Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Feeling Rejected After White Lie About Virginity - Seeking Advice on Saving Marriage

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 17, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 14, 2024
Relationship

Recently, we had an Arranged Marriage. Before committing for the Marriage, we had a few Months of Courtship Period & got to understand each other well. He seemed to be a very Loving & Caring Person. Once, He asked me whether I was Virgin, I lied saying that I was, because I didn't want to lose such a Wonderful Guy. On our Wedding Night, he got Suspicious as I didn't bleed. Upon further Interrogation, I broke down & confessed the Truth that I had been Sexually Active in my previous Relationships, before getting Married to him. He got Disappointed as he felt Cheated & Betrayed. Since then, he's been sleeping in a seperate Room & not even talking to me properly, there's no Romance between us, at all. He'd also cancelled our Honeymoon Trip to Bali. He comes Home late, often having eaten out, doesn't ask me anything about my Day or even Care about me at all. He's become quite opposite of what he was, during our Courtship Period. Many times, I've tried to break the Ice & build some Chemistry between us, but he told me that he lost all Feelings for me, and he wouldn't even Care if I left him & his House for Good. He was Ready to give me a Divorce, if I wanted to Leave him. But I don't want to throw away this Marriage, I want to try & make it work, but there's no Cooperation at all from his side. He blatantly refused to go for Marriage Counseling with me. In the presence of other Family Members, he tries to act like a normal Husband, just to maintain his image in the Society. But when we both are alone at Home, he acts as if I don't even exist. Now I am getting frustrated, I don't understand what to do? I don't regret all that I did in my Past, I had the Right to Enjoy my Life, when I was Young & Unmarried & I don't owe any Explanation to anyone, about my Past. Now I feel I am being treated too Coldly just for a little White Lie. Did I really do something so Wrong that I don't even deserve to be Loved by the Person, I Married? If it leads to a Divorce, we both have got a lot to lose out on, hence I am trying to avoid the extreme Decision. But I don't have any idea as to how our Marriage can be Repaired & Rejuvenated, when my Husband is not at all interested in the Marriage? Please advise me what to do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you understand him, your virginity meant a lot to him...that was one of his core beliefs that one preserves their virginity until marriage. Now, he feels cheated as what he believes in has gone against him. It seems very old-fashioned to want the bride to 'bleed' on the first night and conclude that she isn't pure...I get your point, but that are his values...
Can he change and actually look at things differently and save the marriage? YES only if he wants to...he has to commit to it...

For you, the fear of losing him made you hide the fact. Who's right and who isn't? Neither! It's all a matter of the way you look at it; each one will hold their impressions as the truth. So, he's holding onto what he feels is his truth and unwilling to budge and make the marriage work. What can you do? Perhaps apologize for hurting him; he is hurt and angry, isn't it?

It may seem trivial and foolish to you that he gives this so much importance in this day and age. You can't shake people off their beliefs. Anything that you hide eventually comes to bite you; so act wisely...
- talk to him about how you feel about him and the marriage
- tell him what he means to you and why you hid the facts that was most important to him
- lastly apologize to him from your heart

All this may seem 'going over the top' BUT hey, you wish to make the marriage work, right? At times, going that extreme bit can bring back things...So, if there's a 'Feminist' side of you that seems to disagree, keep that at bay for a while and ask: Do I want the marriage?
If YES, then do what it takes...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 18, 2024 | Answered on Dec 19, 2024
Listen
Ma'am, please Edit out the Last Part of your Answer. It looks a part of some other Answer, which accidentally made it's way into this one.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
My apologies...it has been edited.

