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Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi

Hii ma'am. My parents were all okay when I showed the matrimony proposal of a interstate guy. I asked them about their opinion and they were okay with it. So I started to get to know the guy and we both liked each other. But now my parents changed their mind and they don't want a interstate marriage. Am feeling betrayed, hurt and sad. Don't know how to handle everything. Feeling like my emotions are not valid.

Ans: I can imagine how hurtful and confusing this must be for you. Feeling like your emotions are invalidated, especially by those you trust the most, can be incredibly painful. It's important first to recognize that your feelings are entirely valid. Being disappointed and betrayed in a situation like this is natural.

Start by giving yourself the space to feel and process these emotions. It's okay to feel sad, hurt, or even angry. These are normal reactions to such a significant shift in your parents' stance.

Once you've taken some time to process your feelings, try to understand where your parents are coming from. Sometimes, they might have concerns or fears that they didn't initially express. Approach them with an open mind and ask them to share their reasons for changing their opinion. This isn't just about seeking their approval but understanding their perspective, which might help bridge the emotional gap.

It's also essential to communicate how you feel. Let them know how their change of heart has impacted you. Be honest about your feelings, without placing blame. Explain how their initial support encouraged you to build a connection with the guy and how their sudden change has affected you emotionally.

Remember to stay true to your feelings and values. You have a right to seek a future that aligns with your happiness and desires. If your relationship with this person feels right to you, consider discussing with your parents how important this is for you. Sometimes, understanding each other's viewpoints can lead to a compromise or a more supportive stance.

In the end, it's about finding a balance between honoring your feelings and trying to understand and address your parents' concerns. Take one step at a time, and don’t hesitate to seek support from trusted friends or professionals to help you navigate this emotionally complex situation.

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Question by AS - Jan 04, 2022Hindi

Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS

Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

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Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi

Hello, I'm in a relationship with a guy for last 2 years. We both stay in another country, and we met there. He is a PhD student and I'm a MBA student. We both are about to graduate from our respective courses. We both have a 7.5 years of age gap and he is from Kerala and I'm from Delhi. We both love each other, and are ready to fight for our relationship. He spoke to his parents, and they're very happy with us, but when I spoke to my parents, they made huge issues, and started saying, we will die if you marry him. We will die, you can take your pheras around our burning body. And they came up with some negative stories about him, which is not true. We both are very career oriented people, and respect each other decisions. I'm not saying, my parents won't have an issue, they will, since its about North-South India, also different cultures and Age gap. But they're bringing up issues, that I can't even mention here (political issues). I spoke to my parents first time face to face about this, and they said all that. To which I didn't argue, because I understood, whatever I say right now, they won't listen to me. I just told them, whatever you say, is okay. Can you please guide me with how to talk to them, and convince them?

Ans: When you next speak with your parents, choose a calm and private setting. Start the conversation by expressing your love and respect for them, acknowledging their concerns, and stating your commitment to understanding their perspective. Share your genuine feelings about your partner and the relationship, emphasizing the mutual respect, love, and career aspirations you both share.

Highlight the positive attributes of your partner, focusing on his education, values, and how he complements you. Address specific concerns your parents have raised, providing clear and respectful counterpoints to any false accusations or misunderstandings. If possible, arrange for them to meet him or speak with his parents, as this might help bridge cultural and regional gaps.

It’s important to be patient and give your parents time to process the information. They might need multiple conversations to come to terms with your decision. Lastly, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a trusted family friend or relative, who can mediate and provide a balanced perspective.

Your goal is to maintain a respectful and open dialogue, showing empathy towards their concerns while standing firm in your decision. This balanced approach can help gradually shift their perspective and foster acceptance.

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow