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My friend's husband desires reconciliation after infidelity, but his mistress threatens suicide - what should we do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 08, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

My friends husband is having an extra marital affair since last 5 years. Now as it is known to her. He feels sorry and wants to come back. But the involved lady gives him suicidal threats. How to manage things?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Something always comes to bite, right?
Your friend and her husband now must be on the same team to tackle this situation. Obviously, the other lady is hurt and possibly wants her revenge...the only way she thinks is through this blackmail. Your friend's husband must deal with this with butter fingers and slowly ease out of the other relationship but for that he is going to have to spend time talking and managing her emotions so that she does not resort to extreme steps.
For this to happen, your friend is going to have to support her husband; will she be willing to do that after what she's gone through? I know it's a lot to ask a lady whose husband has cheated her, but if she has decided to accept her husband's position and wants the marriage, the couple can approach this together and save the marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |500 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2024

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Relationship
hi i want to help my friend so need guidance from you . she had an affair with unmarried guy he use to care for her and always stood at her toes for everything without fail . but for some time he started giving excises for not picking call and replying messages , but kept on managing relationship . like talking in late hrs calling as and when but not in that way as in starting of the relation. meeting her . they had fights often when she saw few calls coming on his phone he diverted her like she is my didi or have some work and bla bla . these become fights of daily . now he started avoiding her messages replying according to his convenient time . or not picking call over night when asked he says was sleeping or busy . And not telling exactly where he was is he engaged somewhere els . I told my friend to drag herself out of these thing but she is v upset .due to all this . its been 2 years only . What should she do
Ans: Dear Minu,

You were right in advising her to get herself out of this relationship; it sounds exhausting trying to keep track of where he is, what he is doing and why is he acting this way. It is unfair, but sometimes people just fall out of love; they change and there is nothing one can do about it. The best thing to do in this situation is to slowly get yourself out of this and move on. It is easier said than done, but unfortunately, this is the only advice I can give.

If she is desperate to hold on to him, she can confront him and try to sit him down for a clear and open discussion. But that rarely works. Again, it's unfortunate, but it happens time and again.

I am glad to see you standing by your friend during this time. I am not sure how much you can help her with suggestions, because people in love rarely tend to listen to reason, but even being there for her is plenty helpful. Hope you can help your friend through this rough patch.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |479 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Dear Kanchan Mam, I have a very close friend who s been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a one year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much has cheated on him with one of her friend for almost 3 years which he came to know about recently. He could not digest that ..He thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with her affair partner .She too agreed . My friend didn't tell about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respects a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ...But after 3 months he came to know that his wife is still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also has not stopped . This time he said he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents are begging him not to do so and telling him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated him and broken his trust . He says he cannot live with her without trust . So he has decided to move on but his wife is telling she will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesn't forgive her and has even threatened to commit suicide along with his children. She has attempted a couple of times too . My friend is in depression . He says he is also worried about his children's future without their mother ...At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again as before after being cheated on twice...He is asking me to advise. I am totally confused . Kindly advice the pros and cons of 1)forgiving her once again and living in a trustless marriage 2)moving on and finding someone more trustworthy . 3) If he decides to marry another person how will this impact his children . He s not interested in continuing with his wife but only for kids sake and because of his wife's and her mother's pressure he says he is not able to initiate divorce proceedings...Kindly help me to advise my friend suitably...
Ans: I understand how incredibly difficult this situation must be for your friend, and it's clear that he's grappling with some profound and painful decisions. Let's explore the potential paths he might take, keeping in mind the need for empathy and understanding for everyone involved.

If your friend chooses to stay and forgive his wife again, it might provide immediate stability for the children. They would continue to have both parents in their daily lives, which can offer a sense of security and normalcy. However, it's essential to acknowledge the immense challenge of living in a relationship where trust has been deeply broken.

Trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship, and without it, he might find himself constantly anxious and emotionally strained. This ongoing tension could create a stressful environment for both him and his children. If there's any hope for this path, it would require significant commitment to rebuilding trust and possibly professional counseling to navigate the healing process.

