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Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am married for the last 15 years with 2 kids. All though for entire period of this 15 years has been a roller coaster in the relationship, All of a sudden since the last 7 months the relationship has detoriated with my wife sleeping with the kids, not talking to me, cutting my social circles. Have tried talking to her directly and through some common links, but she does not talk & infact has cut all the channels. i have tried being home all the time and do all the house hold cores, take care of the children, but no impact on her. She is a deperession patient and refuses to consult the doctor. I feel i had enough and want to look options for seperation. Kindly advise

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's unfortunate that you have waited this long to take note of how your relationship has been deteriorating. Also, has your wife been clinically diagnosed as having depression? If not, please don't assume as it will pose an issue while working on your marriage.
Seek the help of a marriage therapist who can guide the two of you back into rebuilding the marriage. Sleeping separately is a huge signal that she has cut off physically and emotionally from you and there could be numerous reasons along the way for it./ Don't delay seeing a professional and take this step not to get into a blame game situation but to actually work on your marriage. Make this humble attempt as it takes one rash move to end things.

But if you feel strongly that nothing is working, consult with a lawyer who specializes in separation

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am a 44-year-old married man. My wife and I had a love marriage. But just after the birth of our second child we started developing some smaller differences and issues. Nothing really major. However my wife started staying away from me physically. The intimacy and love in the relationship reduced and eventually stopped. Along the way I tried to go close to her but she wasn't interested. I tried a lot but it didn't help. We even tried to go to the counselor but she wasn't quite interested so we stopped midway. Now eight years have passed since we have had any physical closeness. We live like roommates just looking after the kids. However now my wife is making attempts to come close to me but somehow I don't feel anything for her and I am not co-operating. I feel like I just want to go away from everyone and start living independently. What is your advice? We have two daughters.
Ans: Dear N, What went through your wife’s mind at the time of the birth of your second child is something that needs to be addressed.

Maybe the work of bringing up two children exhausted her or there was a hormonal disturbance that made her lose interest. But let bygones be bygones.

Now that she is trying to get closer, maybe you can also try to see what the two of you can do to rebuild the closeness.

Rather than jump straight to sex, create closeness step by step.

Spend quality time together, watch movies, engage in a hobby together, cook together…the fondness and affection outside the bedroom might help breaking the ice and you start to at least engage in an affectionate manner towards one another.

It is easy to walk out of a marriage but do remember what the reason to walk out will be?

After a few years, it might not been worth it at all…Why not at least give the above suggestions a try?

Engage as friends with no expectations from one another and let the purpose be a happy engagement just like the one we have with out friends.

You also have two daughters who definitely want to be in a loving family; so give this a chance and see if it works out. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

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Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm a 39 year old man, married and having a daughter. It was an arranged marriage. We started off okay, with some good level of romance initially but plateaued later. First the emotional connect dipped, then her trust dipped and eventually physical intimacy dipped. After childbirth, our sex life hit a low and in past 5 years it has been almost a sexless marriage. I had not been a perfect partner but very much willing to fix my mistakes (I haven't cheated on her, ever). But my wife has been aloof with near zero communication. I never interfered in her independence of any form. I always trusted her but I never felt trusted/wanted/loved. She refuses to have meaningful deep conversations. We do have a lot of financial stress. We considered divorce about 5 years ago but didn't because of our daughter. Last year, I met a colleague and I connected emotionally well with her. I do consider her a good friend but my family (I stay with my parents) think I'm in an affair. This new friend also considers me her friend. Now my wife seems a little jealous of my friend, which is a good sign that there is still some hope to salvage this marriage. People have advised me both ways - to divorce and not to. I really want a happy life for myself and my daughter. I am confused - what should I do?
Ans: Dear JK, I can only imagine the stresses of the situation that you and your wife are in. But it takes two people to make a marriage.

And it would be worthwhile for both of you to understand that childbirth is a very transformative experience for entire family especially the new mother and the baby.

It is of utmost relevance here for them to have the support of the father and the family.

The emotional and physical needs of the man maybe ignored here but do know that your wife/ mother doesn’t do this as a well-thought idea but because her hormones dictate her mind and body.

But of course, if this has been something that has been going on for a while now even after a year of childbirth, it would be wise to have an open communication channel where the two of you understand each other’s needs and see how best as a couple you can fulfil them.

It is normal for a human to seek validation and attention from the external when his needs are not fulfilled at home. But the complications that can arise from that are something that you are well aware of.

You are an adult and you know what’s best for you and your family.

Having said this, if the choice is to make the marriage work, please don’t engage in finger pointing and instead think of ways to spice up your relationship.

Find someone to care for your child while you and your wife take a holiday.

If this also doesn’t work, I would suggest couples marital therapy where a professional may guide you to rebuilding your marriage.

