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Husband Ignores Me and Doesn't Respect Me as a Housewife: How Can I Regain Respect and Become Financially Independent?

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |63 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2025Hindi
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Dear Dr Upneet mam, my husband ignores me all the time. We have been married for 12 years and have a 10 year old son. I am an MCom graduate who quit my job after my son was born. Today, both my son and husband don't respect me because I am a housewife and I don't have an income. I want to work, become financially independent and have my own savings, but I have to take care of my in-laws who are unwell. I am feeling very demotivated. What should I do?

Ans: Hello mam,
The problem you are facing is very important to discuss. Well, I appreciate your sacrifice of leaving your job for your son and in laws. I understand that you have to take care of your in laws also and your family also. In today's world there are many work from home options that you can see and work on like you can join some coaching site, or if you know something then you can share your knowledge with others. You can earn very well by working from home and you can take care of your family also. I hope this will work. Gradually your husband and your son will understand you and start respecting you. Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me:
https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Hello maam i am married since 18 years and since last 5 years my husband is not earning but my in laws are well to do me and my husband are in a relation where we end up quarrelling even if we have converstion of 2 mins i am financially independent and have son of 14 years but he is truely in influence of his father i dont have parents nor a sibling i dont know what to do i sometimes feel if i leave my husband and if i fail in my job than what about my future my age is 38 in all my surroundings i have seen all husband take care and responsiblity of their wife but my husband is totally self centered and the most pathetic thing is he does not even realize this please suggest what can be done
Ans: Dear Richa,
You are financially independent and any decision you take for your life will be based on that, right?
Who knows what the future hold and one can only be hopeful that all that is done in the present times yield a good result in future.
So, whatever decision you want to take, do that keeping what it is right now...also, have faith in your capability to earn and hold your head high BUT do give your marriage a fair chance considering your son may also get rattled by any harsh decision. Do you not feel that it is time to actually confront your husband. What is he planning on doing? Sitting and waiting for something to happen for him?
He has possibly got into a place where it is comfortable not to work and things happen around him for him and everyone else. So, there really is no need for him to lift a finger. Urge your in-laws to talk to him and drive some sense into him. If he still makes no move to get proactive and take on his part of responsibilities within the marriage, think about how long and how far you want to go with this. A bit of coaching/therapy can help, but only if he willing to see that it's needed for him. More than anything, I want you to have faith in yourself and play to your strengths.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Hey, I am married it's been 12 years, I have a 11 years boy. I did my masters before marriage I worked as teacher. I told my husband as well I want to work he said I can work with him in this college where he is also working. When I got married he said my degree is not eligible to work in this college that was geniune they need btech I am Bsc. So I asked I can work in other place and he said I can't. I tried hard but the answer was not all the time. I started with online classes basically working from home and I did it for 10 years. Now why I am so desperate to work? He never pays me anything he never buys anything whenever I ask he says you or your parents did give anything to me so I have nothing to give you. When this alliance came to me we asked them very clearly if they are expecting dowry. They clearly said they don't and that's the reason I married him. I am from a middle class family, and I was brought up like a happy kid. Here in my in laws home my mil drinks alcohol daily and uses very bad words. I adjusted and we shifted to other city for my husband job. Even my husband used to drink and confronted him and he reduced it mostly. Recently due to health issues he completely quit alcohol which was a god's grace. He has some medical condition where he is not actively participating in physical intimacy. He is very close to our son. They both love each other like anything. Seeing this I take every shot he gives me. But I think I am broken I wanted to fix it now I found a job and going my husband is behaving like I murdered someone and not talking and doing drama. Treats me like a maid and say do this house chores properly you can think about job later. I am a very enthusiastic person who wanted to learn now I told him very clearly that if he wants me quit job he needs to pay me. He refused and said if your can bring money from your home I will pay. I said why would I bring money and give him? So he behaves very weird and sadistic like he never wants me leave house, not atleast without telling him. He hide bike keys when he comes to some city so that I can't go anywhere. When I was working online he used to come to lunch I kept everything ready on table for him and continuing my work if I forget to keep water on table he was furious and say I should concentrate on this instead of my job when I forget something to keep he disconnects the modem and hide it so that I can't work. I am fed up and I can't hold this anymore where I am not being respected, not given financial support, no sex, no good talk, only expect to make perfect coffee, lunch ,dinner and take care of home with no dirt atall. I told him I will file divorce now he asks for forgiveness and this happened many time everytime I say I will leave he will behave like a kid even touching my feet. I am doing psychology which is one of my dream he is against that as well but now when I reading I think he is very manipulative psychopath. My boy I very much into him. I am doing my job right now. We have no vacations no outing nothing. He doesn't want to spend a penny on us. I take my boy put he doesn't accompany us. He doesn't like outings he say. What should I do? I can't leave as my boy can't get seperated. I can't live with him coz I have nothing in this relationship just explotation. He will not let me leave coz he knows he cannot live without us. And no one care about him. How to deal with him to make home happy atleast to my boy coz his toxic nature like manipulation and threatening blackmailing is effecting me and my boy I don't want my boy to go through this or learn this from him atleast. He needs to know how to treat a wife the way his father treat is not right I want to grow him into a nice gentleman not like this father. What can I do for this?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. Navigating a relationship like this can be incredibly challenging, especially with a child involved. It's clear you're dedicated to creating a better environment for yourself and your son, which is an important first step.

