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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
RS Question by RS on Dec 14, 2022Hindi
Relationship

Hello Anu,
I am under severe confusion and frustration. Wanted to consult with some psychiatrist but then I got to know about you.
I have an issue with my father.
I'm a 29 years old working man.
My family background was not good, my father was the sole bread earner in the family of 9 including my uncle and grandparents.
But my father invested in his children.
He gave us a good education.
He sent me for IIT coaching in Kota. I couldn't clear IIT but cleared AIEEE.
Today I'm earning a lot. I'm a software engineer with 7+ years of experience in IT in a big giant firm earning Rs 62 lakhs an annum. But the picture does not look like it is.
My father takes all my money.
Literally he does that.
He has been doing it for last 7 years, every single month.
He has taken my all salaries till now, 80+ months' salaries to be precise.
And his modus operandi is- he knows my monthly in hand salary after deductions, which is around 3.5 lakhs now.
He calls me around 25th of the month saying 'Don't use the salary. I need 4 lakhs this month. He asks me more than my salary, then says ‘okay you don't have this much, so give me as much as you can.’
Earlier when my salary was Rs 85,0000, he used to ask for Rs 1 lakh.
When salary became Rs 2.2 lakhs he used to ask Rs 2.5 lakhs.
I keep approx Rs 15-20,000 for myself and give the remaining to him.
Why do I give him all my money?
Because I have this feeling that whatever I am today, it's all because of him.
He went against all odds to educate us, otherwise I would have been a poor kid somewhere in my village doing farming.
The sad part is, he does not use this money for himself.
If he would have used it for his needs I would have been the happiest person. He gives loans to his relatives free of cost.
People come to my father and request that they need money for some XYZ reason. They say you have a lot of money, your son is earning so much, so please help us. My father says okay.
He calls me and says that he has given his word, now he can't step back and I will have to arrange the money. And this money never comes back.
Till now nobody has returned a single penny.
When I ask my father, he says ‘it's okay, you will earn more. They can take only your money, not your destiny.’
I'm not exaggerating but I don't have even a RO filter in my home. I spend Rs 1,500 on water.
I'm fed up with all this.
I had a discussion with my father regarding this many a times that I can't keep doing this.
He says What will you do with the money? Tell me the item you want, we will purchase it for you.
So far I have given more than Rs 1 crore. I'm such a fool.
I don't want to spoil my relationship with my father but at the same time I also want him to understand that I'm a human not a money-making machine.
The problem has started now, because now he is doing the same with my younger brother as well.
He recently started his job after college, and earns around Rs 55K.
My father takes 50K from him and has deliberately kept him with me so that we can save on rent and he can keep the money.
Till now when he was taking my money, I was not so much hurt.
But now when my brother is giving money, I can't bear it. He is a small kid who does a lot of hard work and even his money is taken away.
I cannot share this with anyone.
I keep asking myself if I'm a bad son who thinks like this about his father.
But I can see the reality which is very discouraging.
I'm not able to digest the fact that this is actually happening.
Please suggest what I should do.
Should I tell this to someone? But then the other person will think bad about my father which I don't want.
I'm lost. Please suggest me something.

Ans:

Dear RS,

If by now you haven’t figured out that you are being used for playing the role of a good son, then when is it going to dawn on you?

It feels unreal even if your father took all that money for himself without realizing that his son needs his hard-earned money to set up his life. But here, it’s going to relatives and everywhere.

And now, it’s the turn of your brother too.

There is really no need to set this example as an older brother to just bend over backwards for your father. Instead, change the role and let your brother do the same.

Take charge of your finances and share what you deem fit with your father that covers his expenses (assuming that he is retired).

This way, you will fulfil the duty of being a good son taking care of his father. Beyond this, save your money and invest it wisely and please spend on yourself.

What will you do when you marry?

You think your wife is going to support this flow transaction of money between you and your father?

And when she tries to reason out with you, either you or your father will blame her for being selfish. In fact, she will only be looking out for your wellbeing.

So, before this gets even more murkier, make a point by sitting your father down and asserting that you are taking charge of your finances and reassuring him that he will always be taken care of.

His need to please his relatives by giving away your money has to stopped.

