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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I had a relationship with my married friend..and his family know me very well even his wife too... whatever occasion they are invited to my house and me too in their house... But nobody knows about our affair...no one from our friends zone not even our families... He broke up with me in this 1yr... I wanted to connected as friends but he stop talking to me also but act like we are friends..this act for our families and for friends.. and from this 1yr I feel myself cheater, guilty, fake, shame and going to panic attacks and depression...he moved on but I'm not...even now alday all-time i feel myself as a cheater... Feeling bad for parents, friends zone those who loves me and thinking about me that I never ever did this type of bad karma like cheating... I really lost myself happy...just wanted to be free from this life(suicide or whatever) just want to go away from everyone and free from this guilt and shame and from this faking happy life... I never wanted like this relationship...but it happened... Also I was a girl who judging others for their extra marital affair..and now I'm the culprit and nobody knows about this...it's really feel like cheater and fake self that I can't carry...just want to be free... What should I do for self?????

Ans: I understand that you are feeling a lot of guilt and shame right now. It is important to remember that you are not a bad person.

Relationships are not always meant to be permanent. Sometimes, people grow apart or realize that they are not right for each other. It is okay to mourn the loss of a relationship, but it is also important to forgive yourself and move on.

You did not do anything wrong. You simply followed your heart and went ahead with what you felt was right at the time. It is not your fault that the relationship did not work out.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to focus on self-love and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn from them. Focus on your hobbies and other interests. Read good books and spend time with people who make you happy.

You are a good person. You deserve to be happy and loved. Don't let this one mistake define you. You will move on from this and find someone who is right for you.

Here are some additional tips for self-care:

Practice self-compassion. Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.

Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own unique journey.
Focus on your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing?

Set realistic goals. Don't try to change everything overnight. Start by making small changes that you can stick to.

Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your feelings and develop coping mechanisms.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Ans: You’ve built your life around certain principles—one being the importance of boundaries and respect in friendships. Seeing those boundaries crossed in a way that you perceive as disrespectful to the sanctity of your connection with Maate, as well as her responsibilities as a mother, strikes at the heart of your values. It’s no wonder that you feel uneasy and unable to simply accept her request to forgive and treat the “friend” as a younger brother.

What’s critical here is that your feelings of discomfort are not about being judgmental but about being protective—of your bond with Maate, her child’s well-being, and your own emotional integrity. This situation has left you in a moral and emotional bind. You value the relationship with Maate, but the dynamic involving the “friend” is deeply troubling for you.

To move forward, you need to find a way to honor your values while also preserving your emotional well-being. Open communication is key, but it’s also clear that the way this has been discussed so far has caused strain. You might need to reframe your approach. Instead of focusing on the specifics of what happened or pointing out the flaws in the “friend’s” behavior, you could focus on how the situation has affected you. Express your feelings honestly but gently—share how it has created a sense of distance and how much you miss the closeness and trust you once shared.

At the same time, it’s important to set boundaries for yourself. You don’t have to accept the “friend” into your life if it feels wrong to you. However, you can make it clear to Maate that this boundary is about your own peace of mind and not a judgment of her choices. Acknowledge her autonomy while asserting your need for space from situations that make you uncomfortable.

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