All the best!
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author Drop in: www.unfear.io Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 21, 2024 | Answered on Dec 23, 2024
Thanks for your Answer, Anu Ma'am. I have tried everything that you have Suggested in your Reply. I have been putting a lot of Efforts from my side to gain his Love & Trust. But he seems to be completely unmoved. I'm feeling exhausted but I can't afford to End this Marriage & lose out on the Social Status & Financial Security which he provides me with. My Parents would also be ashamed of me & in our Community, it's quite difficult for a Divorced Woman to get Re-Married & in my case, it would be near impossible if the word spreads around that my Husband has Divorced me because I wasn't Virgin. Please give me any other alternative suggestions. Shall I try threatening my Husband that I would commit Suicide or File a False 498A Case against him & his entire Family, in order to make him Love me again? Or shall I find another Partner who can satisfy my Sexual & Emotional Needs, Secretly, while continuing along with this Marriage?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
While putting back the marriage, threats and lies never work. Do you think in fear he's going to love you? When he realizes that you have lied again about something, things are going to get worse. So, this time around, go the sane way and something that your husband understands.
Gaining his love and trust is going to be a slow process and not something that will happen overnight. For you this entire thing maybe silly, but his beliefs around 'virginity' are set in stone.
Now, for him to come around, you really need to work at it and WAIT...If this marriage is important to you, then go about it slowly without pressuring yourself into immediate results...He wants facts and truths; give it to him. He may not accept it, but eventually at least you can in a conversation at least tell him that truth is what will bring the marriage to a workable space and that you are willing to put in that work...ask him for his support in it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 30, 2024
Thanks for Replying Anu Ma'am. Now, there's another complication in the matter. My Husband has planned to go for a Solo Honeymoon (like Kangana Ranaut's Character 'Rani' in the Bollywood Movie 'Queen') to Thailand, for Celebrating New Year. And during the Week that he's away, he wants me to Live with my Elder Sister (She's the only other person who is aware of everything), while I've been begging him to take me along with him. He also says that, while he's in Thailand, he wants to enjoy his Solo Honeymoon, as if he's a Bachelor, doing whatever he wants to do, without being Answerable to me & he says that I have no Right to Question whatever he does in this period. He Reassured me that we both can Think about what to do, with our Marriage, after he Returns from Thailand, next week. I am feeling very Insecure about all this. I'm afraid that he may engage in Sexual Flings, in Thailand, just to get even with me (He's been Hinting that's what he's got in his Mind about the Solo Honeymoon). I don't want to let him go alone on his Solo Honeymoon & I don't even want this Marriage to End in Divorce. Please advise me what to do? How can I prevent him from going on this Solo Honeymoon? Is there any way, I can keep him from Cheating on me, during his Solo Honeymoon? (At this point, he doesn't even feel that it's Cheating, if he has Casual Sex, just to get even with me as he'd been saving himself all these years, while I had an active Sexual Life)
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I would not make this entire thing as 'filmy' as you are making it out to be.
Your husband expected you to be a virgin and he is convinced that you were not on Day 1 of your marriage. He stopped caring and loving and now according to you is plotting his revenge by behaving recklessly.
Honestly, he's quite immature in the way of dealing with this situation. If he is not one for talking things through, I wonder how he's going to go through the challenges of parenthood and the large and small misunderstandings within a marriage.
He needs help dealing with this emotional turmoil and the two of you must seek couples counseling...Now, is it possible to stop him from going to Thailand? I don't know...he seems to be out for revenge and anything that you do to stop him is most likely backfire on your marriage. And NO, there is no way you can prevent cheating. Cheating is a choice a person makes and he's quite obviously making a choice here and making you aware of it in order to hurt you. And all this because you are not a virgin.
Did you not spot a red flag here at all?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jan 06, 2025 | Answered on Jan 28, 2025
Thanks for sparing some Time to Answer my Question, Anu Ma'am... Now my Husband has returned from Thailand after Enjoying his 'Solo Honeymoon'. Now he seems quite changed. He seems to have enjoyed some of the Best Days of his Life, during his Solo Honeymoon in Thailand. He has openly admitted (without any Guilt or Shame) that he had just let go of his Inhibitions & enjoyed having lots of Sex with several Women, over the week. Since his Teens, he had many Sexual Fantasies, which he said that he'd been saving to Enjoy along with his Life Partner, but after getting disappointed due to my Lack of Virginity, he went on to Fulfill all his Sexual Fantasies by 'Hiring' different Women, spending lots of Money on them. He doesn't feel that he has Cheated on me. He says that he did all that to 'Learn & Practice' the 'Art of Love-making' I'm order to give me Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction. He was Under-confident that he may not be able to satisfy me as I had a lot of Sexual Experience, while he was a Virgin, when we got Married. Now he feels that we both are 'Even' and he's Willing to "Forgive & Forget the Past" & work on our Marriage, if I'm also willing to, otherwise, he has no problem with going for a Divorce. Now, the Ball is in my Court & I'm in Dilemma, whether I should Accept his 'Tit for Tat' Attitude & go ahead with working on our Marriage, Believing that we both are Even now? I am still afraid of the Familial, Societal, Legal & Financial consequences, which would arise, in case of Divorce. In this situation what, do you think, is a better option? Reconciliation or Separation? (P.S: He got himself Tested & fortunately, he has not been infected with any Sexually Transmitted Diseases, as he'd always taken Care to use Protection, even while engaging in his Wildest Sexual Fantasies)
