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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am a female 34 married to a 39 Male. I have a 4 year old daughter. Since the very beginning, i spent my savings for household expenses. I had expected him to spend money after my daughter's birth. Most of his income goes towards payment of EMI of 2 houses. I asked him to stop one emi so that we can live properly. He told me that he would always block money in some or the other investment and reduce his disposable income. So I changed my career path to a more lucrative one. I am currently studying to get employedvin such career. Its taking time as inspite of full time maid, i had to take care of her without his support but unnecessary criticism. I have made my own support system, take care of my daughter financially and even take care of her outings. When he is home he takes care of her but he is not consistent . Rather he will pick fights about how i am not a good mother. He has these anger issues where once he is angry he starts shouting, criticizing and sometimes swearing. I learnt to not listen to his words when angry but my daughter heard it twice. After every such fight he would apologize and placate me. But overtime i lost all love for him. He gets triggered by little things like a simple basket and then blow it up. Recently he came drunk and hit me. I asked him to stop and he slapped me twice and then stood near my bed taking about his feelings for 2 hours. The entire incident terrified me and i went back to my parents. I have asked him time and again to get therapy for his anger. I can't let my daughter grow in such environment. I am currently planning to live near my parents and live as a single mother. I am currently preparing for job interviews and the forthcoming exams. I keep hearing that if i am patient he will change. That he will suffer without his daughter. But he is not even considering therapy. Also he can visit her anytime. We live some 12 hours from his location but he can just come over weekends if he wants to. I am financially comfortable now and thus taking few months to set my career. Please advise if my plans are appropriate. I am

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It may seem cruel, but by actually maintaining some space between you and your husband, it is possible that he starts to mend his ways.
Use this time away from him to set your career and financial independence.
Whenever your husband comes over, make sure you set a boundary that tells him that he needs to change if he wishes to get back into the marriage.
He may not be willing to go into therapy, but he will need to as the root cause of his anger and self-esteem issues that are aggravating the situation will need to be sorted out. Also, a few sessions with both of you together will help you understand what exactly is going on in his mind and then you two can start working as a unit.
Be patient and use this time away wisely; ultimately you will have to take a call on when to do and what to do based on how things move around...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Nov 15, 2024 | Answered on Nov 18, 2024
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Hi ma'am, It's been few months since my question. I am now employed as a school teacher. I am living in the accommodation provided by them. My daughter has access to excellent education. After this shift we are just 2 hours away from both my in-laws and husband. But my husband is not making any effort to keep in touch with her. He indicates through various sources that he is missing her. I have never behaved rudely with him after that incident. I just sacrificed my self-respect for my daughter to have good connection with her dad. But he still acts like a victim. In the process of all this, I lost trust in people, I can't be submissive anymore. I feel so happy and free. My dislike for him is increasing everyday. I really feel that i was mentally abused all this time. I am grateful for the physical abuse as I would have continued to borne through all that . I don't want to with him ever again. Though I don't want to marry again, I want to get divorced and break all other associations with him except as a coparent. I am also worried to negotiate custody issues with such an unreliable unpredictable coparent. I have one year time before I become eligible to start the divorce proceedings. Now my daughter knows something is wrong and tries to bring me and my husband together. She is too young to understand the situation but i don't love her enough to tolerate a man like him. Can you give me some feedback?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This question was possibly addressed by you to another Guru and has come to me now. In case, I have delayed in responding, my apologies to you!
All my suggestions and feedback have been given in response to your first question. In your follow-up, you have only shared more information but the issue is the same. So kindly follow the suggestions given and well efforts do lead to some roads and some newer roads as well...for any legal matters, please do contact legal experts who will guide you accordingly.
And again I emphasize this: Use this time away from him to set your career and financial independence.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1330 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I’m a 29 year old working woman. My husband who is 36, left his job 2 years ago just after my child was born. Since then he did not put much efforts to get another job and I’m only taking care of all the financial responsibilities. Whenever I ask him about job, he learns some courses online and then stops learning after few days giving some excuses. This has happened several times. He spends too much of my income even on small things saying he wants best quality products only. Almost everyday he asks me to buy some products or outside food and gets angry if I reject. Myself or my in-laws are not able to force him to get a job because he has anger issues and becomes verbally abusive very quickly. Even my parents are scared of his anger so not able to talk to him regarding his job. I feel very frustrated everyday since me or my family is not able to do anything about this, how do I deal with him?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's great as a partner to support home and your spouse when there's a need. BUT now, you seem to have a lazy man oops boy to take care of now. Kindly stop doling out money for his pleasures. Let him earn and do his bit for the family. He's just getting used to putting his legs up and taking a very long break which he doesn't intend to come out of. It's a great habit and he's enjoying the convenience of it all.
He also needs a push out of this laziness the root cause of which can be identified by an expert; so kindly seek help so that you are not looking after another baby other than yours. Act soon...

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, sir I am a an 30 year old (single) engineer working with a MNC in Chennai, unfortunately till this day i haven't had any savings at all for my future (retirement, other short term or long term goals). Currently my take home salary after EPF and parental insurance is 53k ( EPF is about 4900/month - employee+employer) i haven't opted for Corporate NPS but is provided by the company without any additional contribution from company. I have company health insurance policy and have planned to take my own health insurance and term insurance plan. Adding to above I have zero emergency fund with me. How should I proceed with my investments?
Ans: You have taken the first step by recognising the need to plan. It’s essential to appreciate your intention to secure your financial future. Let’s look at how you can proceed to achieve your short-term and long-term goals.

Your current take-home salary is Rs 53,000, and your EPF contribution is Rs 4,900. However, you lack savings, investments, and an emergency fund. Here's a step-by-step strategy:

Build an Emergency Fund
Set aside funds to cover at least six months' expenses.

