Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Help! Married 11 years, Husband Doesn't Support Me Financially

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.

Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I got married to the person who was behind me for years. I always considered him as my friend and supporter even after knowing his intention. My mom kept advising me we should go behind that person who cares and loves us. I obeyed her. Soon after things went into proposal mode his family started demanding for dowry and other stuffs. My friend was not from a well fed family which I was not aware. They lied to is they are very rich, hence they need what the demanded since the marriage news was widw spread wit no options we arranged and gave. My friend and his mother brain washed and convinced us to agree for this marriage. Even since I got married my husband and his mother is ruling on me and family. It was late when we got to know that they have been lying to is on their assets. Now when we ask them they deny and keep harassing me. My family got fed up of these fights started maitaining distance and since I Don want to trouble my divorced mother I stop complaining about the issues I am facing. My in-laws demand increases day by day. My mother-in-law is a mother of two kids a son and a daughter but everytime she tortures me and her son is quiet most of the time. When responsibility comes she supports her daughter and makes us to take responsibility which is not fair. Responsibiloty is parallel and must be shared. I am not well, my husband doesn't even give me money or take me to doctor. I am been told marriage means providing food and shelter. Please advise me what shud I do I am fed up
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Basically you have been cheated; period!
What do you with even a basic thing like being cheated at a shop? Do you actually keep the product OR return it?
Yes, relationships are not like that BUT do understand that your marriage has been nothing but a transaction with mean minded people out to destroy you and your peace of mind.
There are no children in the equation so far...so do know you are free to take a decision. Today, it's harassment and giving you no money, tomorrow who knows what else!
Do you not see that they have begun to make you depend on them for the basic things? This is how it all begins before it gets into other shades of harassment which I do not want to speculate.
Put yourself first; be selfish and think about what to do next to actually live a peaceful and carefree life like the way it was before marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 21, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hello, I am from a good educated family in Dehradun. I got married 3 years back in an arranged marriage setup through a mediator in Meerut. My husband has a small sportswear factory above his home only and mostly he is at home. I have a widowed MIL and SIL who is married just a year before me. There were problems in my marriage from the very beginning but my parents and me were too naive to see the red flags. They had demanded 20lakh cash and also my parents had given them lot of gold silver items which my MIL has withheld and says I have taken everything and my husband also supports her everytime. He is a mumma's and sister's boy and lies to me all the time. He does not value my opinions and expects me to obey him and his mother. He verbally abuses too much which he did not disclose before marriage. I left my job before marriage as my parents were finding a match for me from past 2 years but were fed up so there desperation got me married here in Meerut. They mentioned there income as 20-25lakh in biodata but I still don't know the real income of my husband. He says he has taken loan from his mother and is in her debt and says all the time that his, his mother and his sister's bond is unbreakable, without me asking. From beginning I was not treated like a family member but they just instructed me what were my responsibilities of cooking and handling house and bowing down to her sister and brother-in-law. My husband never stood up for me in beginning. One night he became so abusive that he twisted my hand and verbaly abused my family so much. I in fear called my mother and they took me back. I filed a case against him and we stayed separately for around 1.3 years. That was a horrific time for me and my parents, going to courts and they never appearing once. I started online MBA and small job side by side to bear my expenses as my husband was not supporting financially at all. He was not ready to give back our money or jewellery and just saying he wanted to stay with me, but I did not wanted to go back to that house. His mother created too much drama in front of him and foul language was normal in that house. After a counselling session I arranged, which he was not ready to attend but I convinced him, we decided to give it another chance as he apologised to me and my parents. and I also thought about my future which would impact my family and younger sister as well. So his family came to our house to take me back and welcomed me nicely this time with bouquet and my husband decorated our room with balloons. 3-4 months it was all well, they behaved nicely, I ignored small things his mother said or did. I tried to recreate the bond with them, but there rude behaviour returned. His mother's insecurity is impacting me and my husband's relation so much, that he ignores my needs for her and does not see I'm in pain even if I tell him. I am filled with anger and frustration now and when I share it with my husband, he blames me for overthinking and verbally abuse me sometimes for destroying his life. I am going in depression due to this and unable to focus on my studies or any work. Due to this stress I don't feel like staying in that house and frequently visit my parents house, but my husband does not let me live in peace here also, he keeps verbally abusing and taunting me for staying at my parents so much and tells me he cannot come every second month there in a very rude abusive tone. I am fed-up of his dual attitude, one day he showers so much love, next day he gets so out of control. With rest of the world he is so sweet and shows he loves me so much, which has brought me in a bad light to think so bad of him. My problems are everyday little problems for them which I should bear. Currently I am 7 month pregnant and at my parents home. He beared my meds and doctor expenses there, but keeps on reminding me this that he has done this, he brought an almira for me after so many months of me begging him because they did not had any basic amenities arranged for me beforehand. My parents gave automatic washing machine, and few more new items during marriage but no gratitude for anything, instead they keep telling me they got almira for me, put khanewali for me as if they are not eating that food. I had cooked full 3 time meals and serving them on there bed, still they say 'kuch ni karti, kamre mei rehti hai. mumyji ke sath ni baithti, iske lie ye kardia, ghuma ke late hain' or meri kamiya ginate rete hain. They do not tell full truth, what me and my parents have done for them. My husband does not know proper English also and thinks himself no less than a king. His mother and sister enables his bad behaviour and laugh it off. I am worried for my future now as now a kid is involved. I had left my job again to go back as everyone told me to focus on mending relations first. He does not seem to care much for the baby also. When I tell him I have a headache, he tells me he has more headaches and responsibilities than me. Never really understood my feelings or cared genuinely. Mostly worried about money. All financial assets are in his mother's control so he has to bow down to her tantrums, and expects me to do that as well. She keeps showing him how sick she is, but goes to kitty parties and my husband takes her mostly everywhere with us on vacations. If me and my husband go even on a 2-day trip, my husband keeps video calling her because he knows her insecurity. She also keeps saying things like, 'tere bina pal pal katna bhari hora' like a couple talks. But if my SIL goes on 6 day trip with her husband, then she is very happy and tells them to enjoy. This gives me chills and spoils my mood everytime. My husband knows it yet he does not say or do anything about it. But I cannot continue like this, I feel suffocated and stuck many times, not knowing if I even belong here or not. My husband feels spending money on counselling is a waste so he will not take it now. Pls guide what should I do next. Can this relation be saved or not?
Ans: Since your husband is unwilling to attend counseling, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you process your emotions, build resilience, and identify what you need to feel secure and valued. Your emotional well-being is crucial not just for you but also for your baby, as stress during pregnancy can have long-term effects.