Happy rebuilding and it’s worth working at it!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like you're trying hard to make things work, including taking your wife on trips to strengthen your relationship. It's positive that you've tried to sit and talk with her, even though it hasn't been successful so far.Communication is key in any relationship, so it's important to keep trying to have open and honest conversations with your wife. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling as a way to facilitate these discussions in a more structured setting. A counselor could help both of you understand each other's perspectives and find constructive ways to address your issues. Going on trips is great, but also focus on spending quality time together in everyday life. Find activities you both enjoy and make time for each other. Ultimately, it will take effort from both you and your wife to improve your relationship. It may also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for the tension, such as financial stress, and work together to find solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ma'm. I am a 45 year old person. My wife is 41. For the last one year she has become extremely self centered. She is always in a bickering mode. Makes sure to always see the negative side of any situation. Speaks anything that comes to her mind, not bothering about what others may think. We have 2 kids, a teenage son and a 10 year old daughter. She keeps on scolding them for any reason which she deems fit. Because of this both the kids have got extremely low self confidence and are also poor grades. She never lets me complete my side of the discussion and always tries to show herself as the best. Due to this I have completely stopped talking. I only speak if she asks something else I prefer to remain silent. All this is causing too much of a mental trauma for me. I have lost weight, appetite and interest in anything because of this. Obviously with all this our physical intimacy has almost been non-existent. Deep down I still love her a lot a keep praying that she changes to her former self. What should I do?
Ans: Navigating this challenging situation requires a multifaceted approach, focusing on communication, understanding, and possibly seeking external help. It's evident that your wife's recent behavior is significantly impacting not only your well-being but also the mental and emotional health of your children. While it's important to consider her perspective and any underlying issues she may be facing, it's equally crucial to address the impact on your family and yourself.

First, consider initiating a calm, non-confrontational conversation with your wife about your concerns. Choose a moment when you are both relatively calm and can speak without immediate distractions. Express your feelings honestly but gently, focusing on how her behavior affects you and the children rather than blaming her. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel hurt and worried when..." to prevent her from feeling attacked and becoming defensive.

It's possible that your wife may be dealing with her own unresolved issues, stress, or even mental health challenges, which are manifesting in her behavior. Suggesting counseling or therapy, both individually and as a couple, can be a constructive step. A professional can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work through underlying issues. This can also be beneficial for your children, who might be experiencing anxiety and low self-esteem due to the current environment.

In the meantime, focus on creating a supportive and positive atmosphere for your children. Encourage open communication with them and reassure them that their feelings are valid. Engaging in activities that boost their confidence and providing positive reinforcement can help counterbalance the negativity they might be experiencing at home.

Taking care of your own mental and physical health is equally important. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate your emotions and develop coping strategies. Finding activities that bring you joy and relaxation can also help mitigate the stress you are under.

Ultimately, while you cannot force change upon your wife, you can take steps to protect your well-being and that of your children. By fostering open communication, seeking professional help, and creating a positive environment, you can work towards improving your family's dynamics. Remember, addressing these issues is a process that takes time and patience, but taking the first steps can lead to significant improvements over time.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2717 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Money
Sir I am currently a student working as pg resident in government college l. My monthly stipend is 70000 of which I want to use 60000 in investment for upcoming future. I want to continue doing it for 3 years and if I get help from yours kind suggestion I will continue to do so. Humbly request you to guide me sir ?
Ans: It's admirable that you're proactive about investing your stipend for future financial security. Let's craft a strategic investment plan to help you achieve your goals.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Short-Term Objective (3 Years):
Your primary goal is to invest your monthly stipend over the next three years to build wealth for the future.
This investment horizon allows for a balanced approach that combines growth potential with risk management.
Tailoring an Investment Strategy
Risk Profile Assessment:

As a student with a stable income, you may have a higher risk tolerance, given your long-term investment horizon.
However, it's crucial to strike a balance between risk and return to ensure the safety of your investments.
Diversified Portfolio Allocation:

Consider diversifying your investment across asset classes such as equities, debt, and possibly alternative investments like gold or commodities.
Diversification helps mitigate risk and enhances the potential for long-term growth.
Structuring Your Investment Approach
Equities:

Allocate a portion of your investment towards equities to capitalize on their potential for higher returns over the long term.
Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks or equity mutual funds to diversify your equity exposure.
Debt Instruments:

Allocate another portion of your investment towards debt instruments like fixed deposits, debt mutual funds, or bonds.
Debt instruments provide stability and regular income, making them suitable for risk mitigation.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Consider investing through a SIP in mutual funds to benefit from rupee-cost averaging and mitigate the impact of market volatility.
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market fluctuations, fostering disciplined investing.
Monitoring and Review
Regular Portfolio Review:

Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Make adjustments as needed based on changing market conditions or personal circumstances.
Continuous Learning:

Stay informed about financial markets and investment strategies to make informed decisions about your portfolio.
Consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investment strategy.
Conclusion and Encouragement
Your proactive approach towards investing is commendable and lays a strong foundation for your financial future. By implementing a diversified investment strategy and maintaining disciplined investing habits, you're well-positioned to achieve your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2717 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Money
Iam 57 years old male. Iam going to retire after 3 yrs. I have invested 2. 5 lakhs in icici balance advantage fund . Can i contine investing or change can you advice
Ans: Evaluating Investment Strategy for Retirement
Understanding Your Current Situation
It's commendable that you're actively planning for your retirement. Let's assess your investment in ICICI Balance Advantage Fund and explore whether it aligns with your retirement goals.

Genuine Appreciation for Retirement Planning
Planning for retirement demonstrates foresight and responsibility towards securing your financial future. It's a crucial step towards achieving financial independence in your golden years.

Assessing Your Investment Choice
ICICI Balance Advantage Fund:
This fund follows a dynamic asset allocation strategy, aiming to balance risk and return by adjusting exposure to equities based on market conditions.
It offers the potential for growth while providing downside protection through tactical allocation.
Evaluating Investment Strategy for Retirement
Investment Horizon:

With retirement on the horizon in three years, your investment horizon is relatively short.
Short-term investment goals typically require a more conservative approach to minimize the impact of market volatility.
Risk Tolerance:

As you approach retirement, preserving capital becomes increasingly important.
Consider reassessing your risk tolerance and shifting towards more stable investment options to safeguard your savings.
Considering Alternatives
Debt Funds:

Debt funds offer lower volatility and can provide steady income, making them suitable for retirement portfolios.
Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to debt funds to enhance stability and reduce overall risk.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

SWP allows you to systematically withdraw a fixed amount from your investments at regular intervals, providing a steady income stream during retirement.
Explore the possibility of implementing an SWP strategy to meet your income needs post-retirement.
Conclusion and Recommendation
Given your proximity to retirement, it's prudent to reassess your investment strategy and prioritize capital preservation. While ICICI Balance Advantage Fund offers growth potential, it may carry higher risk, which might not align with your current financial objectives.

Considering your retirement timeline, I recommend exploring more conservative options such as debt funds and implementing a systematic withdrawal plan to ensure a steady income stream post-retirement. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor an investment strategy that suits your retirement goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2717 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I'm investing in quant small cap fund(5000 pm) and Aditya Birla Sun life PSU equity(10000pm), how much corpus should I expect after 2 or 3 years.
Ans: Assessing Potential Corpus Growth in 2-3 Years
Understanding Your Investment Strategy
It's great to see your commitment to investing and building wealth for your future. Let's analyze the potential corpus growth based on your current investments.

Compliments on Your Investment Initiative
Your proactive approach to investing is commendable. With careful planning and disciplined execution, you can achieve your financial goals effectively.

Analyzing Investment Horizon and Portfolio
Investment Horizon:

You're targeting a corpus growth within 2-3 years, indicating a short to medium-term investment horizon.
Short-term goals typically require a more conservative investment approach to mitigate risk.
Investment Allocation:

Currently, you're investing in two funds: Quant Small Cap Fund and Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity.
These funds cater to different segments of the market, providing diversification.
Evaluating Potential Corpus Growth
Quant Small Cap Fund:

Small-cap funds are known for their potential for high returns but also carry higher risk.
Given the short investment horizon, anticipate moderate to high fluctuations in returns.
Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity:

PSU equity funds primarily invest in stocks of public sector enterprises, offering stability but moderate growth potential.
Expect relatively lower volatility compared to small-cap funds.
Factors Influencing Corpus Growth
Market Performance:

Equity markets' performance significantly impacts the growth of your investment.
Economic conditions, corporate earnings, and geopolitical factors influence market movements.
Fund Performance:

Past performance of the selected funds provides insight but doesn't guarantee future returns.
Monitor fund performance regularly to assess its alignment with your goals.
Expected Corpus Growth Range
Quant Small Cap Fund:

Considering the high-risk nature of small-cap funds, anticipate a potential growth range of 10-15% annually.
Over 2-3 years, this could translate to a cumulative growth of 20-45%.
Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity:

PSU equity funds typically offer more stability with potential growth in the range of 8-12% annually.
Over 2-3 years, expect a cumulative growth of approximately 16-36%.
Conclusion and Recommendation
Given the investment horizon of 2-3 years, it's crucial to balance risk and return expectations. While small-cap funds offer higher growth potential, they also come with increased volatility. PSU equity funds, on the other hand, provide stability but moderate growth.

