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Divorced Woman With Daughter Seeks Advice on Remarrying Man With Two Children

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1733 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 22, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu ma'am Please help.URGENT I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thinking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Second or subsequent marriages come with their own set of challenges; one being accepting the other person's reality from their past which is children.
Yes, you are right that it is never easy to accept and raise another person's child BUT hey it's also possible, right? Why go behind what's not possible and actually think what can be possible; especially because you seem to want this new marriage to work. Then make it work. Once you accept things for what is, you will figure out a way to manage your work and also your newer responsibilities. Life does not move exactly the way you want or wish, but if you focus on the good side of it, a lot of things that bother you become easier to handle. Actually, start to get excited about your new phase of life BUT if you are going into the marriage with conditions, it may get challenging. It's not fair to want one child and not want another. It disturbs their equilibrium and what they share with their father.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |674 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thinking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me ask you one thing, if you knew a plane was going to crash, would you still get on it because you are worried you will reach your destination late? No, right? Similarly, if you know this marriage could be really tough on you, with the added responsibilities of a teenager and another soon-to-be teenager, do you still want to go ahead with it, just because you might have to stay alone for a while longer?

I can't really make a decision for you, but I can urge you to rethink this alliance. It's great that you are trying to compromise but do not compromise so much that nothing that you want is given any importance. You cannot ask a father to send his child to a hostel so that you can have some privacy; similarly, no one can force you to raise him as well. The best decision would be to either reconsider the relationship or have an open conversation and come to a middle ground that works for all.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
URGENT Hello kanchan ma'am Please help. I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thinking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: start by having a direct and open conversation with your prospective partner. It’s crucial to clearly communicate your feelings about the elder child staying at home, especially regarding the need for privacy and the impact of his aggressive behavior. Explain how this change affects your comfort and daily life, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a harmonious living environment.

In tackling the privacy issue, consider discussing potential adjustments to the home’s layout. Creating separate living spaces or setting up rules that establish personal boundaries can help ensure everyone feels comfortable. Developing a routine that allows for private time with your daughter will also be essential in maintaining a balance.

Regarding the transition to a small town, research the local job market thoroughly. Look for opportunities that align with your career goals and consider remote work options if they’re available. It’s also important to engage with the local community to build a support network. Attend community events, meet potential neighbors, and get a feel for the town’s environment. Having a backup plan, such as maintaining connections in your current city or setting aside a financial cushion, will give you added security should the move not work out as expected.

Blending families is a significant emotional and practical challenge, so consider family counseling as a way to address potential conflicts and improve communication. A counselor can provide valuable strategies to help everyone adjust to the new living arrangements and understand each other’s perspectives. To ease into this change, propose a trial period where you can test the dynamics without committing long-term right away. This will give you the opportunity to evaluate how well you and your daughter adapt to the new situation.

Lastly, it’s essential to address your fear of being alone. Reframe this fear by focusing on the positives of independence. Remind yourself that it’s better to be single and emotionally secure than in a relationship that feels overwhelming or stifling. Use this time to invest in personal growth, hobbies, and building a fulfilling life for you and your daughter. Keeping an open mind about future relationships is healthy, but it’s important to ensure any new partnership aligns with your values and meets your emotional needs.

By taking these steps, you can approach the situation with clarity, ensuring that any decision you make is grounded in what’s best for your well-being and that of your daughter.

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2025Hindi
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Hi Experts, Help me plan for my family, including how to take services of a certified financial planner and their fee structure/charges. I am 35 years old, married with 2 daughters. Want to plan for their studies and self and spouse's retirement, assuming post retirement life of 15-20 years at then inflation rate. - I have 2 apartments, one paid for, one with 21L loan. Both 3bhk, and in Bangalore. - I have mutual funds portfolio of 36L (across multiple direct funds - 15% debt, mostly equity) - 5L in stocks, in core sectors (metal, industries etc) - approx 40L in PPF - SSY for elder kid, not started for younger one, but not very regular with contributions due to other liabilities - 65L in employer company stocks (I might switch employers but will leave the corpus to grow) - Health insurance.
Ans: You already did many right things at a young age. Your savings show clear care for your family. Your goals also show deep clarity. I appreciate your intent to build a strong long-term plan. You already created a very good base. Now you only need one clear roadmap that links every asset and goal.