This might be met with a lot of resistance from your father, but you know what is to be done. Else, this will grow even with your brother and get progressively worse. So, step in NOW.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

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Hi Anu mam, I want to share with you my life story because it now killing me everyday. I am 23 years old now and third (unwanted) child of my parents. I have two elder sisters, 2nd sister was adopted by my father's sister and now I have one elder sister only.If I talk about my childhood, I have no good memories, not a single picture of mine.My father has always been busy at our family shop, only source of our income with my bade papa.He never took any interest in my studies, school admissions, parents teacher meeting etc... He was always like a strict father without any strict responsibility on him. And my mother is a very simple and innocent Jain lady who believes in Jainism and God. So in my childhood we were not a united family, we were more like small scattered pieces of a family who were living with no hope and no future planning or future expectations.As a kid, I spent most of the time watching tv or playing cricket. I have feared to ask my dad to buy me a cricket bat due to which I stole money from his wallet and buy my things for which i’d be brutally beaten if caughtI studied in a Hindi medium school which was in front of my house. I studied there till 3rd class and then my mother did some efforts to get admission in English medium school but she didn't succeed. I took admission in another Hindi medium school. I worked hard at my level but never received any support from my parents especially from my father.I passed my senior secondary in the year of 2015 in Math stream with 69% and want to pursue Engineering but my father does not want me to pursue that he wanted me to pursue Law so I took admission at local university and completed my graduation in 2020.During my 1st year of graduation I realised that my father has an affair with someone. This caused serious trauma for my mother and me. We felt this was the reason for him not being interested in our life at all time. In my 3rd year of graduation I founded that my elder sister was in a serious relationship with someone which added to our trauma because we were also facing financial problems that time. The problem arose when 3-4 years ago I came to know that I have knock knee problem in my both legs since childhood. I couldn't tell about this to my family.So now I am unemployed, facing knee problem and depression. I don't know what to do. Should I leave my father for life and look forward to any small job and live my life, make my new family? I want you to give me advice according to my current situation. I will wait for your advice.
Ans: Dear AJ,

I can only imagine what it must be like for you. But I am not going to feel sorry for you as life presents challenges as opportunities.

You have had the opportunity to learn from each of your challenge, academically, personally, and professionally.

Focus on yourself now. What happened or didn’t happen in your childhood or the past only makes you feel like a victim and that isn’t useful when you are trying to solve a problem.

Focus on how you can better your quality of life despite your physiological issue.

Sit down with the doctor and ask:

How can I get treated?

Does it involve any surgery?

Will physiotherapy help in easing my condition?

You depression (which I imagine is self-diagnosed) is on account of you treating yourself as a victim, will change once you move into a positive mode where you treat yourself with respect and love.

Only you can better your situation and it is possible for you if you choose to look at all the things that are possible by you once you become mentally stronger. Then your academic or personal or professional challenges will not come in the way.

So Take Charge and NOW. All the best to you!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu mam, I want to share with you my life story because it now killing me everyday. I am 23 years old now and third (unwanted) child of my parents. I have two elder sisters, 2nd sister was adopted by my father's sister and now I have one elder sister only.If I talk about my childhood, I have no good memories, not a single picture of mine.My father has always been busy at our family shop, only source of our income with my bade papa.He never took any interest in my studies, school admissions, parents teacher meeting etc... He was always like a strict father without any strict responsibility on him. And my mother is a very simple and innocent Jain lady who believes in Jainism and God. So in my childhood we were not a united family, we were more like small scattered pieces of a family who were living with no hope and no future planning or future expectations.As a kid, I spent most of the time watching tv or playing cricket. I have feared to ask my dad to buy me a cricket bat due to which I stole money from his wallet and buy my things for which i’d be brutally beaten if caughtI studied in a Hindi medium school which was in front of my house. I studied there till 3rd class and then my mother did some efforts to get admission in English medium school but she didn't succeed. I took admission in another Hindi medium school. I worked hard at my level but never received any support from my parents especially from my father.I passed my senior secondary in the year of 2015 in Math stream with 69% and want to pursue Engineering but my father does not want me to pursue that he wanted me to pursue Law so I took admission at local university and completed my graduation in 2020.During my 1st year of graduation I realised that my father has an affair with someone. This caused serious trauma for my mother and me. We felt this was the reason for him not being interested in our life at all time. In my 3rd year of graduation I founded that my elder sister was in a serious relationship with someone which added to our trauma because we were also facing financial problems that time. The problem arose when 3-4 years ago I came to know that I have knock knee problem in my both legs since childhood. I couldn't tell about this to my family.So now I am unemployed, facing knee problem and depression. I don't know what to do. Should I leave my father for life and look forward to any small job and live my life, make my new family? I want you to give me advice according to my current situation. I will wait for your advice.
Ans: Dear AJ,

I can only imagine what it must be like for you. But I am not going to feel sorry for you as life presents challenges as opportunities.

You have had the opportunity to learn from each of your challenge, academically, personally, and professionally.

