Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I feel very disgusted to tell you that... I (17y female) was sitting with my mom and my cousin (28y male) was also there. My cousin was sitting besides me and after a while my mom left the house for about 10 minutes for some work. I felt sleepy so I slept on the bed itself. My cousin was still sitting besides me when I slept. After a while I woke up to a very bad feeling. My cousin was groping my butt from behind . I froze as I woke up.my whole body didn't respond at all. I was in shock . He kept touching me for a while. I don't know how I slept in that freezing position. But when I woke up my body was still in shock and he was still besides me. At first I thought it must be dream . But it was surely not a dream. I have noticed he always stares at my body and keeps finding ways to touch me. This all happened and I didn't tell anyone. It has been 3 months and I still can't get over it. I cannot even tell my parents as they will not believe me and it will cause lots of ups and downs if my parents overreact. I really don't know what to do. I feel disgusting.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do tell your parents till they HEAR you! Initially, they may dismiss it as a misunderstanding on your part, but persist and keep telling them. Everyday...they may blame you, be upset with you, not talk to you or threaten you with something...BUT keep at it girl...
Someday, they will realize that they must trust their daughter and not the person who decided to abuse their daughter and then get away with it. If this guy gets away, he will try this again with you or some other innocent girl...so, speak up bravely and be firm with it.
If you have an older sibling or someone in the family who is closer to you in age, confide in them, so that they can also back you up.
And the next time, this person (cousin) visits, make eye contact with him when he stares...and ask him: Is there a problem?
If he has any ounce of shame and scare, he will leave or shift gazes. Most often abusers keep trying only because they feel no one can stand up to them. Once you stand up to him, he will cow down! Get back you power by actually feeling that you own your body and that you draw boundaries around it. Be brave!

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu,I request you to keep me anonymous. A few years ago (I was 18 years old) on a 4-hour flight, the man sitting next to me molested me. He used the excuse of being afraid of flying but constantly caressed my inner thighs and kept touching my vaginal area for the entire duration of the flight. I sat there frozen and petrified and never told anyone. I have felt guilty about it ever since. Last year I moved to the USA for a few months and in my last month there, a guy kissed me. It was at a bar and was consensual but since then I have been obsessing over it (it's been six months) and constantly feel dirty and guilty just like I felt on that flight. I feel like I let him use my body just like before even though the kiss was something I wanted. I feel like I won't ever be able to enjoy consensual sex or even just foreplay and I cannot understand how to get rid of that feeling of guilt. How do I stop feeling guilty and dirty and be able to enjoy.Please help meThank you.
Ans:

Dear J.A.R,

It must be shocking and what you displayed was Freeze response.

Creeps like these are lurking around every corner and till we call them out, they are going to commit more serious offenses that what you have experienced.

So, the next time, scream at the creep and make a scene if you have to.

At least, you will have moved on from the victim mode to someone who can take care of herself. Well, this is for what can be done the next time!

Now, let’s deal with what your mind is doing to you.

In what way are you dirty for a trick played on you by a dirty man?

Isn’t he the one who should be feeling dirty instead? Why are you playing his side of the role and keeping yourself from good relationships that are coming your way?

To change this story in your mind, I suggest that you imagine the dirty man seated next to you, him groping you and NOW change the way you want to respond to it.

This time ACT EMPOWERED. Like you are yelling at him, calling out to co-passengers, punching him or whatever that you wished you could have done.

Play this in your mind over and over again.

I do understand that replaying what he did to you can get in the way of this process; but do know that you cannot change the past, but you can surely empower your present and the future. So, do it and do this NOW!

This will give you a chance to rewrite the stories about the relationships that you are about to have.

Also, this will enable you to have a better grip over physical intimacy that is definitely a product of the way the mind processes the event. So, work at this and gift yourself the chance to live free!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1994 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Listen
Money
Hello Sir, this is Dhiraj DM, I am 48 year's old married with no kids, we have any flat worth 1. 5 cr given on rent around 50 lakhs of equity 20 lacs mutual funds we want to retire in next 3 years,please guide. We live in a metro no liability, we r into Gifting business now want to retire in next 3 years
Ans: Your retirement is just three years away. You have built a strong foundation with real estate, equity, and mutual funds. Now, the goal is to structure your investments for steady income, security, and long-term sustainability.

1. Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Flat Worth Rs. 1.5 Crore: This generates rental income, but liquidity is limited.
Equity Portfolio of Rs. 50 Lakh: Market-linked investments with potential for high returns but volatile.
Mutual Funds of Rs. 20 Lakh: Offers diversification and moderate risk exposure.
No Liabilities: This is a strong advantage for financial freedom.
Gifting Business: If planning to exit, ensure business-related finances are sorted before retirement.
2. Estimating Post-Retirement Income Needs
Calculate expected monthly expenses, including medical, travel, lifestyle, and emergency costs.
Factor in inflation, as expenses will rise over time.
Consider long-term costs such as medical care and home maintenance.
3. Structuring Retirement Income
Rental Income as a Fixed Source
Your flat generates rental income, which helps with stability.
Consider reinvesting this income for further growth.
Portfolio Rebalancing for Stability
Equity exposure is beneficial but risky close to retirement.
Shift some funds to low-risk instruments for safety.
Keep some allocation to equity to combat inflation.
Maintaining Liquidity for Emergencies
Create an emergency fund of at least 2 years' expenses in liquid assets.
Avoid relying solely on investments that require selling in volatile markets.
4. Health and Insurance Planning
Ensure comprehensive health insurance for both of you, at least Rs. 15-20 lakh coverage.
If you hold any old insurance policies with low returns, consider restructuring them.
Create a separate healthcare fund for long-term medical expenses.
5. Tax Efficiency in Retirement
Structure withdrawals smartly to reduce tax burden on capital gains.
Use tax-free instruments where applicable.
Rental income is taxable, so deduct maintenance expenses to lower tax outgo.
6. Planning Investments for Retirement Income
Avoid complete reliance on fixed-income instruments, as they may not beat inflation.
A mix of mutual funds, debt instruments, and systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will ensure steady cash flow.
Keep some investments growth-oriented to sustain wealth over decades.
7. Estate and Legacy Planning
Prepare a clear will to ensure smooth asset transfer.
If you plan to donate or support causes, structure funds accordingly.
Finally
Ensure liquidity and stability in your investments.
Reduce risk in equity but keep exposure for growth.
Maintain a dedicated healthcare fund and strong insurance coverage.
Structure investments to minimise taxes and ensure steady income.
Plan legacy and succession to avoid future complications.
Would you like a detailed plan on how to allocate your investments for steady retirement income?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x