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I'm Feeling Guilty After My Wife's Death - What Should I Do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1218 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Gurus, I lost my wife in 2022 reason was unknown as biopsy was denied by in laws.We had long cold fight for 1year.In between I had relationship with 2 women.I was intimating with them simultaneously.she was knowing everything.when she died police and doctor said it was natural death. but I am feeling guilty as I think she lost her life because of me .I have started my new life but couldn’t able to forgot the pain of her.I am not feeling happy now since her lost.what should I do to get away with the guilt.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is painful...
The guilt that you carry is not useful as you will carry the burden without actually receiving anything good at the end of it. It will keep you busy in a never-ending loop of sadness, doubts and more unanswered questions.
Instead of thinking what you should have done, why don't you think of how you can recall the good times with her and remember her for the good person that she was...
Guilt is not going to change the past BUT how you change the way you think about the past and your wife can help you ease into the situation. Celebrate your wife and her memories...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1218 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 22, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, I am 45 years old man married with two kids. I got into relationship with a married colleague 5 years back. She got divorced. I am not sure if our relationship was the reason for the divorce. I wanted to divorce my wife and get married to my colleague. But then during pandemic I and my colleague were physically separated. Not sure if the separation helped her realise our relationship was not going anywhere or it was not right. She called and told me that I scarred her life and didn’t want to keep in touch with me. Since then I am not in touch with her. I made attempts to but she blocked me totally. She’s in the same town but I never made an attempt to forcefully meet her. She didn’t marry again so far and don’t what’s happening in her life. But I feel guilty did I spoil her life? I really love her but if I really did why did I not know where this all will end up. I don’t think I was the reason for her break up because she developed friendship with me when her marriage was not going well. I don’t know if it was error of judgment, feel so guilty about the whole situation. Since I have been in relationship with her, never had a sexual relationship with my wife and even I don’t. Don’t know if it’s my failed or failing marriage is whole reason for this . I feel terribly guilty for my ex colleague’s situation. It’s eating me up. I question my own character, am I a sexual predator? I lose my sleep about this and not able come to terms. Need your advice, do I need a see a therapist and what kind?
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
You have the choice of playing the 'victim' or move on with life accepting things for the way they are!
Why you stepped out of marriage or why your married colleague entered into a relationship with you or why she walked out of it or why she blames you.
These WHYs will only keep making you go in circles. You need answers to these only if the two of you are still going to be involved. When that chapter of your life is over, why mull over it? This is playing the 'victim', feeling sorry for yourself and feeling guilty and trying to go back in time and thinking of what you could have done to have a different outcome. As long as these WHYs help you move on, it's fine, but if it's only going to mess with your mind and send you on a wild goose chase, kindly STOP! Sexual predator as you call yourself is just a label you choose to carry after the accusation made by your colleague after she called the relationship off. So, she takes the call and then blames you and then you decide to carry the guilt for what two consenting adults decided when they were in a relationship. Quit this mindset and seriously MOVE ON!

Can you instead focus on where your life is now and what you can do to make it better?
Indulge in a new hobby and make a few new friends and be with your family that loves you. Spend time with your children who will fill your life with a lot of happiness.
Soon, when you are ready, things might open up for a new relationship then.
So release the OLD and welcome the NEW.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1218 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2023Hindi
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I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!

..Read more

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Janak

Janak Patel  |7 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

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Money
Please advice on my portfolio. I'm 50 years old married freelancer with no children so end up doing investments through STP's. Right now I have 1 crore in ICICI Agressive Hybrid, 1 crore in HDFC Balanced Advantage, 50 lakh PMS with ICICI Contra, 50 Lakh PMS with Abbakus. 30 Lakhs HDFC Mid Cap. 30 Lakhs Oswal Business Cycle. Apart from that I have 20 lakhs in PPF. Please advice
Ans: Hi Saket,

Your portfolio is a mix of investments across MFs, PMS and PPF.
Assuming PMS is all equity, the asset allocation reflects approximately an 80:20 ratio in Equity:Debt respectively, which seems fine.
As your objectives or goals are not available, it would be difficult to indicate if they suit your profile.