Deciding to move on and possibly seek a new, trustworthy relationship could ultimately lead to a happier and healthier future for your friend. This path respects his emotional needs and acknowledges that rebuilding trust with his current partner may not be feasible. Moving on offers a chance to start anew and find fulfillment in a relationship built on mutual respect and honesty.

However, divorce is a major life transition that will significantly affect the children. They'll need time and support to adapt to the changes in their family dynamics. This process can be emotionally and legally challenging, but it might be necessary for your friend to find peace and stability. His wife's threats are deeply concerning and must be taken seriously. Ensuring everyone’s safety is paramount, and professional help may be needed to manage these threats.

Introducing a new partner into his children’s lives is a delicate process. Initially, they might feel confused or insecure about the changes. However, with careful handling and sensitivity, a new, loving relationship can eventually provide them with a positive and nurturing environment. It can show them that it’s possible to overcome difficult circumstances and find happiness and stability again.

Encouraging your friend to seek professional counseling can provide a safe space for him to process his emotions and support his children through these transitions.

Consulting a lawyer will help him understand his rights and ensure that appropriate measures are in place to protect his and his children's safety, especially given his wife's threats.

Leaning on trusted friends and family can offer much-needed emotional support and practical advice. This is a time for him to draw on his community for strength and guidance.

Your friend's priority should be the well-being of his children and his own emotional health. Whether he chooses to stay and work on rebuilding the marriage or decides to move on, it’s crucial that he feels supported and safe in his decision. He doesn’t have to face this alone, and with empathy, professional help, and the support of loved ones, he can navigate this challenging time and find a path forward that leads to peace and happiness.

Being there for him as a compassionate friend during this time is invaluable. Your support and understanding can make a significant difference as he navigates these difficult choices.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7488 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Money
I have arount 1500000 invested in MF through an advisor. But now advisor is not giving any services. Is this any soloution to make it direct investment. And if so is it right time to switch to direct as fund value is decresed substantially due to market.
Ans: You have Rs. 15 Lacs invested in mutual funds through an advisor.

The advisor is no longer providing services, leaving you without proper guidance.

The market downturn has reduced your portfolio value substantially.

You are considering switching to direct investments to avoid advisor dependency.

Understanding Regular and Direct Plans
Regular Plans
Regular plans include an advisor’s commission in the expense ratio.

Advisors provide portfolio monitoring and personalised guidance.

Higher expense ratio compared to direct plans.

Direct Plans
Direct plans exclude advisor commissions, reducing the expense ratio.

You need to research and manage investments independently.

Requires knowledge of markets, schemes, and portfolio management.

Impact of Market Conditions on Switching
Current Market Downtrend
Your portfolio is already under stress due to market fluctuations.

Switching now could realise losses if you redeem units for the switch.

Timing Consideration
Markets typically recover over time; wait for partial recovery.

Avoid selling at a loss unless a fund is underperforming consistently.

Disadvantages of Direct Plans
Lack of Expert Guidance
Direct plans shift the responsibility of fund selection to you.

Without market knowledge, decision-making can become challenging.

Emotional Decisions
Investors often panic and redeem during market corrections.

An advisor helps maintain discipline during market volatility.

Missed Opportunities
Advisors can identify better opportunities and schemes.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer a structured approach.

Addressing Your Current Situation
Option 1: Stay Invested and Change Advisor
Find a new advisor with CFP credentials for better services.

Continue with regular plans under the new advisor’s guidance.

This ensures professional advice and disciplined investing.

Option 2: Gradual Switch to Direct Plans
Switch only if you have the expertise to manage your portfolio.

Use a step-by-step approach; shift one scheme at a time.

Monitor the performance of the new direct plans regularly.

Avoid rushing the process, as it may lead to mistakes.

Option 3: Consolidate and Restructure
Evaluate each mutual fund for performance over three to five years.

Exit underperforming funds gradually to avoid unnecessary losses.

Reinvest in actively managed funds with proven track records.

Tax Implications of Switching
Selling mutual funds involves capital gains tax liability.

Equity mutual funds: Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 Lacs taxed at 12.5%.

