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Husband's Affair With Assistant: How to Cope?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Good evening.i am married for for 16 years.we don't have kids.recently I came to know of my husband's relationship with his asst.i confronted.they denied.i don't have evidence.i asked him to fire his asst.he refused and wants to continue her gf or any amount of time.says she's good at work he is dependent on her in his clinic.what do I do.i cannot continue with him with this suspicion.please advice

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Obviously, this is not something that you want to put up with.
2 ways of approaching this:
1. Wait it out; don't say a word about it to him... Very difficult, but as the fling attraction stops, the affair will stop as well. (Maybe he doesn't deserve this BUT it's up to you)
2. Give him an ultimatum; which means you take a bold step of stepping out in case he does not change. (Again this is up to you as it's not easy taking this decision)

See which of the two is something that can work for you. You could also try and involve someone trustworthy who can talk to him out of it. Do this only as long as you trust the person.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My husband has been cheating on me. I recently discovered a receipt of payment that was unusual of my husband's regular activities. I called the shop and realised that the payment was genuine and it was made by my husband who was accompanied by a young lady. Since then, I have had sleepless nights. I have been wanting to talk to him but I am not mentally prepared to hear his side of the story. If he admits, it would mean our long years of marriage is over. If he denies, it would mean he is lying to me. However, there is a part of me that wants to trust him and give him some benefit of doubt. I have a 12 year old daughter. If he admits to having an affair, this news can break both of us. Pls help.
Ans: Start by acknowledging your feelings without judgment. The anxiety, sleepless nights, and fear are natural responses to such uncertainty. Allow yourself space to process these emotions. You don’t have to rush into confronting your husband until you feel emotionally steady enough to handle the conversation, regardless of the outcome. Sometimes, writing down your thoughts and questions can help organize your feelings and prepare you for the discussion.

It’s also important to consider your goals for the marriage and your family. Ask yourself what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. If you decide to confront him, do so with the intention of seeking understanding and clarity, not immediate resolution. This will allow you to approach the conversation with as much calm as possible.

When you're ready to speak with him, choose a time and place where you both can have a private, uninterrupted conversation. Start by expressing your feelings honestly but without accusations. For example, you might say, "I came across this receipt, and it’s been weighing heavily on me. I want to understand because I value our marriage and our family." This sets the tone for a constructive dialogue rather than an argument.

Prepare yourself for his response, whatever it may be. If he admits to wrongdoing, it will hurt, but it will also give you the clarity to decide what comes next—whether that’s working through the betrayal or choosing a different path. If he denies it, try to assess whether his explanation feels genuine or dismissive. Trust your instincts, but also give yourself time to reflect before making any major decisions.

If the uncertainty continues to eat away at you, seeking support from a counselor or therapist can be invaluable. A professional can help you process your emotions, clarify your priorities, and guide you in deciding what is best for you and your daughter. Protecting your emotional well-being is vital, as it will also help you maintain stability for your child during this challenging time.

Remember that trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. Whether the truth strengthens your bond or pushes you to reconsider your future together, it’s essential to prioritize your self-respect and emotional health. You are not alone in this, and with time and support, you can navigate this difficult moment with resilience and clarity.

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2026Hindi
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Hello Sir, Good Morning. Is it advisable to buy gold jewellery for my Son's marriage in the next 8 years at current market price of approx Rs.14000 per gram. The plan is to buy around 100 grams to be given to the prospective bride at the time of marriage, which is as per our practice. If I deposit money to a gold jeweller, who will credit equivalent gold weight as per today's value and after 11 months we can buy jewellery without wastage, making charges and gst. Kindly advice. Thanks
Ans: Your planning for your son’s marriage well in advance is thoughtful and practical. It shows responsibility and care for family traditions. Planning 8 years ahead gives you good flexibility and control.

» Purpose clarity and time horizon
– The objective is very clear: buying around 100 grams of gold jewellery for marriage after 8 years
– This is not a short-term need, so timing and structure matter more than current gold price
– Gold here is a requirement asset, not just an investment, so risk control is important

» Buying gold at current price – assessment
– Buying all 100 grams today at around Rs.14000 per gram locks your price, but also locks your capital
– Gold prices move in cycles; they do not rise in a straight line
– Over 8 years, gold can give protection against inflation, but short- to medium-term corrections are common
– Putting a large amount at one price level reduces flexibility and increases timing risk

» Jeweller gold deposit / gold savings plan – evaluation
– Monthly deposit plans with jewellers are mainly designed for jewellery purchase, not pure wealth creation
– Benefits you rightly noticed:

No wastage charges

No making charges

No GST on jewellery value
– Key risks and limitations to be aware of:

You are fully dependent on the jeweller’s business stability for 11 months

Your money is not regulated like financial products

You cannot easily exit or switch if your plan changes
– These plans work well for near-term purchases, but for an 8-year goal, repeating such plans many times increases counterparty risk

» Price risk vs goal certainty
– Your real risk is not price volatility alone, but availability of gold at the time of marriage
– The goal needs certainty of value and timely availability
– A staggered and disciplined approach reduces regret from buying at market highs

» Smarter way to structure the 8-year plan
– Avoid buying the full 100 grams immediately
– Spread accumulation over time to reduce price risk
– Use a mix of:

Financial gold-linked options for long-term accumulation

Physical jewellery purchase only closer to the marriage date
– This keeps liquidity, improves transparency, and avoids storage and purity worries

» Jewellery purchase timing insight
– Jewellery designs, preferences of the bride, and family choices can change over 8 years
– Buying finished jewellery too early limits flexibility
– It is usually better to convert accumulated value into jewellery in the last 12–18 months

» Risk management and safety points
– Avoid keeping large sums with a single jeweller repeatedly over many years
– Avoid emotional decisions driven by headlines about gold prices
– Keep documentation, purity standards, and exit options clear

» Tax and cost perspective
– When gold is used as jewellery for marriage, taxation is not the primary concern
– Hidden costs like storage, insurance, and loss risk matter more than headline price

» Finally
– Your intention is correct, and starting early gives you strength
– Buying some gold gradually is sensible, but avoid locking the entire requirement at one price today
– Jeweller deposit schemes can be used selectively, closer to purchase time, not as a long-term parking option
– A phased, balanced approach gives cost control, safety, and peace of mind for a very important family milestone

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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