolio periodically and make adjustments as needed. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial situation and objectives. Happy investing!
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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