Debt mutual funds: Capital gains taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider the tax impact before redeeming or switching funds.

Recommendations for a Stable Portfolio
Diversification
Ensure a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds for balance.

Equity funds provide growth; debt funds add stability.

Emergency Fund
Keep 6-12 months’ expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

Avoid using this amount for switching investments.

Regular Monitoring
Review your portfolio performance every six months.

Rebalance to align with financial goals and risk appetite.

Final Insights
Switching to direct plans is an option but requires expertise.

Retaining regular plans with a new advisor ensures professional guidance.

Assess your financial goals and portfolio performance before making changes.

Avoid hurried decisions during a market downturn to prevent losses.

A Certified Financial Planner can help optimise your portfolio effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7488 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, I am 58 years old and still working. Having 2 unmarried sons age 32 years and 18 years of age. Elder son is still to marry. Corpus PPF : Rs. 35 Lacs, Retirement amount : Rs. 10-12 Lacs, PF Rs. 11 Lacs, Emergency fund : 5 Lacs, Medical policy : 15 Lacs, Rental income : 30000 from house and shop, Property : Flat worth 1.1 Cr, 1 shop worth 30 Lacs, Insurance : Sanchay plus - Premium of Rs. 1.5 Lacs till 2029 and will get 130000 from 2031 onwards, HDFC Pansion plan – pansion starts from 2026 as Rs. 26000 per year, HDFC SL Crest – funds accumulated 7 Lacs, Savings : RD in post office : Rs. 14 Lacs, Bank 5 Lacs, Medical policy : 15 Lacs, stocks Rs. 1 Lac. How should I invest Rs. 1.1 Crores on selling of Flat to get Rs. 1.0 Lac monthly ? What should I do to have stable income ?
Ans: You have diverse assets including PPF, PF, RDs, insurance plans, and rental income.

Emergency fund of Rs. 5 Lacs is adequate for unexpected short-term needs.

Medical insurance of Rs. 15 Lacs ensures financial protection for health emergencies.

Retirement corpus includes Rs. 35 Lacs in PPF and Rs. 11 Lacs in PF.

Rental income of Rs. 30,000 monthly provides a stable source of passive income.

HDFC Sanchay Plus and Pension Plan offer future income stability post-retirement.

Flat and shop properties together hold a value of Rs. 1.4 Crores.

Stocks, accumulated funds, and bank savings add liquidity to your portfolio.

Objectives and Key Considerations
Stable Monthly Income

Target Rs. 1 Lakh monthly income from investments post flat sale.
Preservation of Capital

Avoid high-risk investments to protect your capital.
Inflation-Adjusted Returns

Investments should grow to combat inflation over time.
Tax Efficiency

Minimise tax liability while optimising returns.
Family Security

Ensure financial security for your unmarried sons.
Strategy to Achieve Rs. 1 Lakh Monthly Income
Diversify the Rs. 1.1 Crore Corpus
Split the corpus into debt, equity, and hybrid instruments.

Allocate 60-70% to debt funds and bonds for stability.

Invest 20-30% in equity mutual funds for growth and inflation adjustment.

Keep 5-10% in liquid funds for liquidity and emergencies.

Debt Fund Investments
Choose high-quality debt funds for predictable income.

Opt for a mix of corporate bonds and government securities.

Debt funds provide regular income and lower risk.

Ensure debt fund maturity matches your income needs.

Equity Mutual Fund Investments
Actively managed funds deliver higher returns than index funds.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for personalised guidance.

Equity mutual funds counter inflation with potential long-term growth.

SIPs in balanced funds can balance risk and reward effectively.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWP for a consistent monthly income.

Withdraw Rs. 1 Lakh monthly while allowing corpus to grow.

SWP ensures disciplined withdrawals and avoids emotional decisions.

Immediate Income Until SWP Grows
Use the current rental income and insurance maturity payouts.

Combine with returns from RD and accumulated funds temporarily.

Gradually shift to SWP after corpus generates desired returns.

Managing Existing Investments
Insurance Policies
Continue with Sanchay Plus till 2029 for guaranteed returns.

