Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I had a relationship with my married friend..and his family know me very well even his wife too... whatever occasion they are invited to my house and me too in their house... But nobody knows about our affair...no one from our friends zone not even our families... He broke up with me in this 1yr... I wanted to connected as friends but he stop talking to me also but act like we are friends..this act for our families and for friends.. and from this 1yr I feel myself cheater, guilty, fake, shame and going to panic attacks and depression...he moved on but I'm not...even now alday all-time i feel myself as a cheater... Feeling bad for parents, friends zone those who loves me and thinking about me that I never ever did this type of bad karma like cheating... I really lost myself happy...just wanted to be free from this life(suicide or whatever) just want to go away from everyone and free from this guilt and shame and from this faking happy life... I never wanted like this relationship...but it happened... Also I was a girl who judging others for their extra marital affair..and now I'm the culprit and nobody knows about this...it's really feel like cheater and fake self that I can't carry...just want to be free... What should I do for self?????

Ans: I understand that you are feeling a lot of guilt and shame right now. It is important to remember that you are not a bad person.

Relationships are not always meant to be permanent. Sometimes, people grow apart or realize that they are not right for each other. It is okay to mourn the loss of a relationship, but it is also important to forgive yourself and move on.

You did not do anything wrong. You simply followed your heart and went ahead with what you felt was right at the time. It is not your fault that the relationship did not work out.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to focus on self-love and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn from them. Focus on your hobbies and other interests. Read good books and spend time with people who make you happy.

You are a good person. You deserve to be happy and loved. Don't let this one mistake define you. You will move on from this and find someone who is right for you.

Here are some additional tips for self-care:

Practice self-compassion. Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.

Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own unique journey.
Focus on your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing?

Set realistic goals. Don't try to change everything overnight. Start by making small changes that you can stick to.

Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your feelings and develop coping mechanisms.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love, respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion I decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him . I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in but now its became very difficult for me to continue these married life. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P.
Never use a current situation to justify a new relationship. You are simply using the new relationship as a distraction from the old unsuccessful one.
Any reason why you had decided to accept your husband's affair?

You have not moved past your marriage to be able to handle another relationship. First things first...
1. What happens to your son in this confusion?
2. Have you decided to separate/divorce your husband before pursuing the new person?
3. Is the new person willing to accept your son and understand that he is a part of all this?
4. Are you living some unfulfilled dream with this man from your past?
5. Are you running away from the pain of your marriage and seeking solace in the new person?

Kindly answer these questions before you jump from one relationship to another. It will save you a lot of heartache and trouble.
Relationships are not something to be used to escape from and into BUT something to be grown into and grown from.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Shalini

Shalini Singh  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I am 23 year old. One of my ex who is married now told me about a job opportunity in his company where I applied and got selected he became my boss. He was recently married and was staying alone in Bangalore. He made alot of things easier for me, even arranged flight tickets, hotels for me from company's expenses. From first day I reached Mumbai he kept on saying me he loves me and has no intimacy with his wife it was a forced marriage and he can't live without me he came to check me at my hotel and he tried kissing me and when I resisted he said he has never touched his wife, it was his dream to loose his virginity with me only once he wants to have sex with me it was his dream I am his first love he can never be happy with that lady but this one moment will be enough to keep him happy and healthy convinced me to the level I gave up and we had sex that day. Later that day I got to know that he had clicked pictures of whatever happened. When I confronted him he said whenever he will miss me he will see this. I was like u did dis without my knowledge it's wrong without my permission. I left that company and Mumbai immediately in few days. I feel really bad, how I got into his words although I was single but I have a guilty of helping him in cheating his wife. Now he is having 2 children and a very happy mai life and I still keep blaming myself for having a thing with a married man and immense guilty for helping him cheating his wife. I have lost my mental peace. Is it all my fault??? It been 5 years since this things happened. I am happily married now and have no contact with that man but is it correct myself for it. Was it completely my fault. Have i cheated his wife or i myself got cheated by a liar?
Ans: 1. Was it your fault - 23 you are an adult, and someone who can take decisions, you decided to give in, allow him to take photographs - not about fault, but you gave consent
2. Have you got cheated by a liar - yes you did
3. Did you cheat his wife - he cheated his wife and you cheated yourself

Please make sure you BLOCK him from all social media handles, your phone number - surprised that you are still tracking him. And get out of your guilt and focus on your life.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6504 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I am 40 year old and back in 2019 I opted for SBI privilege where I invested 6 lacs a year for 6 years that is 30 lacs in total. And now its valued 65 lacs as of today. I am curious to know how can I try and get a monthly income around 1 lac using this money? are there any paths for swap OR change to make my desire come true? Please could you suggest? Thank you!
Ans: You’ve done well to accumulate Rs 65 lakhs in your investment. The SBI privilege policy has given you a fair growth on your initial capital of Rs 30 lakhs. But now, you’re looking for a more reliable income stream. Generating Rs 1 lakh per month as income from this corpus is indeed achievable, but the current product may not be the best fit for this goal.

Limitations of Your Current Investment
The SBI privilege scheme, while it may have given decent returns, isn't designed to offer monthly income.

Traditional insurance products like this one usually focus on providing life cover and maturity benefits, not cash flow.

The growth here is likely due to compounded returns, but switching to a different approach might align better with your income goals.

Reinvesting for Monthly Income
To generate regular income, it might be better to withdraw your Rs 65 lakhs from the current policy and reinvest it in mutual funds. Mutual funds can offer systematic withdrawal plans (SWP), which allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month.

SWP is a structured withdrawal option. You can choose the amount and frequency of withdrawals.

You could aim to withdraw Rs 1 lakh monthly. Your principal remains invested while you receive regular payments.

This method provides flexibility, allowing you to adjust withdrawals based on market performance or personal needs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
While you're considering reinvestment, it's important to choose the right type of mutual funds.

Actively managed funds are preferable because fund managers adjust portfolios according to market conditions, offering potential for higher returns.

Actively managed funds may outperform in volatile markets, which is a significant advantage for those looking to generate regular income.

Why Avoid Direct Mutual Funds?
Although direct funds seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, they come with their own set of challenges:

Managing direct funds yourself requires time, effort, and understanding of market trends.

Without professional guidance, it's easy to miss critical decisions on fund switching or rebalancing.

Instead, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your portfolio is regularly monitored and adjusted to meet your financial goals.

The Advantages of Working with a CFP
By working with a CFP, you'll get access to expert advice on fund selection, timing of withdrawals, and tax planning.

A CFP will help you navigate the complexities of SWP, ensuring the longevity of your investment.

You will also receive recommendations on how to adjust your withdrawals or reinvestment strategy based on changing market conditions.

Mutual Fund Capital Gains Taxation
Understanding how withdrawals from mutual funds are taxed is critical:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.

With SWP, the tax liability will depend on how long your funds have been invested, but a CFP can guide you on how to minimize taxes.

Diversifying Your Investments
To ensure stable monthly income, it's wise to diversify within mutual funds. Different categories of funds offer different risk-reward combinations:

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equity and debt, reducing risk while providing stable returns.

Equity Funds: These offer potential for high returns but come with higher risk. Ideal for long-term growth, but not recommended for short-term income generation.

Debt Funds: These offer stability, but returns are generally lower. Suitable for short-term income needs.

How to Structure Your SWP
You could consider withdrawing Rs 1 lakh per month, but this withdrawal amount must be structured carefully to ensure that the corpus lasts over time:

If your fund grows by 10-12% annually, a 6-8% annual withdrawal rate (Rs 1 lakh per month) could work, ensuring your corpus lasts longer.

You may need to periodically review and adjust the withdrawal rate based on market conditions.

Planning for Future Needs
It's important to consider future expenses as well. The Rs 65 lakhs, while sufficient for now, might need to grow to accommodate inflation or unexpected costs.

Reinvesting in mutual funds ensures that the remaining corpus continues to grow, providing a buffer for future financial needs.

Periodic reviews of your investment and withdrawal strategy with your CFP will keep your plan on track.

Best Practices for Long-Term Income
Keep your withdrawal rate sustainable. Drawing too much too soon might deplete your corpus quickly.

Reinvest in growth-oriented funds for better long-term returns while withdrawing only what’s needed.

Keep some funds in low-risk debt funds for emergencies or market downturns.

Final Insights
Switching your Rs 65 lakhs into a mutual fund portfolio with SWP could provide the Rs 1 lakh monthly income you desire. It's a flexible and tax-efficient option, and with the right actively managed funds, you can balance growth and stability. Work closely with your CFP to review and adjust your strategy over time, ensuring that your investments meet your evolving financial needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |653 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x