Start by saving 10-15% of your salary monthly into a high-interest savings account.

Use Recurring Deposits or Liquid Mutual Funds to maintain this fund for emergencies.

Secure Yourself with Insurance
Health insurance: Maintain your company health policy but add a personal health policy. Choose a policy offering a sum insured of Rs 10-15 lakh.

Term insurance: Buy a term plan covering 10-15 times your annual income. Keep the policy simple and avoid investment-linked insurance.

Budget Your Income
Allocate your income carefully for expenses, savings, and investments.

Use the 50-30-20 rule: 50% for needs, 30% for wants, and 20% for savings and investments.

Avoid unnecessary expenses to increase your saving capacity.

Start Investing Gradually
Short-term goals (1-5 years): Invest in debt funds or recurring deposits. Debt mutual funds are good for stable returns.

Long-term goals (5+ years): Invest in equity mutual funds for higher returns. Choose actively managed funds with consistent performance.

Avoid index funds. Actively managed funds have a better potential for higher returns through professional fund management.

Retirement Planning
Utilise the EPF for retirement. Your current contribution will grow over time with compounding.

Consider investing in diversified equity mutual funds for additional retirement savings.

Corporate NPS: You can explore NPS for its tax-saving benefits. However, don’t rely solely on it for retirement.

Tax-Saving Investments
Use Section 80C to save taxes up to Rs 1.5 lakh.

EPF, PPF, ELSS mutual funds, and life insurance premiums can qualify under this section.

Opt for ELSS funds for tax saving and wealth creation.

Review Existing Expenses
Evaluate and minimise unnecessary expenditures.

Avoid loans for discretionary spending like vacations or gadgets.

Advantages of Using a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP can help you plan holistically and ensure you stick to your goals.

They provide tailored strategies, ensuring proper fund allocation and monitoring.

Invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credentials to access professional advice.

Key Steps for Discipline
Automate investments through SIPs in mutual funds.

Track your monthly budget and investment progress regularly.

Avoid direct funds. Regular funds offer professional guidance and fund distributor support.

Tax Implications
For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh attracts 12.5% tax.

STCG on equity funds is taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab. Consider these while investing.

Final Insights
You are in the right direction by seeking advice now. Build a solid foundation with savings, insurance, and investments. Take small steps toward financial independence.

Remain consistent with your investments, and review your financial plan annually.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1940 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

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Career
Hello, i really have a serious issue regarding my studies as i am 24 yrs now and gave NEET 4times and i am still preparing for nxt year 2025 but at the back of my mind i am really tensed what if the same thing repeats in the neet 2025 also like paper leak and all, So now i am confused that should i take a full drop or partial drop. The mental pressure is really hitting hard and also its almost been 4years that i am still 12th pass only and my classmates have already completed their college and some are flight attendant and earning well, So this all things just hits so hard and also the hope in parents eyes as my father is already proud that i studied science so i would definitely become doctor. I wasted a lot of money in pg and coaching (fastrack) and this all things are hitting so hard that i really feel sad and have no ways to go.
Ans: Hi Bhima
I must say you have got perseverance & I appreciate your parent's trust in you. You have already appeared multiple times and you are going to appear again in 2025. By the time you will be 25 years old. They say there is no age to learn. But after getting admission you need another 10 years to practice as a qualified specialist. Make sure you take admission in the next session.

If higher cutoff & high fees of private colleges are an issue for you, then try exploring the MBBS abroad option, I can help with that too. Since NEXT is compulsory for Indian & Foreign graduates too it won't make a difference if you study in India or Abroad.

For time forget all the societal pressure and give your 100% and make your parents proud.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |439 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi sir, I am 24 yrs old girl, currently pursuing MBA from a middle class family. I have a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much. Don't want to loose him. Maybe he also love me. But the problem start few days ago when he suddenly confessed me that he visit red light area thrice at the first year of our relationship. From those initial days we are in a serious relationship and family involved in this. But we don't intimate but virtual intimacy was there. But this year in january we for first time got intimate and after 4 time of intimacy he confess me this that he physical one time and two time just visit their to see naked dance but failed due to some reason. Now He told me that he felt it will be cheating if he not told me this now. One side I am depressed and fear to loose him. He repetitively beg pardon from me and told that this was his peer pressure and now he mature enough to say no this.. Now he can't imagine his life without me. I don't want to loose him but can't forgive or forgot this. Now he repeatedly told me to marry him and proposed me romantically. He repeatedly want pardon from me . I love him very much that I want to forget all things and start from first again. But will it be right, if I easily forgive him than is he got much confidence to do this again?? I am depressed and confused. Pls help me . What will be right decision in this situation? Forgive him or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how conflicted you must be feeling right now, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you what would be the right thing to do, but it has to be your decision and yours alone. All I can suggest is to take a beat and not rush into deciding anything.

Take everything into consideration-
On the one hand, infidelity is indeed unacceptable in a relationship. But on the other, it was in the initial stage. He might not have been as serious about the relationship as you during those days. Nevertheless, the timing does not make his action justifiable. I suggest you have an open conversation and ask him why he felt the need to do this. Ask him if he did not consider your feelings. What's concerning is that he did not stop after the first time; he went back twice more. I am not judging his choice of location but the fact that he was in a committed relationship puts him in the wrong. Also, blaming it on peer pressure is inexcusable; this isn't something funny or trivial he did because his friends dared him to. Ask him to take accountability and understand that actions have consequences.

Take it one day at a time. Whatever you decide is okay. And if at any point you want to pick yourself over the relationship, I want you to understand that it is completely alright. You will feel like it's a selfish decision, but it isn't. Remember that. Please do what you need to help you heal from this.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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