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to want me to give you an answer that you want to hear. Let me ask you this...if the same situation happened wto your bestie, what would you suggest to her?
Your husband's belief that all virgins bleed on the first night and that not happening and then his revenge sex on his trip...what is all this? A circus, drama?
You need to decide what kind of life you want to lead and if this person fits into that picture. The decision is yours; just think of the sequence of events and how this has affected you. As a mature person and your husband, what else could he have done to actually sort this issue out? You have a lot of thinking to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu, Nice to contact you. I came across many of your conversations online and I would like to share my life situation. If you could help in any way it would be a great support. I am married since 4 and half years now but we have stayed together only for 1 and half years. Rest of it was purely long-distance relationship. It was an arranged marriage and I entered it with great hope and dreams. I still believe I have had only bare minimum expectations from my partner as that of any young woman. After the marriage got fixed I had to leave my job and stay at my hometown. He works in a distant state. We were all hoping that after marriage, I’d go and live with him so will search for a job later. Even during prewedding discussions the talk was that he will shift to a new home before marriage and after marriage he will take me along with him. But two weeks after our wedding he left to work leaving me at his home with his parents in our hometown. He didn’t explain or give any reasons. It broke me. Those 2 weeks were wonderful and the best time of our marriage life. He came after 2 months, rented a new house and took me with him. It was good although small and silly arguments would happen. He loved me and I stayed there for a month. We returned to hometown after a month. He left me there and returned to work in 1 week’s time. I stayed with his parents (in between his mother met with an accident and I stayed with her for like 2 months). He took me back to his place for 3 months. When financial circumstances got bad, he changed. He stopped expressing love in any form other than getting me variety of food items. There was no romance, small talks or travelling outside. He sent me back to my parents’ place for 7 months. It made me really mad and we started to fight over the phone making us more distant. He was facing financial crisis, I wanted to be supportive but he never shared his feelings or plans with me. I never felt involved. Without a job I went into depression. To sort things, I stayed with him for 9 months looking for a job. He never showed any interest. I stayed at home for all those months feeling depressive and insecure. There was no romance, emotional or physical.He is perfect in his words and promises but never in his actions. I believed and waited for 3 years. Then my in laws suggested a job but it was at my native place. As it suited my educational qualifications I showed interest and he said okay. I applied and got the job. Since then I have not visited him at his work place. It’s been 2 years now and I stay with his parents. Due to covid he didn’t come for home for a 1 and half. A few months ago he came and stayed for a week. When people see us it’s 4 and 1/2 years of marriage but for us it’s not. Since we don’t have kids people are suspecting a lot. I don’t blame them.Clearly not everything is alright.My husband is a lovely person and he cares so much but I feel he is controlling me. May be because of his lack of emotional availability. But many things have bothered me a lot since our wedding.My husband and I have never visited or travelled a place alone, ever. We never had a honeymoon.My husband has never introduced me to any of his friends.I know nothing of him through a third person, all I know is what he has told me.These days he hardly calls me. I tend to get more frustrated and cry sometimes by sharing my feelings with him if he called very late at night. So he stopped calling me. When I asked he replied “when I call at night you are complaining, fighting and crying so I don’t call” He is running away from situations. I replied to him “you know that I will cry and there is a reason for that. Instead to solving the situation and not to make me cry, you would rather prefer not to call”. He said “Yes”. So he refrains from anything that upsets him. Long time ago due to some misunderstandings I refused to be physically romantic with him and he did the same to me for months and years which is also why we don’t have kids. But I cant explain or share this with anyone. I doubt about my future as I am scared that I will never be blessed with a life with shared love and romance.I miss myself being in love and happy.I miss my own very smile.I don’t put all the blame on him because I know am not perfect. But am not that evil to be punished like this in my life. I do deserve some happiness. He hasn’t abused me but absence of abuse doesn’t mean a healthy relationship. I have always felt lonely. Rather than love I have felt more judged for my actions and thoughts.There is not a single day in life where I do not think about leaving this relationship but it has become very difficult to picture a happy healthy future with him.It has become hard to have a simple conversation with him now.I hope for a healthy relationship in which my partner and I could be vulnerable to one and other.Am I expecting too much from him? Is it that am not good enough for him?Will this too pass? I am worried.I would like to stay anonymous.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

These are your words that stood out for me.

‘I miss myself being in love and happy.

'I miss my own very smile.'

So, who is stopping you from these? Be in love, be happy, smile when you want.

You have tied these things to your marriage and have hoped that putting things together will bring a smile back on your face. As much as it’s true, it won’t be long lasting.

Now let’s focus on your marriage. What is this ‘being sent here, sent back there’?

What are you, some parcel/courier package to be sent here and there at will?

The first time that you felt that this being sent here and there was NOT OKAY, that would have been the time to voice it out.

Situations of a husband and wife being physically apart can come in anytime during a marriage. But this has to be handled with a lot of love and communication and not keeping silent and controlling it his way.

What has caused your hurt is the fact of non-communication from him, inability to validate your feelings, making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings and his unwillingness to work on this?

Request a person known to both of you to mediate to set up a meeting if both of you want to be in this marriage and live in peace and harmony. If you don’t step up now, things will be emotionally draining.

Also, as a woman, you don’t have to feel guilty for saying that something is not alright and that you want things to be different. You do not have to mask it with a statement that ‘he is a good man’ etc.

Be honest to yourself about what you feel and what you want. It helps putting things into perspective faster. STEP UP NOW and SPEAK.

Do that favour onto yourself please and also expect things to go the other way especially if he does not want to mutually set things right.

No matter what, know that strength from within is what will help you sort things for the better.

Be strong and value yourself. All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on May 16, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8459 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Money
I have a Home Loan of Rs. 75 lakh outstanding and being a banker I get the Home Loan at concessional rate of 6% on simple interest basis. I have certain disposable income every month. Is it advisable to prepay the loans on monthly basis or utilize the disposable income towards other investment options?
Ans: You have a Rs. 75 lakh home loan.
You pay only 6% simple interest as a banker.
You also have disposable income each month.
Let’s now assess your situation from all angles.

Understanding the Advantage of Low Interest

Your loan is at just 6% simple interest.

This is a rare and low-cost loan benefit.

The interest amount does not compound yearly.

So your interest cost stays predictable and steady.

You already save more compared to normal borrowers.

Regular loans are at 9% to 11% with compound interest.

Let Your Money Work Harder Through Investing

Good mutual fund investments give 11% to 13% average return long term.

This return is higher than your 6% loan cost.

So your surplus funds can grow faster if invested.

This strategy builds your wealth efficiently over time.

Compounding in mutual funds works in your favour.

Reviewing Tax Savings from Loan Interest

Your loan interest gives you tax benefit under Section 24.

You can claim up to Rs. 2 lakh deduction yearly.

This lowers your income tax burden.

