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Husband's Affair With Assistant: How to Cope?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Good evening.i am married for for 16 years.we don't have kids.recently I came to know of my husband's relationship with his asst.i confronted.they denied.i don't have evidence.i asked him to fire his asst.he refused and wants to continue her gf or any amount of time.says she's good at work he is dependent on her in his clinic.what do I do.i cannot continue with him with this suspicion.please advice

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Obviously, this is not something that you want to put up with.
2 ways of approaching this:
1. Wait it out; don't say a word about it to him... Very difficult, but as the fling attraction stops, the affair will stop as well. (Maybe he doesn't deserve this BUT it's up to you)
2. Give him an ultimatum; which means you take a bold step of stepping out in case he does not change. (Again this is up to you as it's not easy taking this decision)

See which of the two is something that can work for you. You could also try and involve someone trustworthy who can talk to him out of it. Do this only as long as you trust the person.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My husband has been cheating on me. I recently discovered a receipt of payment that was unusual of my husband's regular activities. I called the shop and realised that the payment was genuine and it was made by my husband who was accompanied by a young lady. Since then, I have had sleepless nights. I have been wanting to talk to him but I am not mentally prepared to hear his side of the story. If he admits, it would mean our long years of marriage is over. If he denies, it would mean he is lying to me. However, there is a part of me that wants to trust him and give him some benefit of doubt. I have a 12 year old daughter. If he admits to having an affair, this news can break both of us. Pls help.
Ans: Start by acknowledging your feelings without judgment. The anxiety, sleepless nights, and fear are natural responses to such uncertainty. Allow yourself space to process these emotions. You don’t have to rush into confronting your husband until you feel emotionally steady enough to handle the conversation, regardless of the outcome. Sometimes, writing down your thoughts and questions can help organize your feelings and prepare you for the discussion.

It’s also important to consider your goals for the marriage and your family. Ask yourself what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. If you decide to confront him, do so with the intention of seeking understanding and clarity, not immediate resolution. This will allow you to approach the conversation with as much calm as possible.

When you're ready to speak with him, choose a time and place where you both can have a private, uninterrupted conversation. Start by expressing your feelings honestly but without accusations. For example, you might say, "I came across this receipt, and it’s been weighing heavily on me. I want to understand because I value our marriage and our family." This sets the tone for a constructive dialogue rather than an argument.

Prepare yourself for his response, whatever it may be. If he admits to wrongdoing, it will hurt, but it will also give you the clarity to decide what comes next—whether that’s working through the betrayal or choosing a different path. If he denies it, try to assess whether his explanation feels genuine or dismissive. Trust your instincts, but also give yourself time to reflect before making any major decisions.

If the uncertainty continues to eat away at you, seeking support from a counselor or therapist can be invaluable. A professional can help you process your emotions, clarify your priorities, and guide you in deciding what is best for you and your daughter. Protecting your emotional well-being is vital, as it will also help you maintain stability for your child during this challenging time.

Remember that trust and honesty are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship. Whether the truth strengthens your bond or pushes you to reconsider your future together, it’s essential to prioritize your self-respect and emotional health. You are not alone in this, and with time and support, you can navigate this difficult moment with resilience and clarity.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |608 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2025Hindi
Money
Myself: FD-5 lakhs, Stocks-1.5L, MF-3.7L, EPF-1.6L. I do 15K SIP in MF and 5K SIP in stocks every month. Spouse: FD- 10L, MF SIP-10K monthly. We both have an active RD of 10K per month and health insurance of 2L each (in addition to 2L provided for each by my company). We together earn 1.8L monthly. Housing loan EMI of 55K monthly to be paid for next 10 years. We also have life insurance cover. We both are 30 yrs old with no kids as of now. How can we plan our investments? Are our SIPs enough for a target corpus of atleast 3 crore for retirement and child's future?Is the health insurance cover adequate?
Ans: Your financial discipline is already strong at this early stage.

But reaching a Rs 3 crore goal needs structured planning.

Let’s assess your situation from a 360-degree view.

