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Married Man Seeking Advice: How To Deal With High Testosterone Levels?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have a very happy family and one daughter pursuing graduation and son at standard 8. Although I don't have any big issue at my home but my testosterone levels are pretty high. Therefore I am attracted towards ladies and unless ladies offer themselves I never ever have asked anyone for any favour. Since my marriage I have extra marital relation with three different persons. All the time I have shared my things with my wife. She hardly accepts and after lot of persuasion she gets calm. Since my wife has menopause at the age of 40 and she does not display a very happy mood I am always attracted towards outsiders. Even I wanted her to allow me with one of her schoolmate who also have shared her with me. But my wife became furious and has now threatened to legal course of action. What to do? Although I know my desires are already on a negative platform, even then how to control biological requirement?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You say that you don't have any big issues at home, but your wife has threatened you with legal action is not a big issue?
The reasons for it seem very clear that you continue to look for relationships outside of your marriage because your wife is not interested in sex and then you expect her to accept your lifestyle...
She does not accept it and hence has gone the legal way; should that not tell you how right from the beginning of marriage you have been the cause for it to fail?
Rather than just blaming your high testosterone levels which could have been managed, you chose the easy way out by sleeping with multiple women and you think your wife must be okay with it?
So, kindly reevaluate how much you value your wife and your marriage. If this still matters, then I am sure you will make an effort to put things back together between the two of you...As for your high testosterone levels, there are ways in which you can manage (you know for sure how) them without getting into relationships with so many women that come and complicate things for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Relationship
Dear MamI am a 33 year old male working in a PSU at middle management level. Six years ago I was married happily as per my wish to a girl of my choice.Everything was just perfect. My wife is 4.5 years younger to me. I had to go against my parents wish as they were not comfortable with a non working wife. Mine was not a love story but yes I met girl through a common friend and went ahead for the alliance. Our sex life was also great in the start and we welcomed a baby girl just 2 months short of our first wedding anniversary. However now when I compare I do understand that because of household chores she could not give proper time to me, but still I feel a strong urge to have sex with her. She somehow does not reciprocate well and is dull in having sex. Apart from this we still fight over silly things and tolerance level of both of us have gone very down. Sometimes I feel to this extent that I should walk out from the marriage because I really don't want hot talks in our relationship. I agree I have a 5 year old baby girl. I do control my feelings and anger too to some extent. My wife also does the same but really small things trigger me on. Also I always have a huge sex drive and I feel that if I don't get it from my wife I should look out for other options. I have not cheated with her but I feel that given the option I can because of sex urge. May be this is due to higher libido and I do masturbate occasionally fantasizing my neighbour or other female friends and sometimes my wife too. I don't know what goes through me but seeing your column I felt I should tell you these small details so you could give me an honest answer. I don't want to leave her, I do love her a lot but these fights really make me lose my cool and feel depressed.What should be done according to you ? Should I see a psychiatrist?
Ans:

Dear AY,

I will ask you to introspect and ask yourself: When did things start going downhill?

What event led to this? Surely, things don’t happen all of sudden, so something or some thought must have led to this.

Also, it’s important to understand that managing home and a child is a full time job and it tires the woman a lot.

To be in a mood for sex, the woman needs to be relaxed and calm…if the work at home is tiring, try and hire a domestic helper or any extra help that will ease her.

That way she will have more time to care for herself and her needs as well. Offer to pitch in and this will also bring the two of you closer.

Your theory of your high libido which is not being matched by your wife may or may not be true as sometimes that solution is simpler than you think.

Sadly, we are used to complicating things and look at what’s obvious in front of us.

Sex outside of marriage seems to be an option that has crossed your mind, but I do understand from your letter that you care and love your wife a lot.

Let not a moment of weakness make you shake the foundation of a beautiful relationship that the two of you share.

Have an open chat with her. Express how you feel and speak of your sexual needs.

Most often, communication solves most marriage issues. If this doesn’t work, kindly seek professional help with a marriage therapist.

Ultimately, you know why the two of you are married and why you chose her to be your wife.

Bear that in mind and a lot of yours mind struggles will ease and you will be able to think more usefully and also move into a better marriage space.

Happy 2022 and here’s wishing you the best in life!

..Read more

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |42 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Health
I’ve been practicing yoga for a while now, but I’ve recently started noticing some discomfort in my lower back, especially after doing forward folds and back bends. I try to listen to my body and not push myself too hard, but sometimes I still feel strain or tightness in my back the next day. I’m especially concerned about preventing any long-term damage, and I’d appreciate some tips on how to protect my back while still getting the benefits of these stretches.
Ans: Discomfort in the lower back during yoga is often due to improper alignment or over-stretching. Here’s how to protect your back while continuing your practice:

Engage Your Core: Always activate your core muscles during forward folds and backbends. A strong core supports your lower back and prevents strain.

