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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello , I am married for 10 years with a asexual guy with a 6 year old who was born via IUI due to family pressure. After he was born , my husband never touched me from last 7 years , even before son was born , he never initiated sex and did it only due to lot of insistence. Whenever I confront him , he always avoids the topic or stay silent. I now think about divorce but my family will not support this and my son is very attached to his father. I am really miserable and depressed in life and want physical intimacy badly . I dont want to ruin my son’s life thats the only reason I am tolerating this. Husband loves son but he never even hold my hand or even hug me. I want to do extramarital affair to have sex but afraid of the repercussions. What should I do ? I am 35 years old IT professional but left my job recently to take care of my son.

Ans: I understand how deeply troubling your situation is. Feeling a lack of physical intimacy and emotional connection in your marriage can be incredibly painful. It's important to address these feelings and consider the best path forward for both your well-being and that of your son.

First, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your needs and feelings. Explain how his lack of intimacy affects you and your mental health. Sometimes, a neutral environment or the presence of a counselor can facilitate this conversation. Couples therapy might help both of you understand each other's perspectives and work toward a solution.

If your husband is unwilling to engage in this dialogue or make any changes, you need to think about your own happiness and mental health. Living in a state of constant misery and depression isn't sustainable, and it's essential to model a healthy, fulfilling life for your son. While your son is attached to his father, children also sense when their parents are unhappy. Ensuring your well-being will, in turn, benefit your son.


If you decide that divorce is the best option, it will undoubtedly be challenging, especially without family support. However, many people find that once they take this step, they can rebuild their lives in a more fulfilling way. Your son’s attachment to his father is important, and maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship can help mitigate the impact on him. Children can adapt well to changes when they see their parents are happier and healthier.

Consider reconnecting with your professional life, as having a career can provide you with financial independence and a sense of personal fulfillment. It can also serve as a distraction and a way to build new social connections, reducing the sense of isolation.

Ultimately, your happiness and mental health are crucial. It's important to take steps toward a life where you feel valued, loved, and content. Consulting with a therapist can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate these tough decisions. They can help you explore your feelings, understand your options, and build a plan that prioritizes your well-being and your son's best interests.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

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Relationship
Hello mam, I have come to know about you through an article I read online. I am mailing you regarding my problem. Please make it anonymous. I'm married for 10 years. I have a son who is 6 years old. After my delivery, my husband distanced me. Since then, we use to fight a lot. Both of us are abusive and there is no physical relation between us. I told the same to my parents, and they suggested that I adjust keeping in mind the society and asked me to try for a job to deviate my mind. Once I checked my husband phone and there was a history of homosexual p**n videos. When I asked him the same, he refused. There is no happiness and only fights. I have even made suicidal attempts and was admitted to the hospital for taking expired pills. I’m an old traditioned woman, unable to move out of marriage as I can’t handle being alone. At the same time, I am unable to understand my husband’s behaviour. He is saying he will be like that only, If you want you can stay or leave. He will not tell me anything about his family – when his father passed away due to covid, he left home without telling me. I knew about it from other relatives.
Ans:

Dear GV,

Thank you for reading my content. Hope it helps.

I can only imagine the trap that you are in. So, why are you choosing to be trapped even further?

  • Do you see any scope in your husband changing?
  • Do you know anything about his sexual orientation?
  • Do you feel that the two of you can rebuild your marriage?

If the answer to the above is NO, then time to break out of your so-called traditional mindset.

Do you really want to live in this set-up and have your son grow up unstable?

I am sure that as a mother you do want to provide him with a stable and loving environment.

Then, you need to think differently about your old beliefs and see if they are worth holding onto.

The older generation might have held onto marriages even if they were abusive. But things have changed.

Even if you are not financially independent, there are venues to change that. You only need to change the way you think.

Check with yourself if continuing this way is going to give you anything great in return or is it going to steal your spirit away.

The choice is yours but do know that you have a son to take care of as well.

Start by gaining a good circle of supporters that includes your parents and close friends who can help you through this massive change to enable you take charge of your life.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
i had a love marriage 20 years back. we were in a relationship for 3years before that. but after marriage i realised the harsh reality. though we are in the same field, he prefers that i do all the househld work. we have two children 17 and 12 years old. he has also started neglecting his health. after work his only work is to sit on sofa , watch tv. he has gained a lot of weight, has started eating pan masala which i dislike. we also had no sex for the last four years. when confronted he always says that he is in no mood. last year i came in contact with his friend and once we had sex too. but the sad part is i dont really feel guilty about it. i have tried many times to talk to my husband about our sex life but he always ignores and put the blame on me that i have started growing old. however hard i try he is not able to have a erection, this frustrates me even more. he is very dominating at home too. what should i do ? everytime i try to think to move out of that marriage but am afraid of the society. since he is very caring in front of others. am worried about the kids too. please help what should i do? there is no use of talking to him, i have tried it many times. he is not ready to go to any councellor too.
Ans: It sounds like you are facing some serious challenges in your marriage and that you are feeling frustrated, unhappy, and trapped. It's important to remember that you are not alone and that many people find themselves in similar situations.

