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Married woman in emotional limbo: Seeking advice on love triangle with husband and colleague

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Ruta Question by Ruta on Oct 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Madam, i am 38 year married women, having a 15year 1 kid boy ( but my husband not loving me even he is not talking with me from the last 8 years but we r leaving together due to our son, he fulfilled the need with the responsibilities of our home and our son but as wife he is not talking and even not caring to me ,but before 2 years back one married man come to talk with me he is my official colleague and we both attached a lot with each other after some days he proposed me and said that he is loving me many years ago but he thought that i am very Strick person will not response him, but now he is saying that he wants me as a life partner me also every time he treat me like a wife very much caring and loving nature now i introduce him to my family as a friend and family members also very happy with taking to him, we are from 2 year together is it good or what should i do further?

Ans: Dear Ruta,
You want to get into a relationship with a married man? Will that not complicate your already complicated life?
You certainly deserve to be loved and taken care of BUT do not jump towards a married man...you do understand that his priorities will lie with his first family and this will hurt you again and you will feel neglected AGAIN...

What is he planning with his marriage? Does his wife know about your relationship? Is he going to end his marriage and then marry you? These questions need answers and then you can decide for yourself keeping in mind that you need to take of yourself emotionally in this second association.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

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Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love, respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion I decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him . I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in but now its became very difficult for me to continue these married life. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P.
Never use a current situation to justify a new relationship. You are simply using the new relationship as a distraction from the old unsuccessful one.
Any reason why you had decided to accept your husband's affair?

You have not moved past your marriage to be able to handle another relationship. First things first...
1. What happens to your son in this confusion?
2. Have you decided to separate/divorce your husband before pursuing the new person?
3. Is the new person willing to accept your son and understand that he is a part of all this?
4. Are you living some unfulfilled dream with this man from your past?
5. Are you running away from the pain of your marriage and seeking solace in the new person?

Kindly answer these questions before you jump from one relationship to another. It will save you a lot of heartache and trouble.
Relationships are not something to be used to escape from and into BUT something to be grown into and grown from.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
my husband after marriage cheated to me he is in relationship on that time he avoids me and ignore me but i am very loyal on that time because of son, now we both not asking eachother abt anything, not talking but abt the son any activity will be there we will be together, but we are not talking with eachother even now we are not caring eachother, the man who i met recently he is my friend my colleague he know everything abt me but now he proposed me and he treated me like a wife he knows abt my son. he really love me even i involved him my family to know my family background, he is married but divorce, even i love him a lot every habits he have as a husband he takes take he talk with me very respectively, what should i do i want a suggestion. is it right?
Ans: Dear Ruta,
It's essential to reflect on what you truly want and need for your emotional well-being and happiness. Your marriage, despite its difficulties, still ties you and your husband together, especially through your son. You both have managed to maintain a cooperative relationship for his sake, which shows your commitment as parents.

However, the new relationship you're considering brings a fresh dynamic. This person understands your struggles, respects you, and offers emotional support. It's natural to feel drawn to someone who makes you feel valued and loved, especially after experiencing neglect and betrayal.

Before making any decisions, it's important to take time to reflect on your current situation. Consider what you want from your life and relationships. Think about how any decision you make will affect not only you but also your son and everyone involved. Communicating openly with your husband about your feelings and the state of your marriage could bring some clarity, even if it's difficult.

If you choose to pursue a relationship with this new person, ensure that you're doing it for the right reasons and that you're both on the same page about the future. It's crucial to consider your emotional readiness and the potential impact on your son. This process may take time, but prioritizing your emotional well-being and happiness is essential.

Ultimately, the right path will be one that brings you peace, happiness, and stability for both you and your son. Trust yourself to make a decision that aligns with your needs and values.

..Read more

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |56 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
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Money
We two brothers have inherited a property on 200 sq yard by registered will of our father in 2020. The property was purchased by our father in 1970 and redeveloped in 1990 into three story building. Ground floor is with my brother and first floor. Third floor without roof rights was sold by our father at the time of redevelopment . Me and my brother have terrace rights as per registered will of our father ( each has 50% roof/ terrace rights). My brother is US citizen and want to sell his share for four crores. The expected rental income from the ground floor will be Rupees 60 thousand per month. The circle rate of the property is Rupees 7 lakh per yard. My interest in the ground floor of the property is mainly to live peacefully without any interference by unknown new buyer. I am 65 and my question is from financial point should I purchase from my brother by paying Rs. 4 crore or keep the amount in bank as fixed deposit/ RBI bonds at around 8 percent per year. Second question is if he sell it to other buyer how he will sell terrace as the terrace is undivided and we both have inherited it by registered will. Thirdly there are many builders who want to redevelop the property into four floor with basement and stilt parking. What will be the right option . I have only son .
Ans: Dear Friend,
If you’re considering whether to purchase your brother’s share of the inherited property for ?4 crore, weigh peace of mind against financial returns. Buying his share gives you full control, eliminates potential disputes with a third-party buyer, and ensures no interference in your peaceful living. However, the rental yield of ?60,000/month (~1.8% annual return) is significantly lower than the ~8% return you could get by investing ?4 crore in fixed deposits or bonds, which would generate ~?2.67 lakh/month.