Analysing Your Current Financial Strength
You both earn Rs 1.8 lakh monthly, which gives good saving capacity.

You already have health insurance, life cover, and housing loan under control.

Your current assets: Rs 5 lakh FD, Rs 1.5 lakh stocks, Rs 3.7 lakh MF, Rs 1.6 lakh EPF.

Your spouse holds Rs 10 lakh FD and invests in mutual funds through SIP.

Your total investable corpus is still in the early growth stage.

Your existing SIPs: Rs 15,000 MF + Rs 5,000 stocks (you) and Rs 10,000 MF (spouse).

Both of you are 30 years old, which gives nearly 30 years to retirement.

Reviewing the Adequacy of Current SIPs
A Rs 3 crore goal needs steady and growing SIPs.

Your combined monthly SIP is Rs 25,000 plus RDs of Rs 10,000 monthly.

RD gives low growth. Shifting this amount to equity SIP can boost growth.

SIPs need to grow 10% yearly to beat inflation and reach Rs 3 crore.

With 25–30 years of investing, you are on the right path.

But if you pause SIPs, your goals may be delayed.

Regularly review SIP amounts with your Certified Financial Planner.

Optimising Your Existing Investments
Mutual funds must be actively managed, not index funds.

Index funds lack human intervention during market volatility.

They copy the market but do not protect from market falls.

Active mutual funds provide better growth with sector rotation.

Invest through regular plans with an MFD and Certified Financial Planner.

Direct plans lack review, adjustments, and timely rebalancing.

Regular plans give ongoing market insights and guidance.

Shift stocks SIP into equity mutual funds unless you actively track markets.

Stocks carry single-company risk which mutual funds avoid.

Keep FD for emergency fund, not for long-term growth.

EPF will grow slowly but gives safety. Continue contributing.

Assessing the Adequacy of Health Insurance
You have 2 lakh personal and 2 lakh employer health cover each.

This is low for today’s healthcare costs.

Take an additional Rs 10–15 lakh family floater cover.

Family floater protects both of you and your future child.

Rising medical inflation can wipe your savings without insurance.

Don't rely only on employer insurance, it may stop if you leave the job.

Life Insurance Assessment
You mentioned life insurance but not the sum assured.

Ideally, life cover should be 15–20 times your annual income.

Both of you should have separate term plans.

ULIPs or insurance-cum-investment policies are not recommended.

If you have LIC or ULIPs, surrender and shift the money to mutual funds.

Housing Loan EMI and Its Impact
Rs 55,000 EMI is a large portion of your income.

This limits your saving capacity temporarily.

Once the loan is repaid, channel EMI amount into SIPs.

Prepayment is good but should not stop your equity investments.

Balance loan repayment and wealth creation for best results.

Building a Child’s Future Corpus
Plan for child’s higher education and marriage now.

Start a separate mutual fund SIP for this goal.

Begin with Rs 5,000–7,000 monthly for child’s corpus.

Increase it yearly by 10% to cover education inflation.

Do not rely on RDs or FDs for child’s future. Growth will be low.

Equity mutual funds will give better returns over 15–20 years.

Keep the investment flexible, goal-based, and monitored.

Emergency Fund Readiness
Your combined FDs of Rs 15 lakh seem sufficient.

This equals around 7–8 months of household expenses.

Keep Rs 6–9 lakh in liquid or ultra short-term funds.

Use the balance FD amounts towards better-returning investments.

Don’t withdraw the emergency fund for vacations or luxury expenses.

Optimising Your RD Investments
RDs have low post-tax returns, barely beating inflation.

Shift RD amounts to equity mutual fund SIPs.

This will improve wealth creation over the next 20–30 years.

Keep RDs only if you need a lump sum in 2–3 years.

Otherwise, long-term goals should be in equity mutual funds.

Recommended Monthly Investment Allocation
Rs 15,000 equity mutual fund SIP (continue).

Rs 10,000 spouse mutual fund SIP (continue).

Shift Rs 10,000 RD to equity SIP gradually.

Stocks SIP of Rs 5,000 – shift slowly to equity mutual funds.