Prepaying the loan reduces future tax savings.

Investments like ELSS and PPF also save taxes separately.

Liquidity Is Key for Financial Confidence

Prepaying a loan reduces your cash flexibility.

But investments offer you liquidity when needed.

Financial emergencies need access to cash fast.

Mutual funds can be redeemed when required.

Don’t put all your surplus in loan prepayment.

Peace of Mind vs. Smart Wealth Building

Some people feel peace when loans are closed early.

It reduces psychological burden and improves sleep.

But low-interest loans are better kept and managed.

You can earn more on surplus money through investing.

Debt is not always bad when it’s manageable.

Balanced Strategy Is the Best Choice

Don’t choose only one route—balance is better.

Split your monthly surplus into two parts.

Use one part to invest in long-term growth plans.

Use the other part for partial prepayments once in a while.

This approach reduces debt and builds wealth together.

What You Should Do Now

Make sure you keep emergency savings of at least 6 months’ expenses.

Review your insurance and make sure your family is protected.

If you have LIC, ULIP or insurance-based investments, assess if they are worth holding.

If they underperform, consider surrendering and reinvesting into mutual funds.

Choose actively managed mutual funds via a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid direct mutual funds if you are not monitoring regularly.

Regular mutual funds via a qualified CFP give you guidance and support.

Avoiding Common Mistakes

Don’t rush to become loan-free if loan is cheap.

Don’t ignore inflation and real return comparisons.

Don’t ignore wealth-building just to avoid loan.

Don’t stop investing for the sake of loan closure.

Don’t go for low-return instruments only for safety.

Other Pointers to Remember

Make sure your investments match your goals.

Consider children’s education and retirement goals.

Equity mutual funds are good for goals beyond 7 years.

Hybrid mutual funds suit medium-term goals like 3 to 5 years.

For short-term use, opt for liquid or ultra short-term funds.

Track your goals and adjust asset allocation regularly.

Taxation of Mutual Fund Gains

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

For debt funds, both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your tax slab.

These taxes are payable only when you sell the units.

So your money grows without yearly tax deductions.

Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans

Index funds don’t give alpha or outperformance.

They follow the market but don’t beat it.

In tough markets, they fall without support.

Active funds are managed by experienced fund managers.

Direct plans lack professional support and review.

With regular plans through a CFP, you get full handholding.

Finally

Your concessional loan is a blessing. Keep using it.

Use your disposable income to create long-term wealth.

A good plan includes both investment and prepayment.

Invest for your future. Don’t just avoid loans.

Stay liquid, stay insured, and invest smartly with professional help.

Review this plan every 6 to 12 months with a Certified Financial Planner.

Build a clear plan for family goals and retirement readiness.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8459 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Money
Hi Sir, I am 47 year old with 3 kids aged 11 yr dayghter and twin sons aged 6 years. I have around. I want to retire in 3 years due to health issues. After retirement me and wife will work part time and around monthly 1 lakh combined. I have monthly expenses if around 2 lakhs now. Please advise what corpus i should have to able to retire in 3 years
Ans: You are 47 years old. You have a daughter aged 11 and twin sons aged 6. You plan to retire in 3 years due to health issues. After retirement, you and your wife will earn around Rs. 1 lakh per month from part-time work. Your current family monthly expense is around Rs. 2 lakhs.

Your situation is serious and needs careful planning. I appreciate that you are thinking well in advance. Let us look at your situation in full detail now.

Assessing Your Retirement Timeline
You want to retire at 50. That’s 3 years from now.

That gives limited time to build a full retirement corpus.

After that, you and your wife plan to earn Rs. 1 lakh per month together.

Your expenses are Rs. 2 lakh per month now. This will rise with inflation.

So, you need to fill the gap of at least Rs. 1 lakh per month post-retirement.

That gap will also grow each year due to inflation.

You also have three children. Their education and future needs must be planned.

With three young kids, your financial responsibility will last for the next 15 to 20 years.