Evaluate surrender of ULIP (HDFC SL Crest) for reinvestment in mutual funds.

Reinvest surrendered funds in equity and hybrid funds for better growth.

Retirement Accounts
Maintain PPF and PF for tax-free and safe returns.

Avoid premature withdrawal to retain compounding benefits.

Savings and RDs
Keep a portion of Rs. 14 Lacs RD for short-term goals.

Gradually shift RD to debt funds for higher post-tax returns.

Stocks
Evaluate current stocks for performance and risk.

Avoid over-reliance on direct stock investments due to market volatility.

Tax Planning
SWP is tax-efficient as only capital gains are taxed.

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 Lacs on equity funds are taxed at 12.5%.

Debt fund returns are taxed as per your income slab.

Use deductions and exemptions under Indian tax laws for savings.

Family Financial Planning
Elder Son’s Marriage
Allocate a portion of liquid funds for the elder son's marriage.

Ensure planned expenses do not disrupt monthly income goals.

Younger Son’s Education
Create a separate education corpus for the younger son.

Use a combination of debt funds and savings for stability.

Final Insights
Diversify the Rs. 1.1 Crore corpus for stable monthly income and capital growth.

Debt and equity mutual funds with SWP can meet your Rs. 1 Lakh monthly target.

Avoid real estate for reinvestment; it lacks liquidity and consistent income.

Continue current insurance plans; consider surrender of low-performing ULIPs.

Ensure tax-efficient withdrawals to preserve wealth.

Plan for family goals like elder son's marriage and younger son's education.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7488 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

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Money
Hi Sir , I have taken jeevan anand policy in 2005 with paying term 20 years but date of maturity showing as 2082 ( 100 years of life) means I can get money after 2025 completed else I will get maturity amount in 2025, please let me know
Ans: You hold a participating insurance policy with dual benefits: life cover and maturity payout.

The policy term is until age 100, ensuring lifelong coverage.

Your premium-paying term is 20 years, ending in 2025.

You will receive a maturity payout in 2025 if you choose.

Alternatively, you may keep the maturity amount invested in the policy.

If kept invested, benefits accumulate until policy maturity or claim.

Key Aspects to Evaluate
Life Coverage Beyond 2025
Post-2025, the policy continues to provide life cover until age 100.

The sum assured ensures financial security for your dependents.

Maturity Amount Usage
The payout in 2025 can address your financial goals.

Retaining the maturity amount earns additional bonuses over time.

Cost-Effectiveness of Continuing
Premium payments cease after 2025, reducing financial outflow.

Assess the policy's bonus and return rates for future benefits.

Assessing Financial Goals
Immediate Needs
Review current financial priorities like retirement planning or liabilities.

The maturity amount can supplement other investments.

Long-Term Growth Opportunities
Retaining the policy boosts long-term returns due to ongoing bonuses.

Consider the tax efficiency of keeping the maturity amount invested.

Alternative Investment Avenues
Evaluate reinvestment in mutual funds for potentially higher returns.

Active funds with a Certified Financial Planner's guidance can outperform.

Regular funds through an advisor ensure tailored advice and discipline.

Insurance Versus Investment
Dual-purpose policies often underperform as pure investments.

Standalone insurance offers better coverage at a lower premium.

Mutual funds provide transparency, liquidity, and targeted growth.

Tax Implications
The maturity payout is tax-free if premiums are below 10% of the sum assured.

Keeping the policy active beyond 2025 avoids tax on continued bonuses.

Evaluate the tax efficiency against returns from other instruments.

Recommendations
For Policyholders Like You
Continue with the policy until 2025 for the full maturity benefit.

Post-2025, decide based on returns and financial needs.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for optimizing maturity usage.

If Considering Policy Surrender
Reinvest surrendered funds in diversified mutual funds.

Seek active management for consistent, tax-efficient growth.

Final Insights
Your policy secures lifelong coverage and a guaranteed payout in 2025.

Retaining the policy beyond 2025 can maximize accumulated benefits.

Reinvesting in well-managed mutual funds may deliver superior growth.