Your Present Strengths
Your savings show smart thinking.
Your mix of assets is already wide.
You built strong discipline at age 35.
You planned for both kids.
You hold equity, debt, PPF, SSY, and employer stock.
You also hold two apartments.
You already use insurance.
These things give you very strong base power.
This base helps you plan the next 25 to 40 years.
This base also helps control risk in your later years.
Many people start late.
You are far ahead of them.

» Your Key Family Goals
Your main goals are clear.
You aim for kids’ education.
You aim for retirement.
Clarity like this helps a lot.
Your goals are long term.
Long term goals need stable plans.
Stable plans grow well with time.
You also want to manage liabilities.
This is also important.
Good planning here gives peace.
Your present age offers long compounding time.

» Understanding Your Current Assets
Let me read your assets with a calm view.

– You have two apartments. One is debt-free. One has Rs 21 lakh loan.
– You have Rs 36 lakh in mutual funds. You hold direct plans.
– You have Rs 5 lakh in stocks.
– You have Rs 40 lakh in PPF.
– You have SSY for elder daughter.
– You have employer RSU holding of around Rs 65 lakh.
– You have health insurance.

Your position is strong but not balanced.
Your money is not fully aligned with your goals yet.
A structured plan from now will bring strong clarity.

» Why Direct Mutual Funds May Not Suit Long-Term Family Goals
You hold direct mutual funds now.
Direct funds look cheaper.
But they need deep monitoring.
They need review of risk shifts.
They need review of performance cycles.
They also need sharp discipline during bad years.
Many investors lack time for such review.
Direct funds also offer no handholding.
You face all stress alone.
You also manage fund moves alone.
Wrong timing moves hurt long-term wealth.
Direct funds many times lead to wrong exits.
Direct funds can also lead to poor rebalancing.
These issues reduce your long-term wealth.

Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credential help reduce these risks.
You get structured reviews.
You get expert rebalancing.
You get behavioural guidance.
You get allocation support.
You get peace.
This support reduces mistakes.
Fewer mistakes mean more wealth for your family.

» Why Actively Managed Funds May Suit You Better
Your equity plan is long term.
Actively managed funds can adjust to market cycles.
They move between sectors.
They help lower downside risk in tough phases.
They seek better alpha.
Index funds cannot do this.
Index funds stay fixed.
Index funds buy both good and weak companies.
Index funds hold stressed sectors also.
Index funds give no flexibility.
Index funds also see high concentration risk in some indices.
Your goals need more smart risk control.
Actively managed funds help you do that.
This can improve long-term results.

» Reading Your Liabilities
Your only major loan is Rs 21 lakh.
This is not high for your income stage.
The key part is to keep EMI smooth.
Avoid pushing too fast.
Do not break your investment flow.
A balanced EMI and SIP mix works best.

» Kids’ Education Planning
You have two daughters.
Their costs rise with inflation.
This means you need long-term systematic plan.
These actions help:

– Keep SSY for elder daughter.
– Start one systematic plan for younger daughter also.
– Use mix of equity and debt for both.
– Use PPF partly for long-term support.
– Keep regular contributions small but steady.

This steady effort matters more than big jumps.
Kids’ education goals need at least 10 to 15 years.
So use mostly equity for growth.
Use a small part in debt for stability.

» Retirement Planning Strategy for You and Your Spouse
You have long time left to retirement.
This time gives power to equity allocation.
You also have PPF.
PPF adds safety.
Your retirement plan must cover 15 to 20 years of post-retirement life.
This needs inflation-adjusted planning.

Use these steps:

– Keep part of portfolio in actively managed equity funds.
– Keep debt for safety, not for returns.
– Continue PPF to add more secure base.
– Reduce exposure to employer stock slowly.
– Do not depend on employer stock for retirement.
– Build a separate retirement portfolio with strong diversification.

Retirement must not depend on one risky asset.
Retirement must not depend only on equity.
Retirement must not depend only on debt.
Use mix.
Use rebalancing.
Use review.