Open communication is essential, but it seems your husband is dismissive of your concerns. Try one last time to have an honest conversation with him. Clearly express your feelings and the changes you need to see for the relationship to work. Focus on specific actions, like setting boundaries with his mother, reducing verbal abuse, and showing emotional and financial responsibility.

If these conversations don’t lead to meaningful change, you may need to consider the long-term implications of staying in this environment. Living in a toxic household can have a profound impact on you and your child. If leaving feels like the safest option for your mental and physical well-being, work with your family to plan a way forward. This could involve legal steps to secure your rights and ensure support for your child.

Your efforts to mend the relationship show your commitment, but it’s vital to remember that a healthy marriage requires mutual respect and effort. If your husband and his family are unwilling to meet you halfway, prioritizing your own peace and stability might be the best decision for you and your baby.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Patrick

Patrick Dsouza  |1313 Answers  |Ask -

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2025Hindi
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9778 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2025

Money
I am a West Bengal State Government Employee due for retirement in August 2026. I am a divorcee who lives with an Adult Son who is not financially dependent on me in a self purchased house(Cash) and also own a flat (Cash) By the time of retirement I will have 73 lacs in GPF, 31 lacs in PPF, 20 lacs in Gratuity, 11.65 lacs in Leave encashment, 20 lacs from Pension Commutation and 6.5 lacs as maturity proceeds from Cooperative Thrift Fund. Since I will draw around 38000 OPS Pension with DA thereafter per month. Will it be beneficial to invest 30 lacs in SCSS, 18 lacs in MIS and 20 Lacs in FRSBs for a cumulative monthly interest of 45000 rupees. My monthly income will be 83000 then. I plan to actively continue subscription to my PPF post retirement and need advice on what to do with the remaining 63 lacs of my corpus??? My son advises me in investing in Kisan Vikas Patras and 5 Year PO Time Deposits as these are largely liquid. PS- I have two health insurances, one the West Bengal Health Scheme Cashless and the National Insurance Mediclaim Policy for son and me with 17 lacs sum assured.
Ans: Based on your profile as a West Bengal Government Employee retiring in August 2026, and the impressive financial preparedness you've shown, here is a detailed, 360-degree analysis of your financial situation and investment choices, written in a simple and structured format.

Let’s go step by step to help you get better clarity.

? Current Financial Picture and Retirement Readiness

– You are already well-prepared for retirement. That deserves appreciation.
– You own your house. That removes rental liabilities.
– You also have another flat, fully paid for. This adds to your asset base.
– Your son is not dependent. That reduces your future financial obligations.
– You are sitting on a strong retirement corpus of Rs. 1.62 crores.
– Your post-retirement monthly pension is expected to be Rs. 38,000 with DA.
– Proposed income from safe investment options is Rs. 45,000 per month.
– That means, total monthly income will be Rs. 83,000, which is quite healthy.
– Your current and expected lifestyle appears manageable within this budget.
– You have two health covers. That gives enough financial protection from medical emergencies.

You have set a very solid financial foundation. Now, it’s time to structure the investment allocation with care.

? Evaluating the Proposed Investment Mix

You are considering the below investment plan:

– Rs. 30 lakhs in a senior citizen savings option
– Rs. 18 lakhs in monthly interest yielding postal scheme
– Rs. 20 lakhs in government floating rate savings bonds

These offer monthly interest income around Rs. 45,000.