Considering your risk tolerance and investment objectives, a combination of both funds can provide a balanced approach to corpus growth. Regularly review your portfolio's performance and adjust your investment strategy as needed to stay on track towards your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2717 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Sir, my son is now 27 years old and would like to invest approx Rs. 10,000- 12,000 per month for the next 15-20 years and an approximate increase of 10-15% per year. Kindly suggest which type of investment should be planned in addition to any other suggestion's which would create a substantial monthly income after 20 years taking into consideration the money value and inflation
Ans: That's a fantastic plan for your son. Starting investments early creates a solid financial future. Let's explore some options to build a good monthly income after 20 years:

Building a Strong Investment Portfolio:

Diversification is key: Invest in a mix of asset classes like Equity (stocks), Debt (bonds), and Hybrid (mix of equity and debt) to manage risk and target long-term growth.
Consider Equity Mutual Funds: Actively managed Equity Mutual Funds can potentially generate good returns over the long term. They are professionally managed by experts.
Investing for Growth and Beating Inflation:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Regular monthly investments (SIP) of Rs. 10,000-12,000 with a planned 10-15% annual increase is a smart approach. It inculcates discipline and leverages rupee-cost averaging.
Long-term horizon: A 20-year investment timeframe allows for market fluctuations to even out, focusing on long-term growth that outpaces inflation.
Planning for Future Income:

Goal-based investing: While aiming for monthly income, consider your son's future goals like retirement or higher studies. Tailor the investment mix accordingly.
Review and Rebalance: Regularly review the portfolio performance and rebalance allocations if needed to maintain the desired asset class mix.
Getting Professional Advice:

Talk to a CFP professional: A Certified Financial Planner can create a personalized investment plan for your son, considering his risk tolerance and financial goals.
Investment planning is crucial: A CFP can help navigate different investment options and choose the ones that best suit your son's needs.
Remember: Consistent investing, diversification, and professional guidance are key to building a strong financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2717 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I have a query regarding health insurance. I have 2 policies from different providers. 1 policy has copay clause. Can I claim the copay amount from the other provider?
Ans: Claiming Copay from Another Health Insurance Policy
That's a good question! Unfortunately, you cannot claim the copay amount you pay under one health insurance policy from another provider. Here's why:

Copay is a fixed amount you share with your first insurer for covered medical expenses. It reduces your premium but requires you to pay upfront.
Each insurance policy works independently. They only cover your expenses as per their terms and conditions.
Here's how things work:

You file a claim with the insurer that has the copay clause.
They approve the claim amount after deducting the copay amount.
You pay the copay directly to the hospital or yourself (depending on the policy).
Alternatives to Consider:

Choose plans without copay: If copays are causing trouble, consider switching to plans with higher premiums but no copay requirement.
Increase coverage limits: If your current plans have low coverage limits, explore options with higher limits to minimize out-of-pocket expenses.
Speak to a CFP Professional:

A Certified Financial Planner can review your health insurance plans and suggest options that better suit your needs. They can also help you understand coverage details and claim procedures.

Remember: It's important to choose health insurance plans that complement each other and provide comprehensive coverage.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2717 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Money
Im 62 year old and retired person. I am looking for health insurance policy for me and my wife who is 52 year old and housewife. I am suffering from high BP, Cervical and Lumber spondylitis, knee osteoarthritis, IBS and taking medicines for last 10-12 years. My wife has hypothyroidism, spondylitis and diabetes Please suggest better health insurance policy. Also suggest whether individual or family policy will be better Regards
Ans: I understand you're looking for a good health insurance plan for you and your wife. That's a smart decision, especially considering your health conditions. Let's break it down to help you choose the best option:

Understanding Pre-existing Conditions:

Your existing health conditions (BP, spondylitis, etc.) are called pre-existing conditions. These might affect your policy options and premiums.
Individual vs. Family Plan:

Family plan: Covers you and your wife together under one plan. It can be cheaper, but coverage limits get shared.
Individual plans: Separate plans for each of you. More flexibility, but might cost slightly more overall.
Considering Your Needs:

Pre-existing condition coverage: Look for plans that cover pre-existing conditions after a waiting period (if any).
Hospitalization coverage: Choose a plan with sufficient coverage for hospitalization expenses.
Medicines: Check if the plan covers medicines you take regularly.
Finding the Right Plan:

Talk to a CFP professional: A Certified Financial Planner can assess your needs and recommend suitable plans from different insurers.
Compare plans online: Many insurance companies offer online plan comparisons. Look for plans that cover pre-existing conditions and have good network hospitals in your area.
Here's a quick tip: Since your wife is younger and has a different health profile, individual plans might be better. This allows you to get customized coverage based on your specific needs.

Remember: Don't hesitate to ask questions! Choosing the right health insurance is important, and a CFP professional can guide you through the process.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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