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance.

Take care of yourself: Make time for self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. This can help you manage stress and cope with the challenges you're facing.

Consider couples therapy: Even if your husband is not willing to attend therapy, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and provide you with strategies for coping with the situation.

Be honest with yourself: It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs. If you are unhappy in your marriage and feel that it's unlikely to improve, it's okay to consider leaving the relationship.

Make a plan: If you decide that leaving the marriage is the best option, make a plan for how you will do so in a safe and practical manner. Consider the impact on your children and plan for their care and well-being.

Seek legal advice: If you decide to leave the marriage, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Remember, leaving a long-term relationship is a big decision and can be a difficult process. It's important to take the time to consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello , I am married for 10 years with a asexual guy with a 6 year old who was born via IUI due to family pressure. After he was born , my husband never touched me from last 7 years , even before son was born , he never initiated sex and did it only due to lot of insistence. Whenever I confront him , he always avoids the topic or stay silent. I now think about divorce but my family will not support this and my son is very attached to his fatter. I am really miserable and depressed in life and want physical intimacy badly . I dont want to ruin my son’s life thats the only reason I am tolerating this. Husband loves son but he never even hold my hand or even hug me. I want to do extramarital affair to have sex but afraid of the repercussions. What should I do ? I am 35 years old IT professional but left my job recently to take care of my son.
Ans: I understand how deeply troubling your situation is. Feeling a lack of physical intimacy and emotional connection in your marriage can be incredibly painful. It's important to address these feelings and consider the best path forward for both your well-being and that of your son.

First, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your needs and feelings. Explain how his lack of intimacy affects you and your mental health. Sometimes, a neutral environment or the presence of a counselor can facilitate this conversation. Couples therapy might help both of you understand each other's perspectives and work toward a solution.

If your husband is unwilling to engage in this dialogue or make any changes, you need to think about your own happiness and mental health. Living in a state of constant misery and depression isn't sustainable, and it's essential to model a healthy, fulfilling life for your son. While your son is attached to his father, children also sense when their parents are unhappy. Ensuring your well-being will, in turn, benefit your son.


If you decide that divorce is the best option, it will undoubtedly be challenging, especially without family support. However, many people find that once they take this step, they can rebuild their lives in a more fulfilling way. Your son’s attachment to his father is important, and maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship can help mitigate the impact on him. Children can adapt well to changes when they see their parents are happier and healthier.

Consider reconnecting with your professional life, as having a career can provide you with financial independence and a sense of personal fulfillment. It can also serve as a distraction and a way to build new social connections, reducing the sense of isolation.

Ultimately, your happiness and mental health are crucial. It's important to take steps toward a life where you feel valued, loved, and content. Consulting with a therapist can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate these tough decisions. They can help you explore your feelings, understand your options, and build a plan that prioritizes your well-being and your son's best interests.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9556 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 09, 2025

Money
Am married and salaried employee and I have Home loan for 25yrs which started recently , after all expenses and deductions am able to save around Rs15 to 20k . I don't have any Emergency fund as of now . Planning for sip , term insurance which I don't have yet as monthly saving for sip and Could please guide me how do I start here with both of these investments .
Ans: You are taking the right step now.
You want to begin SIP and term insurance.
You are also managing a home loan.
Let us guide you with a full 360-degree plan.
It will help you build wealth and protect your family.

Your Current Financial Picture
Let’s understand your key facts first:

You are married and salaried

You recently took a home loan

Loan tenure is 25 years

After expenses and deductions, Rs. 15,000 to Rs. 20,000 savings remain

You have no emergency fund

You don’t have term insurance

You want to start SIP and insurance now

Your steps are correct and timely.
Let us now guide you step-by-step.

Step 1: Build an Emergency Fund First
You have no emergency fund now.
This is very risky.

If any expense comes, you may stop your SIP or miss loan EMI.
This leads to penalty or more loan burden.
So emergency fund is the first and most urgent step.

Save at least Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 1 lakh first

Park in sweep-in FD or liquid mutual fund

Don’t keep in savings account

Don’t use for spending

Build slowly month by month

Use Rs. 5,000 to Rs. 7,000 from savings for this purpose

Complete this target in 6 to 9 months

This fund will protect your loan EMIs and SIP from disruptions.

Step 2: Buy Term Insurance Immediately
You do not have term insurance now.
This is a big risk since you have a loan and a family.