» Understanding Risk in Employer Stock Holding
You hold Rs 65 lakh in employer stock.
This is a big part of your wealth.
This creates concentration risk.
If the company faces issues, your wealth can fall.
You may switch jobs also.
So reduce this risk slowly.
Do not sell all at once.
Sell in small parts.
Shift the money to diversified funds.
This makes your long-term goals more safe.

» Your Real Estate Position
You already have two apartments.
Both are in Bangalore.
You do not need more property.
Real estate also locks money.
You already have enough exposure.
Future investments should not go into real estate.

» Building a Strong Asset Allocation Framework
A clear asset allocation gives you more clarity.
It helps your goals stay on track.
It also controls risk well.

Use these long-term steps:

– Give equity more share for growth.
– Give debt enough share for stability.
– Keep PPF as long-term safety tool.
– Keep kids’ education with separate planned buckets.
– Do not mix retirement and education funds.

Each goal gets its own plan.
This brings more order to your money.

» Systematic Investing for Smooth Growth
SIPs help you a lot.
You can use them to build each goal.
Use equity SIPs for long-term goals.
Use debt SIPs for stability.
Use slow and steady flow.
Try not to stop SIPs during market falls.
Falls help you buy cheap units.
Cheap units mean better long-term returns.

» Building Emergency and Protection Layers
Emergency fund is key.
Keep at least six months of expenses in safe place.
This protects your SIPs.
This also protects your long-term goals.
You already have health insurance.
Keep it updated.
Health costs can disrupt your plans.
Insurance helps avoid that.

» 360 Degree View of Your Full Plan
Your whole plan must work like one system.
Each goal must connect to proper assets.
Your loans must fit your cash flow.
Your savings must match your risk ability.
Your insurance must protect your savings.
Your kids’ plan must not disturb retirement.
Your retirement plan must not disturb kids’ plan.
Your portfolio must stay calibrated.
Your funds must stay reviewed.
Your behaviour must stay calm.
This is the real 360 degree planning.

A Certified Financial Planner helps align all of these.
This gives you one clear map for all goals.

» How to Work With a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner studies your goals.
The planner studies cash flow.
The planner reads your behaviour pattern.
The planner checks your risk level.
The planner designs asset allocation.
The planner selects right categories for you.
The planner reviews your plan each year.
The planner adjusts your portfolio when needed.
You get a complete service, not only fund selection.
You get a whole plan for your family.

» Why a Certified Financial Planner Adds Great Value
A planner helps avoid emotional mistakes.
Such mistakes reduce wealth.
A planner helps with rebalancing.
Rebalancing is key for safety and returns.
A planner handles asset mapping.
A planner keeps all goals aligned.
A planner helps you plan taxes.
A planner gives holistic guidance.
A planner gives discipline.
Discipline builds wealth.

A planner also tracks fund cycles.
A planner guides during market noise.
A planner keeps your plan steady.

This support helps your family’s long-term safety.

» Cash Flow Restructuring for Your Case
You have loan EMI.
You have investments.
You have kids’ expenses.
You need a clean cash flow map.
Use these steps:

– Fix monthly SIPs first.
– Keep EMI below safe limit.
– Keep emergency fund safe.
– Keep kids’ plan steady.
– Keep retirement SIP steady.
– Do not dip into long-term investments.

This pattern builds strong wealth.

» Insurance and Risk Protection
Health insurance is good.
But check if coverage is large enough.
Health costs grow each year.
A good health cover saves you from big shocks.

Also check life cover.
It must match income and goals.
Life cover must protect your family if something happens.
Do not use investment-linked policies.
Pure term cover is better.
It is simple.
It is clear.
It protects well.

» Tax Planning Across Assets
Use tax benefits from PPF.
Use tax benefits from SSY.
Use tax benefits from home loan.
Use long-term gains wisely when selling funds.

New tax rules apply:
Equity LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
Equity STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds are taxed as per your slab.

Plan sales with help of a Certified Financial Planner.
This helps keep taxes low.

» Finally
You already built a strong base.
You only need refined structure now.
Your goals are clear.
Your family needs long-term safety.
Your savings can meet those goals.
You need right alignment.
You need right fund mix.
You need expert review.
You need behavioural guidance.
These steps take you to peace and stability.

