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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi

Hello Anu, I am 42 year old guy living abroad. I have been married once 8 years ago and recently I met someone via marriage portal in March, she is 38 - divorced as well. We met and both felt very compatible earlier. Our compatibility was very fine. However, recently, I have observed that she doesnt understand the things I am trying to tell. She misinterprets the thing completely, takes everything out of context and blames me for starting the fight. It is clear case of guilt tripping which has happened 5 times now. she loves me but when such things happen, I get disrespected pretty much. I tried to ignore the thing initially but since it started happening too much, I started to reply back bluntly as nothing seemed to work. Now, I discussed this with my parents and they have said categorically that this wont work at all considering the fact that I have already suffered similar situation in my previous marriage. I tend to work out the things , but the women I meet tend to take undue advantage of my good nature and keep disrespecting me. Looking into the future, I feel it will not work out, as the responsibilities will be much more. I dont know how to go about this situation. Will speaking one on one work on her? She does not listen to what I say when she is angry. Even if she listens, can it really work out between us? Please guide me ..

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Have you healed well from your previous experience? Also, this lady you mention of is bound have some baggage from her divorce, right?
So, there's going to be a lot of work between the two of you before you actually seek a commitment. There's expectations and there's fears that will come in the way of an open conversation. This could also mean small arguments that can blow out of proportion. At the end of the day, both of you are simply trying to protect yourselves from any further hurt. This is simply a coping mechanism from any damage to the emotional space that has already been wounded.
So, instead of finding faults in one another, if you actually start accommodating each others' fears and managing each others' expectations, you will both come from a space of understanding which can pave way for a new relationship to blossom.
It's a lot of work but it's not impossible provided you are willing to put in that work for that relationship.
As for her not being able to relate to talks, I guess somewhere in your conversation, mention that you would love to be heard.
It's simply changing the way you relate and communicate in a relationship. It works, you know!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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