Dear Sir/Madam, I've been into homosex since childhood (not sure at what age) and didn't realize I prefer Men. Later I got married and got into a terrible situation (I hope you understand the issue). Fortunately, I have one 3-year-old kid but I'm not giving justice to my wife being a husband. This has put me into depression, as neither I cannot come out as gay to my family nor I can keep my wife happy. Till today I keep meeting guys secretly even after I know that it is not fair because I can't control my feelings but at the same time my poor wife is not getting what she deserves. I'm not able to find the solution for this issue.

Ans:

Dear GV,

Thank you for reading my content. Hope it helps.

I can only imagine the trap that you are in. So, why are you choosing to be trapped even further?

• Do you see any scope in your husband changing?
• Do you know anything about his sexual orientation?
• Do you feel that the two of you can rebuild your marriage?

If the answer to the above is NO, then time to break out of your so-called traditional mindset.

Do you really want to live in this set-up and have your son grow up unstable?

I am sure that as a mother you do want to provide him with a stable and loving environment.

Then, you need to think differently about your old beliefs and see if they are worth holding onto.

The older generation might have held onto marriages even if they were abusive. But things have changed.

Even if you are not financially independent, there are venues to change that. You only need to change the way you think.

Check with yourself if continuing this way is going to give you anything great in return or is it going to steal your spirit away.

The choice is yours but do know that you have a son to take care of as well.

Start by gaining a good circle of supporters that includes your parents and close friends who can help you through this massive change to enable you take charge of your life.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are possibly one of many who haven't had a fair chance to 'come out' due to the taboo that still exists on 'other' sexual orientations.
But now, here there's a wife and child...Don't they deserve to know the truth?
Yes, but will your wife be able to handle the truth?
The more you keep it within you and lead this double life, the more it's going to eat you up.

2 choices; make one...
1. Continue the way that you have been doing; but know that it's going to stress you to a great level leading two lives in parallel
2. Speak your truth; but know that you do risk losing what you have now

You have to make a choice and stick with it...both have their massive downsides but at least you know you have chosen one way. But at no point oscillate; that will tear you apart.
You know your situation and the emotions of your dear ones; take a call and step up to it!

(SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION; BUT MAKING A CHOICE IS AN OPTION!) You deserve a lot of kindness; so give it to yourself...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You say that you don't have any big issues at home, but your wife has threatened you with legal action is not a big issue?
The reasons for it seem very clear that you continue to look for relationships outside of your marriage because your wife is not interested in sex and then you expect her to accept your lifestyle...
She does not accept it and hence has gone the legal way; should that not tell you how right from the beginning of marriage you have been the cause for it to fail?
Rather than just blaming your high testosterone levels which could have been managed, you chose the easy way out by sleeping with multiple women and you think your wife must be okay with it?
So, kindly reevaluate how much you value your wife and your marriage. If this still matters, then I am sure you will make an effort to put things back together between the two of you...As for your high testosterone levels, there are ways in which you can manage (you know for sure how) them without getting into relationships with so many women that come and complicate things for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/