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Married woman with children seeks advice after discovering husband's affair with a married coworker

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |674 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1733 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I would like to discuss about a problem in my married life with you. Me and my husband had a love marriage 21 years ago. Before our marriage also my husband had many relationships and affairs but since he was very true about everything and he promised to change things, we married. Though, our family was a happy one and we have two grown up kids also, everything seems OK from outside. But actually, my husband has had many affairs after our marriage also. He has never left his habit of impressing females around him, it may be his colleagues or some common friends etc.. and I always come across some or the other female in his life. Some of the affairs have been so serious that they even went ahead and spent days and nights together. Every time, I discover some affair, he admits his mistake and tells me to move on, but he never believes in correcting his mistakes and either continues with the affair or finds a new partner. I have lost all trust in him but since I am not earning and have two grown up kids and also love him a lot, can't think of separation. I have tried confronting him though but he gets angry always and blames me for spoiling our family life and not moving on. Also, would like to accept that he is very supportive in family matters, loves his family a lot, is very dedicated to his work and to his kids, he is very empathetic towards people, helps everyone but needs his own space too. I am completely confused about what should I do. I am unable to trust him for anything and we keep arguing over smallest things. Hope you will reply to me. Thanks.
Ans: Dear TT, I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Since you want to continue in the marriage, that choice is something I presume that has emerged after a lot of thought and I respect it.

The way this marriage will work is communicate clearly to him that his philandering ways have to stop as it is affecting you and the marriage.

If this doesn’t work, he seriously needs help in dealing with this…sometimes people don’t realise that they are jeopardizing their marriages.

I am not defending him but simply stating that sometimes people get themselves into a trap of not so useful situations and quite don’t know how to get out of it.

Also, what he might gain from so many extra marital relationships is something that he needs to find in other ways rather than swaying outside of the marriage.

This requires him to work with an expert as he will most likely not yield to your requests like in the past. Mere talking will not be enough; he possibly needs intensive therapy.

This will help him reunite with his family that he loves so much and he can be around completely without having to seek pleasure outside eroding the foundation of marriage.

As he seems to get better, it’s time for you to live your life as well, right?

What is it that you haven’t done in years? What is it that you gave up after marriage or after having kids?

What excites you enough for you to step up for yourself and create your own happiness? Simply DO THAT.

This will help you get back on your feet; who knows you might discover something that actually may end up becoming a money generator as well!

I wish you the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1733 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 48 year old mature,responsible and independent working lady. Married to the person whom i loved. 7 years of relationship before marriage and now 20 years of married relationship. My husband is very egoistic and irresponsible about our relationship but at the same time very helpful towards others. He lacks emotional intelligence between us. He lacks to understand my feeling which was never his priority. Due to this attitude after 6 years of marriage i got involved with one of my office colleagues wherein i use to consider him as a big supporter who is beside me whenever i feel depressed or want to express. Since my husband did had such understanding of spending quality time with me. However i was caught by my husband after few month since he had recorded few of my conversation. That chapter got closed as i sincerely apologize by husband and made him understand why was i in to that situation, which he also realized and accepted his mistake. We started a fresh journey as husband and wife. After 13 years post 2009, my husband was cheating on me which i discovered with the help of one agency. He was going around with one married lady. Luckily i cud figure this out in time with proofs and informed that ladies husband also. Post this revelation my husband has changed. He was not feeling guilty at all of what he did as he had lot of plans of leaving me and my 2 kids. He wanted to get separate and stay with his parents only, he was not interested in our family anymore and did not wanted to take any responsibility of our 2 kids, he started playing victim card that when my wife had an affair i did not revealed to anyone,then why is that she has revealed. Its now more than 6 months he is still not back on track, neither he feels guilty nor talk with me. Manipulate the conversation and his action every time. Not able to understand his behavior and this behavior is affecting my daily life. He doesn't update where.does he go, what is he doing. He is jobless since last 7 years. Hence i am only the earning member staying with i laws and kids. Day by day my patience are getting over. Please advise should i get separated from him and stay.with my kids only. Pls suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's classic behavior when there is no emotional bond within a marriage; seeking that outside of marriage...Now, with both of you having stepped out of it, it's going to take not just your efforts to put things together BUT a discussion on whether you two want this marriage to work. If YES, then work at it...
You will need to together work at dropping past baggage and starting on a clean slate.
But if NO, that's a decision that also needs a lot of deliberation. Are you willing to get out of the marriage as over time we get habituated with a person even with all they are and they are not. Think of how your life will pan out with your husband in it and not in it? Weigh this carefully and then decide what must be done next. This becomes important as there are children involved and it impacts them in a big way as well.
Take some time, confide in a trusted person and go into the depths of the pros and cons which will enable you take a step and move ahead...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

