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I'm Feeling Guilty After My Wife's Death - What Should I Do?

Anu Krishna |1530 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Dear Gurus, I lost my wife in 2022 reason was unknown as biopsy was denied by in laws.We had long cold fight for 1year.In between I had relationship with 2 women.I was intimating with them simultaneously.she was knowing everything.when she died police and doctor said it was natural death. but I am feeling guilty as I think she lost her life because of me .I have started my new life but couldn’t able to forgot the pain of her.I am not feeling happy now since her lost.what should I do to get away with the guilt.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is painful...
The guilt that you carry is not useful as you will carry the burden without actually receiving anything good at the end of it. It will keep you busy in a never-ending loop of sadness, doubts and more unanswered questions.
Instead of thinking what you should have done, why don't you think of how you can recall the good times with her and remember her for the good person that she was...
Guilt is not going to change the past BUT how you change the way you think about the past and your wife can help you ease into the situation. Celebrate your wife and her memories...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Question by Vishal - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

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HI,This is vishal ,age 48,lost my mother recently,but i think i was late to get her to hospital,and i feel really guilty,how to get out of it

Ans: Dear Vishal,
I am truly sorry for your loss.
It isn't easy to get over the loss of a loved one. I do see that in most cases, people find themselves in a guilty space constantly thinking that they could have done something more and that they haven't done it. Then they go on a guilt trip that makes the process of grieving even harder.
What I suggest is:
- Tell yourself that you did the best that you could as a Son even if you keep doubting this, keep saying this over and over again.
- Next, celebrate joyful moments that you had with your mother
- Lastly, as strange as it may seem; simply ask for forgiveness for any intentional or unintentional doings (I have seen this work during Grief counseling work. It may not appeal to the logical side of things BUT who is to say if things actually work unto relief)

You did what you could and in the best possible manner; period!

All the best!

Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1530 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1530 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi

Relationship

My wife died in 2017 cause of death was unknown but I had doubt that she ingested something and it was because of me as I was always keeping distance between her. This thought never let me sleeps peacefully I always think if she ingested something what amount of trouble she was experienced.I feel so guilty that this thought gives me panic attack.I am an able to breath. Is this what we call karma which return it way of this deadliest thought. Kindly help me how I can surpass this thought and live healthy life.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I strongly suggest that you see an expert who can help you with this entire journey. It's not simple yet it can have a solution for you. Approach a professional and let them work with you guiding you step by step on not only releasing guilt BUT also work on your past relationship with your late wife which needs closure.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ans: Hello dear.
With a score of 96.95 %tile and EWS category, it will be challenging to get CSE/AI/DS in NITs. But keep a close eye on the admission process and fill the options with utmost care. At this percentile, you may get sure admission in IIITs. Pl focus more on 2nd attempt of JEE so that you can improve your score and get admission to CSE @ NIT.

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Hi, my daughter has got 95.37 percentile in jee mains-2025. Can she get any good college olin delhi or any NIT. She wants to do electronics and telecommunication. Thanks

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Sir, I got 94.67 percentile in Jee mains general category .What are the CSE options available ?

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Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

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CaN you list the nit in order for selection to cse group. Is trichi not in top list

Ans: Hello dear.
It would be an injustice for the brand NIT to list them in descending order. Yet some people try to order. Here is the order of NIT for the CSE branch:
(1) NIT Tiruchirappalli (NIT Trichy) (2) NIT Karnataka, Surathkal (3) NIT Rourkela (4) NIT Warangal (5) NIT Calicut (6) NIT Jaipur (7) NIT Silchar (8) NIT Nagpur (9) NIT Durgapur (10) NIT Jalandhar

If you are satisfied with the reply, please follow me or ask again without hesitation.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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