Regarding the terrace, your brother cannot sell his 50% share independently since it is undivided and jointly inherited. Any sale requires your consent, limiting his ability to transfer full terrace rights to a new buyer.

Redevelopment of the property is an excellent option, offering increased value and rental income. Builders are likely to provide additional floors or cash components in exchange for development rights, enhancing long-term financial benefits and ensuring modern amenities.

If your priorities are peace of mind and control over the property, purchase your brother’s share. Otherwise, invest in safer financial instruments and consider redevelopment to maximise the property’s potential. Consult a lawyer and financial advisor to ensure the best decision. Your Financial adviser can deeply evaluate all your assets and liabilities and provide a solution which will give you more leverage.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede -Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |56 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

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Money
Myself and my sister as joint owner of a property enteredvinto joint development agreementvwith a builder for construction of 8 flats in 4800 sq. Ft land. 2400 sq. Ft was retained for us with 4 flats constructed by builder to be given free of cost and 2400 sq. Ft UDS sold to builder thro PGPA for him to sell 4 flats. After selling 3 flats with 1800 sq. ft UDS by builder, we cancelled GPA and registered with SRO for retaing 600 Sq. ft UDS for our use with the consent agreeing to pay compensation for this cancel of GPA. Now I want clarification as to the ownership of the above said cancelled UDS of 600 Sq. ft as Joint owner or myself as per Joint developement agreement with a rider that myself will take possessionof 600 UDS by cancelling GPA later with builder and paying compensation st the mutually ahreed price. Builder says that myself is the owner for the cancelled 600 Sq. ft retained. I want to know whether I hv to register settlement deed for partingvwith 600 Sq. ft UDS by my sister or the statement of builder as myself will be the owner for 600 UDS regisyeted by cancelling GPA signed by the builder and both of us. Pl. Clarify.
Ans: Dear G,
The ownership of the 600 sq. ft. UDS (Undivided Share of Land) depends on the terms of the Joint Development Agreement (JDA) and the GPA cancellation deed. As per the JDA, the builder agreed to transfer the 600 sq. ft. UDS to you after GPA cancellation in return for compensation. If the GPA cancellation deed and subsequent agreements clearly state that this UDS belongs solely to you and these are registered with the Sub-Registrar’s Office (SRO), you are the legal owner. However, if your sister’s name still appears as a co-owner in the original title deed, you will need her to execute a **Settlement Deed** or **Gift Deed** in your favor, which must be registered to confirm your sole ownership and avoid disputes. The builder’s statement that you are the owner is valid only if it aligns with the registered documents. To confirm ownership, verify the SRO records to ensure the transfer has been legally recorded. If any gaps exist, consult a property lawyer to review the JDA, GPA cancellation deed, and builder’s agreement to ensure proper registration of ownership and resolve any ambiguity. This will safeguard your rights and provide clarity regarding the 600 sq. ft. UDS.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede -Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |56 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi sir/mam, I'm 32 years old working in a private firm as Manager. I own 9 lacs in FDs, accumulated 17 lacs in Mutual funds through SIP of around 23k pm (currently XIRR at 15-16% in with 75% in equity). I also have 2.5 lacs in PPF and 1.2 lacs in NPS. For tax savings I do yearly investments in PPF and NPS of about 1 lacs and rest I cover with ELSS (part of my SIPs). I want to retire at the age of 50, my current salary is 1.2 lac per month in hand, and receive few incentives of 1.5 lac a yr. I live in Mumbai with my wife and plan to buy a house of 60 lacs (out of which 20 L I'm borrowing from family, and rest of it will be loan with about 35k EMI). I also have a flat in NCR worth 80 L (purchased at 35 lacs), for which I have an EMI of 11k per month which is covered by rent I receive from there. I don't have kids yet, but I plan to have two of them. What should be my plan of investing that I can retire by max between 50 and 55 yrs of age with an upper middle class lifestyle in either Mumbai or NCR. How much should my corpus be? My current expenses are around 60k including rent in Mumbai, and my parents are independent. I have both health and life insurance of 1 cr+ cover.
Ans: Dear Friend,
To retire comfortably at 50-55 with an upper-middle-class lifestyle, you’ll need a retirement corpus of ?5 crore. Currently, your mutual funds, PPF, and NPS are projected to grow to ~?1.82 crore by 50. To bridge the gap of ?2.18 crore, increase your SIPs by ?30,000/month in equity funds, which can grow to ~?2.25 crore at 12% CAGR in 18 years. Prioritize repaying the ?20 lakh family loan after buying the Mumbai house, ensuring the ?35,000 EMI doesn’t hinder your additional investments. Post-retirement, rely on rental income from your NCR property and a 4% systematic withdrawal strategy from your corpus to cover inflation-adjusted expenses. Maintain ?5-6 lakhs in an emergency fund and continue tax-saving investments like ELSS, PPF, and NPS. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. With disciplined savings and investments, you’re on track for a secure retirement.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede
-Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I am 35yo with 2 (4yo, 1yo) children. Can I retire now, with following corpus: mutual fund and stocks : 3.5 crore, lands: 50 lakh, PF&PPF: 80 lakh, FD: 25 lakh, SGB &Gold:50 lakh. Currently doesn't own any house. Monthly expense is around 1 lakh.
Ans: Your corpus and monthly expenses show a solid foundation. Retirement at 35, however, requires careful assessment. Let’s analyse your situation step by step.