Understanding the Expense Gap
Your expenses are Rs. 2 lakh monthly now. This is Rs. 24 lakh annually.

After retirement, part-time income will cover Rs. 1 lakh monthly.

You need Rs. 1 lakh more every month from your savings.

That’s Rs. 12 lakh per year. But this amount will grow with inflation.

In 10 years, this could easily be around Rs. 20 lakh a year or more.

In 20 years, it can be around Rs. 35 lakh or more annually.

So, your retirement corpus must be big enough to cover this rising gap.

It should also last at least 30 years, as both you and your wife may live till 80 or more.

What Should Be Your Retirement Corpus
To cover Rs. 1 lakh monthly shortfall, you need a strong investment base.

That base should grow and generate income for 30 years.

You also need to plan for children’s schooling, college, and marriage.

So, your total retirement corpus should be built with multiple goals in mind.

You may need at least Rs. 6 crore to Rs. 7 crore total corpus by age 50.

This will help you cover your lifestyle gap and also children’s future needs.

The final amount will depend on inflation, market returns, and disciplined investing.

Breaking Down Your Future Expenses
1. Lifestyle Needs

You need Rs. 2 lakh monthly today. This will rise.

After retirement, inflation will push this to Rs. 3.5 lakh to Rs. 4 lakh in 15 years.

That means higher withdrawals every year.

2. Children’s Education

Your daughter will go to college in 6 years.

Your twin sons will go to college in 11 to 12 years.

Education inflation is very high, around 8% to 10% yearly.

Private college and higher studies can cost Rs. 50 lakh to Rs. 1 crore in future.

3. Health and Medical Needs

Health issues are already a concern. Medical costs rise fast.

A single hospitalisation in the future can cost Rs. 15 lakh or more.

You must keep a separate medical emergency fund.

4. Travel, Leisure, and Emergencies

Retirement is not just about needs. It should also include wants.

You may want to travel or support family in emergencies.

Keep a buffer for these lifestyle goals.

Creating a 3-Bucket Investment Strategy
Bucket 1: Emergency and Medical Fund

Keep 12 to 18 months of expenses in this bucket.

That means Rs. 25 lakh to Rs. 30 lakh in liquid funds.

This bucket should not be touched for regular income.

Use it for medical, health, and sudden family needs.

Bucket 2: Income and Safety Bucket

This gives regular income after retirement.

Invest here in low-risk and balanced funds.

This bucket must cover 8 to 10 years of shortfall.

It must be reviewed every year and rebalanced.

Withdraw monthly through SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan).

Bucket 3: Growth Bucket

This is for long-term income.

It must stay invested for the next 10 to 15 years.

Use only actively managed equity mutual funds.

Don’t invest in index funds. They follow the market and offer no safety in a fall.

Actively managed funds are better for retirement. They reduce risk and give better return with guidance.

This bucket will support your income in the later years of retirement.

Additional Planning Tips for a Complete Strategy
1. Insurance Review

Check your health insurance. Buy a super top-up if possible.

If you have any traditional policies like LIC endowments or ULIPs, evaluate surrendering them.

Reinvest that money in mutual funds via Certified Financial Planner.

2. Avoid Index and Direct Funds

Index funds are unmanaged. They don’t protect you in a downturn.

Direct funds have no advisor support. You may exit at the wrong time.

Invest through regular mutual funds with Certified Financial Planner.

You get discipline, emotional support, and regular reviews.

3. Tax Planning

After retirement, plan all withdrawals smartly.

Equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan withdrawals in phases to manage tax.

Use SWP instead of lump sum withdrawal.

4. Estate Planning

Write a clear Will. Register it if possible.

Add nominations to all financial accounts and investments.

Discuss with your wife about all assets and accounts.

Educate your children slowly about financial basics.

5. Spending Discipline

After retirement, control lifestyle inflation.

Avoid overspending in early years.

Keep budgets for kids' education, personal care, and travel.

Review expenses every quarter.

Talk to your wife and plan joint financial goals.

How to Reach Rs. 6–7 Crore in 3 Years
This is a very short time.