Add Rs 5,000 child-focused SIP for future education.

This totals Rs 40,000–45,000 monthly in equity mutual funds.

Increase SIPs by 10% every year with income growth.

After home loan closure, direct Rs 55,000 EMI to SIPs.

Practical Retirement Planning Insights
Start planning retirement corpus today.

Do not postpone it till your 40s.

Keep separate SIPs for retirement and child’s future.

Aim for Rs 2 crore–2.5 crore for retirement alone.

Child’s education and marriage corpus of Rs 50 lakh–1 crore needed.

Retirement funds should grow through equity mutual funds.

Avoid mixing retirement and short-term goals.

NPS can be an optional tool but keep primary focus on mutual funds.

Taxation Insights on Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds attract 12.5% LTCG beyond Rs 1.25 lakh yearly gains.

STCG within one year is taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your slab.

Plan your redemptions carefully to save taxes.

Certified Financial Planners help with tax optimisation.

Recommended Portfolio Composition
Equity mutual funds: 60%–65%.

Debt funds (short-term, liquid): 10%–15%.

Gold mutual funds: 10%.

Emergency fund: 10%–15%.

Stocks: limit to 5% or shift into mutual funds.

No real estate investment for now. Housing loan is enough.

No annuities recommended, as they lock your money.

Regular Portfolio Monitoring is Critical
Review your investments every 6 months.

Adjust your SIPs and goals regularly.

Do not stop SIPs during market corrections.

A Certified Financial Planner will guide you during tough markets.

They help with goal tracking, tax planning, and rebalancing.

Regular plans through an MFD with CFP credential give you this support.

Lifestyle Planning with Child in Mind
Child expenses will rise significantly after birth.

Your current surplus will reduce for 5–7 years.

Plan now to lock in higher SIPs before your child arrives.

Avoid luxury spends that delay wealth creation.

Focus on core goals like child’s education and retirement.

How to Strengthen Your Health Insurance Further
Increase to Rs 10–15 lakh family floater health cover.

Add a Rs 25 lakh critical illness plan for both.

Reassess insurance every 3 years.

Health inflation is rising faster than income growth.

Protect your wealth from hospitalisation risks.

Steps for Future Financial Stability
Increase SIPs every year as your salary rises.

Use bonuses to repay the loan or boost SIPs.

Avoid personal loans and credit card debt.

Stay invested for 20–30 years in equity mutual funds.

Let compounding work in your favour over decades.

Use regular plans with MFD and CFP to review and optimise.

Final Insights
You and your spouse are taking smart financial steps at 30.

Your SIPs are a great start but need yearly upgrades.

Shift RDs and stocks SIPs to mutual funds for better long-term growth.

Increase health insurance cover to protect your family’s future.

Focus on equity mutual funds through regular plans, not index or direct funds.

Certified Financial Planners give personalised advice and regular review.

Avoid real estate and annuities as they block your liquidity.

Your Rs 3 crore goal is realistic with steady, disciplined investing.

Stay consistent with SIPs, review every 6 months, and protect your wealth.

Your family’s future will be secure with these clear, simple steps.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Money
Good morning sir, Your advices are very helpful i am reading it since so much time. I am a owner of petrol pump i have channel finance (eDFS) of amount 60lakh from icici,ICICI has a rule that on the day the money is transferred to HPCL, after one month ICICI gets the time to credit the money in the account, that is, the rotation time is 30 days. Due to sudden vehicle accident case i have overdue the rotation amount by 19 days.i can able to repay the amount by 15 days can i get some extra time from bank.my account is undergoes debit freeze, amount 33lakh is overdue bank official is telling to deposit this amount and you can withdraw it but i can deposit it partially and want to withdraw partial payment. What is the rule of edfs account will bank allow this and give me extra time.
Ans: Understanding Your Business and the eDFS Structure
You own a petrol pump. It is linked with HPCL.

Your fuel purchase is financed using ICICI eDFS.

You have a credit line of Rs. 60 lakh.

ICICI Bank gives 30-day credit from date of HPCL invoice.

