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Should I Suspect My Husband of Cheating After a Sudden Change in Behaviour?

Kanchan Rai |555 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi

Kanchan Mam, two years ago, I got married to my boss after dating for three years. He was previously married and had wanted me to quit my job and take care of my family. The first year went well but his behaviour changed after our first wedding anniversary. He has now been staying late at work, avoiding my calls and often goes on outstation meetings while I take care of his ageing parents and 5 year old son from his first wife. My mother suspects he may be having an affair. I am 32. Since our communication has reduced, I feel stuck and helpless at home. My friends tell me that after marriage, most men behave the same way. Is it true? Am I overthinking too much? How do I find out?

Ans: Your concerns are valid, and it’s important to address them rather than dismiss them as overthinking. While some men do get comfortable and less expressive after marriage, a sudden shift in behavior—like avoiding calls, staying late at work frequently, and increased travel—should not be ignored. It’s not about being paranoid but about seeking clarity.

The best way to find out what’s going on is to have an honest, calm conversation with him. Express your feelings without accusations. Let him know you’ve noticed the change and that you miss the closeness you once shared. Observe his response—whether he reassures you, avoids the conversation, or gets defensive. His reaction will give you insight into whether there’s something deeper happening.

At the same time, take a step back and focus on yourself. Reconnect with your own aspirations, hobbies, and friends. A strong sense of self will not only help you cope emotionally but also give you the confidence to make informed decisions about your relationship.

If you suspect infidelity, look for patterns rather than relying solely on your fears. Changes in phone habits, secrecy about his whereabouts, and emotional detachment can be red flags, but they don’t always mean an affair. If you feel you need more clarity, trust your intuition but avoid jumping to conclusions without evidence.

Regardless of the outcome, you deserve a relationship where you feel valued and heard. If his behavior continues to make you feel lonely and unimportant, you may need to consider what you truly want from this marriage. Seeking support from a counselor or someone you trust can help you navigate your emotions and options more clearly.

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Anu Krishna |1549 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

Question by SS - Jun 08, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, I am 36 year old woman. I am married for 9 years with two kids. My marriage was never a happy one. We had lots of arguments and fights even before marriage. I broke my engagement but later he convinced me that he will always keep me happy but it turned out to be an abusive marriage. He started beating me every now and then after my son was born. I also filed police complaint thrice. After which he improved a lot may be because of fear and shame. Meanwhile I also cracked government exam and got a very good job. Things were okay but after my daughter's birth last year his behaviour changed. He is not interested in physical relationship any more. He says that after our daughter's birth he's started to respect women. I tried to talk to him many times but all in vain. I don't know what to do now. I don't want to leave him for the sake of children.Now I want to live my life happily with my children and let him do whatever he wants. I don't know if I am right or wrong.He takes money from me whenever required but never spends money on my personal needs. Sometimes I feel he is with me only for money and doesn't love me. I am confused. Help.PS: He is taking good care of children and household.

Ans:

Dear SS,

It is hard to walk out of an abusive relationship and when children are involved, you want to stretch it on longer.

But have you considered how this has already affected their minds?

Children from violent and abusive backgrounds do not grow up steady and face a lot of challenges later in life.

Now, coming back to you…Hasn’t it hurt your ego and pulled down your self-esteem? I am sure it already has hurt you beyond and more.

Usually, I never ever tell people what to do, but make my suggestions and share perspectives so that the mind has clarity to decide what’s best for them in their context.

But here, I am telling you this and listen hard…Physical abuse is a NO NO.

If what you say that his behaviour has changed, then I believe that he isn’t physically abusive anymore.

I do understand you are giving him the long rope for the sake of the children, but when the parents are unhappy, what environment will the children grow in?

Ask your family to step in as you are going to need their care and support hereon.

Take one day at a time and evaluate on a daily basis what his presence in your life is doing to you.

Is it draining you and keeping you on the edge or is it getting better with him improving?

This will clearly indicate what you need to be doing as the next step.

Just remember to value yourself every moment and make yourself your own priority first.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |1549 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi