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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu, A friend is having trouble in his marriage of 17 years. The wife got into an affair with a neighbor. Once the friend found out, he took his time to consolidate evidence and now after confronting, both have accepted. The husband is too emotional to let go of the happenings and has taken it to heart like anything (6+ months now). They have a 13 year old kid. Both have come to terms with the fact that they need to be together for the kid's sake, but can't seem to come to terms to even talk to each other, staying in the same house. I have suggested them to stay together as parents and not as a couple (at least, till they are able to sort out the future steps) but there seems no way the husband will communicate with the wife in daily routine, and the wife is helpless as she feels morally guilty in saying anything to the husband. Could you suggest some tips on how to get them communicating so that they are able to at least move forward in some direction or the other?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When two adults consent to living together for the sake of the child despite what's happened, what's the point in playing EGO games? Will the child not be affected by his parents' drama now when he sees them spitting fire at each other or being passive aggressive? This might be really damaging to him.
Kindly advice your friend and his wife to go through this marriage in a somewhat harmonious fashion 'for the sake of the child' (since it's their decision).

There is nothing that will come out of this display of anger and power on the part of your friend. He is only trying to complain and get his hurt ego massaged and his wife will meekly be quiet knowing that she has caused this situation. How is this helping anyone?

So, if they want to live under one roof for the child's sake, let them do it as mature adults. There has to be a certain code of conduct while they live together as a family. And mind you, this is going to be more than just friendly banter. The boy is 13 and needs his parents more at the cusp of puberty and the parents here are looking out for themselves. If this continues, I would suggest that they think of separation at least till they allow the anger to simmer down. This will also allow the boy to breathe easy.

Go the whole hog; don't keep the foot in two places. It tears the family apart.

All the best to your friend and his family and thank you for caring about them! All the best to you too!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2024

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Hi mam, I have very close friend of mine. He is a doctor and very cool by personality. He is married for the last 26 years but he is not in good terms with his wife ( who is also a Govt. officer) . Actually they are very different persons by nature. His wife always try to convenience him on certain religious faiths but he is a practical guy who believes in doing good with all humans in touch . She still always jeer him in very taunting ways about his belated parents' behavior with her. He has already calmed her by offering her apologies on their behalf. But still she continues again and again. My friend has tried many a time to convince her for new start of relationship but it goes for only 2-3 days and again the same drama starts. I as family friend has also tried to settle the things between both of them (with their permission) but all in vain. Both are 50+ and not now my friend is having blood pressure problems too, He now has started to avoid the situations at home and tries to remain out of home . But this is not the permanent solution of this problem. According to my observation it is really very difficult to convince her on any point. But still I want to help them. Please suggest any possible way-out.-Thanks.
Ans: Dear Yogesh,
Dealing with longstanding relationship issues can be challenging, and it's admirable that you want to help your friend and his wife. Suggest that both your friend and his wife consider seeking professional marriage counseling. A licensed therapist can provide a neutral and structured environment for them to express their concerns, improve communication, and work towards resolving underlying issues. Encourage them to set realistic expectations for their relationship. It's essential for both parties to understand that perfection is not achievable, and compromise is crucial in any long-term relationship.Emphasize the importance of respecting each other's differences. It's okay to have different beliefs and values, but acknowledging and accepting those differences is key to a harmonious relationship. If they are open to it, suggest mediation to facilitate communication and conflict resolution. A neutral third party can help guide discussions and find common ground It's important to note that while your intentions are positive, the decision to seek help ultimately rests with your friend and his wife. They both need to be willing participants in any process aimed at improving their relationship. If they are resistant, it might be challenging to make significant progress.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Let it be an anonymous question Husband and my wife above 65 years had quarrels for various reasons including the fact that her brother's behaviour was quite irritating to .But for the wife he was her favorite one.Initially she too agreed this fact and found out a term a term in English about such behaviour of Brother to Sister's husband.The husband used to make such complaints to her.Finally after so many years of happy life she has hired a flat and staying alone.Initially she used to talk to him.But slowly she started telling if she hears his sound the whole day is gone.She has looked after his mother very well andin the same way he helped her parents.Her mother had a heart attack and escaped.His mother in law told publicly that only because of him she escaped.Even though such good incidents were there the present situation is suchthat theyare staying apart.She is not ready to come back.The husband had already put his best effortsto persuade by sending message,voice messages and personal appology for whatever happened.But she is not ready to come back even though his close relatives talked to her several times.But no use.What is to be done to bring back her and to have happy life.Kindly note that the husband is ready for anything to rebuild life.But she is very adamant that she will not come back.In fact both of them are short tempered .But sometimes her anger goes up like a helicopter.How to rebuild this relationship?How to handle the situation?.
Ans: Rebuilding a relationship when both parties are over 65 and facing significant issues requires patience, understanding, and often professional intervention. Here are some steps that might help in your situation:

First, it's important to acknowledge the depth of the emotional wounds that have been inflicted. Both of you have shared many years together and have supported each other's families, indicating a strong bond that has been strained by recurring conflicts. Recognizing the positive history and expressing gratitude for the past contributions can help set a foundation for reconciliation.