You must save aggressively now.

Cut all unwanted expenses.

Increase monthly investments to the maximum.

Invest only in actively managed equity mutual funds through regular route.

Don’t keep too much in savings or FDs.

Avoid real estate as it is illiquid and low-return.

Rebalance investments every year with the help of Certified Financial Planner.

Finally
You have only 3 years to build your corpus.

You also have a big responsibility of three children.

You will work part time after retirement, which gives some cash flow.

But you must plan very carefully and very thoroughly.

Create three investment buckets to manage needs properly.

Use only actively managed mutual funds, not index or direct funds.

Avoid risky shortcuts and always review plans every year.

With health concerns and young kids, long-term planning is critical.

Your retirement is not the end of income. It is the beginning of financial wisdom.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1236 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 15, 2025
Money
Sir , i am 29 year old male currently earning 1.4 lakh per month in hand salary and 60 thousands per month (side income which is temporary for few more years may be 2 years). I have 31.5 lakhs home loan with 9.5 % floating interest for 18 years. Personal loan of 1.4 lakh with 11% interest 7 months remaining. Gold loan of 2 lakh with due date in 10 months. Every month i am paying emis of 31000 home loan 21000 personal loan (7 more months) 23000 chit fund(6 more months) I have 4.5 lakh mutual/stocks investments. Gold worth 1 lakh and no Fixed deposits. I have Chit fund ( with friends ) which expires in 6 months with 5 lakhs amount. I have an Term policy of 1 crore for which i pay premium of 35k annually for 5 more years. I had planned a wedding in one year with 10 lakh expenditure. I have zero emergency fund like fd or any other savings Please guide me best option for better investment ,emergency fund and to have a comfortable corpus till i retire by the year 2040. Till now i have no savings in whatever form it is Iam unmarried
Ans: Hello;

You need to put aside amount worth 6-8 months regular expense coverage and keep it aside in a liquid fund or a savings account.

Do invest in NPS for your retirement planning. It is the best tool available from cost, returns, tax point of view.

Only thing to be borne in mind is NPS allows very restricted withdrawals over its entire span, subject to T&C, because it's a product meant for retirement.

Except home loan all your loans are getting settled in less than a year so it's okay but never ever use loan as source of funds for personal needs.

Also avoid investing in chit funds because they have a high risk and hence promise of higher returns.

Also start systematic investments in mutual funds through monthly sip's as per your goals and risk appetite.

The MF/stock holding and chit fund money return(5 L) will take care of your marital expenses.

Happy Investing;

...Read more

Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on May 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Career
Hi Ashwini, I am a 29 yr old marketing executive, and I tend to take negative feedback very personally, even when it's constructive. For example, last month, my manager said my presentation was all over the place and lacked clarity. Though she meant it to help me improve, I kept replaying it in my mind for days and started doubting my abilities.
Ans: Dear Sir/ Madam,

As humans we bound to overthink and question back and self-doubt. It's important to process the emotions then accumulating.

Try this the next time you feel negative-

Firstly, negativity or any feeling is just an emotion and every emotion is giving you feedback so that you can take can action. So, it works like a feedback mechanism.
Now, in the above situation where your manager said the presentation was all over the place or lacked clarity- it meant you should present the same from his perspective or from the audience’s perspective. As the person who is going to see the presentation should be able to understand and be in the same alignment as you are.

Have a discussion with your manager and ask where all did, he/she feels the presentation lacked clarity, ask what else you should have looked at to make it more valuable etc.

Once you get the feedback go back to the presentation and relook from his/ her perspective now then possibly that would make sense to you.

Idea is to process the information and see how you can make it better. Self-doubt is ok to have as it will help you relook but if you are sulking in that emotion, it will spiral down which is what happens most often. So, the next time when you get negative feedback look at from a perspective of working on yourself to be even better.

If you were not good then you wouldn't be in that job in first place. Remember that.

Thanks
Ashwini
Maverick Minds
www.ashwinidasgupta.com

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x