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Should I Suspect My Husband of Cheating After a Sudden Change in Behaviour?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi
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Kanchan Mam, two years ago, I got married to my boss after dating for three years. He was previously married and had wanted me to quit my job and take care of my family. The first year went well but his behaviour changed after our first wedding anniversary. He has now been staying late at work, avoiding my calls and often goes on outstation meetings while I take care of his ageing parents and 5 year old son from his first wife. My mother suspects he may be having an affair. I am 32. Since our communication has reduced, I feel stuck and helpless at home. My friends tell me that after marriage, most men behave the same way. Is it true? Am I overthinking too much? How do I find out?

Ans: Your concerns are valid, and it’s important to address them rather than dismiss them as overthinking. While some men do get comfortable and less expressive after marriage, a sudden shift in behavior—like avoiding calls, staying late at work frequently, and increased travel—should not be ignored. It’s not about being paranoid but about seeking clarity.

The best way to find out what’s going on is to have an honest, calm conversation with him. Express your feelings without accusations. Let him know you’ve noticed the change and that you miss the closeness you once shared. Observe his response—whether he reassures you, avoids the conversation, or gets defensive. His reaction will give you insight into whether there’s something deeper happening.

At the same time, take a step back and focus on yourself. Reconnect with your own aspirations, hobbies, and friends. A strong sense of self will not only help you cope emotionally but also give you the confidence to make informed decisions about your relationship.

If you suspect infidelity, look for patterns rather than relying solely on your fears. Changes in phone habits, secrecy about his whereabouts, and emotional detachment can be red flags, but they don’t always mean an affair. If you feel you need more clarity, trust your intuition but avoid jumping to conclusions without evidence.

Regardless of the outcome, you deserve a relationship where you feel valued and heard. If his behavior continues to make you feel lonely and unimportant, you may need to consider what you truly want from this marriage. Seeking support from a counselor or someone you trust can help you navigate your emotions and options more clearly.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1530 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am 36 year old woman. I am married for 9 years with two kids. My marriage was never a happy one. We had lots of arguments and fights even before marriage. I broke my engagement but later he convinced me that he will always keep me happy but it turned out to be an abusive marriage. He started beating me every now and then after my son was born. I also filed police complaint thrice. After which he improved a lot may be because of fear and shame. Meanwhile I also cracked government exam and got a very good job. Things were okay but after my daughter's birth last year his behaviour changed. He is not interested in physical relationship any more. He says that after our daughter's birth he's started to respect women. I tried to talk to him many times but all in vain. I don't know what to do now. I don't want to leave him for the sake of children.Now I want to live my life happily with my children and let him do whatever he wants. I don't know if I am right or wrong.He takes money from me whenever required but never spends money on my personal needs. Sometimes I feel he is with me only for money and doesn't love me. I am confused. Help.PS: He is taking good care of children and household.
Ans:

Dear SS,

It is hard to walk out of an abusive relationship and when children are involved, you want to stretch it on longer.

But have you considered how this has already affected their minds?

Children from violent and abusive backgrounds do not grow up steady and face a lot of challenges later in life.

Now, coming back to you…Hasn’t it hurt your ego and pulled down your self-esteem? I am sure it already has hurt you beyond and more.

Usually, I never ever tell people what to do, but make my suggestions and share perspectives so that the mind has clarity to decide what’s best for them in their context.

But here, I am telling you this and listen hard…Physical abuse is a NO NO.

If what you say that his behaviour has changed, then I believe that he isn’t physically abusive anymore.

I do understand you are giving him the long rope for the sake of the children, but when the parents are unhappy, what environment will the children grow in?

Ask your family to step in as you are going to need their care and support hereon.

Take one day at a time and evaluate on a daily basis what his presence in your life is doing to you.

Is it draining you and keeping you on the edge or is it getting better with him improving?

This will clearly indicate what you need to be doing as the next step.

