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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Yogesh Question by Yogesh on Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi mam, I have very close friend of mine. He is a doctor and very cool by personality. He is married for the last 26 years but he is not in good terms with his wife ( who is also a Govt. officer) . Actually they are very different persons by nature. His wife always try to convenience him on certain religious faiths but he is a practical guy who believes in doing good with all humans in touch . She still always jeer him in very taunting ways about his belated parents' behavior with her. He has already calmed her by offering her apologies on their behalf. But still she continues again and again. My friend has tried many a time to convince her for new start of relationship but it goes for only 2-3 days and again the same drama starts. I as family friend has also tried to settle the things between both of them (with their permission) but all in vain. Both are 50+ and not now my friend is having blood pressure problems too, He now has started to avoid the situations at home and tries to remain out of home . But this is not the permanent solution of this problem. According to my observation it is really very difficult to convince her on any point. But still I want to help them. Please suggest any possible way-out.-Thanks.

Ans: Dear Yogesh,
Dealing with longstanding relationship issues can be challenging, and it's admirable that you want to help your friend and his wife. Suggest that both your friend and his wife consider seeking professional marriage counseling. A licensed therapist can provide a neutral and structured environment for them to express their concerns, improve communication, and work towards resolving underlying issues. Encourage them to set realistic expectations for their relationship. It's essential for both parties to understand that perfection is not achievable, and compromise is crucial in any long-term relationship.Emphasize the importance of respecting each other's differences. It's okay to have different beliefs and values, but acknowledging and accepting those differences is key to a harmonious relationship. If they are open to it, suggest mediation to facilitate communication and conflict resolution. A neutral third party can help guide discussions and find common ground It's important to note that while your intentions are positive, the decision to seek help ultimately rests with your friend and his wife. They both need to be willing participants in any process aimed at improving their relationship. If they are resistant, it might be challenging to make significant progress.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, A friend is having trouble in his marriage of 17 years. The wife got into an affair with a neighbor. Once the friend found out, he took his time to consolidate evidence and now after confronting, both have accepted. The husband is too emotional to let go of the happenings and has taken it to heart like anything (6+ months now). They have a 13 year old kid. Both have come to terms with the fact that they need to be together for the kid's sake, but can't seem to come to terms to even talk to each other, staying in the same house. I have suggested them to stay together as parents and not as a couple (at least, till they are able to sort out the future steps) but there seems no way the husband will communicate with the wife in daily routine, and the wife is helpless as she feels morally guilty in saying anything to the husband. Could you suggest some tips on how to get them communicating so that they are able to at least move forward in some direction or the other?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When two adults consent to living together for the sake of the child despite what's happened, what's the point in playing EGO games? Will the child not be affected by his parents' drama now when he sees them spitting fire at each other or being passive aggressive? This might be really damaging to him.
Kindly advice your friend and his wife to go through this marriage in a somewhat harmonious fashion 'for the sake of the child' (since it's their decision).

There is nothing that will come out of this display of anger and power on the part of your friend. He is only trying to complain and get his hurt ego massaged and his wife will meekly be quiet knowing that she has caused this situation. How is this helping anyone?

So, if they want to live under one roof for the child's sake, let them do it as mature adults. There has to be a certain code of conduct while they live together as a family. And mind you, this is going to be more than just friendly banter. The boy is 13 and needs his parents more at the cusp of puberty and the parents here are looking out for themselves. If this continues, I would suggest that they think of separation at least till they allow the anger to simmer down. This will also allow the boy to breathe easy.

Go the whole hog; don't keep the foot in two places. It tears the family apart.

All the best to your friend and his family and thank you for caring about them! All the best to you too!
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi one of my married friend having 02 children (son approx - 11 yrs and daughter - 8 yrs ). He have a lot of love and care for his family and he take care of every need of the family. But suddenly he fall in love with his companion girl who is single (widow) and have a daughter of 11 yrs approximately. They oftenly meet with each other even have intimate a lot of time. Now he or she only have a relationship which is never acceptable and both of them not want to leave their families. However they just never felt uncomfortable to each other in their personal life and take of each other like husband wife. But my friend afraid of his personal life as if his wife will know their relationship she never accept it. Moreover it will hamper their personal life also. But as of now both females are happy with him coz his wife didn't know about their relationship. Will he still continue the relationship as neither he leave her female partner nor his wife. He takes care of both of them very comfortably. Kindly suggest upon it.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you want to know whether your friend will continue having his extramarital affair. It is difficult for me to tell, but if he is morally okay and guilt free to cheat on his wife, the mother of his two kids, it is possible that he will continue with the relationship until something blows up, i.e., his wife finds out or his girlfriend backs out. I don't see how that is ethically correct from any possible angle.

Best Wishes.
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu Mam, I have a very close friend who s been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a one year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much has cheated on him with one of her friend for almost 3 years which he came to know about recently. He could not digest that ..He thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with her affair partner .She too agreed . My friend didn't tell about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respects a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ...But after 3 months he came to know that his wife is still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also has not stopped . This time he said he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents are begging him not to do so and telling him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated him and broken his trust . He says he cannot live with her without trust . So he has decided to move on but his wife and her mother are telling they will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesn't forgive his wife. My friend says he is also worried about his children's future without their mother ...At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again as before after being cheated on twice...He is asking me to advise. I am totally confused . Kindly advice the pros and cons of 1)forgiving her once again and living in a trustless marriage 2)moving on and finding someone more trustworthy . 3) If he decides to marry another person how will this impact his children . Kindly help me to advise my friend suitably ..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
1) Forgiving is never easy BUT if that's an option, then your friend and his wife will have to put it a lot of work in rebuilding the trust that is lost...which means a lot of putting things in the past and starting fresh, Will your friend be able to do this? This also will mean NOT bringing up what hurt the marriage and to focus on what can rebuild the marriage. Possible?
2) For a new relationship to blossom, one must first find closure from the previous one. Can your friend be able to do this?
3) The new person and the children will need a lot of time bonding with another. Also, your friend's ex-wife (if they divorce) will have her set of insecurities and objections if the new person and the children get closer. Will your friend be willing to take on these challenges?
It's wonderful that your friend has a great sense of support from you; so you can act as his sounding board to bring him back to reality and lead him to practical ways of dealing with it.

All the best!
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Maxim

Maxim Emmanuel  |185 Answers  |Ask -

Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello my name is yash I have completed by studies in bsc it I have done jobs of cashier and application support analyst during my studies. No my studies are over I find myself to fit in job as per requirement but I am not satisfied sometimes I feel I am not meant for this I have issues from office like work extra over over time. I want to ask is there everywhere over time of employees to be spend 10-12 hours in office. Secondly I feel that should work in environment where I can move and do work means field work in which I feel I am not bounded in short I want work life balance. I love to read books, I love to do on ground activities in back of my mind I have civil services plan in which I have a permission to work freely. But condition is that how can I do if office demands max hours of my life it's bit confusing for me
Ans: Your name is Yash =Success, but you are far from it because you are on the wrong path.

The education and job as per your statement now matches your profile ,but you are not satisfied because of your work time.. Understand your predicament!

Travelled by bus,train ...realised how many hour's they are driving for you.. When you sleep!?
Forget about being a soldier you cant qualify!

Looking for a cushy and comfortable job, you have just started young man.. Get your thought process right!

The Civil Service means Govt job and you think, once you get it, you can then ruminate!?
Not any more, everywhere there are deliverable's.

Now the balance for work & life balance comes when you have the income to treat yourself, let alone repay the debt of your parent's.

Nobody stops you to do what you love but after a good days work.. Man!?

There's nothing called freely work, all gods children have bosses ,except GOD !

So your confusion of work timings will end, when you have the determination to dedicate & deliver ...success!
Got it.. there's nothing that comes on a platter! Go get it before you are left behind.. Be the YASH!
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Ashwini Dasgupta  |65 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on Apr 28, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Arun Prasad v k, hi sir, I am 46 yrs wish to retire by 55. Presently I have 25 lacs in fixed deposit, 15 lacs in post office savings , house rent8k, monthly 25k as salary. Besides, this I have 30k as monthly expenses... I have no idea / knowledge about mutual fund and I want to invest regularly for more 10 years...systematically and at the time of 55 I want to get best amount as pension amount..without loosing investment amount to beat the inflation. Kindly suggest me good mutual fund and tell me how to invest directly..without agent.. 2. My fixed deposit going to mature this month for Rs.11 lacs. Kindly suggest ,is it advisable to invest as lumpsum Or in what way to invest.
Ans: t's commendable that you're planning for your retirement and seeking to explore mutual fund investments to achieve your financial goals. Here's a tailored approach to help you get started:

Selecting Mutual Funds: Since you're aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with the goal of generating a pension-like income at the age of 55, consider investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds to balance growth potential with capital preservation. Look for funds with a track record of consistent performance, experienced fund managers, and low expense ratios. You may consider diversified equity funds, balanced funds, and debt funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Investing Directly?
investing directly in mutual funds without professional guidance can pose certain risks. Here are some perils to consider:

Lack of Expertise: Direct investing requires a deep understanding of the mutual fund landscape, market dynamics, and investment strategies. Without proper knowledge, you may struggle to select the right funds and construct a well-balanced portfolio.
Risk of Mistakes: DIY investing increases the risk of making costly mistakes such as selecting unsuitable funds, mistiming the market, or misinterpreting fund performance data. These mistakes can hinder your investment returns and jeopardize your retirement goals.
Limited Access to Research: Individual investors may have limited access to research tools, market insights, and expert analysis compared to financial professionals. This can make it challenging to make informed investment decisions and navigate complex financial markets effectively.
Lack of Personalized Advice: Investing directly means missing out on personalized financial advice tailored to your unique needs, goals, and risk tolerance. A Certified Financial Planner or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) can provide valuable guidance and help you build a customized investment plan aligned with your objectives.
Considering these challenges, I would recommend considering regular mutual funds through an MFD. An MFD can offer personalized advice, recommend suitable mutual funds based on your financial goals and risk profile, and provide ongoing support to help you navigate the investment landscape effectively.
Lumpsum Investment: Regarding your maturing fixed deposit of 11 lakhs, consider your risk tolerance and investment goals before deciding how to deploy this amount. Since you have a relatively short time horizon until retirement, you may consider investing a portion of the amount in debt funds for stability and liquidity, while allocating the remainder to equity funds for potential growth over the long term. Alternatively, you can stagger your investments over time through systematic transfer plans (STP) to mitigate timing risk.
Regular Monitoring: Once you've invested in mutual funds, monitor your investments regularly and review your portfolio periodically to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk profile. Consider rebalancing your portfolio if needed based on changes in market conditions or your financial situation.
By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investment approach, you can work towards building a robust investment portfolio to support your retirement goals while safeguarding your investment against inflation.

By working with an MFD, you can access professional expertise, receive personalized recommendations, and benefit from ongoing guidance to make informed investment decisions and achieve your retirement goals more effectively.

If you have any further questions or need assistance, feel free to reach out to a Certified Financial Planner or Mutual Fund Distributor for personalized advice and support.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Money
I'm 27 year old female. I earn 29k per month. I want to start an SIP and save enough (5lakh) for my marriage that I expect will happen after three years what's the best way for me to go about this goal?
Ans: Starting an SIP to save for your marriage is a wise decision, and with a clear goal in mind, you can work towards achieving it effectively. Here's a suggested approach tailored to your situation:

Determine Required SIP Amount: Calculate the monthly SIP amount required to accumulate 5 lakhs in three years. Assuming an average annual return of around 10%, you'll need to invest approximately 12,000 INR per month.
Select Suitable Mutual Funds: Choose mutual funds that align with your investment horizon and risk tolerance. Given your relatively short time frame of three years, consider allocating your investments to relatively safer options such as debt funds or hybrid funds with a higher allocation towards debt.
Explore Debt and Hybrid Funds: Look for debt funds or hybrid funds with a conservative allocation that prioritize capital preservation while aiming for modest growth. Consider funds with a track record of stable returns and low volatility.
Set Up SIPs: Open SIPs in the chosen mutual funds and set up monthly contributions of 12,000 INR. Ensure that the SIP amount is deducted automatically from your bank account each month to maintain consistency in your investment approach.
Regular Monitoring: Keep track of the performance of your SIPs and review them periodically. Make adjustments to your investment strategy if necessary based on changes in market conditions, fund performance, and your financial goals.
Explore Additional Savings: Consider supplementing your SIPs with additional savings from any windfalls, bonuses, or surplus income to accelerate your goal achievement.
Stay Committed: Stay committed to your SIPs and avoid withdrawing funds prematurely unless absolutely necessary. Remember, consistency and discipline are key to achieving your financial goals.
By following these steps and staying focused on your goal, you can save enough for your marriage within the desired timeframe while building a healthy financial habit for the future.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Money
Sir please suggest amount as well as mutual fund for 15 years to generate corpus of 1cr
Ans: To generate a corpus of 1 crore in 15 years, you'll need to invest a significant amount regularly and choose suitable mutual funds with growth potential. Here's a suggested approach:

Determine Investment Amount: Considering your goal of accumulating 1 crore in 15 years, you'll need to calculate the monthly investment required based on expected returns. Assuming an average annual return of around 10%, you'll need to invest approximately 30,000 INR per month.
Select Mutual Funds: Choose a mix of equity mutual funds that offer potential for capital appreciation over the long term. Consider allocating your investments across large-cap, mid-cap, and multicap funds to diversify risk and maximize returns. Look for funds with a consistent track record of performance, experienced fund managers, and a robust investment strategy.
Allocate Funds: Divide your monthly investment amount of 30,000 INR among different mutual funds based on your risk tolerance and investment goals. For example, you could allocate 40-50% to large-cap funds, 30-40% to mid-cap funds, and 10-20% to multicap funds.
Regular Monitoring: Regularly review the performance of your mutual funds and make adjustments as needed based on changes in market conditions, fund performance, and your financial goals. Stay disciplined and committed to your investment plan to achieve your target corpus of 1 crore in 15 years.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Consider seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized recommendations based on your financial situation, risk profile, and investment objectives. They can help you create a customized investment plan and guide you towards achieving your long-term financial goals.
By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investments, you can work towards building a substantial corpus of 1 crore over the next 15 years. Remember, consistency, patience, and informed decision-making are key to successful long-term wealth creation.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Money
Hi sir, Maine niche likhe hue sabhi fund mein mutual fund investment ki hai Small cap fund... Quant, HDFC, Mahindra, ICICI, canara rebeco Mid cap fund....Quant, HDFC, Mahindra, motilal oswal, canara rebeco Multicap fund.... HDFC and Mahindra Sectoral themetic fund... Nippon power& infra, DSp India tiger fund, ICICI manufacturing, ICICI innovation, axis manufacturing Plz mujhe suggest Karo.. aage bhi main yeh invest ment continue Karu ya . Fund change Karu...
Ans: It's great to see your diversified investment approach across different categories like small-cap, mid-cap, multicap, and sectoral thematic funds. However, the decision to continue or change your investments depends on various factors such as fund performance, your investment goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions.

Here are a few steps to consider:

Review Fund Performance: Evaluate the performance of each fund relative to its benchmark and peer group over different time frames. Look for consistency, risk-adjusted returns, and the fund manager's track record.
Assess Investment Goals: Reflect on your investment goals, time horizon, and risk tolerance. Are you investing for short-term gains or long-term wealth creation? Your goals should drive your investment decisions.
Analyze Fund Strategy: Understand the investment strategy and underlying holdings of each fund. Ensure they align with your investment objectives and risk profile. Assess if any funds are deviating from their stated strategy or experiencing manager changes.
Consider Market Conditions: Take into account current market conditions, economic outlook, and sectoral trends. Certain sectors may perform better in specific market cycles, so diversification across sectors can mitigate risks.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized recommendations based on your individual circumstances. They can help you assess your portfolio, identify any gaps, and suggest appropriate changes.
Ultimately, the decision to continue or change your investments should be based on a thorough analysis of fund performance, alignment with your goals, and professional advice. Regularly review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards achieving your financial objectives.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I am 34 yeRs old and monthly income is 1.8 lakhs. I have a home loan EMI of 55000. I want to invest 40000 in MF SIP. Can you please provide a breakdown where should i invest and how much?
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards investing despite having home loan commitments. Given your financial situation, here's a suggested breakdown for investing 40,000 INR in mutual fund SIPs:

Diversified Equity Funds (Large Cap/Multi Cap): Allocate around 60-70% of your SIP amount, i.e., 24,000 to 28,000 INR, to diversified equity funds. These funds offer exposure to a mix of large-cap and multi-cap stocks, providing stability and growth potential over the long term.
Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: Allocate around 20-30% of your SIP amount, i.e., 8,000 to 12,000 INR, to mid-cap and small-cap funds for higher growth potential. These funds are more volatile but can offer significant returns over an extended investment horizon.
Balanced/Hybrid Funds: Consider allocating a small portion, around 10-20% of your SIP amount, i.e., 4,000 to 8,000 INR, to balanced or hybrid funds. These funds invest in a mix of equities and debt instruments, providing a balance between growth and stability.
Asset Allocation: Adjust the allocation percentages based on your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Regularly review your portfolio's performance and make necessary adjustments to ensure alignment with your objectives.
Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized guidance based on your financial goals, risk profile, and investment horizon. They can help you select suitable mutual funds and create a well-diversified portfolio tailored to your needs.
By following this breakdown and seeking professional advice, you can build a robust mutual fund portfolio that aligns with your financial objectives and helps you achieve your long-term wealth creation goals.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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I am regularly investing via SIP in UTI flexicap since last 6 years. Now, I am seeing that, UTI FLEXICAP is underperforming relative to its peers. What should I do now? Should I stop SIP or continue?
Ans: When faced with underperformance in an investment like UTI Flexicap, it's essential to assess your options carefully. Here's a suggested approach:

Review Performance: Evaluate the fund's performance relative to its benchmark and peer group over various time frames. Consider factors like consistency, volatility, and risk-adjusted returns.
Understand Reasons: Research and understand the reasons behind the fund's underperformance. Assess changes in fund management, investment strategy, sectoral exposures, or market conditions that may have contributed to the performance lag.
Assess Your Portfolio: Consider how UTI Flexicap fits into your overall investment portfolio. Evaluate its role in diversification, risk management, and alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner: Seek advice from a professional who can provide personalized guidance based on your individual circumstances. A Certified Financial Planner can help you assess whether to continue SIPs in UTI Flexicap or consider alternative options.
Explore Alternatives: Research other mutual funds in the flexicap category that have demonstrated consistent performance and align with your investment objectives. Compare their track records, investment philosophies, and expense ratios before making a decision.
Monitor Regularly: Regardless of your decision, continue to monitor the performance of your investments regularly. Stay informed about market trends, fund developments, and changes in your financial situation that may warrant adjustments to your investment strategy.
Ultimately, the decision to continue or stop SIPs in UTI Flexicap depends on your assessment of its performance, your investment goals, and your risk tolerance. With careful consideration and professional guidance, you can make informed choices to optimize your investment portfolio.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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