Focus on yourself now. What happened or didn’t happen in your childhood or the past only makes you feel like a victim and that isn’t useful when you are trying to solve a problem.

Focus on how you can better your quality of life despite your physiological issue.

Sit down with the doctor and ask:

How can I get treated?

Does it involve any surgery?

Will physiotherapy help in easing my condition?

You depression (which I imagine is self-diagnosed) is on account of you treating yourself as a victim, will change once you move into a positive mode where you treat yourself with respect and love.

Only you can better your situation and it is possible for you if you choose to look at all the things that are possible by you once you become mentally stronger. Then your academic or personal or professional challenges will not come in the way.

So Take Charge and NOW. All the best to you!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I got married in December 2012. Love marriage, we met in the office. I clearly told him that if I get married I would need to give one years salary to my dad as he has loan installments to pay and also told him my dad would do good wedding arrangements however no dowry should be asked. When his parents came to see me for the first time they came all prepared to finalize the relationship however we weren't aware. Me and my parents thought they are just coming to see me and the family. But when they started off with basic rituals that is when we were stunned but then went along. His father asked dowry from my dad and he was speechless but when I denied my father spoke to them and said he will bear all their expenses too but won't be able to give dowry. When I confronted my husband he said he wasn't aware that his dad will ask for dowry. We got married and when we visited his hometown his father confessed that he was not aware that me and my husband had discussed no dowry part otherwise he would not have asked my father. I was infuriated but I let it go. Soon after an year my salary started coming in and he would tranfer it in his account. I did not pay attention to it. Soon all the money was in his control. There came a situation in my family, my sister's wedding was called off by groom's end three days before the wedding and it was a shock. My husband asked us to write a letter stating all about the situation so that it can be submitted to the police. My husband kept a copy of that letter with him. During the lockdown my father asked for some monetary help from me but my husband denied to help him, and I started hating him to my core. Soon my mother in law moved in with us when my father in law expired. Since then our relationship sucked. She would always manipulate his son. I got so furious I started putting sugar in my husband's milk as he is diabetic and then later confessed it to him. Now he is threatening me of releasing that letter to my sister's husband and also has kept all the money in his control. He says he will make me feel sorry for what I did and also we are just living in my home but we have no relation and he does not talk to me. I don't want this relationship to flourish anyways but I need to know what can I do if I can get half of the assets. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have decided not to stay within the marriage, the best recourse would be to seek legal advice and move ahead. He/She will advice you on assets split, custody etc.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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sir i got nit allahabad ee in josaa should I join nit Rourkela eie or nit Trichy ice or nit Rourkela ee in csab?
Ans: Arijit, I have already answered your question. Anyway, please note, NIT Rourkela’s Electronics & Instrumentation combines rigorous instrumentation, control, and process automation labs with strong industry linkages, achieving approximately 95 percent placement consistency over the last three years and an average CTC of ?19.08 LPA. Its Electrical Engineering programme offers comprehensive power-systems, machines and high-voltage labs, recording similar placement rates near 95 percent with an average package of ?13.62 LPA. At NIT Trichy, Instrumentation & Control Engineering provides advanced sensors, control systems and process instrumentation facilities, securing around 86.7 percent placement in 2024 and benefiting from the institute’s overall median UG package of ?14.35 LPA. All three programmes are AICTE/NBA-accredited, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty, feature modern infrastructure, maintain active recruitment drives, and support strong alumni networks, differing mainly in domain focus, specialization depth, and average compensation.

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My daughter has got admission in Jindal Global Business School for the IPM progamme and Tapmi Banglore for the BBA (Hons) programme. Which college should we consider to take admission in?
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Recommendation: Considering India's #1 BBA ranking for two consecutive years, superior placement statistics with 92 percent success rate, comprehensive integrated dual-degree structure, and exceptional research-driven faculty from global institutions, Jindal Global Business School's IPM programme emerges as the optimal choice for holistic business education and career prospects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Relationship
We haven't had sex in 6 months. Are we even a couple anymore? It's not that I haven't tried. In fact, I've made the effort so many times. I have dropped hints, dressed up in pretty outfits. But my husband always says he's too tired, too stressed, or just not in the mood. We're only in our early 30s, married for five years. We have a 4 year old son. I think the gap widened after my son turned 2. I'm starting to feel rejected and unwanted. Are we just going through a rough patch?
Ans: Yes, it’s possible this is a rough patch. The transition from being partners to parents often shifts emotional energy toward caregiving, survival, and responsibility. Many couples go through seasons where intimacy takes a back seat—due to stress, exhaustion, resentment, unspoken hurts, or even changing hormones. But six months of no sexual intimacy, especially when one partner is still trying, is not just a phase to wait out. It’s a signal—something deeper may be going on emotionally, physically, or relationally with your husband.