This is called rotation time or payment cycle.

After 30 days, repayment must be made in full.

eDFS works like a working capital loan for fuel dealers.

What Happened in Your Case
Due to an emergency (vehicle accident), you delayed repayment.

The delay is now 19 days past due.

Rs. 33 lakh is overdue. That is more than 50% of your limit.

Your account is now under debit freeze by ICICI.

The bank has asked you to deposit full Rs. 33 lakh.

They said after full payment, they will lift freeze.

But you want to deposit partially and withdraw some funds.

Let’s now understand what options you may have.

How eDFS Works During Overdue and Debit Freeze
ICICI Bank has auto debit agreements with oil companies.

On overdue, bank marks account as irregular.

As per ICICI eDFS terms, no fresh disbursement happens after default.

After 15 to 30 days delay, account gets frozen.

Once under debit freeze, withdrawals are not allowed.

Partial deposit does not immediately lift restrictions.

Entire overdue must be cleared to unlock eDFS facility.

Until then, your fuel orders may also get blocked.

This is standard across private banks for channel finance.

What You Can Try Immediately
Go to the ICICI Relationship Manager directly.

Request for a one-time partial withdrawal.

Explain your emergency and give a written undertaking.

Request for 10 to 15 more days to pay full.

Offer post-dated cheque or fixed deposit as assurance.

Sometimes, senior-level approval is required.

If business is regular and past record is good, they may help.

Banks prefer genuine customers to recover fully than take legal route.

What You Must Keep in Mind
eDFS is a fully secured facility backed by stock and sales.

Banks take delayed payments very seriously.

If overdue crosses 30–45 days, account becomes NPA.

Credit score also gets affected.

Oil company gets notified, which may impact supply.

That is why they freeze account quickly.

But banks are also flexible if you show repayment intent.

What Can Happen If Partial Payment Is Accepted
You deposit Rs. 10–15 lakh now.

Bank may allow fuel purchase up to that amount.

But eDFS limit will not be fully restored.

Partial lifting of freeze is at bank’s discretion.

Written approval is needed from their credit team.

Until full overdue is paid, risk rating remains high.

Still, partial deposit shows seriousness and helps your case.

What You Should Do in the Next 15 Days
Prioritise repayment of Rs. 33 lakh in parts.

Keep depositing funds daily or weekly.

Request for restructure of balance overdue.

Ask for conversion of Rs. 20 lakh into working capital loan.

Keep fuel rotation on new terms till account is cleaned.

Once cleared, apply for higher limit with 45-day rotation.

This way, you avoid future freeze and late charges.

Keep These Documents Ready When Meeting the Bank
Written explanation for delay.

Proof of accident or emergency expense.

Cash flow plan for next 30–60 days.

Stock report of fuel and daily sales summary.

Request letter signed on business letterhead.

A clear explanation builds confidence in your repayment plan.

Other Important Points to Note
Try not to exceed 80–85% usage of eDFS limit.

Keep a separate business buffer for emergencies.

Avoid using credit card or personal loans for fuel payments.

Request bank for 35–40 day cycle in future if cash flow allows.

Consider a term loan for any major expense or one-time event.

eDFS should be used only for fuel supply. Not for other costs.

Why You Should Avoid Taking Another Loan Now
Avoid taking new business loans to repay eDFS.

It can become a debt trap.

Instead, ask ICICI for temporary restructure of overdue.

Use cash flows from business to repay gradually.

Avoid real estate or gold loans as short-term solution.

Short-term problem needs a business-based solution, not more borrowing.

Finally
You are a responsible business owner facing a genuine emergency.

Partial delay of 19 days can be resolved with effort.

Visit the bank in person and request for relief.

Submit written commitment and deposit partial amount immediately.

Follow up daily till freeze is lifted or terms are relaxed.

Build 5–7 days cash reserve monthly to avoid future delays.

Once cleared, keep 30% of credit limit as reserve.

Treat eDFS like oxygen for your pump business.

A structured repayment plan and transparent communication can fix this issue.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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