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Feeling Rejected After White Lie About Virginity - Seeking Advice on Saving Marriage

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 17, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 14, 2024
Relationship

Recently, we had an Arranged Marriage. Before committing for the Marriage, we had a few Months of Courtship Period & got to understand each other well. He seemed to be a very Loving & Caring Person. Once, He asked me whether I was Virgin, I lied saying that I was, because I didn't want to lose such a Wonderful Guy. On our Wedding Night, he got Suspicious as I didn't bleed. Upon further Interrogation, I broke down & confessed the Truth that I had been Sexually Active in my previous Relationships, before getting Married to him. He got Disappointed as he felt Cheated & Betrayed. Since then, he's been sleeping in a seperate Room & not even talking to me properly, there's no Romance between us, at all. He'd also cancelled our Honeymoon Trip to Bali. He comes Home late, often having eaten out, doesn't ask me anything about my Day or even Care about me at all. He's become quite opposite of what he was, during our Courtship Period. Many times, I've tried to break the Ice & build some Chemistry between us, but he told me that he lost all Feelings for me, and he wouldn't even Care if I left him & his House for Good. He was Ready to give me a Divorce, if I wanted to Leave him. But I don't want to throw away this Marriage, I want to try & make it work, but there's no Cooperation at all from his side. He blatantly refused to go for Marriage Counseling with me. In the presence of other Family Members, he tries to act like a normal Husband, just to maintain his image in the Society. But when we both are alone at Home, he acts as if I don't even exist. Now I am getting frustrated, I don't understand what to do? I don't regret all that I did in my Past, I had the Right to Enjoy my Life, when I was Young & Unmarried & I don't owe any Explanation to anyone, about my Past. Now I feel I am being treated too Coldly just for a little White Lie. Did I really do something so Wrong that I don't even deserve to be Loved by the Person, I Married? If it leads to a Divorce, we both have got a lot to lose out on, hence I am trying to avoid the extreme Decision. But I don't have any idea as to how our Marriage can be Repaired & Rejuvenated, when my Husband is not at all interested in the Marriage? Please advise me what to do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you understand him, your virginity meant a lot to him...that was one of his core beliefs that one preserves their virginity until marriage. Now, he feels cheated as what he believes in has gone against him. It seems very old-fashioned to want the bride to 'bleed' on the first night and conclude that she isn't pure...I get your point, but that are his values...
Can he change and actually look at things differently and save the marriage? YES only if he wants to...he has to commit to it...

For you, the fear of losing him made you hide the fact. Who's right and who isn't? Neither! It's all a matter of the way you look at it; each one will hold their impressions as the truth. So, he's holding onto what he feels is his truth and unwilling to budge and make the marriage work. What can you do? Perhaps apologize for hurting him; he is hurt and angry, isn't it?

It may seem trivial and foolish to you that he gives this so much importance in this day and age. You can't shake people off their beliefs. Anything that you hide eventually comes to bite you; so act wisely...
- talk to him about how you feel about him and the marriage
- tell him what he means to you and why you hid the facts that was most important to him
- lastly apologize to him from your heart

All this may seem 'going over the top' BUT hey, you wish to make the marriage work, right? At times, going that extreme bit can bring back things...So, if there's a 'Feminist' side of you that seems to disagree, keep that at bay for a while and ask: Do I want the marriage?
If YES, then do what it takes...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 18, 2024 | Answered on Dec 19, 2024
Listen
Ma'am, please Edit out the Last Part of your Answer. It looks a part of some other Answer, which accidentally made it's way into this one.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
My apologies...it has been edited.

All the best!
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author Drop in: www.unfear.io Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 21, 2024 | Answered on Dec 23, 2024
Thanks for your Answer, Anu Ma'am. I have tried everything that you have Suggested in your Reply. I have been putting a lot of Efforts from my side to gain his Love & Trust. But he seems to be completely unmoved. I'm feeling exhausted but I can't afford to End this Marriage & lose out on the Social Status & Financial Security which he provides me with. My Parents would also be ashamed of me & in our Community, it's quite difficult for a Divorced Woman to get Re-Married & in my case, it would be near impossible if the word spreads around that my Husband has Divorced me because I wasn't Virgin. Please give me any other alternative suggestions. Shall I try threatening my Husband that I would commit Suicide or File a False 498A Case against him & his entire Family, in order to make him Love me again? Or shall I find another Partner who can satisfy my Sexual & Emotional Needs, Secretly, while continuing along with this Marriage?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
While putting back the marriage, threats and lies never work. Do you think in fear he's going to love you? When he realizes that you have lied again about something, things are going to get worse. So, this time around, go the sane way and something that your husband understands.
Gaining his love and trust is going to be a slow process and not something that will happen overnight. For you this entire thing maybe silly, but his beliefs around 'virginity' are set in stone.
Now, for him to come around, you really need to work at it and WAIT...If this marriage is important to you, then go about it slowly without pressuring yourself into immediate results...He wants facts and truths; give it to him. He may not accept it, but eventually at least you can in a conversation at least tell him that truth is what will bring the marriage to a workable space and that you are willing to put in that work...ask him for his support in it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 30, 2024
Thanks for Replying Anu Ma'am. Now, there's another complication in the matter. My Husband has planned to go for a Solo Honeymoon (like Kangana Ranaut's Character 'Rani' in the Bollywood Movie 'Queen') to Thailand, for Celebrating New Year. And during the Week that he's away, he wants me to Live with my Elder Sister (She's the only other person who is aware of everything), while I've been begging him to take me along with him. He also says that, while he's in Thailand, he wants to enjoy his Solo Honeymoon, as if he's a Bachelor, doing whatever he wants to do, without being Answerable to me & he says that I have no Right to Question whatever he does in this period. He Reassured me that we both can Think about what to do, with our Marriage, after he Returns from Thailand, next week. I am feeling very Insecure about all this. I'm afraid that he may engage in Sexual Flings, in Thailand, just to get even with me (He's been Hinting that's what he's got in his Mind about the Solo Honeymoon). I don't want to let him go alone on his Solo Honeymoon & I don't even want this Marriage to End in Divorce. Please advise me what to do? How can I prevent him from going on this Solo Honeymoon? Is there any way, I can keep him from Cheating on me, during his Solo Honeymoon? (At this point, he doesn't even feel that it's Cheating, if he has Casual Sex, just to get even with me as he'd been saving himself all these years, while I had an active Sexual Life)
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I would not make this entire thing as 'filmy' as you are making it out to be.
Your husband expected you to be a virgin and he is convinced that you were not on Day 1 of your marriage. He stopped caring and loving and now according to you is plotting his revenge by behaving recklessly.
Honestly, he's quite immature in the way of dealing with this situation. If he is not one for talking things through, I wonder how he's going to go through the challenges of parenthood and the large and small misunderstandings within a marriage.
He needs help dealing with this emotional turmoil and the two of you must seek couples counseling...Now, is it possible to stop him from going to Thailand? I don't know...he seems to be out for revenge and anything that you do to stop him is most likely backfire on your marriage. And NO, there is no way you can prevent cheating. Cheating is a choice a person makes and he's quite obviously making a choice here and making you aware of it in order to hurt you. And all this because you are not a virgin.
Did you not spot a red flag here at all?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jan 06, 2025 | Answered on Jan 28, 2025
Thanks for sparing some Time to Answer my Question, Anu Ma'am... Now my Husband has returned from Thailand after Enjoying his 'Solo Honeymoon'. Now he seems quite changed. He seems to have enjoyed some of the Best Days of his Life, during his Solo Honeymoon in Thailand. He has openly admitted (without any Guilt or Shame) that he had just let go of his Inhibitions & enjoyed having lots of Sex with several Women, over the week. Since his Teens, he had many Sexual Fantasies, which he said that he'd been saving to Enjoy along with his Life Partner, but after getting disappointed due to my Lack of Virginity, he went on to Fulfill all his Sexual Fantasies by 'Hiring' different Women, spending lots of Money on them. He doesn't feel that he has Cheated on me. He says that he did all that to 'Learn & Practice' the 'Art of Love-making' I'm order to give me Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction. He was Under-confident that he may not be able to satisfy me as I had a lot of Sexual Experience, while he was a Virgin, when we got Married. Now he feels that we both are 'Even' and he's Willing to "Forgive & Forget the Past" & work on our Marriage, if I'm also willing to, otherwise, he has no problem with going for a Divorce. Now, the Ball is in my Court & I'm in Dilemma, whether I should Accept his 'Tit for Tat' Attitude & go ahead with working on our Marriage, Believing that we both are Even now? I am still afraid of the Familial, Societal, Legal & Financial consequences, which would arise, in case of Divorce. In this situation what, do you think, is a better option? Reconciliation or Separation? (P.S: He got himself Tested & fortunately, he has not been infected with any Sexually Transmitted Diseases, as he'd always taken Care to use Protection, even while engaging in his Wildest Sexual Fantasies)
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to want me to give you an answer that you want to hear. Let me ask you this...if the same situation happened wto your bestie, what would you suggest to her?
Your husband's belief that all virgins bleed on the first night and that not happening and then his revenge sex on his trip...what is all this? A circus, drama?
You need to decide what kind of life you want to lead and if this person fits into that picture. The decision is yours; just think of the sequence of events and how this has affected you. As a mature person and your husband, what else could he have done to actually sort this issue out? You have a lot of thinking to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Relationship
I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
Ans:

Dear MK,

This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
    Ans:

    Dear MK,

    This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

    It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

    He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

    To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

    Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

    If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

    All the best!

    ..Read more

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    Nayagam P

    Nayagam P P  |5601 Answers  |Ask -

    Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 02, 2025

    Career
    Hello sir my son secured 93.65%ile which is 95132 CRL. Which nit, iiit and gfti can he get? Category is open general and home state is Maharashtra.
    Ans: Manish Sir, Here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

    Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

    Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
    Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
    Before starting, note down the following details:

    Your JEE Main percentile
    Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
    Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
    Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
    List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
    Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
    Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
    Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
    You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
    Step 3: Select the Round Number
    JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
    For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
    Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
    Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
    If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
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    It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
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    Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
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    The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
    Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
    Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
    This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
    Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
    Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
    Example Calculation:
    If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
    If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
    Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
    Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

    Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
    Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
    You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

    Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

    Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
    If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

    Hope this guide helps! All the BEST for your Son's Admission & a Prosperous Future!

    Follow RediffGURURS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

    ...Read more

    Nayagam P

    Nayagam P P  |5601 Answers  |Ask -

    Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 02, 2025

    Career
    What is better choice.. Rvce cse or vit cse cat 2.. I got 45k rank jee mains.. Domicile Madhya Pradesh.. Also trying to get into bits Pilani by next attempt ( hope).. Jee main college or rvce etc? I'm confused.. I'm from north and scared because of south environment currently
    Ans: Aditya, prefer RVCE-CSE over VIT-CSE-C2 (if fee is affordable to either). Based on your JEE Rank, Scoring above 290 marks in BITS will be challenging. As far as possibility of getting admission into NITs/IIITs/GFTIs & fee is a concern for your parents, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

    Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

    Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
    Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
    Before starting, note down the following details:

    Your JEE Main percentile
    Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
    Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
    Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
    List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
    Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
    Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
    Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
    You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
    Step 3: Select the Round Number
    JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
    For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
    Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
    Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
    If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
    Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
    It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
    Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
    Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
    Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
    Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
    After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
    The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
    Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
    Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
    This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
    Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
    Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
    Example Calculation:
    If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
    If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
    Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
    Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

    Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
    Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
    You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

    Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

    Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
    If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

    Hope this guide helps! All the BEST for your Admission & a Prosperous Future!

    Follow RediffGURURS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

    ...Read more

    Nayagam P

    Nayagam P P  |5601 Answers  |Ask -

    Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 02, 2025

    Career
    Jee mains 98.5 sir jee advance 85 marks any chance to IIT sir .my caste certificate ews sir
    Ans: Jyothi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

    Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

    Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
    Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
    Before starting, note down the following details:

    Your JEE Main percentile
    Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
    Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
    Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
    List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
    Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
    Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
    Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
    You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
    Step 3: Select the Round Number
    JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
    For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
    Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
    Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
    If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
    Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
    It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
    Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
    Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
    Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
    Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
    After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
    The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
    Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
    Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
    This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
    Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
    Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
    Example Calculation:
    If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
    If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
    Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
    Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

    Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
    Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
    You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

    Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

    Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
    If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

    Hope this guide helps! All the BEST for your Admission & a Prosperous Future!

    Follow RediffGURURS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

    ...Read more

    DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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