The most important thing now is to move from subtle hints to open-hearted conversation. Not confrontation, not blame. But a real, calm moment where you say something like:

"I’ve been feeling increasingly distant from you—not just physically, but emotionally. I know life has been exhausting and we’re both stretched. But I miss being close to you. I miss feeling wanted, seen, connected. Can we talk about what’s going on between us? Not to pressure or fix it overnight, but just to understand where we are?”

You're not asking for sex. You’re asking for honesty, presence, and partnership. And if your husband is emotionally closed or dismissive, it may help to involve a couple’s therapist—someone neutral who can help unpack any barriers between you two.

This isn’t just about sex. It’s about closeness, and the quiet loneliness that’s creeping in despite being married and sharing a home and child. Don’t keep absorbing that pain in silence. You deserve connection, not confusion. And your marriage deserves a chance to heal, not just survive.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2025Hindi
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Hi Shalini, I am in an awkward position. I am 34, single. I have been chatting under a false identity with a guy who is cute and charming. In the last 2 years, we got really close where he told me a lot of things about his personal life, how he was coping with an ugly divorce and politics at work. Without realising we helped each other get better in our lives. In fact, he has been my greatest cheerleader, pushing me to do better at work, even get a promotion. While he has been honest about his intentions, I have never shared my real name. I got the shock of my life, when he sent me his recent picture. This guy turned out to be my current boss. It can't be a coincidence right? I feel so wrong to have led him on. Now I can't even send him a picture or should I just send it? He is in his early 50s and I am pretty junior to him at work. Will he think I manipulated him? Ever since I have known that I am dating my boss, I have been avoiding him. I have also noticed that he is distant and stressed at work. I feel guilty. What should I do? It's been two weeks and I have kind of ghosted him, he is worried sick and wants to know if I am alright. He texts me almost every day and night. He thinks I don't like him because of how he looks, but I don't have the courage to tell him that I was talking to him pretending to be someone else, while we worked in the same office. How do I explain this without hurting both of us?
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So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
"There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."

This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.

He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.

Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
Ans: The inconsistency you feel isn’t a reflection of weakness. It’s a result of being caught between two parts of yourself—one who wants to evolve, and one who is afraid to lose the comfort of old beliefs, even if they no longer serve you. That internal conflict is heavy, especially without a guiding voice to help you sort through it. You’re not alone in that—many young adults feel exactly this way, especially those with big dreams and high sensitivity to their environment.

Rather than trying to “fix” your personality or “force” your discipline, start by restoring trust in yourself. Trust doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up consistently for yourself in small, simple ways without pressure to perform. Your fear of failure and even your fear of success are both rooted in the same place: the doubt that you are enough as you are.

It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not have all the answers. The goal isn’t to become a different person—it’s to become more at peace with the person you are becoming. Self-leadership starts here: by choosing compassion over criticism, patience over pressure, and honesty over performance. Even if your steps are small and scattered, they are steps forward.

You don’t need external urgency to change. You need internal safety to try. So let’s shift the story you’re telling yourself. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You are learning, growing, and unlearning decades of conditioning—and that’s not only brave, it’s transformative.

Keep going. Gently, but steadily. And every time you fall back into old patterns, remind yourself: coming back is progress too. The journey to emotional strength is not about never falling—it’s about returning to yourself, again and again, with love.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9847 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Money
Hi Sir. Hope you are doing well and thanks for the earlier great replies. My issue now is the fact that since i had more then 13 Mutual funds and all of them under Regular scheme and all this time, not a single fund manager called me nor guided me so i thought it foolish to pay for a service that i didn't get. Now i have cancelled all the SIPs but not withdrawn. So i have already invested in 1) Nippon India Gold Savings Fund -Direct- Rs 5000 2) HDFC Manufacturing Fund - Direct - Rs 5000. I am shying away from both Mid caps and Small caps as in most of the news it mentions that they are very much overvalued. Since i am planning to invest in another house, i might need this money and i dont want a major shock at the time of redemption. Now that you know my background, my question is- 1) can you suggest me some Mutual funds that are balanced both in terms of safety and growth? and 2) How many active mutual funds that one should ideally have? Is 13 a little too much. Large caps dont seem to give good returns in my view. Kindly share your thoughts.
Ans: You’ve already taken some wise steps.

You’ve invested. You’ve questioned the value received. You’ve paused, not withdrawn. That’s mature thinking.