First, it's essential to acknowledge your strengths and resilience. You've managed to pursue further education, maintain a job, and care for your son despite the significant challenges at home. Recognizing your own capabilities is crucial as you move forward.

Consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with emotional support and help you develop strategies to cope with your husband's behavior. They can also assist you in building a safety plan. If you ever feel physically unsafe, having a plan in place to ensure you and your son's safety is critical. This could include knowing where you can go, such as a friend's house or a family member's home, and having important documents and essentials ready to take with you.

Additionally, it might be helpful to speak with a legal professional. Understanding your rights and options regarding your marriage and any potential separation is vital. A lawyer can guide you through the process and help you protect your interests and those of your son.

Maintaining documentation of your husband's abusive or manipulative behavior, financial control, and any incidents can be useful if you decide to take legal action. Keeping a detailed record will provide evidence that can support your case.

It's important to create a support network. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer you emotional support and practical assistance. Sharing your situation with someone you trust can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.

Given your husband's behavior, setting boundaries is essential. Be firm about your decision to work and pursue your interests. Consistently reinforce your boundaries, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. This might provoke further resistance from your husband initially, but maintaining these boundaries is crucial for your well-being.

Communicate openly with your son about the situation in an age-appropriate manner. Reassure him that the issues between you and your husband are not his fault. Encourage him to express his feelings and let him know it's okay to feel upset or confused.

Your focus on raising your son to treat others with respect and kindness is commendable. Modeling respectful and assertive behavior yourself will be a powerful lesson for him. Ensure he understands the importance of treating others with dignity and respect, regardless of how others may act.

Finally, prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your mental and physical health is essential, as it will provide you with the strength and clarity needed to navigate this challenging situation.

It's a difficult journey, but by seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on your well-being, you can work towards creating a healthier environment for yourself and your son. Remember that you deserve respect and happiness, and taking steps towards achieving that is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your son.

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Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
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In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10031 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 42 yr old. Have rental income 1.2 lakhs per month. I have dept of 26 lakhs as home loan. 15 L in MF, 14 L in PPF, 5 acre land which is giving 1 L per year. Epf 35 L. I want to generate 2.5 L per month after 8 yeats and retired. I can sabe 1L per month during this 8 years. Please suggest how can i target 2.5 l per month after 8 years.
Ans: You have built a very solid base. Regular income, assets, EPF, and savings ability are strong. Your clarity on retirement at 50 and income target is very helpful. That’s a very realistic and reachable target with careful planning.

Let us now evaluate and structure your plan in a 360-degree view.

