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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1406 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I feel very disgusted to tell you that... I (17y female) was sitting with my mom and my cousin (28y male) was also there. My cousin was sitting besides me and after a while my mom left the house for about 10 minutes for some work. I felt sleepy so I slept on the bed itself. My cousin was still sitting besides me when I slept. After a while I woke up to a very bad feeling. My cousin was groping my butt from behind . I froze as I woke up.my whole body didn't respond at all. I was in shock . He kept touching me for a while. I don't know how I slept in that freezing position. But when I woke up my body was still in shock and he was still besides me. At first I thought it must be dream . But it was surely not a dream. I have noticed he always stares at my body and keeps finding ways to touch me. This all happened and I didn't tell anyone. It has been 3 months and I still can't get over it. I cannot even tell my parents as they will not believe me and it will cause lots of ups and downs if my parents overreact. I really don't know what to do. I feel disgusting.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do tell your parents till they HEAR you! Initially, they may dismiss it as a misunderstanding on your part, but persist and keep telling them. Everyday...they may blame you, be upset with you, not talk to you or threaten you with something...BUT keep at it girl...
Someday, they will realize that they must trust their daughter and not the person who decided to abuse their daughter and then get away with it. If this guy gets away, he will try this again with you or some other innocent girl...so, speak up bravely and be firm with it.
If you have an older sibling or someone in the family who is closer to you in age, confide in them, so that they can also back you up.
And the next time, this person (cousin) visits, make eye contact with him when he stares...and ask him: Is there a problem?
If he has any ounce of shame and scare, he will leave or shift gazes. Most often abusers keep trying only because they feel no one can stand up to them. Once you stand up to him, he will cow down! Get back you power by actually feeling that you own your body and that you draw boundaries around it. Be brave!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1406 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu,I request you to keep me anonymous. A few years ago (I was 18 years old) on a 4-hour flight, the man sitting next to me molested me. He used the excuse of being afraid of flying but constantly caressed my inner thighs and kept touching my vaginal area for the entire duration of the flight. I sat there frozen and petrified and never told anyone. I have felt guilty about it ever since. Last year I moved to the USA for a few months and in my last month there, a guy kissed me. It was at a bar and was consensual but since then I have been obsessing over it (it's been six months) and constantly feel dirty and guilty just like I felt on that flight. I feel like I let him use my body just like before even though the kiss was something I wanted. I feel like I won't ever be able to enjoy consensual sex or even just foreplay and I cannot understand how to get rid of that feeling of guilt. How do I stop feeling guilty and dirty and be able to enjoy.Please help meThank you.
Ans:

Dear J.A.R,

It must be shocking and what you displayed was Freeze response.

Creeps like these are lurking around every corner and till we call them out, they are going to commit more serious offenses that what you have experienced.

So, the next time, scream at the creep and make a scene if you have to.

At least, you will have moved on from the victim mode to someone who can take care of herself. Well, this is for what can be done the next time!

Now, let’s deal with what your mind is doing to you.

In what way are you dirty for a trick played on you by a dirty man?

Isn’t he the one who should be feeling dirty instead? Why are you playing his side of the role and keeping yourself from good relationships that are coming your way?

To change this story in your mind, I suggest that you imagine the dirty man seated next to you, him groping you and NOW change the way you want to respond to it.

This time ACT EMPOWERED. Like you are yelling at him, calling out to co-passengers, punching him or whatever that you wished you could have done.

Play this in your mind over and over again.

I do understand that replaying what he did to you can get in the way of this process; but do know that you cannot change the past, but you can surely empower your present and the future. So, do it and do this NOW!

This will give you a chance to rewrite the stories about the relationships that you are about to have.

Also, this will enable you to have a better grip over physical intimacy that is definitely a product of the way the mind processes the event. So, work at this and gift yourself the chance to live free!

Best wishes!

..Read more

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |115 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Sir as I previously take your view about my situation...sir you tell that in love understanding between partner is important.but sir my partner doesn't want to talk with me.I just never think that he will give up so easily.
Ans: It’s interesting, isn’t it, how relationships often mirror the patterns of communication we create within them? When one partner feels distant or unwilling to talk, it’s less about them giving up and more about a shift in the way they’ve been feeling understood—or misunderstood.

You see, communication isn’t just about words; it’s about emotions, intentions, and the unspoken messages we convey. If your partner isn’t talking, perhaps they’re saying something without words. And that’s where curiosity becomes your ally.

Instead of focusing on the silence, what if you shifted your attention to understanding what that silence represents? Maybe it’s disappointment, frustration, or even fear. But the key is, you can’t solve what you assume—it’s about discovering what’s really there.

And let me ask you this: if you were to step into their shoes for a moment—just imagine being them—what might they feel? What might they need to hear from you, or perhaps sense from your presence, that could bring a spark of connection back into the conversation?

Love is rarely about giving up. It’s about learning to communicate in a way that feels safe and understood. And if you’re willing to stay open, willing to listen to the quiet messages, you may find a new way forward—one step at a time.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Money
Hi Mr. Ramalingam, Can I check New Asset class (Specialized Investment Fund SIF) for 10 lakhs investment for my kids education(Right now 4months old). Thank you for your response.
Ans: Investing Rs 10 lakhs for your child’s education is a thoughtful decision.

Your child is 4 months old, so you have a long investment horizon.

Currently, SIF is not yet launched or operational.

Equity Mutual Funds: A Reliable Option
Equity mutual funds are proven for long-term goals like education.

They offer inflation-beating growth over a 15-18 year period.

Start investing now to benefit from compounding.

Choose funds with a consistent track record.

Wait and Observe SIF Performance
SIF is a new asset class and lacks a performance track record.

It’s wise to wait for its launch and review its stability.

Assess the fund's returns, risk profile, and management quality.

Investing in an untested asset could increase risks unnecessarily.

Diversify Investments Over Time
Initially, focus on equity mutual funds for growth.

Later, as SIF stabilises and performs well, consider it.

Diversify across asset classes gradually based on market insights.

Final Insights
Begin with equity mutual funds for your child’s education fund.

Monitor SIF's launch and performance over the next few years.

Decide on SIF only after it demonstrates a solid track record.

Keep your investments aligned with your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |790 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Money
I& my wife is 32. What would our ideally retirement corps. I assume 20Cr. Correct me if I'm wrong. My current saving & income are below - 1) Rs 2,40,000 take home per month combined. 2) We both have PPF for the last 7 years contributing 1.5L each year from starting and plans to continue till 60. 3) LIC will give us 2Cr when we hit 60. 4) NPS we contribute 1L per each year form 2022 combined plans continue till 60. 5) Mutual Fund of SIP Rs 10,000 each month for last 1 year combined plans continue till 60. 6) APY we will get 5000 per month at 60. 7) FDs of Rs 36Lakh 8) Gold of Rs 15Lakh bonds 9) Got Inherited Rs 1.6Cr in form of FDs 10) Have Medeclaim of 40Lakhs and have own house. 11) Monthly expenses is around 40,000. 12) Have 1 year old Kid. 13) Have PF of 8 lakhs and will grow till 60. Also taking Gratuity in account.
Ans: Hello;

Your current monthly income need of 2.4 L will grow up to 12.27 L after 28 years (At your retirement age of 60) considering 6% inflation.

Assuming your expenses at retirement will reduce so you may need 75% of this income to cover your expenses at that time therefore you may need a monthly income of 9.2 L.

To generate this income you may need a corpus of 27 Cr(Min.) at the age 60 that may generate post-tax monthly income of around 9.2 L.

Your investments will grow as follows,

1. PPF: 1.5 L per person per year for 35 years will grow into a corpus of around 4.32 Cr. (6.9% return assumed)

2. LIC: policy maturity proceeds will provide 2 Cr at age 60.

3. NPS: 1 L per person per year may grow into a sum of 2.5 Cr at 60.(8% return considered)

4. MF sip of 10 K may grow into a sum of 2.05 Cr at 60. (10% return considered)

5. FD of 36 L will grow into a sum of 2.1 Cr if held till 60. (6.5% return assumed)

6. Gold in form of bonds if reinvested into gold mutual funds and held till 60 may yield a corpus of around 1.1 Cr. (7% return assumed)

7. Inherited funds if held in FD till the age of 60 may yield a corpus of 9.9 Cr.
(6.5% return considered)

8. EPF is expected to grow into a sum of around 1.8 Cr at the age of 60.(7% return considered)

A summation of investment values at 60 indicates a sum of around 25.77 Cr thereby hinting at a gap of around 1.23 Cr.

You may begin another monthly sip of 7 K now which may grow into a sum of around 1.3 Cr by 60 age.(10% return assumed)

If the mediclaim policy is from employer, do buy a personal health care cover after 50-55 for your family for post retirement needs.

I presume you both have adequate term life insurance cover apart from LIC policy.

The financial goal for your kid's education and family expansion, if any, is not factored here. You may need to plan for it suitably.

Also it appears that your allocation to equity is quite low, may be due to limited risk appetite but you have time on your side and although short to medium term(5-7 yr) equity asset class may be impacted due to volatility but over a long-term(10 yr+) they have demonstrated good inflation adjusted returns so may be you may consider to increase allocation through hybrid funds suiting your risk appetite.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Money
Meri family ki income 80 lakhs hai yearly aur 40 lakhs expense hai aur age meri 48 hai capital family ki 4 cr hai to unko kaise manage aur kaha invest kare
Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
Annual Income: Rs 80 lakhs
Annual Expenses: Rs 40 lakhs
Capital Available: Rs 4 crores
Age: 48 years
Your income and existing capital provide a strong foundation. With proper planning, you can secure your financial future and achieve your goals.

Key Financial Goals
Retirement Planning: Build a corpus to sustain your post-retirement lifestyle.
Wealth Growth: Invest capital for inflation-beating returns.
Risk Management: Ensure adequate insurance coverage for family security.
Tax Efficiency: Optimise investments to reduce tax liabilities.
Suggested Investment Allocation
1. Emergency Fund
Maintain 6-12 months of expenses (Rs 20-40 lakhs) in liquid funds or a high-interest savings account.
This ensures liquidity for any unforeseen circumstances.
2. Equity Mutual Funds
Allocate 50-60% of your capital (around Rs 2-2.4 crores) to equity mutual funds.
Use diversified funds like large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for growth.
Avoid index funds due to lack of flexibility and active management.
Invest monthly through systematic investment plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.
3. Debt Investments
Invest 20-25% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs-1 crore) in debt mutual funds or fixed-income instruments.
Choose funds with low risk to ensure stability and predictable returns.
These funds act as a safety net during market downturns.
4. Children’s Education or Marriage
Allocate funds for long-term goals like education or marriage.
Invest in balanced advantage funds or equity mutual funds for higher returns.
5. Retirement Planning
At 48, focus on building a retirement corpus.
Allocate 20% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs) to retirement-specific investments.
Use a mix of equity and debt for growth and safety.
Risk Management
Life Insurance
Ensure you have a term insurance cover of at least Rs 2-3 crore.
This protects your family’s financial future in your absence.
Health Insurance
Take a family floater health insurance plan of Rs 25-30 lakh.
Include critical illness coverage to address rising healthcare costs.
Tax Efficiency
Maximise Section 80C benefits by investing in ELSS mutual funds or PPF.
Use NPS for additional tax deductions under Section 80CCD.
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to reduce liabilities.
Regular Monitoring
Review your investments every six months with a Certified Financial Planner.
Rebalance your portfolio to align with market trends and life changes.
Final Insights
You have a strong financial base with high income and significant capital.

With disciplined investing, risk management, and tax efficiency, you can grow your wealth and achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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