Let’s build a 360-degree response, based on your needs and plans ahead.

? Regular Plan vs Direct Plan – Your Experience Matters

– You had over 13 mutual funds under regular plans.

– You didn’t get any guidance from those associated with the fund houses.

– That’s a genuine disappointment and very valid concern.

– But this is not a problem with regular plans themselves.

– The issue lies in choosing the wrong distributor or agent.

– Regular plans offer one big benefit: personalised advisory.

– But only if it comes from a Certified Financial Planner with accountability.

– If the CFP is involved, they guide you, monitor your portfolio, and advise proactively.

– Direct funds remove the support system.

– They expect you to do research, reviews, and rebalancing yourself.

– This is risky unless you’re experienced and emotionally detached from markets.

– So don’t judge regular plans as bad.

– Choose the right person behind the plan instead.

– A MFD with CFP certification gives goal-based strategies, not product pushing.

? Why 13 Mutual Funds is Excess

– Investing in too many funds leads to portfolio overlap.

– You may have five funds holding the same stocks.

– That kills the purpose of diversification.

– It adds confusion and dilutes tracking.

– Also, too many funds don’t always mean better returns.

– In fact, performance gets harder to monitor.

– Ideally, 5 to 7 funds are enough for most goals.

– Fund count depends on goals, not market fear or FOMO.

– Less funds with proper allocation perform better than a scattered portfolio.

? Fear of Mid and Small Caps – Your Caution is Logical

– News mentions overvaluation in mid and small caps.

– It’s partially true, especially in short-term perspective.

– These funds give higher growth, but come with sharper falls.

– Since you’re planning to buy a house, you need safer growth.

– You cannot afford capital loss when you need liquidity.

– So you’re right in avoiding these for now.

– Your awareness shows maturity. That’s a strength.

? Current Funds in Direct Plan – Key Observations

– You mentioned investing in Gold Savings and Manufacturing funds.

– Both are sector-focused or thematic in nature.

– Gold fund tracks international gold prices indirectly.

– Manufacturing fund is theme-based and comes with high sector risk.

– These are not ideal for short-term or house-linked goals.

– These should not be your core portfolio.

– You should avoid thematic or sector funds unless you have other base funds.

– Since real estate purchase is likely, shift your focus to hybrid funds now.

– These offer balance between growth and safety.

– Also, they handle short-term volatility better.

? Balanced Fund Category – Ideal for Your Current Need

– You need a mix of growth and capital safety.

– Hybrid funds (also called balanced funds) offer this mix.

– They combine equity and debt in one product.

– There are types of hybrid funds: conservative, balanced, aggressive.

– Choose based on your time frame and risk comfort.

– A certified planner can help fine-tune this selection.

– These funds adjust exposure based on market mood.

– They help protect you from big shocks at redemption.

– They also reduce emotional panic during market noise.

– For home-related goals, hybrid is a sensible category to start.

? Large Caps – Don’t Judge Them on Recent Performance

– Many feel large caps are underperforming.

– But their role is different from mid or small caps.

– They bring stability, not excitement.

– In market correction, large caps fall less.

– That’s why they remain core part of any smart portfolio.

– Don’t remove them completely. Use them with right expectation.

– If you chase returns only, you’ll move portfolio every year.

– That hurts wealth creation.

– Stick with proven active large cap funds chosen via proper research.

– A fund’s past one-year return is not the right way to judge.

? Keep Your Investment House-Goal Ready

– You said you might need funds for buying another house.

– So you must avoid funds with high equity exposure now.

– Any money needed within 3 years should not go into pure equity.

– Use conservative hybrid funds or short-term debt funds instead.

– These give low-to-moderate growth with limited volatility.

– That helps you when you redeem the funds later.

– You won’t get any major shocks.

– Capital safety becomes more important than chasing returns.

– Once house purchase is done, you can take higher equity exposure again.

? Mutual Fund Portfolio Structure – Keep It Clean

Equity allocation: Choose 2 or 3 diversified active equity funds.

Hybrid allocation: Choose 1 or 2 based on time frame.

Debt allocation: If goal is near, add 1 short-term or dynamic debt fund.

Avoid sector funds, international funds, NFOs, and FOMO-driven launches.

No need to hold more than 5–7 mutual funds.

Keep one fund per category. Don’t duplicate.

Stick to regular plans only via a committed CFP.

Review every 6 months. Don’t overreact to news or media noise.

? Avoid Direct Plans – Especially When Goals Are Emotional

– Direct plans offer low expense ratio. But there is no support.

– It suits those who study markets, monitor funds, and know asset allocation.

– But most investors don’t have that time or bandwidth.