» Monthly Income and Debt

– You earn Rs.1.2 lakh monthly from rent
– Your home loan outstanding is Rs.26 lakh
– Check your loan interest rate.
– If high, you may try to refinance or prepay partly
– Don’t rush to close the loan. Low-cost loans can stay longer
– Instead, invest your savings for higher growth over 8 years
– Let your investment returns beat the loan rate gradually

» Existing Mutual Fund Investments

– You have Rs.15 lakh in mutual funds
– Keep them invested. Don’t redeem early
– Review your fund quality with a Certified Financial Planner
– Stay invested in regular mutual funds via MFD under CFP guidance
– Don’t go for direct mutual funds
– Direct plans miss professional review, tracking, and course correction
– Regular plan with CFP support gives strategy, timing, and goal focus
– Use a diversified mix of equity and balanced mutual funds
– Rebalance yearly with your CFP to match risk and goals

» Avoid Index Funds

– Index funds are passive and follow the market
– They don’t protect your downside in bad markets
– No fund manager means no active planning
– They also don’t suit near retirement phase
– Your goals need better control and tailored returns
– Choose only actively managed mutual funds with CFP support
– Active funds adjust portfolio based on markets, economy, and valuations

» PPF and EPF Holdings

– PPF balance is Rs.14 lakh
– EPF is Rs.35 lakh, which is substantial
– PPF will mature once 15 years complete
– These give fixed but limited returns
– Don’t increase exposure here further
– Returns won’t beat inflation in long term
– Keep them for safety but don’t rely on them fully

» Agricultural Land

– You have 5 acres giving Rs.1 lakh annually
– Keep land for emotional or family reasons if needed
– Don’t depend on it for main retirement income
– Returns from land are low and inconsistent
– It lacks liquidity and is hard to monetise quickly
– Real estate value appreciation is unpredictable
– Avoid further land buying or development for income

» Debt Repayment Plan

– Your home loan is Rs.26 lakh
– Avoid full prepayment now unless interest is above 9%
– If loan is affordable, focus more on investing
– Use EMI benefits for tax reduction till 60
– If surplus is available, part prepay 10%-15% once in 2-3 years
– Use windfalls or bonus income to reduce principal slowly
– Don’t use mutual fund corpus to repay loan now

» Monthly Saving Ability

– You can save Rs.1 lakh monthly for next 8 years
– This is a big strength
– With this discipline, you can create strong wealth
– Begin SIPs in 5-6 good mutual funds via regular plan
– Allocate major part to equity mutual funds
– Keep some in balanced or dynamic funds
– Increase SIPs by 10% every year if possible
– Top-up SIPs help combat inflation

» Asset Allocation Strategy

– You already have EPF and PPF as safe options
– New monthly SIPs should target higher equity exposure
– Around 70%-80% in equity funds and balance in hybrid funds
– This will help wealth compound better in 8 years
– Too much safety will reduce your returns
– Your CFP can adjust allocation yearly as you approach age 50

» Target Retirement Income Plan

– Your goal is Rs.2.5 lakh monthly income after 8 years
– That’s about Rs.30 lakh per year
– After retirement, you can withdraw from mutual funds smartly
– Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) can help generate monthly cash flow
– Equity mutual funds give better post-tax income via SWP
– After age 50, shift part of equity to hybrid and debt funds
– Your CFP will guide reallocation for smoother post-retirement income

– Equity mutual fund SWP taxation:

LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG taxed at 20%

– Debt mutual fund SWP:

Taxed as per your income slab

– Plan redemptions after retirement as per tax-efficient withdrawal strategy

» Emergency Fund and Risk Management

– Keep 6 months expenses in liquid mutual funds
– Avoid using PPF or EPF for emergency
– Emergency fund must be quickly accessible
– Refill emergency fund if used anytime
– Also buy pure term life insurance if not already done
– Medical insurance for self and family is also a must
– Don’t depend on employer coverage alone

» Inflation Impact and Income Protection

– Your monthly income target must consider inflation
– Today’s Rs.2.5 lakh may need Rs.3.5 lakh after 8 years
– Invest aggressively for now, and then shift gradually to safety
– Don’t chase short-term performance
– Long-term investing gives more stable wealth
– Stay disciplined and let compounding work