Most of the MF schemes mentioned are fine with a good track record. The exception is the Business Cycle scheme - this is a new scheme and being sectoral it will attract very high risk, its approximately 10% of your portfolio value so continue if you understand the risk.
Alternately you can consider a Flexi-cap or Multi-cap MF scheme that are well diversified and for a 7+ years of time horizon.

PMS services - if your experience with the PMS services are good and they meet your expectations for returns, then do continue.

PPF - plan to utilize it as a tax efficient instrument to withdraw funds at the time of retirement. Continue to contribute max possible and complete lock-in period of 15 years and keep extending the account with contributions. Over the next 10-15 years you can accumulate a good corpus which will be completely tax free for withdrawal.

An observation/suggestion as its not indicated - As you are freelancer, suggest emergency funds - please plan to have at least 6-9 months expenses in an investment which has high liquidity and safety e.g. FDs. In extreme eventualities like the pandemic or a personal crisis, this fund can support the immediate needs.

As you are going to be moving towards your retirement in a decade or so, I recommend you contact a Certified Financial Planner who can add value to your portfolio and provide a personalized evaluation and guidance taking into consideration your family profile, goals and requirement of the future while assessing risk and tax efficiency.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Janak

Janak Patel  |7 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

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Money
I bought an apartment in Delhi in the year 2002 for 5 lacs (own funds) Plus 15 lacs bank loan for 15 years at interest rate of 10%. Now want to sell it for199 lacs. Please advise on following 1. How to work out cost of acquisition considering interest paid on bank loan and expenses incurred from time to time to upkeep the flat around 5 lacs. I don't have bank interest certificate. 2. What will be capital gains tax calculation if I sell it now with both options old v/s new. Please advise. Raghav.
Ans: Hi Neeta / Raghav,

At the high level the below should help you.

1. Cost of acquisition can include the purchase price and the cost of improvement, so the upkeep expenses to maintain the property cannot be consider, but if you made any form of addition/alterations to the property then you can include it.
The interest paid on loan is eligible for tax benefits, it cannot be included in the cost of acquisition.

2. Old Rule - using the CII for calculations indicate Capital gains of Rs130 lacs, the capital gains tax (20% on difference after indexation) works out to be approximately Rs26 lacs. Note exact dates of purchase/sale will determine the CII values to be used, assumed FY2002-3 and FY2024-25 for now.
New Rule (2024 budget) - Capital gains = difference of sale and cost price i.e. Rs179 lacs, tax of 12.5% on it is approximately Rs22 lacs.

Note - you can add/reduce the cost/sale price with expense incurred in transacting the property e.g. brokerage.

Options to save tax on the Capital gains amount
1. Reinvest in another residential property within 1 year prior and 2 years after sale date or construct within 3 years after sale date.
2. Invest in NHAI bonds - has lock-in period and the interest earned is taxable.

Please contact a CFP or a Tax consultant for further guidance.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6689 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Money
Please review my MF Portfolio Sir....Bandhan Small Cap Fund - 11000, Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund -15500, Kotak emerging equity Fund - 7000, Tata digital Fund - 7000, Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund - 12000, HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund - 12500, With setp up of 10% every year. is this portfolio Good ?? should I change something ?? Also, I want to start another 5000 SIP, which fund should I go for ?. My age is 28 yrs My goal is wealth creation, i can invest for long term. As of now I don't have any urgency
Ans: I’m glad to see you’ve taken active steps towards wealth creation. At 28, with a long-term investment horizon and no immediate need for liquidity, you’re well-positioned to build substantial wealth through disciplined investments.

Let’s evaluate your portfolio and offer insights for further improvements, including recommendations for your new SIP.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Your portfolio reflects a diverse range of funds, which is essential for reducing risks and optimizing growth. Here's a detailed evaluation of each component:

1. Bandhan Small Cap Fund – Rs 11,000
Small-cap funds have high growth potential but are also highly volatile. It’s great for wealth creation over the long term, but ensure you're prepared for volatility in the short term.

You’ve allocated 16% of your current SIP to small caps. That’s reasonable given your age and long investment horizon.

2. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund – Rs 15,500
This is a flexi-cap fund, which means it can invest in large, mid, and small caps based on market conditions. These funds offer a good balance of risk and reward.

With about 22% of your SIP allocated here, it adds diversification to your portfolio. This fund provides the flexibility to adjust to market conditions, which can be a key strength.