– When goals like buying a house or child education come, panic starts.

– Direct plans offer no guidance at that stage.

– A CFP helps you with exit planning, taxation, rebalancing, and goal alignment.

– Paying a little extra gives clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.

– With regular plans via CFP, you gain professional handholding.

– That is more valuable than 0.5% savings in expense ratio.

? Final Insights

– You’ve done more right things than you give yourself credit for.

– You paused SIPs. You questioned your old strategy. You stayed invested.

– That itself shows you are thinking wisely now.

– Rebuild your portfolio with 5–7 active funds only.

– Avoid direct plans. Choose regular route with a Certified Financial Planner.

– Exit from sector or thematic funds slowly, if they don’t match your goals.

– Shift towards balanced hybrid or short-term debt options for near-term goals.

– Don’t chase return percentages. Chase risk control and goal alignment.

– You will create wealth by staying invested, reviewing smartly, and getting expert support.

– Avoid being your own advisor in complex times.

– Take help. Grow steady. Stay confident.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9847 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Money
I'm a 35-year-old single mom with two kids and a monthly income of 1.2L. I bought a 2BHK five years ago on loan (24L still unpaid) thinking it was a smart investment, but I now live on rent closer to my kids' school. The flat is lying vacant, maintenance and EMIs eat up 28K monthly. I don't have any SIPs, insurance, or emergency fund. I have only EPF from my last job (3.5L). Should I sell the flat at a loss and restart my financial life? Please help
Ans: You’ve built a life for your kids. That’s inspiring.

Buying a house seemed right at that time. But priorities change. Kids and stability matter more now.

Your question is bold and brave. Let's create a complete action plan, covering all sides.

? Income and Financial Situation

– You earn Rs 1.2 lakh per month. That’s a strong base.

– You are a single mother. So financial discipline is even more important.

– Your home loan EMI and flat maintenance are Rs 28,000 monthly.

– You also pay rent for another house. That’s double housing cost.

– No SIPs, no insurance, and no emergency fund adds pressure.

– You have Rs 3.5 lakh in EPF. It’s not liquid, but helpful.

– You’re emotionally and financially stuck between two homes.

? Understand the Financial Drain

– The flat is lying vacant. So no rent income is coming from it.

– But maintenance and EMI continue every month.

– This is dead weight in your monthly cash flow.

– That Rs 28,000 is about 23% of your income.

– Plus, rent from your current home takes more money.

– You are losing both money and mental peace.

– You are not wrong. But now it’s time to act smart.

? Home is Not Always a Good Investment

– Many people assume a house is an “asset”.

– But if it doesn’t give income or use, it’s a liability.

– Appreciation in price is never guaranteed.

– You still owe Rs 24 lakh loan on it.

– And there is no tenant, no resale clarity, no usage.

– So the flat is not helping you build wealth or cash flow.

– This is not your fault. It’s a common mistake.

? Should You Sell the Flat?

– If you continue holding, you will bleed money monthly.

– You will delay SIPs, emergency fund, and insurance.

– You are always short of breath in your budget.

– If you sell now, even at a small loss, the burden ends.

– Your mind and money become free.

– Loss hurts now. But you’ll recover faster.

– In a few years, you’ll thank yourself for this reset.

– Sell it. Pay off the home loan fully.

? Use the Sale Wisely

– From the sale proceeds, clear the entire home loan.

– If anything remains, keep Rs 1.5–2 lakh as emergency fund.

– This is your lifeboat for future shocks.

– Don’t rush into new real estate or other risky investments.

– Protect this money like oxygen.

– Put it in a separate bank account.

– Let it stay there until you plan your investments properly.

– You can’t grow wealth without safety first.

? Don’t Fall for “It’s a Loss” Emotion

– Selling at a small loss is not failure.

– Every month you hold is a bigger invisible loss.

– Loan interest, flat maintenance, and missed investments cost you more.

– You are losing time, money, and peace monthly.

– The earlier you exit, the cleaner the slate.

– Let go with purpose, not guilt.

– This is financial self-respect.

– It’s not giving up. It’s moving forward.

? Get Basic Insurance First

– Start with term life insurance. Cover at least Rs 50 lakh to Rs 1 crore.

– You are the only earner. So this is must-have.

– Premium is low if taken early and directly.

– No need to buy investment-linked plans.

– Avoid ULIPs or endowment policies.

– Choose pure term insurance with claim settlement ratio above 95%.

– Also get family floater health insurance.

– Medical expenses can destroy years of savings.

? Start Emergency Fund Immediately

– After selling the flat, build Rs 1.5–2 lakh liquid fund.

– Keep it in a separate savings account.

– Don’t invest it. Don’t touch it for shopping.

– This is your financial safety button.

– You need 4–6 months of expenses in hand.

– EPF is not an emergency fund.

– Liquid cash gives confidence and reduces anxiety.

– It helps avoid loans and credit card usage in crisis.

? Begin SIPs Gradually

– Once flat is sold, you’ll have monthly EMI savings.

– Use that freed-up money for SIPs in mutual funds.

– Don’t go for direct funds.

– Direct funds need self-analysis, which takes time and expertise.

– Better to go through MFD backed by a Certified Financial Planner.

– They guide based on your goals, not market hype.

– Regular plans through CFPs offer tailored planning and personal attention.

– Performance difference is worth the fee.

? Avoid Index Funds for Now

– Index funds are passive. They follow the market, but give no flexibility.

– In volatile times, active funds protect downside better.

– You need risk-managed growth, not just tracking.

– Actively managed funds are researched by professionals.

– With CFP support, you get the right mix of equity and debt.

– Index funds don’t offer this personalised strategy.

– Avoid them until your goals are solid and risk is low.

? Don’t Buy Real Estate Again for Investment

– You saw it yourself—it’s not liquid.

– It blocks money and creates stress when unsold or vacant.

– Maintenance, taxes, and EMI make it expensive.

– Investment should give flexibility, growth, and liquidity.

– Mutual funds and bonds are better for wealth building.

– Never mix investment with emotion or family pressure.

– Don’t fall for “real estate is always good” myth.

– Keep your money mobile and free.

? Take Small Steps to Stabilise

– First, fix your cash flow.

– Sell the house. Pay off debt.

– Start insurance. Build emergency fund.

– Then start SIPs with just Rs 5,000 monthly.

– Even small investments grow when done regularly.

– Don’t compare with others. Run your race.

– Every step will reduce pressure on your mind.

– You will sleep better and plan better.

? Get Professional Guidance

– A Certified Financial Planner will guide goal-wise.

– They help you avoid product traps and wrong decisions.

– They give a personalised investment mix.

– They also help balance risk, insurance, tax, and retirement.

– Don’t rely only on app suggestions or blogs.

– Your situation needs hand-holding and accountability.

– With a CFP, you can focus on parenting, not portfolio alone.

– Peace of mind is the real return.

? Finally

– You are strong. You’re holding two lives together.

– Selling the flat is not weakness. It’s smart clarity.

– It opens room for savings, insurance, and future goals.

– Let go of losses now to build gains later.

– Start fresh with safety and small steps.

– You are not late. You are just about to restart.

– And this time, it will be on your terms.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9847 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi, I'm 38, married, and work in a private firm in Bengaluru. My take-home salary is around 1.5 lakhs, but after paying EMIs on two personal loans and one credit card, I barely have anything left for monthly expenses. I have exhausted my emergency fund, I have no SIPs or investments, and feel like I'm drowning. Every month I fall short by Rs 30,000 so I have started borrowing from friends and family. I know I've messed up. I am looking for a new job too. Can someone please help me fix this before it's too late?
Ans: Thank you for opening up. You’ve taken the first brave step—asking for help.

This shows you are ready to take control. That’s powerful.

Let us now build your way back—step by step.

Here’s a full 360-degree plan to bring financial stability and peace into your life.

? Understanding Your Income and Current Crisis

– Your take-home salary is Rs 1.5 lakh per month.

– After EMI payments, you are left with almost nothing.

– You have no savings or SIPs now.

– You’re short by Rs 30,000 every month.

– You're borrowing from friends and family to manage this gap.

– This is not sustainable. You know this already.

– You feel overwhelmed. But this is fixable with action.

– Let’s work together to stop the leak and rebuild slowly.

? Identify the Root of the Problem

– Two personal loans and one credit card are eating your income.

– The EMIs are too high for your current income.

– There is no room left for expenses or savings.

– Borrowing to cover basics is pushing you into deeper stress.

– First, you need to reduce monthly outflow.

– Second, you must stop new borrowing immediately.

– Third, focus only on survival and recovery right now.

– Not investment, not returns—just stability first.

? First Step: List All Your Loans and EMIs

– Write down each loan and credit card separately.

– Note the outstanding balance, interest rate, and monthly EMI.

– Also write how many months are left to repay.

– This gives clarity on what is causing the biggest drain.

– Don’t keep it in your head. Put it on paper.

– You cannot fix what you cannot measure.

– Once written, we can plan a way to restructure.

? Negotiate and Consolidate the Loans

– Contact your bank or lender. Ask to restructure the personal loans.