This plan shows great prudence and awareness. But, it’s not complete.
It ensures safety and regular cashflow. But it lacks future growth.
Your pension and these options will help for regular needs.
But what about inflation 10–15 years down the line?
That’s where your portfolio must include growth assets.

? Safe Income Assets Are Essential – But Not Sufficient

– Senior savings and monthly income options offer steady interest.
– Floating rate bonds protect somewhat against rising interest rates.
– These are great for predictable monthly inflow.

But there is one issue here:
– Interest income is taxable every year.
– Real return post tax and inflation may drop below 2% in future.
– They help with stability. But they don’t create wealth.

So, this plan is strong for the short-term.
But to stay financially secure for the next 20–25 years,
you need to add some long-term growth elements.

? Liquid and Flexible Options Your Son Suggested

You mentioned your son recommended:

– Kisan Vikas Patras
– 5-Year Post Office Term Deposits

These have some benefits:
– Safe and guaranteed returns
– Slightly more liquid than other long-term fixed income options
– No market-linked risk

But there are drawbacks too:
– Both are taxable every year
– Returns may not beat inflation in long run
– Fixed interest means less flexibility during rate changes

So, while your son’s suggestion comes from care,
these products should only take a partial share of your corpus.
You can allocate around Rs. 10–15 lakhs here, not more.

? The Remaining Rs. 63 Lakhs – What to Do?

You are asking how to deploy the remaining Rs. 63 lakhs.

The answer depends on three important things:

– Do you have future large expenses planned?
– Are you willing to keep some money locked for 5 years+?
– Do you want your total income to grow every year?

Let us approach this wisely.

Break your Rs. 63 lakhs into 3 buckets:

1. Emergency & Short-term Reserve – Rs. 8 to 10 lakhs

– Keep this in a liquid mutual fund with low risk
– You can withdraw anytime within 24 hours
– Helps during medical needs or family emergencies
– This avoids breaking FDs or other long-term products

2. Medium-term Stability – Rs. 18 to 20 lakhs

– You can consider short duration mutual funds
– These are ideal for 3–5 year horizon
– They offer better post-tax returns than bank FDs
– Risk is moderate and suited for your age

You can invest in regular plans through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP qualification.
Avoid direct plans. These lack advice and long-term discipline.
Also, you may miss key portfolio reviews without a professional’s help.
Regular plans include embedded costs, but the value of guidance is much higher.

3. Long-term Growth – Rs. 33 to 35 lakhs

This is very important. Don’t ignore this section.
You will need to beat inflation for next 20 years.
This requires growth-oriented mutual funds.

– Choose hybrid mutual funds or balanced advantage mutual funds
– These reduce market risk by shifting between equity and debt
– Returns are better than fixed income in the long run
– You can withdraw anytime after one year with lower tax impact

You may go for monthly withdrawal plans if needed after 5 years.
Also, you can stay invested and let the funds grow with compounding.

Never invest in index funds.
They only track the market.
They don’t protect downside or volatility.
Also, they do not give alpha returns over time.
Actively managed funds do better in India.
Because fund managers can change portfolio during economic shifts.

Also, do not invest directly.
You will miss portfolio balancing, risk reviews, and exit timing.
Use a regular plan through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credential.

? You Can Continue PPF Contributions Post Retirement

This is a good strategy. PPF gives tax-free interest.
Continue depositing Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.
You already have Rs. 31 lakhs in PPF.
This will become a strong tax-free legacy for your son.
You can extend the account in 5-year blocks after retirement.
This keeps money safe and growing slowly.

? Pension and Inflation Consideration

You will get Rs. 38,000 per month from OPS.
With current DA trends, this may increase slowly.
But inflation may outpace pension growth in 10–15 years.
So, income from investments must increase over time.
That’s why long-term mutual fund allocation is very important.

? No Need to Look at Annuities or Real Estate

Avoid locking large amounts in annuity plans.
They give low returns and no flexibility.
Also, do not buy more property now.
You already have two houses.
Real estate has low liquidity and high maintenance post-retirement.

? No Mention of LIC, ULIPs, or Endowment Policies

You haven’t mentioned having LIC policies or ULIPs.
If you do, check their surrender value.
Mostly, these give poor returns after adjusting for inflation.
You can surrender and reinvest the maturity value in mutual funds.
Only do this if lock-in period is over and charges are low.

? Final Insights

– You are financially well-prepared for retirement.
– Continue the plan of earning Rs. 45,000 monthly through fixed safe instruments.
– But allocate Rs. 30–35 lakhs to long-term mutual funds.
– This will grow your money for next 20 years.
– Have Rs. 8–10 lakhs in liquid funds for emergencies.
– Use regular mutual fund plans through an experienced CFP-led Mutual Fund Distributor.
– Avoid direct, annuity, and index-based options.
– Keep contributing to PPF and track expenses carefully post-retirement.
– With this balanced approach, you can enjoy peace and security.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x