» Avoid Insurance Investment Products

– Don’t buy ULIPs or endowment plans for retirement
– They offer poor return, low flexibility
– Only term plan is needed for protection
– If you already hold ULIPs or endowment, consider surrendering
– Reinvest surrender value into equity mutual funds
– Insurance and investment must stay separate

» Review and Monitor Annually

– Track fund performance every 12 months
– Don’t make frequent changes
– Review goals, income, and fund health with CFP
– Make changes slowly and logically
– Emotional investing can damage long-term outcomes
– Avoid timing the market or reacting to noise

» Income Streams After Retirement

– Your rental income of Rs.1.2 lakh can continue after retirement
– With SWP from mutual funds, aim to generate another Rs.1.3 lakh
– EPF can give lump sum support if kept untouched till 50
– Avoid withdrawing EPF now
– Use it post-retirement gradually if needed
– Don’t buy pension plans or annuities for income

» Will and Nomination Planning

– Prepare a proper Will before age 50
– Add nominations in all MF, PPF, EPF, and bank accounts
– Land should also be clearly documented and inherited properly
– This helps your family in smooth asset transfer
– Review nominations every 3-4 years

» Final Insights

– You are in strong financial health
– Continue Rs.1 lakh savings with discipline
– Avoid property investments or insurance-based products
– Focus on equity mutual funds through regular plan with CFP
– Track every year and take help to rebalance if needed
– Don’t disturb EPF or PPF till retirement
– Rental income + mutual fund SWP can meet your income goals
– Target asset value, not just monthly income

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10031 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2025Hindi
Money
43yr, 7-8 lac per month. Plan to work till 60yr. One child6 yrs. SIP in MF 1.2 lac since 1 yr. Ppf maturing next year. Life insurance 2 cr. 2 house, few plots. Kindly advice how to invest my fund for maximum benifit in long term
Ans: You have already taken wise steps. Investing through SIP, having life cover, and PPF maturity next year show good discipline. Your income level gives strong potential for long-term wealth. With right planning, your goals can be met peacefully.

Let us structure the answer with a complete 360-degree assessment.

? Income and Savings Potential

– Monthly income of Rs.7-8 lakhs gives excellent saving ability
– Maintain at least 30%-40% of your income as regular investments
– Your current SIP of Rs.1.2 lakh per month is a good beginning
– There is room to gradually increase this by 10%-15% every year
– Avoid lifestyle inflation. Save first, then spend

? Existing SIP in Mutual Funds

– Continue SIPs in actively managed mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner
– Don’t shift to direct mutual funds.
– Direct funds may look cheaper. But guidance is missing.
– Without CFP’s supervision, there is risk of poor fund selection
– Regular plan with CFP and MFD gives handholding, reviews, and corrections
– Professional advice helps in fund curation and rebalancing
– Regular plans can also help avoid emotional investing errors
– Don’t stop SIPs in correction phases. That’s when most wealth gets built

? Stay Away from Index Funds

– Index funds have low cost, but very little active strategy
– They mirror the market. They don’t protect from market falls
– No downside protection, no active reallocation in tough times
– Index funds lack fund manager’s expertise and judgment
– Active funds can outperform in sideways or volatile markets
– Stick to actively managed funds that are reviewed by your CFP

? PPF Maturity Next Year

– PPF maturity should be reinvested wisely
– Don't spend it unless it is for a goal
– Reinvest in long-term equity mutual funds via regular plan
– Discuss asset allocation with your CFP before reinvestment
– Avoid putting into fixed deposits or insurance-based schemes
– Consider staggering this lump sum in equity via STP over 12-18 months

? Life Insurance Cover – Review Needed

– Rs.2 crore cover is good. But may not be enough now
– With Rs.8 lakh income and child’s future expenses, a review is needed
– Ideally, have a cover of 15-20 times of annual income
– Go only for pure term insurance. No ULIPs or investment-based plans
– If you hold any ULIPs or endowment plans, consider surrendering
– Reinvest surrender proceeds in mutual funds after discussion with CFP
– Review your insurance every 3-4 years or at major life events