A Certified Financial Planner helps you bring all parts together.
This gives you a 360 degree family solution.
This gives you clarity for many years.
This gives your kids secure paths.
This gives you and your spouse a calm retired life.

You already have good strength.
With the right planning guidance, you can move even faster.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10843 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Career
Hello Sir, my son is 15 and he is going to give std 12th science exams in feb 2026,he studies in gujarat board and get 85 to 95 percentiles in school exams. sir he is interested in computer science and i dont know anything about engineering as i am a commerce student.Sir please suggest the best for him and what tech is going to be in demand in future. and also suggest best engineering colleges in gujarat. Thanks
Ans: With your son's impressive 85-95 percentile performance in school exams, he possesses competitive academic foundation for pursuing Computer Science Engineering in premier Gujarat institutions through JEE Main 2026 or GUJCET pathways, both of which accept Gujarat board qualifications without additional eligibility complications. Computer Science Engineering represents India's highest-demand technical field through 2030, driven by exponential growth in artificial intelligence, machine learning, cybersecurity, cloud computing, and emerging quantum technologies—sectors projected to generate 350,000+ new positions annually. AI/ML integration is becoming mandatory across all software roles, with cybersecurity, cloud architecture (AWS/Azure/GCP), blockchain technology, and edge computing emerging as critical skill sets commanding premium salaries. His 85-95 percentile trajectory suggests realistic targeting of mid-tier to premium government colleges if sustained through 12th board exams and JEE Main preparation, requiring approximately 150-200+ marks (corresponding to 75-95 percentile in JEE Main) for securing CSE seats in top-tier government institutions. Admission pathways include: JEE Main Score (for IITs, NITs, IIITs nationwide), GUJCET Score (for select Gujarat government/private institutions), or GUJCET for alternative colleges. Eligibility mandates minimum 45% aggregate in 12th Science (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics) for general category, with no JEE Main appearing percentage barrier despite popular misconceptions. Top government colleges (IIT Gandhinagar, SVNIT Surat, LDCE Ahmedabad) offer affordability (INR 80,000-2,50,000 annually) with CSE BTech placement rates averaging 64-72%, while SVNIT specifically records CSE average compensation and highest package reaching 15.86 LPA and 62 LPA respectively (2024-2025). Nirma University and PDEU represent leading private options with CSE placement percentages 85-90% and competitive packages, though fees significantly higher (INR 10-15 lakhs annually). Top 5 Government Colleges: (1) IIT Gandhinagar—NIRF #1, highly selective, CSE ultra-competitive, average package approximately 18 LPA, placement 95%+, JEE Main ranks under 1,500 typical; (2) SVNIT Surat—NIRF #15, CSE placement 72%, average package 15.86 LPA, JEE Main CSE cutoff ranks 3,000-8,000; (3) LDCE Ahmedabad—Government prestigious college, CSE 68% placement, fees INR 90,000 annually, JEE Main cutoff flexible; (4) VGEC Ahmedabad—Established government institution, CSE strong, fees INR 7,500 annually, excellent value; (5) GEC Gandhinagar—Government option, CSE availability, fees INR 15,000 annually. Top 5 Private Colleges: (1) Nirma University, Ahmedabad—NIRF top-ranked private, CSE placement 85%+, average package 7.84 LPA, fees INR 10-12 lakhs; (2) DA-IICT Gandhinagar—Autonomous prestigious, CSE placement 90%+, average 17.10 LPA, fees INR 12 lakhs; (3) PDEU Gandhinagar—Strong infrastructure, CSE placement 75%, average package 6.75 LPA, fees INR 11 lakhs; (4) DDU Nadiad—Respected private, CSE 70% placement, affordable fees INR 5-6 lakhs; (5) CHARUSAT Anand—Quality academics, CSE good placement (~75%), moderate fees INR 8-9 lakhs. Backup Entrance Options Beyond GUJCET/JEE Main: BITSAT (for BITS Pilani campuses), VITEEE (for VIT Chennai/Vellore if willing to relocate), or direct institutional entrance tests (Nirma and PDEU accept both merit + entrance).? When time permits, explore the 'EduJob360' YouTube channel, which features comprehensive videos on JEE, GUJCET, and engineering college admission processes. All the BEST for Your Son's Prosperous Future!

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