– Request for lower EMI with longer repayment period.

– This will reduce monthly pressure.

– Ask if they can consolidate both loans into one.

– This makes it easier to manage and track.

– If you have a good repayment record, they may agree.

– Some banks offer “loan against salary” with lower interest.

– Avoid using credit cards to pay other loans. That adds burden.

? Tackle the Credit Card First

– Credit card interest is the highest. Around 36–42% yearly.

– This is a silent killer of your money.

– Try to pay off the full amount urgently.

– If that is not possible, take a small personal loan and close it.

– A loan with 12–14% interest is better than card interest.

– Stop using the card completely for now.

– Freeze it, hide it, or delete it from apps.

– You can use it again only after financial recovery.

? Cut Down All Non-Essential Expenses

– Go through your monthly expenses line by line.

– Remove anything that is not absolutely needed.

– Cancel subscriptions, online shopping, food delivery, etc.

– Use public transport or carpool if possible.

– Inform family about your financial reset plan.

– Say “No” to social spending without guilt.

– This is temporary, but crucial for your bounce-back.

– Every Rs 500 saved gives you some breathing room.

? Emergency Fund is Gone – That’s Okay

– You said your emergency fund is already used.

– That’s exactly what it is for. So don’t feel bad.

– Once we reduce EMIs and stop borrowing, we will rebuild it.

– First goal is just to survive without taking new loans.

– Then create Rs 20,000–30,000 as new emergency buffer.

– Even Rs 5,000 per month is enough to start.

– This is your safety net when life surprises you.

? Job Change Can Help, But Not the Only Way

– You are looking for a new job. That’s good.

– A salary hike will help ease the pressure.

– But don't wait only for new job to take action.

– Job search takes time and is not always predictable.

– Start cost cutting and loan restructuring immediately.

– Once new job comes, use extra income to pay debts faster.

– Not for upgrading lifestyle again. At least not now.

? Family Support: Use It Wisely

– You are borrowing Rs 30,000 monthly from friends or family.

– This cannot go on forever. It strains relationships.

– Instead, ask for a one-time support amount.

– Use that to pay off high-interest debt (credit card, small loan).

– Promise them you won’t borrow again.

– This gives them confidence. It gives you dignity.

– Don’t ask again next month unless it's emergency.

– Honor even informal loans seriously. Trust matters.

? Avoid Emotional Purchases and Financial Guilt

– It’s easy to feel guilt for not providing luxuries to family.

– But this phase needs practical living, not perfection.

– Your self-worth is not your income or loan status.

– Kids need your time, not toys.

– Spouse needs your love, not costly gifts.

– Focus on survival now. Dreams can wait for 12 months.

– Debt freedom is the biggest gift you can give them.

? No Investments or SIPs Yet – That’s Okay

– Don’t start SIPs now. Not even small ones.

– Your focus is to reduce EMI and avoid new borrowing.

– SIPs can come later once budget is balanced.

– Starting investment without emergency fund is risky.

– Build base first, then add investments layer later.

– Don't follow social media advice blindly.

– First fix leaks. Then fill the tank.

? Use a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

– Not a bank agent or random YouTube advice.

– A CFP will give you step-by-step, personal plan.

– They work with your exact numbers and give real options.

– Avoid direct funds or online-only apps now.

– You need human advice, not just technology.

– Regular funds with CFP-backed MFDs help with handholding.

– You don’t need fancy returns now. You need guidance.

? Psychological Reset is Important

– You said “I’ve messed up.” That’s not fully true.

– You are still earning Rs 1.5 lakh. That’s a strength.

– You are aware of the problem. That’s maturity.

– You are taking help. That’s responsibility.

– Mistakes are not failures. They are signals for course correction.

– What you do now will shape next 10 years.

– Stay calm. Stay honest. Stay consistent.

? Long-Term Actions After Recovery

– Once loans are under control, save 3 months expenses.

– After that, start SIPs for long-term goals.

– Begin with a balanced fund via CFP.

– Build retirement corpus slowly.

– Use insurance for risk protection, not for investment.

– Don’t buy ULIPs or endowment plans.

– Don’t chase high-return apps or crypto.

– Keep your money plan simple and stress-free.

? Finally

– You are not drowning. You are realising and acting.

– Cut expenses. Restructure loans. Pay off credit card.

– Avoid new loans and new EMIs.

– Pause SIPs and luxuries temporarily.

– Create 2–3 small wins each month.

– Keep written budget. Track every rupee.

– Get help from Certified Financial Planner for steady direction.

– Future is still yours to shape.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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