Just remember to value yourself every moment and make yourself your own priority first.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1530 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu Mam, I'm 36 yrs. old my husband is 46 now we have 2 sons. Before marriage my husband was in love with another girl. under pressure of parents that girl married to someone else and left city. later few months we got married. For few days of marriage everything was good he used to treat me nice and use to take out for shopping outing etc. i got pregnant he same year during my pregnancy he had to go to abroad for office work for 8 months, so gap came between us. he completely changed he minimized talking, chatting with family. we ignored may be due to work pressure he became like that. later i came to know he is interested in meeting new ppl especially ladies going with them for lunch dinner n all. after few years he met ex-girlfriend without our knowledge stayed with her few days. so, years passed he ignored us and always scolding getting angry with little things he started maintain distance with us. after 8 yrs. again i got pregnant. He used to go for site visits to other places he stayed back at hotels going with other Females spending time with them. through Facebook he made lot of friends always doing videocalls and chatting with them. everything i knew but i confronted him he uses to scold and flies from the spot saying if u want to stay, stay or else get lost. because of kids i had to stay. now he is renting a house in a same city where we live, (agreement was in his laptop bag) and we don't know what is going on? he never shares and opens anything with us. I asked him many times if u don't want to live with me divorce. He never liked me in this marriage he is always treating me anger. I feel loneliness in my life. Need help what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It must surely be shocking BUT over the years I am sure you would have felt it all slipping away...
He's just in the marriage with no great emotional connect with you; I don't know how he's with the children.
Knowing that over the years, he has not any great attempt to work on the marriage and bond with his family, do you feel that he is going to do that in the future?
Rather than 'BEG' for his time and attention, what if you started to focus on yourself and your children and start afresh? He's anyway living elsewhere...can you take this opportunity and actually figure out what you want from life, from your marriage?
Are you willing to be unsettled like the way you are now even 10 years from now?
A few answers will hit you hard; BUT don't waste anymore time waiting and watching for someone to accept you. It maybe an endless wait-game.
Of course, you do have an option of asking an elder member of the family to step in and intervene and hope that he will have a change of heart. But, be prepared to take a strong stance where required. He's doing this even more as he realizes that you are weak and won't object and 'anything goes' with you.
NO, it doesn't, right? Then buck up and speak for yourself. Whatever it is, come from a place of strength. Try the route of familial intervention first and then a lot will be clear as the way forward for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1530 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
Relationship
I'm 40 years old and my husband is 50 years old. We have been married for 12 years now. We have a son who is 8 years old. My husband has always been a workaholic, which I have known from the beginning and have accepted it. He is a doting father to my son. But for the past year, he seems to have changed a lot. He still continues to be a doting father, his behaviour with me has changed a lot. We hardly talk, except regarding matters related to our son. I have confronted him on this and he says he is very busy with work. He says nothing is bothering him. But it feels like that is not true. It feels like he is angry with me but denies it. I feel ignored and like he is avoiding me. How do I resolve this?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, firstly, you were okay with something that you were not okay to start with (him focusing on work mostly) and that has set a stage for your relationship that you are and will be okay with it and he will continue to be that way without addressing his role as a husband.
Now, what is the reason for the change in his behavior, you can just keep guessing by playing games in your mind. The only way to resolve this is: to actually learn how to communicate with each other as adults, as husband and wife. The two of you have never bothered with it, yeah? Then now bother yourself by learning this new skill. Talk, communicate, listen and then take on the role of a wife in the marriage. Do the things that you would have wanted to, small expectations, those little arguments...even these can be communication letting the man know that as a wife you care and you do want your man to fulfill little things for you.
He then will start to feel useful in the marriage which is a big thing for men and once he feels that is being valued, he will tear down his wall and show up as a man and as a husband and not just a father.
So, a lot of work from your end as well for him to reciprocate and then it's a constant momentum from thereon...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1530 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi
Listen
Two years ago, I got married to my boss after dating for three years. He was previously married and had wanted me to quit my job and take care of my family. The first year went well but his behaviour changed after our first wedding anniversary. He has been staying late at work, avoiding my calls and often goes on outstation meetings while I take care of his ageing parents and 5 year old son from his first wife. My mother suspects he may be having an affair. I am 32. Since our communication has reduced, I feel stuck and helpless at home. My friends tell me that after marriage, most men behave the same way. Is it true? Am I overthinking too much? How do I find out?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, you are not overthinking this. One way to find out is to actually 'Call Out' his behavior without actually complaining to him. He needs to understand that you did not marry to look after his family.
Also, what made you leave your work life? Kindly get back to working and as you engage with people at work and outside, he will realize that you are not just someone who is a going to take on his responsibilities at home. It's time you balanced home and work now. Now, whether he has an affair or not is something that is left to evidence of the matter. Till then, it will only be guess work. But, you do need to re-establish your identity as a working woman who also cares for her home. Possibly, this change in you, will bring him back on track as he will no longer have the comfort of 'dumping' the house work onto you AND going about hsi own business. Try this and see what happens.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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