Modify Forward Folds: Avoid rounding your lower back. Instead, keep your spine long and bend from your hips, not your waist. You can slightly bend your knees to reduce tension on your lower back.

Gentle Backbends: For backbends, focus on opening your chest rather than over-arching your lower back. Start with smaller poses like Cobra Pose (Bhujangasana) and gradually work towards deeper bends like Camel Pose (Ustrasana) with proper guidance.

Use Props: Blocks or cushions can help reduce strain and improve alignment. For example, place a block under your hands during forward folds.

Stretch Your Hamstrings and Hips: Tight hamstrings and hips can pull on your lower back, causing discomfort. Incorporate poses like Reclined Hand-to-Big-Toe Pose (Supta Padangusthasana) and Pigeon Pose (Eka Pada Rajakapotasana).

It’s crucial to work with a yoga coach who can assess your alignment and suggest modifications tailored to you. This will help you avoid injury and enjoy a safer practice.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |42 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7478 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

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Money
Am currently 50...I dont hv job. .Iam invested in mmt but right now am 15% on my PF....I invested 19lacs on mkt. ...wht shud ido ?
Ans: You have made bold moves in investing Rs. 19 lakhs in the market. Being 15% down on your portfolio is concerning but manageable. Let us evaluate your current position and suggest actionable steps.

Key Concerns
Jobless Situation: Absence of steady income creates financial pressure.

Market Volatility: A 15% loss indicates exposure to high-risk investments.

Emergency Needs: Liquidity might be limited if all funds are in the market.

Long-Term Goals: Planning for retirement is essential at this stage.

Strengths
Investments in Market: Rs. 19 lakhs is a good corpus to build wealth.

Time to Recover: At 50, there is still time for strategic financial planning.

Aggressive Approach: Shows you are willing to take risks, which can be an advantage.

Recommendations
Reassess Portfolio Allocation
Review your investments in mutual funds or stocks.

Shift a portion to balanced or hybrid funds for stability.

Reduce exposure to high-risk segments like small caps or sectoral funds.

Create a Contingency Fund
Set aside Rs. 3-5 lakhs for emergencies.

Use liquid funds or short-term fixed deposits for easy access.

Explore Income Sources
Find part-time or freelance opportunities to ease financial stress.

Rental income, tutoring, or consulting can supplement your needs.

Stop Panic Selling
Do not redeem investments in a downturn.

Hold onto quality assets for market recovery.

Diversify Investments
Avoid putting all money in equities.

Consider fixed income options like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (when eligible), or debt funds.

Plan for Retirement
Evaluate the gap between your current corpus and retirement needs.

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) later for regular post-retirement income.

Monitor Regularly
Review your portfolio every 6 months.

Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for rebalancing.

Final Insights
Your situation requires balanced risk-taking and income generation strategies. Preserve capital while focusing on gradual recovery. Discipline and informed decisions will help secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |479 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
i have been married for months and recently found out that my husband is talking secretly with his workmate like 2 months before wedding.i saw all the conversation it seems that both of them are flirting with each other.but then my husband clarify that it was nothing and nothing happened between them but now im literally confuse if i had the right decision of marrying him.And we talk honetly and he told me everything but still i have this doubt esp we will be a long distance again????And he promise he will not talk again with anyone he gave me all his password for all his account and he even buy cctv so that i can monitor him while his away.please help me i dont know what to do i love him dearly and i want to move forward with our future but still have this doubts what if he will do it again????
Ans: The fact that your husband has been open and taken steps to reassure you, like sharing his passwords and even installing CCTV, shows that he's trying to rebuild trust and be transparent. These actions suggest he's serious about addressing your concerns and committed to making you feel secure in the relationship.

That said, rebuilding trust isn't something that happens instantly. It takes time, consistent effort, and ongoing communication. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the space to process them. Feeling doubt after something like this is a normal response, but it doesn't have to define your relationship going forward.

It's vital to keep the lines of communication open. Talk openly about your feelings, worries, and needs. This kind of dialogue can help both of you understand each other better and strengthen your bond. You might also find it helpful to discuss and agree on clear boundaries for interactions with others, especially given the long-distance aspect of your relationship. This can help create a sense of security and prevent misunderstandings.

While it's important to acknowledge what happened, try to focus on the present and what you both can do to nurture your relationship moving forward. If you find that your doubts and anxieties are overwhelming, seeking the guidance of a couples' therapist might be beneficial. A therapist can help facilitate deeper conversations and provide strategies to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.

It's okay to feel unsure, but also recognize the effort your husband is putting in. Trust takes time to rebuild, but with love, dedication, and mutual effort, you can move forward together. Remember, it's a journey, and it's okay to take things one step at a time.

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