Given that your wife has chosen to live separately and is currently very resistant to communication, it might be helpful to suggest professional counseling. A neutral third party, such as a therapist or marriage counselor, can facilitate conversations in a safe and structured environment. Counseling can help both of you understand the underlying issues, improve communication skills, and work through the anger and resentment that have built up over time.

It’s also crucial to give her space while making it clear that you are committed to working on the relationship. Respect her need for distance, but keep the lines of communication open by occasionally sending thoughtful messages that express your willingness to understand and address her concerns without pressuring her.

Reflect on your behavior and be genuinely open to change. Demonstrating your willingness to work on your own shortcomings can make a significant impact. This might include managing your temper, improving your listening skills, and showing empathy towards her feelings and perspectives.

Involving a close family member or a trusted friend who she respects might also be beneficial. They can act as intermediaries to convey your sincere intentions and help mediate the situation without taking sides.

Lastly, patience is key. Rebuilding trust and repairing a relationship, especially after long-standing issues, takes time. Continue to show her through your actions that you are committed to making positive changes and are willing to put in the effort needed to restore your relationship.

If you both can agree to engage in the process, even if it starts with small steps, there’s hope for reconciliation and rebuilding a happy life together.

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |188 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Career
Hello! Sir This is Sravani.I am a M.Pharmacy postgraduate and has a work experience of 6 years in Quality control department in pharma industry.At present i am working in the same department. But i want to go for work from home job.so that i can spend time with my kids. Both my kids are in kindergarten. It's becoming tough for me to manage both job & kids as my working hours are too long. Please do suggest me any kind of work from home job which suits my profile. Regards Sravani
Ans: Hi Sravanthi,

It's great to hear that you have six years of experience in Quality Control (QC). As you know, QC roles are generally onsite, unlike IT roles that can often be done remotely. Given your expertise in QC, you have the option to transition to Quality Assurance (QA), Regulatory Affairs (RA), or the Validation team, but we need to assess the feasibility of such a shift. While it is uncommon, it is possible to find roles in RA, such as preparing and submitting documents, pharmacovigilance, or medical scribing. However, since these are not your areas of expertise, if you choose to pursue them, you may be considered a fresher in those fields.

You also mentioned that need to work long hours. Even with work from home (WFH), you will likely face similar challenges; once you log in, you cannot skip the tasks assigned to you. Being at home may hinder your ability to care for your children, creating additional difficulties.

If you are financially stable, you might consider quitting your current job to find other opportunities or to take care of your family. If not, you will need to weigh your options carefully.

My recommendation is to prefer onsite work rather than WFH.

On a lighter note, there are many advantages to onsite work that can actually save you money—such as reduced electricity bills, food expenses, and travel costs. Compared to WFH, where you may incur higher electricity costs due to using AC and your computer, along with food expenses for snacks and meals.

Logically speaking, as a working woman, if your maid were asking for a WFH arrangement, how would you respond?

As an additional suggestion, you might consider applying for government jobs as a Junior or Senior Analyst in your state’s Drug Testing Lab within the Drugs Control Department.

Ultimately, I recommend that you continue in your current field and potentially explore opportunities in a different company or industry that offers a higher salary. Alternatively, you could also consider transitioning to QA, but ideally in an onsite position.

All the best.

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |188 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Health
Knee Replacement- My doctor has advised me total knee replacement in right knee after examining X ray, as I am suffering from pain in right knee for last 12 months. Whether I have any options to avoid it or better to do to live pain free life after operation. I am worried about side effects, if any. Thanks Ganesh Surana
Ans: Dear Mr. Surana,
Thank you for your query. If your doctor has recommended a total knee replacement, it is likely based on the severity of your condition as indicated by the X-ray and your ongoing pain. However, you may still explore conservative options before deciding on surgery. I suggest consulting a physiotherapist for a comprehensive rehabilitation program. Physiotherapy can help strengthen the muscles around the knee, improve joint stability, and potentially reduce pain.
That said, your age and weight also play an important role in determining the best course of action. If you are overweight, weight management can significantly reduce stress on the knee joint and alleviate symptoms. Lifestyle changes, such as a tailored exercise regimen and a healthy diet, can also be beneficial.