3. Kotak Emerging Equity Fund – Rs 7,000
Mid-cap funds like this have the potential to offer high returns with moderate risk. Mid-caps often strike a balance between the stability of large caps and the growth potential of small caps.

Your allocation of 10% to mid-cap is fine for your long-term goal, as these funds can generate wealth if held for 7-10 years.

4. Tata Digital Fund – Rs 7,000
A sectoral fund like this focuses on the digital or technology sector, which can be lucrative. However, such funds tend to be highly volatile and depend on the sector's performance.

While sectoral funds can provide high returns, their risks are high due to concentrated exposure. It's a good idea to limit your exposure here, and you’ve done well by keeping it at around 10%.

5. Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund – Rs 12,000
Another mid-cap fund in your portfolio, this allocation increases your exposure to mid-caps. While mid-caps have good growth potential, too much concentration in this category can amplify risk.

You’ve allocated 17% to mid-caps overall, which is slightly on the higher side. You may want to reduce this exposure slightly to balance your risk.

6. HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund – Rs 12,500
Balanced Advantage Funds (BAFs) dynamically manage the portfolio between equity and debt. This ensures lower volatility while giving reasonable returns.

Having 18% of your portfolio in a BAF adds stability and cushions against market fluctuations. This is an excellent choice for long-term wealth creation with moderate risk.

Diversification and Risk Management
Your portfolio is diversified across different types of equity funds—small-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, and sectoral funds. However, there’s a concentration of mid-cap and small-cap exposure, which could increase risk during market downturns. Since you are aiming for long-term wealth creation, I recommend a more balanced allocation.

Steps to Improve Diversification:

Reduce Sectoral Exposure: The Tata Digital Fund's high concentration in one sector can increase risk. You may want to limit sectoral funds to 5-7% of your overall portfolio.

Balance Mid-Cap Exposure: You’ve invested in two mid-cap funds. Consider reducing one to moderate your overall risk exposure.

Adding Another SIP of Rs 5,000
You mentioned starting a new Rs 5,000 SIP. Given your long-term horizon and focus on wealth creation, here’s what I suggest for further diversification:

1. Large-Cap Fund
Adding a large-cap fund will bring more stability to your portfolio. Large-cap funds tend to be less volatile and provide consistent returns, especially during market downturns.

This can act as a safety net, balancing the volatility of your small and mid-cap funds.

2. Hybrid or Dynamic Allocation Fund
If you're looking for more stability, you might consider adding a balanced or hybrid fund to your portfolio. These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, which can stabilize your portfolio during market fluctuations.

A hybrid fund would complement your existing BAF and reduce overall portfolio risk.

3. International Equity Fund
You can also consider diversifying internationally by adding an international equity fund. These funds provide exposure to global markets and help diversify country-specific risks.

This can help balance the portfolio if Indian markets face periods of stagnation.

Disadvantages of Index and Direct Funds
Since you've opted for actively managed funds, I want to reinforce that you're on the right track. Index funds, although lower in cost, are passive and do not have the potential for outperformance in dynamic markets. In contrast, actively managed funds offer better opportunities as professional fund managers constantly analyze the market to maximize returns.

Also, it's wise to invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can guide you based on your financial goals and risk profile. While direct funds may save on expense ratios, they often lack personalized advice, which can cost you in the long term.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio has a solid foundation for long-term wealth creation, with a strong emphasis on small and mid-cap funds for growth. However, it would benefit from some adjustments to balance risk and improve diversification.

Consider reducing your sectoral and mid-cap exposure slightly to manage volatility.

Adding a large-cap or hybrid fund to your new SIP will provide more stability.

Investing for the long term with periodic reviews will ensure you stay aligned with your goals.

Stay disciplined with your investments, increase your SIPs regularly as planned, and avoid frequent changes. With a long-term vision and the right fund selection, your portfolio can grow significantly over time.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6689 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2024Hindi
Money
Hlo sir, im vijaylaxmi 24 yrs old i want to do sip please suggest which fund is best to invest
Ans: Vijaylaxmi, it’s great that you want to start investing at the young age of 24.

Starting early gives you the benefit of time.

Your investment horizon is likely to be long, which is ideal for SIP investments.

Before selecting any fund, it's important to understand your financial goals.

You need to assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial objectives.

Since you are young, you can afford to take some risk, but that should align with your comfort level.