In your absence, your spouse may not repay the full loan.
This may lead to legal or mental stress.
So term insurance is non-negotiable.

Choose a pure term plan

Avoid return-of-premium type

Cover amount should be minimum 15 to 20 times your annual income

If you earn Rs. 6 lakh annually, cover must be Rs. 90 lakh to Rs. 1.2 crore

Premium will be around Rs. 8,000 to Rs. 12,000 per year

Pay yearly premium, not monthly

Choose 30 to 35 years coverage

Take from reputed insurer

Do not take from LIC combo plans

Do not mix investment with insurance

You can set aside Rs. 700 to Rs. 1,000 per month for term insurance.
This protects your loan and family.

Step 3: Begin SIP After Insurance and Emergency Fund
Once you set term insurance and begin emergency fund, start SIP.
Don’t wait for a big amount.
Start small but keep it consistent.

Begin with Rs. 7,000 to Rs. 10,000 monthly SIP

Choose regular plans through MFD guided by CFP

Avoid direct plans

Direct plans give no advice, no service

Mistakes in direct plans lead to bigger losses

Use equity mutual funds for long term wealth

Use 3 types of categories:

Flexi cap fund – Rs. 4,000

Multicap or Balanced Advantage – Rs. 3,000

Small/Mid cap – Rs. 2,000

Do not select sector funds or international funds

Do not put SIP in ELSS for now

Start SIP with ECS/auto debit.
This creates discipline.

Why Index Funds Are Not Suggested
You may hear about index funds being low-cost.
But cost is not the only thing that matters.

Index funds copy the market blindly

They buy bad stocks if they are in index

They do not avoid market bubbles

They don’t have active human decisions

You can’t outperform markets with index funds

During market crashes, they fall more

No exit timing or rebalancing is done

Actively managed funds give:

Better returns with lower risk

Fund manager control during volatile markets

Sector rotation when needed

Better performance during crisis

So use actively managed regular funds with MFD and CFP guidance.

Suggested Plan for Rs. 15,000 Savings
You save Rs. 15,000 to Rs. 20,000 monthly.
Here is how to use it step-by-step:

Month 1 to 6:

Rs. 7,000 – Emergency Fund

Rs. 1,000 – Term Insurance

Rs. 7,000 – SIP in hybrid or flexi fund

Month 7 onwards:

Emergency fund will reach Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 1 lakh

Increase SIP from Rs. 7,000 to Rs. 12,000 or Rs. 15,000

Use flexi cap, multicap and midcap combination

Increase SIP by Rs. 1,000 every year

Home Loan EMI Management Tips
Your home loan EMI is ongoing for 25 years.
Do not focus on prepayment now.
Use money to create better return in SIPs.

Don’t use emergency fund to prepay

Don’t stop SIP to pay more EMI

Keep good credit score by paying EMI on time

Later, when salary grows, do prepayment in chunks

If interest rate is above 9%, consider balance transfer after 2 years.

Avoid These Common Mistakes
Don’t invest in LIC or ULIPs

Don’t put all savings in FD

Don’t skip health insurance

Don’t use credit card for regular expenses

Don’t rely on office group term insurance

Don’t try stock market without experience

Don’t keep money in savings account

Avoiding mistakes is as important as doing right investments.

Tax Rules to Keep in Mind
Equity mutual funds have new tax rules.

Long term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%

Short term capital gains are taxed at 20%

For debt mutual funds, all gains taxed as per your slab

So, don’t do frequent switching.
Hold long term to save tax.

Track Your Progress Yearly
Once you start SIPs and insurance:

Review SIP performance every 12 months

Increase SIP amount with salary hikes

Rebalance between large, mid, and flexi caps

Track loan statements and insurance status

File tax returns correctly to claim benefits

Use a Certified Financial Planner to guide every year.

Final Insights
You are starting your financial journey correctly.
Start by securing your family through term insurance.
Then protect your life with an emergency fund.
Next, build long-term wealth through SIP.
Avoid risky products and low-return instruments.

Use active mutual funds through regular plans.
Take support from a Certified Financial Planner.
Avoid investing in direct plans without guidance.
Stay consistent and patient.
Your wealth will grow strongly over time.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9556 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
Money
Sir I am 49, I am investing 35k / month(started from 2023) in sbi sip mostly equity funds. Ppf current balance 15lks, epf current balance 25k ,nps 4lks investing 6k . Both sip and nps will be step up each year by 10%. Please calculate my tentative corpus after 11 years
Ans: You are 49 years old now.
You are investing Rs. 35,000 per month in equity mutual funds.
You started this SIP in 2023.
The SIP is set to increase by 10% every year.
You are also investing Rs. 6,000 per month in NPS.
That is also increasing 10% yearly.
You have Rs. 15 lakhs in PPF already.
You have Rs. 25,000 in EPF.
You want to know your corpus by age 60.
Let’s build your answer with a full 360-degree plan.