..Read more

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Purshotam

Purshotam Lal  |67 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2025

Money
Sir, I would take your advice on my future planning, planninby 55 years. Below details, need your help I am 50 years old, having wife with two kids, daughter 14 years (class 8) and son 8 years (class 3) standard. Saving and investment till date: PPF (own and son account) Rs. 18.40 lakh, Sukanya (in my daughter name) RS. 5 lakh, Axis ELSS, Mirae ELSS, Quant ELSS Total Rs. 11.23 Lakh (combined), NPS Rs. 5.27 lakh, Paragh Parekh and UTI Flexi Cap Fund Rs. 5.30 lakh, Bandha Small Cap Rs. 5K, Direct Investment in equity Rs. 34.00 Lakh. Saving account balance Rs. 10 Lakh, Fol Bond 20 grams, Some ornament about 100 grams. One house (staying) value about Rs. 1 CR and one flat (vacant) value about Rs. 1 Cr. Home Loan outstanding Rs. 11.40 Lakh (EMI Rs. 25K), Insurance cover against Home loan EMI Rs. 1K Monthly Expenses about Rs. 1 Lakh PM. (including education and house hold expenses). Earning INR 2.5 Lakh PM. Wated to be reture by 55, can you please advice how to allocate my investment so that my earning can be generated Rs. 2 Lkah PM.
Ans: You are already on the right course to providing for your corpus for proposed retirement at your age 55. However you also need to provide for future marriages of your daughter & son, say at their age 25 i.e. after 11 years and 17 years respectively. Current cost of marriage of say Rs 25L may go-up at assumed inflation rate of 8% to Rs 58.29L & Rs 92.50L in 11 & 17 Years. At assumed ROI of 13% Equity MF SIP shall be required of Rs 16.5K, Rs 13.5K per month which will continue even after your proposed retirement age of 55. Additionally there seems to be scope for 70K PM Equity MF SIP for next 5 Years. On vacant flat you can assume rental income of say 35K per month. It is also assumed that investment in Sukanya Samriddhi will continue till her Marriage and shall be utilised for daughter's marriage expenses.

However with respect to your retirement plan at Age 55 years, at conservative return of 6% from annuity funds and rental incomes net of continuing MF SIP of Rs 30K, it is expected to generate around Rs 1 L PM at your age 55. Hence it is suggested not to retire by 55 as being proposed. Also please note that returns on MF, NPS & Direct Equities are linked to market performance and very volatile and are also subject to market, Interest rate risks etc. It is suggested to contact a Certified Financial Planner and/or Certified Financial Advisor for charting your path to retire peacefully. Goodluck.

Purshotam, CFP®, MBA, CAIIB, FIII
Certified Financial Planner
Insurance advisor
www.finphoenixinvest.com

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Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |231 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Money
Dear sir/madam I have some ten lakh in NRI FD for 7% interest, if I keep 50%in mutual fund can I use the amount any of emergency as well as which mutual fund suggest for me
Ans: Dear Sir/Madam,

If you are planning to move 50% of your ?10 lakh NRI Fixed Deposit into mutual fund options, please note that you can definitely access the money during emergencies, provided you select the correct categories designed for high liquidity and low risk.

1. Can Mutual Fund Money Be Used During Emergencies?

Yes — if you invest in the right categories.

Categories suitable for emergency access:

? Liquid Funds
? Money Market Funds
? Ultra Short Duration Funds

These categories generally offer T+0 to T+1 liquidity (same day or next working day), have no lock-in period, and maintain low risk compared to equity-oriented investments.

2. Recommended Allocation (NRI – Balanced & Safe Plan)

Since you already have ?10 lakh in a fixed deposit, retaining ?5 lakh there provides stability and assured interest. The remaining ?5 lakh can be allocated to mutual fund categories that offer both liquidity and growth potential. By placing a portion in liquid or money market categories, you ensure instant access for emergencies, while the rest can be allocated to a moderate-risk hybrid category to give you long-term growth without compromising safety. This balanced approach helps you maintain emergency readiness, reduce risk, and potentially earn better returns than keeping the full amount in FD.

3. Option A: If You Want Emergency Access + Low Risk

(For the 50% amount you wish to shift)

Consider investing in categories such as:

Liquid Fund category

Money Market Fund category

Ultra Short Duration Fund category

These categories are suitable for short-term parking, emergency funds, and low-volatility needs.

4. Option B: If You Want Some Growth Along With Safety

From the ?5 lakh planned for mutual fund investment:

?3 lakh can be placed in liquid or money market categories for emergency and safety

?2 lakh may be placed in a Hybrid/Balanced Advantage category for steady growth with controlled risk

5. Tax Notes for NRIs

Debt-oriented categories: Taxed at 20% with indexation after 3 years

Equity-oriented categories: 10% LTCG above ?1 lakh

Some AMCs deduct TDS for NRIs depending on NRE/NRO mode and investment type
Disclaimer / Guidance:
The above analysis is generic in nature and based on limited data shared. For accurate projections — including inflation, tax implications, pension structure, and education cost escalation — it is strongly advised to consult a qualified QPFP/CFP or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD). They can help prepare a comprehensive retirement and goal-based cash flow plan tailored to your unique situation.
Financial planning is not only about returns; it’s about ensuring peace of mind and aligning your money with life goals. A professional planner can help you design a safe, efficient, and realistic roadmap toward your ideal retirement.

Best regards,
Naveenn Kummar, BE, MBA, QPFP
Chief Financial Planner | AMFI Registered MFD
https://members.networkfp.com/member/naveenkumarreddy-vadula-chennai

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10837 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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