If you want to build wealth over the long term, equity mutual funds would suit your needs.

They have the potential to offer higher returns in the long run compared to other asset classes.

However, you should stay invested for at least 5-7 years to ride out market fluctuations.

Diversification Across Funds

It’s crucial to diversify your investments across different fund categories.

Diversification will reduce risk by spreading your money across different sectors and asset classes.

You can consider investing in large-cap funds, multi-cap funds, and mid-cap funds for diversification.

Each type of fund comes with its own level of risk and potential return.

Large-cap funds are more stable, while mid-cap and multi-cap funds can offer higher returns but come with higher volatility.

Why Not Index Funds?

You might hear people suggesting index funds, but let’s evaluate them.

Index funds simply track a market index like Nifty 50 or Sensex.

They don’t have active fund management, which means there’s no expert to make decisions during market ups and downs.

Although they have lower costs, their returns may not always outperform actively managed funds.

With actively managed funds, a professional fund manager selects stocks, making adjustments to take advantage of market opportunities.

The Benefits of SIP in Actively Managed Funds

SIP or Systematic Investment Plan is an excellent way to invest in mutual funds.

It helps you invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market conditions.

This instills financial discipline and reduces the impact of market volatility through rupee cost averaging.

You won’t need to worry about timing the market; SIP takes care of that for you.

Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market, especially when you stay invested over the long term.

When you invest through SIP in an actively managed fund, you get the expertise of a fund manager making strategic decisions to maximize returns.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds

Now, let’s talk about the mode of investment.

Direct funds may seem attractive because they have lower expense ratios, but investing through regular funds offers benefits.

Regular funds give you access to the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD).

Their advice can help you make informed decisions about your portfolio, especially if market conditions change.

A regular plan allows you to get ongoing support for your investment journey.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner can help you align your portfolio with your financial goals.

They bring a deeper understanding of markets and can help optimize your asset allocation over time.

Flexibility in Fund Choices

While selecting funds, ensure that you pick flexible options.

Some funds are rigid and only invest in a certain category of stocks, which can limit their performance during different market cycles.

Flexible funds, like multi-cap funds, allow the fund manager to shift between large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions.

This flexibility can increase the fund’s chances of delivering consistent returns over time.

Equity Fund for Long-Term Goals

If your goal is long-term wealth creation, equity mutual funds are your best bet.

They generally outperform debt funds, FDs, and other conservative instruments over time.

Equity funds can offer better inflation-adjusted returns.

These funds invest in the stock market, which is why their potential for growth is higher.

However, they come with short-term volatility.

So, it’s important to have patience and a long-term perspective when investing in equity funds.

Growth or Dividend Option?

When investing in mutual funds, you will have to choose between the growth and dividend options.

Since you are young and likely looking to accumulate wealth, the growth option is more suited for you.

The growth option allows your investment to compound over time, as any profits earned by the fund are reinvested into the fund.

The dividend option provides periodic payouts, which is more suitable for investors seeking regular income.

In your case, you may not need regular income right now, so the growth option will help you build a larger corpus in the long run.

Taxation on Mutual Funds

When investing in mutual funds, it’s important to understand the tax implications.

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) are taxed at 12.5% after Rs 1.25 lakh.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

This means if you sell your equity mutual fund units before three years, the gains will be taxed as STCG.

If you hold the fund for longer than three years, any gains above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed as LTCG.

Since your investment horizon is long-term, this will work in your favor as you can take advantage of the LTCG benefit.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Future Income

In the future, when you achieve your financial goals, you can convert your SIP investments into a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount of money from your investment at regular intervals.

This is an effective way to create a steady stream of income from your mutual fund investment.

It can be particularly useful for retirement planning.

Since you are young, you have plenty of time to grow your investments before you need to rely on SWP.

Final Insights

At the age of 24, starting an SIP is a brilliant move.

Your time horizon allows you to take on equity market risks, which can result in higher long-term returns.

Diversify your investments across different fund categories to balance risk and return.

Actively managed funds offer better prospects than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers.

Choosing the growth option will help you accumulate wealth faster, as your profits will be reinvested.

Remember to stay invested for at least 5-7 years to maximize your returns.

As you move forward, work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your portfolio and make adjustments when necessary.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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