If conservative measures don’t provide sufficient relief, total knee replacement may be the best option for living a pain-free life. It’s natural to be concerned about side effects, but modern surgical techniques and post-operative care have made the procedure highly effective and safe. Discuss all your concerns with your doctor and physiotherapist to make an informed decision.
Wishing you the best,

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Health
I AM HAVING UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.DOCOTR SUGGESTED ME TO BRING DOWN MY WEIGHT AND REDUCE FATTY BELLY BEFORE SURGERY.HE SUGGESTED ME TO WAIT FOR SURGERY TILL MY WEIGHT COMES DOWN FROM 92 KGS TO A REASONABLE LEVEL.PLEASE SUGGST ME WHAT EXERCISES i CAN DO TO ELIMINATE THE FAR BELLY WITHOUT DETERIORATING MY UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.PLEASE SUGGEST ME EXERCISES TO BRING DOWN MY BELLY. THANKS AND REGARDS. NVRSRINIVAS
Ans: Dear Mr. Srinivas,

Thank you for your query. Weight reduction is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and a balanced approach. It is advisable to consult a physiotherapist and a nutritionist to guide you through this journey. Focus on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet to support weight loss while maintaining muscle mass. Ensure your meals are nutritious and create a calorie deficit.

For exercise, start with low-impact aerobic activities such as walking, cycling, or swimming, as these can burn calories without putting pressure on your hernia. Incorporate gentle core-strengthening exercises like pelvic tilts and side planks to build core stability without straining the affected area. If suitable, include short bursts of high-intensity workouts or moderate-intensity, long-duration activities such as brisk walking or light jogging to enhance endurance and fat loss. Additionally, light resistance training can help maintain muscle mass, but avoid exercises that strain your abdominal muscles or involve heavy lifting.

Always consult a physiotherapist before starting any exercise program to ensure it is safe and appropriate for your condition. Wishing you success in your weight loss journey and a smooth recovery.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7363 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have lost money around 8 lakhs in gambling now i want to restart my life fresh i need to settle my debts and loan with bank and NBFCs is it possible to settle money at 70 percent waived off
Ans: Restarting your life after financial setbacks is possible with a disciplined approach. Settling your debts with banks and NBFCs requires a strategic plan, negotiation, and commitment. Here's a 360-degree approach to help you resolve your situation:

Assess Your Current Financial Position
List All Debts: Create a detailed list of all outstanding loans and debts, including principal, interest, and penalties.

Identify Income Sources: Calculate your monthly income and any other sources of funds.

Evaluate Essential Expenses: Identify non-negotiable expenses such as rent, food, utilities, and transport.

Determine Negotiable Debts: Focus on debts with higher interest rates or legal implications.

Negotiating with Lenders
Possibility of Settling at 70% Waiver
Banks and NBFCs Are Open to Negotiation: They prefer recovering some amount rather than declaring a loan as non-performing.

Settlement Terms Vary: Each lender may have unique policies. Some might agree to 70% waiver, but others may not.

Present Your Case Transparently: Show proof of your financial hardship. Explain your inability to pay in full.

Request a One-Time Settlement (OTS): Offer to pay a lump sum of the waived-off amount to close the debt.

Steps to Negotiate Effectively
Reach Out to the Right Department: Contact the collections or recovery department of your lender.

Seek Professional Help: A certified financial planner or debt resolution expert can negotiate on your behalf.

Prepare a Settlement Plan: Propose a realistic amount you can pay. Mention the sources for this payment.

Ask for Written Confirmation: Ensure the lender provides a formal agreement on the waived-off amount.

Negotiate for Reduced Interest and Penalties: Request removal of penalties and reduction of interest rates.

Managing Your Financial Obligations
Repayment Strategy
Prioritise High-Interest Loans: Focus on clearing loans with higher interest rates first.

Consolidate Debts: Consider consolidating multiple loans into one with a lower interest rate.

Use Liquid Assets Wisely: If you have savings or assets, use them to reduce your debt burden.

Building a Fresh Financial Foundation
Avoid Gambling and High-Risk Activities
Adopt Healthy Habits: Seek professional help if gambling is an addiction. Join support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.

Focus on Financial Literacy: Learn to manage your money effectively through courses or books.

Create a Budget and Emergency Fund
Track Income and Expenses: Use apps or spreadsheets to monitor your financial activity.

Save for Emergencies: Set aside 3–6 months of expenses as a safety net.

Restart Investments Gradually
Start with SIPs: Begin investing small amounts in mutual funds. Avoid direct stock trading initially.

Build a Retirement Corpus: Plan for long-term financial security systematically.

Final Insights
Rebuilding your life after a financial setback takes effort but is achievable. Focus on negotiating your debts transparently and settling them systematically. Learn from past mistakes and adopt disciplined financial habits. Restart your journey with renewed confidence and a commitment to avoid risky behaviours. Seek professional guidance when needed to make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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