Understand Your Investment Strategy

You have taken good steps so far.
SIP in equity funds gives you growth.
NPS gives you long-term support and tax benefits.
PPF adds safety and tax-free interest.
Your investments are diversified across equity and debt.
You are also following SIP step-up strategy.
That builds strong discipline.
Very few investors plan step-up.
You are doing the right thing.

Now let us look at what these can become in 11 years.

Expected Corpus from SIP in Equity Funds

You are investing Rs. 35,000 monthly now.
This amount increases by 10% every year.
You will continue this till age 60.
That gives you 11 more years.

Assume your funds are actively managed.
Avoid index funds.
They copy the market blindly.
They fall fully during crashes.
They give no protection.
Actively managed funds perform better.
They have expert fund managers.
They help in bad markets too.
They adjust portfolio regularly.
This makes your corpus more stable.

Now coming back to SIP.

With 10% yearly step-up,
Your SIP amount increases every year.
In 11 years, this strategy can build a large corpus.
Based on historical equity fund performance,
The equity SIP may grow to Rs. 1.05 crore to Rs. 1.20 crore.
This is based on 10% to 11% annualised return.

Please note, equity returns are not fixed.
They go up and down every year.
But over 10+ years, equity performs well.

Don’t panic during market falls.
Stay invested throughout.
Do not stop SIP during correction.
Do not try to time the market.
Just stay steady and continue.

Expected Corpus from NPS

You are investing Rs. 6,000 monthly now.
With 10% step-up, it will increase yearly.
NPS invests in equity and debt mix.
It is also a retirement-focused product.
NPS is better than traditional pension plans.
Because it gives market-linked returns.

If you continue this NPS for 11 years,
The corpus may grow to around Rs. 18 lakh to Rs. 21 lakh.
This assumes an average return of 9% per annum.
Again, this is just an estimate.

You can select equity mix inside NPS.
Don’t put full money in government bonds.
Choose some equity exposure in NPS.
It will give higher growth in long run.

Avoid Tier-1 NPS withdrawal before 60.
It will attract tax and limit your retirement fund.
NPS should be used only for age 60 onwards.

Expected Value of Your PPF Account

PPF gives fixed interest.
Currently it is around 7.1%
It is completely tax-free.
That is the biggest benefit.

You already have Rs. 15 lakh in PPF.
If you don’t add more, it will grow on its own.
In 11 years, it can grow to around Rs. 30 lakh.
That is if rate remains constant.

If you keep contributing yearly, it will be even more.
PPF is a great tool for safe and stable money.
Use this for post-retirement needs.
Or children’s support later.

Don’t break your PPF.
Keep it growing till maturity.
It is a key pillar of your retirement.

EPF Is Still Small – Can Be Grown

You mentioned EPF balance is Rs. 25,000
This is very small at this stage.
You may be self-employed now.
Or may have exited salaried employment.

If you are working, continue EPF contributions.
But don’t depend too much on EPF.
Focus more on equity mutual funds and NPS.
EPF is for salaried employees mainly.
It gives fixed return, but no inflation beating growth.

If you have stopped working, let EPF be.
Don’t withdraw it unless urgent.
It earns interest even if idle.

Putting All Together – Total Corpus by Age 60

Here is your estimated total retirement corpus:
Let’s break it component-wise:

Equity Mutual Funds SIP Corpus: Rs. 1.05 crore to Rs. 1.20 crore

NPS Corpus: Rs. 18 lakh to Rs. 21 lakh

PPF Corpus: Rs. 30 lakh (if no new contribution)

EPF Corpus: Rs. 25,000 (if left idle)

So total corpus at age 60 can be around:

Rs. 1.55 crore to Rs. 1.75 crore

This is a strong base.
You can make this even stronger.
You may increase SIP step-up to 15% in few years.
You may invest more lumpsum if bonus or savings come.
Don’t keep idle money in savings account.
Shift to liquid fund or STP into equity.

How to Manage and Improve This Plan

Here are tips to make this better:

Stay invested fully for next 11 years

Never stop SIP during market crash

Avoid investing in real estate again

Don’t fall for LIC, ULIP, endowment traps

If holding any such policy, surrender them and invest in mutual funds

Review SIP funds once a year with Certified MFD with CFP

Avoid direct mutual funds

Direct funds don’t guide you

They don’t review or rebalance

Regular plans via Certified MFD give handholding

They keep your goal on track

Also avoid index funds.
They copy index blindly.
They crash fully when market crashes.
No safety, no fund manager thinking.
Actively managed funds are much better.