Current Financial Assets and Allocations

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Rs 3.5 crore

This is a significant part of your corpus. Equity investments offer high growth potential.

Lands: Rs 50 lakh

Real estate investments are illiquid. Consider them only for long-term growth or inheritance.

PF and PPF: Rs 80 lakh

These provide stability and assured returns. These are good for meeting long-term goals.

Fixed Deposit: Rs 25 lakh

FDs are low-risk and ensure liquidity. This is beneficial for emergencies.

SGB and Gold: Rs 50 lakh

Gold is a strong hedge against inflation. It also offers diversification.

Monthly Expense Analysis

Your monthly expense of Rs 1 lakh equates to Rs 12 lakh annually.

Accounting for inflation, this expense will grow over time. Planning for this is crucial.

Core Observations

Your total corpus is Rs 5.55 crore. This is substantial for your age.

Inflation and rising expenses over time will impact your corpus.

Without a house, rent becomes a recurring expense. Factor this into your calculations.

You have no guaranteed income sources post-retirement.

Key Areas of Improvement

Housing

Consider buying a house if feasible. Owning a house ensures stability and reduces rent.

Do not invest excessively in real estate as it is illiquid.

Corpus Utilisation

Avoid over-reliance on equity investments for withdrawals. Equity is volatile in the short term.

Use a mix of debt and equity for regular withdrawals.

Children’s Education and Marriage

Both are major financial goals. Plan dedicated investments for these.

Use long-term instruments for education and marriage funds.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund of at least 12 months of expenses.

Keep it in liquid funds or high-yield savings accounts.

Recommended Financial Strategies

Asset Allocation

Diversify your portfolio across equity, debt, and gold.

Maintain 60% equity, 30% debt, and 10% gold as a starting point. Adjust as needed.

Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with actively managed funds. These can outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.

Avoid direct funds if you lack time or expertise. Regular funds offer advisor support and insights.

Debt Investments

Increase debt allocation for stability. Consider high-quality debt mutual funds.

Ensure these align with your withdrawal needs.

Tax Planning

Monitor tax implications of mutual fund withdrawals.

LTCG from equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liabilities.

Insurance Needs

Ensure adequate health insurance for your family. Cover at least Rs 25 lakh for each member.

Check if you have term insurance. Secure Rs 2-3 crore coverage for your family’s financial safety.

Inflation and Lifestyle Adjustments

Inflation can erode your purchasing power. Plan investments to counter inflation.

Avoid lifestyle inflation. Stick to essential expenses wherever possible.

Income Generation Options

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)

Use SWP from mutual funds for regular income.

Choose hybrid funds for better stability and returns.

Rental Income

Invest part of your corpus in commercial properties.

Ensure this aligns with your liquidity needs and risk profile.

Freelance or Part-Time Work

Consider light work for additional income. It can extend your corpus.

Use your skills to generate flexible income streams.

Monitoring and Review

Review your portfolio annually. Adjust allocations as goals evolve.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner for periodic checks.

Final Insights

Retirement at 35 is ambitious but achievable with meticulous planning. Your current corpus is strong, but consider the following:

Plan for inflation, children’s needs, and healthcare costs.

Diversify investments and secure guaranteed income sources.

Avoid premature decisions. Evaluate thoroughly before retiring.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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