Dear Sir/Madam, I've been into homosex since childhood (not sure at what age) and didn't realize I prefer Men. Later I got married and got into a terrible situation (I hope you understand the issue). Fortunately, I have one 3-year-old kid but I'm not giving justice to my wife being a husband. This has put me into depression, as neither I cannot come out as gay to my family nor I can keep my wife happy. Till today I keep meeting guys secretly even after I know that it is not fair because I can't control my feelings but at the same time my poor wife is not getting what she deserves. I'm not able to find the solution for this issue.

Let’s draw out the perspectives here.

Both of you are married and when you had the chance, you didn’t tell each other.

Now, you have discovered that ‘missed out’ moment and want to make up for it now when families have grown.

How would you advise a friend, if he came to you with this situation?

Would you ask him to leave his family and move in with his lady love? Would you ask him to forget his familial responsibilities and search for love outside?

Again, it is not for me to give you solutions but to lead you to a place where you can find the solution yourself.

So, now that you friend has moved in with his lady love, will he forget his family?

His son for who he will always be a role model? Also, what will he tell his wife who had no role to play into the storm in her life?

The key is that there are 4 mature adults and I guess it’s time for you and the lady that you love to sit down and discuss what happens if you continue in your marriages or move away.

Discuss with your respective spouses as well, as they need to be party to this so that their thoughts and feelings are taken into consideration.

After all, they came into your lives, to become life partners. Whatever the decision, always bear in mind, if you continue in your marriage, do it with full heart as you need to rebuild it and if you move away, your son and his state of mind must be cared for, so make sure you create a wonderful environment for them and care for their needs always.

Also, ask yourself this: What will I lose if I move away from my marriage? What is it that I truly love in my wife?

Life is filled with temptations and sometimes we want some change, some spark…it’s possible in the existing relationship only if you choose to look at it that way. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but there’s a lot to consider and reconsider.

Go deep into a reflective mode and choose.

They are encouraged to take a break every once in a while, to rejuvenate so they can do more and feel less exhausted.

It is pretty normal for women to lose interest in sex for a few weeks or perhaps months after the baby is born as the hormones now secreted elude her away from simply being a wife and the loving mother takes over.

This can cause a lot of rift between the new parents as the man obviously is not aware of this fact.

A book can throw more light on this and I cannot be more emphatic and say this here that it helps when the woman doesn’t have to worry about her husband and focus on bonding with the child which is of utmost importance for the development and growth of the baby.

Besides, there are other forms of affection/intimacy that can be explored so the new parents still manage to keep the spark alive.

The fact of your wife having a parallel life at her work place has become a dampener in your mind as she is definitely able to have a social life at least part of the day whereas you are not.

I do suggest you cook up some ‘Me Time’ over the weekends when your wife can bond with the baby and you can meet friends and simply unwind so that you back with a renewed vigour as the week begins.

And, it is possible to make friends at any age. Anyone who shares common interests and hobbies, can become a part of your inner circle.

It is apparent that both of you have lost communication and either your wife is unaware about how you feel or maybe she is going through something that you don’t know of.

If she isn’t comfortable going to a professional, take charge and revive your communication. Babies can demand a lot of time from their parents and if you can have someone trustworthy to watch the baby for a couple of hours over the weekend, where you and your wife can have some time to yourselves, that might help.

We can go on struggling or we can step up and do something about it. So, give it your best for yourself and your family.

Happy Bonding and have a great life!