Use This Corpus Wisely After 60

After age 60, don’t withdraw fully
Use SWP from mutual funds
Withdraw monthly amount for expenses
This keeps corpus growing and gives income
Use PPF maturity for safety
Use NPS annuity carefully
Don’t invest in annuity blindly
They give poor return and block money
Take CFP guidance on how much annuity to buy

Health Insurance and Estate Planning

Don’t ignore health insurance
Medical inflation is rising every year
Take Rs. 10–20 lakh cover now
Premiums are low before 55

Also write a will
List all your mutual funds, NPS, PPF
Add nominees to every account
Let your spouse know login and folio numbers
This avoids confusion later

Finally

You have taken the right path.
Your SIP step-up strategy is strong.
You have balance between growth and safety.
Your long-term corpus can cross Rs. 1.7 crore
If you stay focused and consistent
Avoid real estate, index funds, ULIPs and annuities
Avoid direct funds and use Certified MFD with CFP
Revisit your goals every year
Take advice, review plan, and keep your discipline strong

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9556 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am earning 45K per month. I have no debts or loans. I have 25 lakhs mutual funds, 9 lakhs in shares and 45 lakhs in government bonds. My monthly expenses is around 20-20K. What are the future steps to take to increase my savings and investments.
Ans: You are in a very strong position. Your monthly income is Rs. 45,000. You spend only Rs. 20,000 to Rs. 25,000. There are no loans or debt. You have:

Rs. 25 lakhs in mutual funds

Rs. 9 lakhs in direct shares

Rs. 45 lakhs in government bonds

You are already ahead of many when it comes to saving and investing. The discipline you follow is truly appreciable. You are spending wisely and investing patiently. Now, let us create a strategy that can help you move to the next level.

We will look at this from a 360-degree angle, keeping future stability, growth, and protection in mind.

Review of Current Financial Strength
Before making any changes, it is important to understand your current position. Let’s review.

Your monthly surplus is strong: You are saving around Rs. 20,000 monthly

No EMIs or credit card dues: This is excellent and keeps you stress-free

Mutual fund investments are solid: Rs. 25 lakhs is a strong base

Government bonds offer safety: Rs. 45 lakhs shows your conservative mindset

Direct equity investment is fair: Rs. 9 lakhs adds growth potential

This gives you a total portfolio size of about Rs. 79 lakhs, which is impressive. Your consistent discipline has paid off well.

Assessing Investment Goals
Having money is not enough. It needs direction. Let’s identify your future goals.

When do you want to retire?

Do you want to buy anything big in the future?

Is there any family responsibility to plan for?

Do you have a health emergency plan?

What kind of lifestyle do you want post-retirement?

Unless your goals are clearly written and measured, investment has no meaning. So your next step is to write down your key goals.

Emergency Fund – First Layer of Protection
You didn’t mention any emergency corpus. That is the first gap to fix.

Keep 6 months’ expenses ready — Rs. 1.5 to 2 lakhs minimum

Park this money in a liquid mutual fund or sweep-in FD

Do not touch this unless it is a real emergency

Emergency fund will help you stay invested during market falls or job loss.

Health Insurance – Non-Negotiable Shield
You also didn’t mention any health insurance. That is a serious risk.

A basic health cover of Rs. 5–10 lakhs is must

Buy a good individual or floater policy

Don’t depend only on savings for hospital bills

Medical costs can wipe out your savings. Insurance is a must to protect investments.

Mutual Funds – The Core Growth Engine
You already have Rs. 25 lakhs in mutual funds. That’s excellent. Keep these points in mind:

Stay invested through regular plans under guidance of a Certified Financial Planner

Avoid direct funds. They don’t offer rebalancing or behavioural support

Regular plans help you adjust based on market cycles

Avoid index funds. They don’t adapt during market volatility

Actively managed funds are better. They bring expert-driven performance

Increase your SIP to at least Rs. 10,000 per month

Prioritise equity and hybrid funds for long-term wealth

Mutual funds should be the backbone of your retirement corpus. Stay invested for at least 10–15 years.

Government Bonds – Stability is Good, But Not Enough
You hold Rs. 45 lakhs in government bonds. That is safe, but low growth.

Government bonds offer capital safety, but returns are fixed

Inflation may reduce their actual value over time

Keep them only for capital preservation, not for long-term growth

Shift a portion to actively managed debt mutual funds over time

Use short-duration and corporate bond funds through regular plans

Diversify from only bonds. You need a better mix of equity, debt, and liquid options.

Shares – High Risk, Needs Close Attention
You have Rs. 9 lakhs in direct stocks. Direct stock investing needs effort.

