Dear Kanchan Mam, I have a very close friend who s been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a one year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much has cheated on him with one of her friend for almost 3 years which he came to know about recently. He could not digest that ..He thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with her affair partner .She too agreed . My friend didn't tell about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respects a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ...But after 3 months he came to know that his wife is still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also has not stopped . This time he said he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents are begging him not to do so and telling him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated him and broken his trust . He says he cannot live with her without trust . So he has decided to move on but his wife is telling she will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesn't forgive her and has even threatened to commit suicide along with his children. She has attempted a couple of times too . My friend is in depression . He says he is also worried about his children's future without their mother ...At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again as before after being cheated on twice...He is asking me to advise. I am totally confused . Kindly advice the pros and cons of 1)forgiving her once again and living in a trustless marriage 2)moving on and finding someone more trustworthy . 3) If he decides to marry another person how will this impact his children . He s not interested in continuing with his wife but only for kids sake and because of his wife's and her mother's pressure he says he is not able to initiate divorce proceedings...Kindly help me to advise my friend suitably...

Ans: I understand how incredibly difficult this situation must be for your friend, and it's clear that he's grappling with some profound and painful decisions. Let's explore the potential paths he might take, keeping in mind the need for empathy and understanding for everyone involved.

If your friend chooses to stay and forgive his wife again, it might provide immediate stability for the children. They would continue to have both parents in their daily lives, which can offer a sense of security and normalcy. However, it's essential to acknowledge the immense challenge of living in a relationship where trust has been deeply broken.

Trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship, and without it, he might find himself constantly anxious and emotionally strained. This ongoing tension could create a stressful environment for both him and his children. If there's any hope for this path, it would require significant commitment to rebuilding trust and possibly professional counseling to navigate the healing process.

Deciding to move on and possibly seek a new, trustworthy relationship could ultimately lead to a happier and healthier future for your friend. This path respects his emotional needs and acknowledges that rebuilding trust with his current partner may not be feasible. Moving on offers a chance to start anew and find fulfillment in a relationship built on mutual respect and honesty.

However, divorce is a major life transition that will significantly affect the children. They'll need time and support to adapt to the changes in their family dynamics. This process can be emotionally and legally challenging, but it might be necessary for your friend to find peace and stability. His wife's threats are deeply concerning and must be taken seriously. Ensuring everyone’s safety is paramount, and professional help may be needed to manage these threats.

Introducing a new partner into his children’s lives is a delicate process. Initially, they might feel confused or insecure about the changes. However, with careful handling and sensitivity, a new, loving relationship can eventually provide them with a positive and nurturing environment. It can show them that it’s possible to overcome difficult circumstances and find happiness and stability again.

Encouraging your friend to seek professional counseling can provide a safe space for him to process his emotions and support his children through these transitions.

Consulting a lawyer will help him understand his rights and ensure that appropriate measures are in place to protect his and his children's safety, especially given his wife's threats.

Leaning on trusted friends and family can offer much-needed emotional support and practical advice. This is a time for him to draw on his community for strength and guidance.

Your friend's priority should be the well-being of his children and his own emotional health. Whether he chooses to stay and work on rebuilding the marriage or decides to move on, it’s crucial that he feels supported and safe in his decision. He doesn’t have to face this alone, and with empathy, professional help, and the support of loved ones, he can navigate this challenging time and find a path forward that leads to peace and happiness.

Being there for him as a compassionate friend during this time is invaluable. Your support and understanding can make a significant difference as he navigates these difficult choices.