? Property and Plots – Use Caution

– You already own two houses and plots
– No need to invest more into property
– Real estate lacks liquidity, rental yield is low
– Hard to exit, especially during emergencies
– Avoid locking more capital into additional plots or flats
– Instead, use surplus funds to invest in financial assets

? Planning for Child’s Future

– Your child is 6 years old now
– You have around 12 years for college planning
– Continue SIPs in child-specific long-term equity mutual funds
– Target higher education corpus using aggressive asset allocation
– Use separate folio for this goal to track easily
– Don’t mix this with retirement goal investments

? Retirement Planning – 17 Years to Prepare

– You plan to retire at 60. That gives 17 years
– Increase SIPs every year as income rises
– Allocate funds to a mix of equity and hybrid funds
– Don’t rely on property rent or inheritance
– Plan assuming self-dependence post-retirement
– Discuss retirement corpus estimation with your CFP
– Use goal-based planning to build retirement bucket separately

? Emergency Fund and Liquidity

– Keep at least 6-8 months of expenses in liquid mutual funds
– Don’t keep too much in savings account
– Use low-duration or overnight mutual funds for emergency buffer
– Review and replenish emergency fund after usage
– Emergency fund must be kept liquid, not in FD or real estate

? Tax Planning and Fund Selection

– Avoid investing only for tax-saving
– Let your investment be goal-oriented, not just tax-saving
– Choose ELSS under regular plan with guidance of CFP
– Diversify between equity, balanced advantage, and flexi-cap funds
– Understand the new mutual fund tax rules while exiting funds

– For equity mutual funds:

LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG taxed at 20%

– For debt mutual funds:

Taxed as per your income slab for both STCG and LTCG

– Plan redemptions wisely with help of a CFP to reduce taxes

? Avoid Insurance-Based Investments

– Don’t mix insurance and investment
– ULIPs, endowment plans give low return and low flexibility
– If you hold such policies, check surrender values
– Surrender and switch to mutual funds after careful review
– Use pure term plan for life cover. Invest rest separately

? Annual Portfolio Review – A Must

– Investment journey needs regular tracking
– Once a year, do complete review with your CFP
– Remove underperforming funds, reallocate as per goal progress
– Adjust SIPs based on changed income or family needs
– Portfolio rebalancing keeps risk in control and improves returns

? Wealth Transfer and Estate Planning

– Prepare a Will to ensure smooth succession
– Mention nominations in mutual funds and bank accounts
– If plots are held, register them properly with clear documents
– Don’t ignore succession planning. It avoids family disputes later
– Also assign Power of Attorney to trusted person, if needed

? Behavioral Discipline – Most Important

– Avoid chasing hot funds or short-term trends
– Market timing doesn’t work. Stay invested for long-term
– Never pause SIPs due to market fear or noise
– Focus on your own goals, not others’ portfolio
– Long-term wealth needs patience and consistency
– Trust your financial planner and stick to the plan

? How to Scale Your Investment Strategy

– Increase SIPs by 10%-15% every year
– Use bonuses and windfalls for lump sum investments
– Diversify across 5-6 good equity mutual funds
– Don’t exceed 7-8 funds, else tracking becomes difficult
– Split investments by goals – child, retirement, emergency, etc.
– Take help from CFP to monitor each goal’s progress

? Checklist for 360-Degree Plan

– Monthly SIPs: On track, but scope to increase
– Life cover: Review and upgrade to 15-20x annual income
– Real estate: Avoid further investments, no liquidity
– Child’s education: Build separate corpus via SIP
– Retirement: Plan with 17-year horizon, increase SIPs annually
– PPF: Reinvest on maturity, via STP in mutual funds
– Tax planning: Use ELSS and goal-based planning
– Emergency fund: Maintain liquidity for 6-8 months expenses
– Estate planning: Prepare Will and ensure nominations

? Final Insights

– You are already ahead with your savings mindset
– Keep emotions away from investing decisions
– With the right review and planning, you can retire peacefully
– Continue SIPs, add more as income increases
– Stay invested in regular mutual funds under guidance of CFP
– Avoid real estate and insurance-based investments now
– Track your goals every year. Small corrections give big impact later

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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