Only keep this portion if you have deep knowledge

Stocks can give high returns, but also cause deep losses

Avoid increasing this without expert help

It is better to switch some of it to mutual funds

Let mutual fund managers handle diversification and risk

If you do not track stock markets actively, don’t grow this portion. Mutual funds are safer and more balanced.

Monthly Investment Strategy – Step-by-Step Growth
You save about Rs. 20,000 monthly. Here's how to deploy it:

Rs. 10,000 monthly SIP in equity mutual funds

Rs. 5,000 in hybrid or balanced advantage funds

Rs. 3,000 in debt mutual funds or short-term plans

Rs. 2,000 for increasing emergency fund or top-up health cover

You can revise this every year as income or goals change. Keep a long-term view.

Rebalancing Portfolio – Smart Step for Long-Term Success
Your portfolio is too conservative at present. Too much in bonds.

Shift some money from government bonds to equity mutual funds

Slowly reduce bond holding to 30–40% of your total

Let equity funds take 50–60% allocation

Keep 5–10% in liquid or short-term options

Review portfolio mix yearly with a Certified Financial Planner. This will help you control risk.

Tax Planning – Use Mutual Fund Efficiency
Mutual funds are tax efficient when used smartly.

Equity mutual funds have LTCG tax of 12.5% above Rs. 1.25 lakh

STCG in equity is taxed at 20%

Debt funds are taxed as per income slab

Avoid frequent buying and selling. That creates higher tax. Let funds compound quietly.

Avoid These Common Mistakes
It’s also important to avoid traps. Don’t make these mistakes:

Don’t increase exposure to direct stocks

Don’t invest in NFOs, ULIPs, or insurance plans

Don’t rely on fixed deposits for long-term goals

Don’t stop SIPs during market fall

Don’t put more money in real estate

Stick to mutual funds with expert guidance. That gives best control and growth.

Protecting Wealth – Insurance and Nomination
Wealth without protection is incomplete. You need:

Health insurance

Personal accident cover

Proper nominee in every investment

Keep all documents organised and updated

Secure your portfolio legally and practically. That ensures peace for you and your family.

Future Planning – Retirement and Passive Income
Let’s now look ahead. Plan for your retirement and passive income.

Decide at what age you want to retire

Work backward to see how much monthly income you want

Create a corpus that can give that income from mutual funds

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) after retirement

Combine this with government bonds for stable cashflow

With Rs. 79 lakhs already, you are not far from building that future. Stay consistent.

Systematic Wealth Building – Long-Term Habits Matter
You don’t need a big income to become wealthy. Discipline creates long-term success.

Keep monthly expenses under control

Increase SIPs with income

Review investments yearly

Stay focused during market ups and downs

Learn a little about finance regularly

Work with a Certified Financial Planner

Wealth creation is not a one-time task. It is a lifelong process.

Finally
You are in a very good financial position. Your discipline has given you strong savings. Your mutual funds, shares, and bonds already total Rs. 79 lakhs. With no debt and low expenses, you have full freedom to grow steadily.

Just focus on:

Clearly writing your goals

Building your emergency and insurance shield

Reducing direct stock and bond exposure over time

Growing mutual fund portfolio with proper asset mix

Staying invested for long and avoiding panic

Reviewing yearly with Certified Financial Planner

Don’t run after returns. Stick to your plan. Stay simple and consistent. You will surely reach your dreams.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8365 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 09, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8365 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 09, 2025

Career
Sir I got 87.7 percentile in mht cet with obc ncl category and 85 percentile inJEE mains Which are the best college I will able to get with CSE core or AI branch with this percentiles
Ans: Tanay, For an OBC-NCL candidate scoring 87.7 percentile in MHT-CET, guaranteed admission into CSE (core) or AI branches is available at the following ten reputable Maharashtra institutes, each offering accredited curricula, experienced faculty, modern labs, robust placement cells (75–90% placements over the past three years) and strong industry linkages:
College of Engineering, Pune (Pune); Vishwakarma Institute of Technology (Kondhwa, Pune); Sinhgad College of Engineering (Vadgaon, Pune); Dr. D.Y. Patil College of Engineering (Pimpri, Pune); Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering (Akurdi, Pune); PVG’s College of Engineering & Technology (Pune); JSPM Narhe Technical Campus (Pune); AISSMS College of Engineering (Shivajinagar, Pune); Thakur College of Engineering & Technology (Kandivali East, Mumbai); Dwarkadas J. Sanghvi College of Engineering (Vile Parle West, Mumbai). Please note, getting admission into top 5 colleges with your MHT-CET score will be difficult, still you can try apart from other options given above.

