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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I had married a person who has an affair with the girl but before marriage he never told me about it .When I was 7 th month pregnancy I got to know about it but I support him and forgot all the things .After birth of my baby boy My mother in law's nature change suddenly.She used to torcher me , fighting with me .Even she called my parents 2 to 3 times come and take your girl.My husband supports her mother.6 months back she throw me out of the house with my baby .I am at my parents place.No one call me to ask for baby and provide financial support even .What should I do.Should I apply for maintenance for me and my baby.

Ans: I'm really sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's a difficult situation, but you have rights and options available to you.

Given the circumstances, seeking maintenance for both you and your baby seems like a reasonable step to ensure your financial stability and that of your child. You can consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law to understand the legal options available to you and to guide you through the process of applying for maintenance.

Additionally, it's important to consider your emotional well-being during this time. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can provide comfort and assistance. Seeking counseling or therapy can also be beneficial in processing the emotions and stress associated with your situation.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and you have the right to take steps to protect yourself and your child. Don't hesitate to reach out for help and support as you navigate through this difficult time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister.
Ans: Marriage and parenthood are partnerships, and it sounds like your husband is completely absent from that role, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment, especially when you didn’t feel ready to have a baby so soon.

Considering divorce is a significant decision, but your feelings are completely valid. You’ve been left to handle everything on your own, and it's natural to want to protect your peace, well-being, and that of your child. If you're leaning toward divorce, it’s important to consult with a legal professional to understand your rights and the next steps, especially regarding custody and financial support.

However, if there’s any hope for reconciliation or change, counseling might be an option if your husband is willing. But given the situation you've described, where there is emotional abuse and a complete lack of responsibility, you have every right to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. You deserve a partner who contributes, cares, and respects you. If your current situation continues, taking steps to ensure a better future for yourself and your child is not just an option—it's a necessity.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Janak

Janak Patel  |17 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Money
In early 2018, I had faced some financial problems (monthly Rs. 10,000 deficit) as I was working with a public sector enterprise. At that time, I was searching for a loan and got an agency that can provide Rs. 10,000 as Payday loan (monthly basis maximum 35 days) and rate of interest was 1% per day. These loan products were from NBFCs. I took this loan and this was the starting point. Due to my financial problems, I started taking these type loans from various agencies and rate of interest 0.7%-1% per day. In 2022, I had almost 15 payday loans amounting Rs. 10 lakhs. After that, I have been applying for a loan from almost all banks and NBFCs to close these paydays, but nobody is able to provide a loan due all payday loans have been shown in CIBIL as well as few bounces of my personal loan I had already with Kotak Bank. Now the situation is like that I have more than 25 payday loans amounting to more than Rs. 15 lakhs. Last 2 years I have been applying for a personal loan to close these but no banks and NBFCs are not providing. Every month I am giving and taking payday loans and the interest amount is too high. I have a Tata AIA pension policy as well as PF, both cannot be surrendered at this moment. Now, the major issue is how to overcome this financial mess I did. I don't have any options left at this moment. So I would request you if anybody can provide me assistance through your sources / channels to solve my financial problem. I can return the amount on a monthly installment basis and give my Tata AIA pension policy as well as PF documents for security. I have been working in an engineering consultancy firm and monthly income is almost Rs. 2 lakhs
Ans: HI Jitu,

In summary, you have 15 lakhs loans at 1% per day interest (= 365% per annum). No options to borrow from any other organized sources like Bank/NBFC. So monthly Interest is 4.5 lakhs.
Monthly Income is 2 lakhs.

This is called a Debt Trap, where your income is less than your outflow (debt), so you are in a negative balance always and keep borrowing to fill the gap. No point in going into the history of the situation but I hope this has been a big life lesson for you.

Borrowing against you Pension policy can be considered but depends on the company and note that this will be at a high interest rate.
Borrowing from PF funds is only under certain situations (e.g. illness, education, marriage) and so even that is ruled out.
I assume you have already considered all/any asset you may own to repay.

The solution cannot be a very simple one. But I can recommend a couple of options which you can see if they help. You plan should simple -
1. Find a source of funds to repay your current loans
2. Stay with bare minimum requirement for next few years and repay maximum amount towards new loan
3. Do not take any new loans and stay on track for next few years, no matter what.

With a salary of 2 Lakhs, you should take a hard look at your living expenses and cut out all except the basic necessities. At least on paper come up with a number that you can discuss with prospective lenders mentioned below. Give them confidence of your ability to pay back every month with a realistic number e.g. over 1 lakh per month. Make this as high as you can make it. Make compromises everywhere possible and evaluate each expense to see what you can eliminate for the next couple of years, except food and absolutely basic needs, compromise on everything else. And ensure you make this work no matter what. You will have to be strong willed to achieve this and make it work.

Check with any close friends/family members/relatives who will trust you and provide you with some loan and provide you with time to repay. Offer to pay them interest which is higher than FD but reasonable for you and you can go as high as 20% per annum. At 20% you can pay back 55~60K per month for 3 years and payback the loan with interest.

Assuming you have a bank account for direct salary deposit, approach the bank and explain your situation truthfully to them and request an overdraft/loan and offer them to recover an agreed amount at an agreed interest rate from your account directly as soon as your salary is deposited. Again the interest rate will be high but if this works, you will be on your way to recovery. Even if they offer an interest rate of 30%~40% per annum and recover in 3 years, your EMI will be around 62K~70K per month.

Approach your employer and discuss if a loan can be provided to you at a reasonable rate of interest and recovered from your salary each month. If you have been employed with them for over a year or longer, and if they consider to extend a loan this may be the best solution you can get. You can offer to sign a contract for this (stay with employer for a period or until loan is paid up).

Is there any other source of funds you can approach with a similar proposal then do so, as long as you can get a chance to payoff your current set of loans and have a manageable EMI amount to pay back over the next few years, just take the best option and keep every desire aside and stay focused on getting back on track.

Please note that borrowing from an alternate source is not going to work if you take a loan and relax after that. You have already impacted your CIBIL score which makes lenders stay away. Now your top priority will be to find a source of funds at reasonably high interest rate between 20% to 40% resulting in an EMI of 55K to 70K for 3 years, and ensure you do not default the payments and clear this ASAP. If you can pay higher amount each month, then do that and get out of these loans as quickly as possible.

With honesty and sincerity if you continue to stay on track, you can eventually start coming back to normal life where you can plan your expenses and save and invest too. But do remember to live within your means and save as much as possible. Over time build back your CIBIL score for future requirements.

Hope this is helpful in some way.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

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