Ensure alignment with your long-term financial goals and family security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |95 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 10, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
Hello, I’m a teacher in Chennai, and over the years, I’ve built a solid reputation among my students and colleagues. However, despite the satisfaction I get from teaching, my current pay is not enough to meet my financial goals or to support my long-term plans. I’ve been considering transitioning into corporate training because I’ve heard that it can be more financially rewarding, but I’m not sure how to take this forward. I’m thinking of investing in online courses that specialise in corporate training, but I’m hesitant. I’m not sure if it’s worth the time, money, and effort, especially since I’ve already put a lot into my teaching career. How do I evaluate if making this switch is a good decision? Would my experience as a teacher actually help me in corporate training, or will I have to start from scratch? Should I look for a mentor in this field before making the leap? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Ans: Hi!!
It is so heartening to see this statement of yours," solid reputation among my students and colleagues". I feel that you need to build a solid foundation on all the set skills that you currently have. Not everyone can earn the respect of students ...especially in today's world. Consolidate on this... put in a psychology course/ degree and anything else that can solidify your existing skills!
People are ready to invest in their children, always remember this.....If financial goals is an issue, you can switch to a school where the salary is good, good teachers are in great demand. Collect a lot of testimonials from parents and students before you switch. Demand the salary that you deserve. For earning extra income you can start classes, one of my friends earns in crores just by lending extra help to students .As a teacher you know where the gap exists in our educational system, see if you can fill this gap, see what you can offer and make money.
I am investing a lot of time on this aspect of you because you said that you are actually good at it and that you enjoy doing it, not everyone can say this about their work. It is a matter of time you monetize what you love doing ....groom yourself well, look like a powerful person and demand the salary you think you deserve. Learn to invest your money well and let money work for you. Think of opening your own school.

I am a personal coach as well as a corporate trainer, it a crowded place here too, your experience as a teacher will definitely come in handy ,but you will require additional training for becoming a corporate trainer no doubt about it, it builds credibility. It is hard work, it takes time, energy, certification and constant learning in order to be sought after corporate trainer and demand that kind of money. If you are a go getter, smart, well groomed, confident in your verbal communication and in planning your sessions well, then go for it...else..you said it, "I've already put a lot into my teaching career", consolidate on this!! Lots of schools are investing in training teachers as well as students, go for that or you can come to me we can have chat together and then you can take the leap forward in whatever direction you feel like taking. Whatever you decide it has to be a well thought out decision!

Hope this helps...may wisdom be on your side..TC!

...Read more

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2156 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 10, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
As a prospective investor, I’m trying to balance these factors: does the flat sequential growth reflect a temporary phase that might correct itself in subsequent quarters, or could it point to broader challenges within the IT industry that might persist? Additionally, with IT stocks typically being sensitive to global economic trends and client spending patterns, would it be wiser to invest now, leveraging the strong order book as a growth indicator, or should I wait for clearer signals of sustained performance and recovery in discretionary spending?
Ans: It's great that you're carefully considering these factors before making an investment decision. Let's break down each aspect:

Flat Sequential Growth
Flat sequential growth in the IT sector could be due to a variety of factors, including macroeconomic challenges, cuts in discretionary spending, and delays in decision-making. While some analysts believe this could be a temporary phase with a potential rebound in subsequent quarters, others caution that it might reflect broader, more persistent challenges.

Global Economic Trends and Client Spending Patterns
IT stocks are indeed sensitive to global economic trends and client spending patterns. A strong order book can be a positive indicator, but it's essential to consider the broader economic environment. If global economic conditions improve and client spending increases, IT stocks could see significant growth.

Invest Now or Wait?
Investing now with a strong order book as a growth indicator could be a good move if you believe in the sector's resilience and potential for recovery. However, if you prefer to wait for clearer signals of sustained performance and recovery in discretionary spending, it might be wise to hold off until there's more certainty.

Ultimately, the decision depends on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. If you're comfortable with some level of uncertainty and believe in the sector's long-term potential, investing now could be beneficial. If you prefer a more cautious approach, waiting for clearer signals might be the better choice.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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