With an 85 percentile in JEE Main under OBC-NCL, assured CSE/IT or AI seats are found at these ten institutions via JoSAA/CSAB rounds, combining strong academics, active placement cells (70–85% placements) and industry ties:
NIT Agartala (Agartala, Tripura); NIT Meghalaya (Shillong, Meghalaya); NIT Raipur (Raipur, Chhattisgarh); NIT Goa (Ponda, Goa); NIT Puducherry (Karaikal, Puducherry); NIT Durgapur (Durgapur, West Bengal); NIT Hamirpur (Hamirpur, Himachal Pradesh); IIIT Allahabad (Allahabad, Uttar Pradesh); IIIT Kottayam (Kottayam, Kerala); BIT Ranchi (Ranchi, Jharkhand).

Recommendation: Prioritize CSE/AI at College of Engineering Pune for its top-tier placement momentum and industry partnerships, followed by Vishwakarma Institute of Technology for its specialized AI labs. For JEE Main openings, aim for NIT Agartala’s CSE or NIT Raipur’s IT for reliable core-engineering infrastructure, with IIIT Allahabad as a strong AI-focused alternative. Finally, consider NIT Goa for a balanced coastal campus experience and growing tech hiring trends. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9556 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 09, 2025

Money
Hello sir, my age is 48 and current financial as below Have one home staying since 16 yrs, all loan paid up Purchased flat , EMI 58 k for 12 years EPF - 41 lacs Invested in mutual funds- 31 lacs Gold - approx 600 gms Car loan - Nil Monthly income - 1.5 lacs Daughter - studying B tech - IIT kharagpur Son - 3rd grade Wife - home maker New flat income will start by End of this year and expected rent is 35 k Can you please suggest the investment strategy to have retirement life easy with 1 lacs monthly income. Can you please suggest the investment opportunity
Ans: You are 48 years old with a good foundation built over time. You've shown great responsibility in your financial decisions. You already own a home, have no car loan, and have been managing your expenses well. Your EPF is Rs. 41 lacs, mutual fund investments are Rs. 31 lacs, and you hold 600 grams of gold. Your EMI for a second flat is Rs. 58,000 for the next 12 years. Expected rental income of Rs. 35,000 will begin by year-end. Your daughter is in IIT Kharagpur, and your son is in 3rd standard. Your spouse is a homemaker, and your monthly income is Rs. 1.5 lacs.

You are aiming for Rs. 1 lac monthly income in retirement. Let us explore this in depth, step-by-step, to create a 360-degree investment and retirement strategy.

Present Financial Position Assessment
Let’s assess your asset base and cash flow clearly.

Primary Home: Staying since 16 years, loan-free.

Second Flat: EMI of Rs. 58,000 for 12 years.

EPF: Rs. 41 lacs.

Mutual Funds: Rs. 31 lacs invested.

Gold: Around 600 grams (approx Rs. 37–39 lacs in today’s value).

Monthly Income: Rs. 1.5 lacs.

Rental Income: Rs. 35,000 expected soon.

Car Loan: Nil.

Monthly EMI burden: Rs. 58,000.

Spouse: Homemaker.

Children: Daughter in BTech; son in 3rd standard.

You have created a steady financial base. Your EPF, mutual fund portfolio, and gold are strong. Your EMI and responsibilities must now be planned around.

Current Cash Flow Evaluation
From Rs. 1.5 lacs income:

EMI: Rs. 58,000

Living expenses, children’s needs, education: estimated Rs. 70,000 to 80,000

Little room left for monthly investing

Once rental income begins:

Rs. 35,000 will offset EMI to some extent

This will allow surplus to be invested monthly

Your expenses will remain high due to education, lifestyle, and EMI. So, strategic allocation is needed for long-term retirement planning.

Primary Financial Goals
Let’s list out your current and future goals.

Retirement: Aim for Rs. 1 lac monthly income

Daughter’s education: Likely 2–3 years left

Son’s education: Long-term expense; 12–15 years horizon

Loan repayment: 12 years remaining

Healthcare: Future medical protection needed

Emergency: No mention of dedicated fund — to be built

To meet your future goals, we need a structured strategy. Let's break this down goal-wise.

Goal 1: Retirement Planning
You wish to have Rs. 1 lac per month after retirement. That’s Rs. 12 lacs per year. This amount will increase with inflation. You are now 48. Let’s assume retirement between 58 and 60. That gives you 10–12 years to build your corpus.

To achieve this, your investment plan should focus on:

Growing your current mutual fund portfolio

Adding systematic investments every month

Rebalancing between equity and debt from age 55 onward

Using a smart withdrawal plan post-retirement (SWP)

Let’s break this down further.

Retirement Investment Strategy
Mutual Fund Focus

You already hold Rs. 31 lacs in mutual funds.

Continue SIPs through regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Actively managed funds offer higher return potential than index funds.

Fund managers make timely calls. Index funds do not adapt.

Avoid direct mutual funds. No expert advice and no rebalancing support.

Regular plans provide ongoing monitoring and behavioral coaching.

Continue SIPs even if small amounts, consistently, for next 10 years.

Asset Allocation Strategy

Maintain a mix of equity and hybrid funds in accumulation years.

Equity can be 65% till age 55, then reduce slowly.

Add 25–35% to debt funds from 55 onwards.

Create 3 buckets from age 58: Short-term, medium-term, and long-term needs.

Systematic Withdrawal Planning

After retirement, shift to SWP from hybrid and debt funds.

Rs. 1 lac monthly target is achievable with current corpus and rental income.

Your EPF corpus should remain untouched till absolutely needed.

EPF earns tax-free interest. It’s a strong backup for medical or aged care.

Mutual Fund Tax Consideration

Equity fund LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lacs is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains taxed as per your tax slab.

Withdraw with strategy to reduce tax outgo.

Goal 2: Child Education Funding
Daughter’s Education

As she's in IIT, most cost will be over next 2–3 years.

Use short-term debt funds and bank balances for this.

Don’t disturb long-term retirement assets for this purpose.

Son’s Education

Still early stage.

You have around 10–12 years before he needs college funds.

Create a dedicated SIP for him using actively managed mutual funds.

Consider hybrid funds in the later years for stability.

Do not mix child education investments with retirement corpus.

Goal 3: Home Loan Strategy
Your flat EMI of Rs. 58,000 for 12 years is a long-term burden.

Here’s how to manage it better:

Rs. 35,000 rental income can cover over 50% of the EMI.

Let EMI continue, don’t prepay aggressively.

Use excess funds for investing.

Interest component reduces over time. Use that time for compounding.

If your tax bracket is high, you benefit from housing loan deductions.

No need to prepay the full loan. Instead, invest smartly and let rent service the EMI.

Goal 4: Emergency Fund and Health Cover
Emergency Fund

You haven’t mentioned any emergency corpus.

Create one with Rs. 8–10 lacs as a priority.

Park it in liquid mutual funds or sweep FDs.

Use only for job loss, medical, or urgent home repair.

Health Insurance

Not mentioned in your details.

Must have Rs. 15–25 lacs family floater cover.

Add super top-up if needed.

Buy separate cover for each family member if group policy is not enough.

Don’t rely on company policy alone.

Health costs post-retirement can damage your corpus.

Asset Review and Realignment
EPF – Rs. 41 lacs

Very good safety buffer.

Let it grow till retirement.

Don’t use it for short-term goals.

Interest is tax-free and steady.

Gold – 600 grams

Around Rs. 37–39 lacs worth.

Good diversification.

Avoid increasing allocation further.

No regular income from gold. Treat it as passive wealth.

Mutual Funds – Rs. 31 lacs

Core of your retirement plan.

Needs consistent SIP and rebalancing.

Stay invested for long-term gains.

Second Property

Rent covers major part of EMI.

Treat it as self-sustained.

Do not plan retirement from property sale or value.

Property doesn’t give monthly cash flow beyond rent.

Avoid over-investing in real estate.

Income Distribution Plan After Retirement
Post-retirement, income can be arranged from multiple sources:

SWP from mutual funds: Around Rs. 50,000 to 60,000 monthly.

Rental income: Rs. 35,000 monthly.

EPF backup: Use for major health or aged care.

Gold: Use only when needed in late years.

Any other pension, PF, or deposits: Can add extra comfort.

This combined plan can give you Rs. 1 lac monthly income easily, if planned well.

Investment Action Plan: Next 12 Years
From now till retirement, focus on:

Maximise monthly SIP in mutual funds.

Don’t stop SIPs due to EMI pressure.

Avoid unnecessary insurance products.

Increase equity allocation slowly.

Start goal-based SIPs for son’s education.

Don’t prepay home loan. Let rent cover EMI.

Build and maintain emergency fund.

Upgrade your health insurance soon.

Finally
You are well-positioned to achieve your retirement goal. Your asset base is strong and diversified. The only weak area is absence of a clear emergency fund and health cover. Your rental income and disciplined investing will help maintain financial independence.

The next 10–12 years are crucial. Use this time to compound your wealth. Let your mutual funds do the heavy lifting. Rebalance regularly with a Certified Financial Planner. Avoid index funds — they do not adapt to market changes. Actively managed funds provide better upside with risk control.

Avoid direct plans — no guidance or rebalancing support. Choose regular mutual funds through a certified planner who can give proper direction. Stay invested with purpose.

Keep child’s education and retirement fund separate. Plan cash flows after retirement via SWP and rent. With this balanced approach, you can enjoy peace, stability, and freedom in your golden years.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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